Where the Wild Things Are...

Rotten Correspondent asked "If you were signing up to spend three months in very close quarters with one or two other people, three months of hard work and lots of uncertainty, three months of totally depending on those other people (or person) to help get you all through..."

I seemed to have a lot to say on the subject, so I thought I'd post on it. I hated to kidnap her comments. :)

btw - if you've never read Rotten's blog you owe it to yourself to check it out. She always asks the greatest thought-provoking questions, and she writes some of the funniest stories about her world...


So, she was talking about a Discovery Channel show, where a bunch of groups were dropped into the Alaskan wild for 3 months. I would probably be a candidate for that show...

I would absolutely take my immediate family - my Mom, Dad and both of my brothers would be invaluable in those circumstances.

My parents both grew up on farms. My Dad is amazing at making things, like McGuyver; he knows how to grow food, and he is a very hard worker. My Mom is amazing at cooking something out of nothing, so knows how to grow food, and she is a very hard worker.

My brother W is hilarious, is the love of my life, is totally amazing at keeping the peace, and he is a very hard worker. I'd spend the 3 months in the wilderness just to get that much uninterrupted time with my brother. He's just that wonderful to be around. I miss him terribly, because I live out of state.

My other brother W is kinda a hard-headed ass, but I love him dearly. He is also mechanically amazing, like my Dad, and (you guessed it) he's a hard worker. Oh, and he's freakin' smart as all get-out. He's also easy to work with, even though he's hard-headed. Wierd, huh?

Can you sense a theme? In my family hard work is expected. You get NO respect if you are lazy. Being lazy is worse than being a total pain-in-the ass.

Also, both of my brothers hunt. Dad gave it up a while back, but I'm sure he would go out if he thought we needed him to. I'm also pretty sure could hunt too, but I wouldn't want to. I know it would hurt my feelings, but I would kill to eat. I know I would, I just really hope I never have to...

The biggest thing of all?!?! Living with my hubby has taught me that not just anyone can work well with others.

My family has ALWAYS done chores on the farm together. We still do when we get together on the farm for holidays, or to harvest vegetables and fruits for canning, etc. My hubby never had to do chores with a group, so he doesn't really understand group dynamics.

You see, he can't really just go with the flow and do what needs doing. People working together seem to unnerve him. He's cool with being around people, just not while they are working. It really sucks.

Then there is the fact that he can't do tandem chores easily. You know how when you need to move a folding table, you kinda pick up one end, someone else picks up the other, and you use head or body movements to signal your movement intent? He doesn't get that. He can't move a table without first knowing EXACTLY wher you are moving it to...who's going first...what the trajectory should be... and who is in "command" of the move. I mean, shit, it's just a freakin' table!

Anyway, he tries. He does work hard - if individually. So, you give him a task like chopping wood, he's amazing. He'll work til he drops. He'd be sad to know it, but I still wouldn't choose him for the 3 months. It boils down to needing better cooperation with my companions.

GD Diet - How To Survive

A few times I have wished I had blogged more about what I ate while on the Gestational Diabetes diet. So, instead of just answering Anns directly via email, I thought I'd post my suggestions here. Who knows, maybe people will benefit from the knowledge and will not find themselves stuck at home at midnight crying over what to eat like I did...

If you remember, I looked and looked for ideas online, and didn't really find anything, so I posted a few times about it, and I got some great suggestions (thank you guys!!!) That got me through a few more days of eating and then I went to a GREAT nutritionist here in Atlanta - Rachel Brandeis, MS, RD.

Rachel is a nationally recognized registered dietician. She is extremely good at meal planning for her clients - she takes into account your own food preferences and custom creates meal ideas on the fly. She is amazing and well worth her hourly rate!!! I don't know if she does her work via phone or not, but if you are in the Southeast and need nutritional counseling I would certainly recommend her.

Below is a list of things my nutritionist recommended mixed with the things I came up with on my own. Remember, this list is suitable for my taste buds and time to cook (aka none), so it isn't an exhaustive list, but should give you a start on ideas.

