Hanging In and Hanging Out...

Hey guys, just checking in to let you know I'm still hanging in there...

I'm also hanging out with some of my friends that have come by to help me with recuperating. Thanks Guys!!!

I'm in quite a bit of pain - bearable, but very uncomfortable when I stand, walk, or try to get up/down. Sleeping is interesting, since I have to stay on my back. I can't lay on my side because it hurts WAY too much. I don't like to sleep on my back - it's been fun!

Unexpected thing that is bothersome - I am short on clothes I can wear because of my incisions. Usually, I wear "fitted" dress pants or slacks (no elastic or string waists) and so all of my clothes are too tight while my abdomen is swollen!! I can't wear things that have a button at my belly button either! Not sure WHAT I'm going to do on Monday for something to wear. Hmmm... Any suggestions from those that have done this?

Hubby is still being a dream. He is so thoughtful and solicitous of my needs. I can't thank the heavens enough for his help. I have been relying on him for picking up things I dropped, running to the store, and helping me put on socks, undies, pants, etc. I can do the undies and pants on my own now, but couldn't until this morning.

It is truly amazing what we take for granted!

Life is going OK, I guess. I haven't been really unhappy or depressed, except when Hubby mentioned that someone asked about our "baby plans". I got really quiet, and quite sad. I think I scared Hubby because I was so quiet all night. I didn't want to talk to him, didn't want to share my thoughts. I was just lost in space.

Here's the trouble... Since this whole thing started I hadn't considered what we would now "tell people" about our future plans. We've always said, "We're trying...". Now I'm not sure if we are trying, or ever will try again. I'm pretty scared to try again at this point.

Since they took the left tube out I'm not really scared that I will have another ectopic pregnancy. I am scared now, more than ever, of being pregnant and having it go terribly wrong. I wonder, is this God's way of telling me, "Thou shalt not be fruitful and multiply!"? Or is fate, or my body, keeping me from being pregnant to ward off some horrible outcome? Who knows....

I know it is sort-of silly, but I can't seem to resolve the questions in my mind. It is too soon to tell what the outcome will be. So until the future becomes a bit more clear, I'm just taking it day-by-day and trying to maintain until the path is more obvious...

Thank you to everyone for all the words of support and comfort. I am going to do my best to follow your welcome advice - rest and recuperate. That's all the plans I have for now...

Talk to you soon...

"Ouch" at pucker-factor 9 is not good...

Ladies, once again, thank you for all your kind words and support. You've done wonders to get me through the nerves and stress I've been feeling.

Surprisingly enough, I feel OK enough to write this email, even with all I've been through today...

Hubby rushed me to to the RE's office for an emergency US today, because I was in excruciating pain on my left side, lower abdomen. The pain was like a sharp object was lodged in my side. At the worst of it, the pain radiated from the one spot down my leg and up my torso. I was at work, and by about 11 AM this morning, I was unable to sit, stand, or concentrate on anything but pain.

The gentleman that sits one cube over from me is an MD. Convenient huh? I work for a healthcare software development company, so there are many RNs and MDs in the house.

Dr. S was a real sweetie, and discretely ran through what might be causing my pain. He narrowed it down to a couple of pretty bad things pretty fast, and said I should go to the Dr or emergency room ASAP.

I can truthfully say, that was the first time I've ever had a Dr's appointment at my desk!

The scan showed no pregnancies in my uterus - not a blip. It did suggest there might be one or more in my left fallopian tube. While the US with a wand was bad (read, ouch-ouch-ouch-yeouch) the manual pelvic exam (palpating my my girlie-parts by hand) sent me into orbit with pain. Those two things, along with the 4 hours of continuous pain, gave us a pretty good indication that it wasn't going to be a good or easy problem to fix.

Hubby was wonderful, kind, and loving during all the probing, and covered my eyes for the worst of the pain. I don't know why, but it makes me feel somewhat detached, and therefore a little better. :)

Diagnosis? Emergency laparoscopic surgery to remove what appeared to be an ectopic pregnancy that was about to rupture.

Results:
There were, in fact 2 pregnancies in my left tube. I don't have all the details because I've been woozy since the surgery, but I know that the tube had been badly damaged by the issues and had to be completely removed. My RE is pretty conservative in the area of removing things, but said it could not be saved as it was already in bad shape when he started the internal exam.

I am glad to say that I made it through it, and am only so-much worse for wear. I still have a very sore throat from being intubated for the surgery, and my belly feels like I've been shot a few times (no, never been shot before, just guessing since both methods cause holes).

I'm not really sad yet, but I am sure that will come.

Lots of support is on hand...

Hubby has been the patron saint of support to a spouse. He never left my side during the Pre-op gyrations. He kissed me lots, and wouldn't let me get sad about it. He is out right now, at 1 AM, getting my RX filled, buying my liquid diet needs, and some cat food I had planned to pickup on the way home from work tonight. :)

There's always a cat theme with me, isn't there!?! LOL

My friend D is coming over tomorrow to sit with me while Hubby works. My friends S&S have offered to run errands, provide shoulders, and be there fore me as needed. My Mom is jonesing to come, and I would love to have her here. I'm thinking she'll make it to about 11 AM before she gives up restraining herself and drives South. :)

Obviously, we have NO information on future tries, plans, or anything like that. We are going to get me back on my feet, give it a few months, and see where we end up. I'm totally OK with that plan.

Thanks again for all the support girlfriends!

Maybe I'll be back in the saddle in a while... Maybe I'll continue to post... Maybe I'll drop off the face of the IF earth for a bit... In the meantime however, I'm just gonna be me for a while...

* group hug*

Feel free to ask questions, etc. I don't mind sharing what I know, just don't want to bore you all to tears...