Note I used the following brand-specific products:
- Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat bread for all my sandwiches
- Eggo whole wheat waffels (there are 3 flavors to choose from, all good)
- Skippy "Natural" peanut butter because it is lowest in sugar, you could get it from a whole foods store and get even less sugar
- Zesta whole wheat crackers
- CarbSmart ice cream bars
- Thomas whole wheat english muffins or mini-bagels
- Weight Watcher's Yogurt - I liked the flavor and consistency better than some of the others and it seemed to be the lowest in carbs.
- Nilla Wafers - they are the best tasting in my opinion and trust me taste counts for a LOT on this GD diet.


Breakfast:

- whole wheat english muffin w/ cheese or peanut butter and small amt fresh or frozen fruit on side.

- whole wheat english muffin w/ canadian bacon and eggs

- Yogurt w/ chopped nuts (or could use low fat plain or vanilla yogurt)

- 2 Eggo whole wheat waffles w/ peanut butter and flaked coconut (better than it sounds)

- whole wheat english muffin w/ marinara sauce and mozzerella w/ turkey pepperoni

- Fresh fruit w/ bag of toasted almonds

- Weight Watcher's whole wheat tortilla w/ cheese and luncheon meat - microwave meat well! Side of fresh fruit

- Quaker low sugar instant oatmeal w/ serving of nuts mixed in.

- Grilled cheese sandwich (mix it up w/ the kinds of cheese you use)

- Whole wheat bread, Bacon, egg - sandwhich (use pre-cooked bacon to speed up)

Lunch / Dinner:

For dinners I would only cook 2 or 3 times per week. I would make 1 meal and

either serve leftovers next night or freeze them and serve next week.

- Homemade Chili (will be glad to share the recipe)- 1 bowl w/ Zesta whole wheat crackers

- Homemade pizza (will be glad to share the recipe, everyone loves it) - keep it to 2 small slices

- Stirfry (buy frozen pre-mixed veggies) w/ soy sauce, peanut, or thai sauce - throw in some pre-cooked chicken or beaf to add protien.

- Most casseroles are fine, just watch the portion size!!! Double or add veggies to get vegetables in for the day.

- Any pasta dish will work (spagehtti, alfredo, etc), just keep the serving size to 1 cup. Add steamed/micro'ed vegies to ALL pasta sauces - frozen broccoli is the BEST for doing this quickly.

- South Beach Diet meal kits are PERFECT for the GD diet and include jello for dessert!

Dinner Out:

Most of your ethnic foods are still OK to eat (except maybe Italian). You will need to skip appetizers and dessert though, which is hard.

- Indian - Chicken Tikka Masala (go light on the sauce) or Tandoori Chicken are great, just skip the naan and cut down to 1/4 to 1/3 cup rice. (skipping the naan is hard to do, but worth it to have great food!!!) Add a veggie side dish that isn't made using a cream sauce (aloo gobi is a goo choice).

- Chinese - Beef w/ veggies or chicken w/ veggies dishes are great, just get white rice, not fried, and cut the amt rice to 1/3 cup.

- Thai - most of their dishes are served seperate from the rice and are high in veggies. Keep the rice to 1/4 to 1/3 cup. Massman curry, garlic chicken or Lettuce wraps are great for this diet. Skip the coconut soup, or make it your meal.

- American - I LOVED going out for a steak as a treat - I'd simply choose a smaller, better cut of meat and non-starch veggies with a SMALL baked potato.

- Meal on the go - Zone Perfect bars, protien bars


Snacks:

- 1 serving Nilla wafers w/ peanut butter and cream cheese

- 1 serving Nilla wafers w/ Weight Watcher's yogurt

- 1 serving Nilla wafers w/ fresh fruit and peanut butter

- 1/2 whole wheat bagel w/ mozzarella, marinara, turkey pepperoni

- triscuts w/ melted cheese and luncheon meat or salsa (just put the toppings on the triscut and mirco until melted, extremely quick)

- 1 small Weight Watcher's tortilla with cheese and luncheon meat

- hummus / feta cheese / raw veggies

- 1 small Weight Watcher's tortilla, hummus, spinach, feta cheese

- Soup (make sure it has enough protein) and crackers

- Soup and grilled cheese

- 1/2 PB&J - heavy on the peanut butter and try to use sugar free jelly if you can stand it (I can't, so I went light on the jelly)

- 2 graham crackers with peanut butter and cream cheese (try the flavored cream cheese mmmmmm)

- grilled cheese sandwich on whole wheat

- 1/2 tuna salad sandwich on whole wheat or crackers (only 1/2 because I make it with sweet pickles which are high in sugar)

- egg salad sandwich on whole wheat

- Sugarfree Jello w/ Light CoolWhip - this is almost a totally free snack, you could have it almost anytime you want. Add a frozen or fresh fruit and a serving of nuts or coconut to count it as a snack.


Convenience Store snack:

- sleeve of nuts w/ fruit or 4oz 100% juice drink

- Lance peanut butter and crackers

- 1/2 serving of Dark chocolate w/ serving of nuts

Mother's Day Manifesto

This weekend marks my first Mother's Day where I will, me, myself most likely actually finally be a Mom. This of course assuming nothing horribly bad happens between now and then to change my Mom status.

I'm inspired by Julie's Mother's Manifesto to think about the kind of Mom I plan to be for Jim. Some of the things I am so totally going to steal from her list, only because they truly apply to me as well, but try not to hold it against me. :)

I will use cliches to explain my reasons for doing things. It is my right as a parent. However, I will try very hard not to say " because I said so".

If you embarrass me in public I will embarrass you right back - and I'm going to be creative about it!

Mostly I'll know when you're lying.

I will always take your side but it might not always look that way.

You will think I'm a dork but your friends will think I'm cool. Trust me on this.

I will hold you while you sleep for as long as you will let me.

I will not display any photo of you that showcases your full frontal nudity, no matter how gloriously proud I am of your elephantine genitalia.

Most of the time I'll be laughing with you. Oh, sure, sometimes I'll be laughing at you, but I will not make it obvious.

I will tell your Nana every silly or crazy little thing you do for as long as she is willing to sit and listen to it. She deserves to get some enjoyment from seeing me slowly tortured into grey hair.

I will mess with you. A lot. I consider it the best way to raise you to deal with the fuck-with-your-mind kind of world we live in. I will blow in your face to watch that bewildered squinty look that babies get when they feel that single surprising puff. When you cry, I will gently and rhythmically tap my hand over your mouth, so that you make that "ah-uh-ah-uh-ah-uhbahbahbahbahbah" indian chief noise, perhaps surprising you out of your wailing but at the very least entertaining myself enough to endure it.

No, we will not get rid of the cat if he bites you. Do you think it was a good idea to pull his tail? I wonder if you'll do it again.

I will surely annoy you by singing made-up words to songs. I do it on purpose. If you can't beat me — and on this, my dear, you cannot — I surely hope you'll join me.

I will get on to you about your grades, but I will explain why.

Knowing your extended family well will be mandatory. We will spend all our holidays with them. You will thank me later.

Even though I hope it is a skill you never need to survive by, I will teach you to grow your own food.

I will make sure you know how to fire, clean and store a gun properly. If you want to learn to hunt I will let you. I believe gun safety can save your life, because guns aren't a forbidden fruit.

I will send you to live on our farm during the summer when you are a pre-teen. There is no greater teacher than nature.

If you are interested in cars we will restore one together.

I will explain girls to you early on - they really shouldn't be such a mystery. :)

I will try to make sure you have the confidence to wear pink and know that it looks amazing on you.

Slow dancing is a lost art I will teach you. It will make you a chick-magnet on the dance floor.

If you want to know what beer tastes like before you are 21 I won't keep you from trying it. However, I won't abide you getting drunk out with your friends. If you drink and drive even once I will take your car and sell it. Period.

I will always want to hold you and get a snuggle.

I will try to remember not to say no unless it matters.

I will get in the floor and wrestle with you for as long as I am physically able.

I will send you outside to play.

I will restrict the amount of TV you watch. There is a reason they call it the "boob tube".

I may not accomplish all of these things, but I will do my best for you. All of the above statements are my plans to teach you about the world around you while challenging you and make you confident and strong. Never forget the most important thing of all... I love you, my son, my boy, my wonder and joy. You made me a Mom. Thank you.

5 Days and Counting...

OK, so I wrote a whole alternate post to this one... It included ranting and raving, but I'm not going to actually publish it. I realized after I wrote it that writing out my thoughts was all I needed to clear my head.

So, instead of that really depressing and frustrated post I'm going to do a mime, which I borrowed from RC, who borrowed this from Janet, who graciously told her to go for it.


60 Things You Possibly Don't Know About Me(and why would you even want to??)

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
The base to a baby carseat. My best friend's overcoat.

2. When was the last time you threw up?
It's been years. Probably the last time I got really, really drunk, which doesn't happen often.

3. What's your favorite curse word?
Um. Rhymes with truck.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?
Hasn't happened yet - been a pretty rotten day.

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Listening to my baby's heartbeat, via the NST machine. OK, so not a terrible day all things considered.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Writing the post that won't be posted.

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now?
Probably sleeping. I got up really early for my OB apt.

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Yes, I was "guest of honor" of the strippers performing! I was 17 - and my Birthday! Mmmm, beefcake for birthday!

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
It's OK, Humphries. I was consoling my cat.

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Mmmm - Mint Choc chip.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Water

12. What are you wearing right now?
Maternity top, elastic wasted dress pants. Glamerous.

13. What was the last thing you ate?
Dove dark chocolate - 2 pieces

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Yeah, some consignment clothes for baby.

15. When was the last time you ran?
When someone was chasing me...

16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
Superbowl

18. Who is the last person you emailed?
Amy, about lunch.

19. Ever go camping?
Yeah, this time last year was my most recent trip. Before IVF.

20. Do you have a tan?
I wish.

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
Sometimes.

25. What did your last IM say?
What were your Beta numbers? My best friend just finished IVF and is teetering on the brink of a pregnancy. The numbers aren't going up as fast as they should. I'm trying not to get too involved though, just being there for her through the waiting game. I so want her to be pregnant; I want our children to be playmates. Also, trying not to scare her with my current situation with delivery. LOL

26. Are you someone's best friend?
God, I hope so. I sure think I am...

27. What are you doing tomorrow?
Who knows... Don't have any plans.

28. Where is your mom right now?
Touring the new library building in her city. Her organization has greatly helped fund it! So proud...

29. Look to your left, what do you see?
The world's sweetest kitty cat, Humphries.

30. What color is your watch?
Silver with gold edging.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
The Sydney opera house.

32. Would you consider plastic surgery?
Not today. Next week is looking promising though!

33. What is your birthstone?
Diamonds are a girl's best friend!

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Drive through.

35.How many kids do you want?
I used to say 2, but I'm starting to reconsider!

36. Do you have a dog?
No.

37. Last person you talked to on the phone?
Perinatologist.

38. Have you met anyone famous?
Yes. I used to live in Nashville - Jerry Rivers (my uncle, he played fiddle for Hank Sr),
Clint Black (he actually recognizes me LOL), Garth Brooks, Reba (lived near her, saw her a lot), the list goes on and on...

39. Any plans today?
Going to lunch w/ Amy. Reading. Blogging. Sleeping.

40. How many states have you lived in?
Two

41. Ever go to college?
Twice. One bachelors in Computer Science and Business, then my Masters in Information Technology Management.

42. Where are you right now?
Sitting on my couch, with Humphries.

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Heh.

44. Last song listened to?
Big Sandy and His Fly-Rite Boys - "Jumpin' from 6 to 6". Check it out - it is a fun song!

45. What was your best subject in college?
Economics, Statistics and Calculus. Didn't really like any of them, I'm just good at them for some weird reason. My grades were over 100 in each. The teacher HAD to curve to keep too many from failing. People hated me for breaking the curve. Meh.

46. Are you allergic to anything?
Gadolinium - a hypoallergenic MRI contrast dye. I've had it 2 times, almost coded the 2nd time, I heard them call for the "crash cart" before I passed out. LOL
Oh, and Snuggle fabric softner.

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Two pairs - my red Clarks and my black Liz Claiborne's. If it's not those I'm barefoot. :)

48. Are you jealous of anyone?
I wish I could say no, but that would be a lie. I envy skinny people.

49. Who is your favorite Actor/Actress:
Don't have a favorite actor. Love Julia Roberts - it's the attitude.

50. Is anyone jealous of you?
Not as far as I know.

51. What time is it?
11:30 AM

52. Do any of your friends have children?
Most of my friends do not have children.

53. Do you eat healthy?
Ha ha ha ha. I try.

54. What do you usually do during the day?
I putter around the house, run errands, buy and cook food, read, blog, etc. Oh, and I do not watch TV. I NEVER turn it on. I'm weird, huh?

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
There are only 2 people I have ever truly hated - still do. You wouldn't believe how much it takes to get into my "hate" category. These people REALLY deserve it. Sorta takes them causing me the 7th level of hell, actually.

56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Yeah, I'm sure I do.

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
35. Sweet Jesus. I guess it beats the alternative though!

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yes. I'm a roller coaster junkie, and I live about 3o mins from one.

60. How did you get one of your scars?
A full sink of water, a very big knife, a child in a hurry - a very bad combo. I was rushing to finish washing the dishes so I could go flirt with Joey. I got his attention alright! Mom's too, unfortunately.

Aren't you sorry you asked? Oh, right...you didn't.

Picture Pages...

OK, several of you have asked for pictures... Gemini Girl REALLY wants to know what the deal is with no pictures of me, ever. Well, I'll tell you what the deal is - I don't have any. No shit, really don't have any. Oh, and I HATE posting multiple pictures on Blogger - I CANNOT get it to just freaking post my pictures like I want them. OMG!!!!!

- I've taken pre-pictures of the nursery, but none of the finished nursery. Unfortunately, I have a cold, so I can't go in and put away the things from the shower yet. I don't want my first present to baby to be a really nasty cold.
- I've had pictures taken at our showers, but no one has sent me any of them.
- I've had belly pictures made at a studio, but we just got them back and haven't scanned them in yet (I gave them to hubby to do last night).

So, I don't really have a thing about pictures of me or my home, other than just not having them to share. I'm totally proud of my belly - I actually think I'm totally cute pregnant! :) When I get my pics scanned in I'll let you all be the judge. I actually happen to have before and after photos in the same outfit. BTW - this paragraph sounds to me like I'm really frustrated, I'm totally not, but I can't seem to re-word it so it doesn't sound off-putting. :)

I did talk to Mom just a minute ago, and I was reading my email at the same time, so I got Gemini's prodding. I asked Mom to make me a CD of the pics she took this past weekend. :) But, I won't have them until she shows up for baby day. LOL

Below are some "room in progress" pictures to help tide you over until the pics of the bump are posted:

Newly Painted, but not furnished... The stuff on the bed is the future changing table and my dollhouse from when I was a baby. I'll have to get some better pics of the house - it is amazing. My Daddy (aka Santa) made it for me when I was 5. :)

Dragonflies mobile I made for baby's room:

A demo I setup for hubby using baby's first teddybear - I needed some way to show him how to put baby into the new car seat!

The Thursday Three...

Rather than steal Rotten Correspondent's comment section, I thought I'd share my new-found favorite FAST recipe with you all! In her Thursday Three post, she asked what our favorite pasta dishes are, and I've created one recently that is, to me, wonderful and worth sharing!

I'm all about cheating when I cook - so my fav pasta dish right now is Crabcakes with Broccoli Fettuccini Alfredo. Then, the next night I use the leftover pasta to make Parmesan Chicken Broccoli Alfredo. Genius, no?

I buy a package of frozen Shaw's Original Crab Cakes (delicious, a bit spicy, and you wouldn't know they aren't freshly made), a box of fettuccini pasta, a bag of frozen broccoli, and a jar of Bertoli's Alfredo sauce.

I put the crabcakes in to bake for 20 - 25 mins while I thaw the broccoli in a bowl of water and start the pasta cooking. Once the pasta is done I drain it and pour in the alfredo sauce (1/3 to 1/2 jar will do for 4 servings of pasta). I add about 1/4 cup of milk to thin the sauce, and then add the broccoli (I chop mine into finer pieces as I add it). Reduce the sauce for a good 5 mins.

Interestingly enough, I find that if I start the water boiling when I put the crabcakes in everything is ready to go at about the same time. Even though the pasta is supposed to only take 10 - 12 mins to cook. Meh, I'm no chef, but I seem to be loosing some minutes somewhere... :)

You know, those seasoning mixes that you are supposed to add to oil and dip your bread into? Well, they just happen to make one hell of a chicken seasoning! I have a jar of the seasonings with 4 or 5 blends in it, and I just choose the one that suits me for that evening.

So, on night # 2, I sauté chicken tenderloin or cutlets in bread-dip seasoning typically I choose "parmesan basil". Then I pour the leftover pasta and broccoli into the skillet, add some of the leftover alfredo sauce from the jar, if I think it needs it, and a bit more milk. I bring it to serving temp and yell for hubby to come eat!

Enjoy!

OK - I've got to do this MIME... Rotten Correspondent did this as her Fun Monday post, so I'm going to tag along. Feel free to join in and post your own story!!!

"I want you to take a trip down memory lane, and keep right on going, right back to your childhood. And I want to hear "THAT STORY". You remember the one? Yes, you do! The one your parents, siblings, extended family or friends, would never let you forget, live down or get over!"

Here's my contribution...

I was 21 when I was "outed" at a family gathering for still being afraid of the dark. I was a married woman, living away from my parents' home, and yet STILL I couldn't handle the dark?!?!

That was funny enough form my wonderful family crew, until they found out that I ALSO couldn't sleep if my foot, hand, or other part of my body was hanging over the side of the bed. It is true - I would wake up if I crossed the threshold of the mattress.

At learning this news, my brothers busted out laughing - you know the kind of laughing where you are SURE there is more too their laughter than mere making fun? My mother was giving them "the stare", so I was getting suspicious...

Turns out that when I was about 4, my mother put me to bed, kissed me goodnight, turned off the lights and closed the door. Only to have to come streaking back in the room to my screaming fits about 30 minutes later. I was inconsolable - completely freaked out and would NOT calm down.

It seems my wonderful, loving brothers had hid out under my bed, and once they were sure I was asleep they grabbed me from under the bed - pulling my hands, clothes, hair and covers, whatever they could reach.

I of course thought the monster under the bed had gotten me, and I freaked the fuck out.

Folks, I have never been so mad at two hysterically laughing people in all my life. I ran after them, kicking and scratching, calling them every name in the book. Dumbasses had caused me YEARS of nightmares, terror and pain for no reason!!! My mom was right there, egging me on too. She said, "I always told you that messing with her was going to come back to haunt you. Don't look at me for help!". :) Love you, Mom!

Better yet - that night, for the first time in 15+ years, I slept with the lights off and my foot dangling off the bed. Learning the reason for my fear magically cured me. I have NO problems with the dark. Weird huh?

Share your story... Come on, it's fun!

Life Lessons... A.K.A More Than You Really Wanted To Know

A post over at Serenity Now! got my writing juices flowing. She talked about how infertility is something that is hard to explain - the affects on your life, your personality - the struggles and the growth you go through personally from the fight.

It made me think... I have been through a few rough patches in my life... Infertility treatments would just be one of the more apparent ones. It seems that each of these experiences has made me grow wiser, more grown-up.

Most people who know me now have NO IDEA that I was married previously at the very old age of 20. I never speak of it really... It isn't like I avoid talking of it - it just never comes up...

However, from my viewpoint there is a HUGE flashing sign on my life that says "Married an Alcoholic, Con Artist and Thief - Lived to Tell!". Really, it is true... I was sure my life was over at 23, and no one was ever going to love me again.

No, I'm not going to tell all the gory details here - the short version is... Through his constant refrain I came to think I had actually caused my relationship to be horrible. Somehow I deserved the treatment -everything he did to me mentally (not physical abuse, mind you). See, physical abuse would have been obvious to me - duh, that's abuse, RUN!

Folks, it took me 2 years of hell to come to terms with the reality of my situation.

Even my family didn't realize how bad my relationship was. They thought he was funny, bright and fun to be around. He was good to me, and blended pretty well with my family. When the truth of my life came out there were some very shocked people, I'll tell you. Everyone felt pretty bad that they had not seen the signs. Of course, I thought the problem was me, so I never really talked about it. :/

That is, until I reconnected with an old high school friend that told me plainly that I was a shell of my former self. This friend saw that my smile, confidence, and laughter were gone. The path was clear to my friend - RUN!!!!

You see, I didn't realize people could be truly and utterly horrible to their core. I mean yeah, there's all those bad people on the news, but they don't live around me - they couldn't live IN MY HOME!!! You learn from this kind of life experience that those people on the news are just the ones who's stories are exceptional. There are many, many tales of horrible goings on that are never told.

I just wanted to say that even something so horrible as that relationship helped to make me who I am today. I do not regret going through hell, the trip taught me:
- A lot about how bad life can really be - a bad day at work is really just so not a big deal.
- To be good to myself - no one else is going to do that for me.
- You can have faith without organized religion
- To recognize a snake with legs
- To trust my inner voice - when it says "RUN!" I had better already be moving (no not because of fear from the ex - but I can "feel" bad people now).
- To be thankful for what I have - especially my sweet hubby, Bo.

What, you ask, does this have to do with IF?

Infertility has been a different sort of learning and growing, but carries its own lessons and reinforces others:
- A bad day at work is really just so not a big deal.
- To be thankful for what I have - especially my sweet hubby, Bo.
- To be a steward of myself and my health - no one else is going to do that for me.
- You can have faith without organized religion
- That health care professionals DO NOT know everything - quite often they are guessing. Medicine is 45% science and 55% art.

With both of these experiences it is not likely that someone will understand what it is like. They can show you empathy and sympathy, but they will never understand unless they really walk those same miles. Even those that have been nearby during your trials do not really get it.

After a while, you stop trying to explain. You only graze the surface when someone asks questions. Unless you find they are going through a similar hell. Then you will go to great lengths to point out the path - then you try to become a guiding light.

Thank you to all the guiding lights I have found here in the infertility blogging community.

I'm Coding A Little Nerd, Right Now...

My hubby, Bo, pointed out to me last night that we are creating our own little nerd. I couldn't help but imagine how buggy my developers' code has been at work in recent months. I'm sure hoping I don't make any bugs while coding our little nerd!

So, thanks to The Rotten Correspondent I have taken the new and improved Nerd Test 2.0!

Here are my results:


That's right folks, I am an UBER COOL NERD GOD(ess)!!! I called hubby with the news. He was so proud! :)

I scored in the top 2% for math/science and the bottom 9% for dorkiness! How much cooler can you be I ask you?!?!

I am so proud.

Catch Cat as Catch Can...

Stacie over at Here Storkey Storkey asked if people had any "talking to animals" stories. Here's mine...

My grandmother had a farm and had LOTS of "barn cats". They were terribly skittish and wouldn't come near humans. One time when I was visiting she asked me to take the scraps out to the cats. I wanted soooo badly to pet them. I think it is because they seemed so wild and free and beautiful.

I took the pan out and set it on the stairs - nowhere near the cats. I went over to the hill that separated the barnyard from the farmhouse yard/lawn, I just sat there and watched the cats. I kept a friendly posture, made eye contact in short flirt-like moves. I didn't move or force my attention on them as I knew they wouldn't like being stared at.

I sat there for quite a while, and every few minutes one of the cats would wander just a few feet closer. They kept an eye on me, watching for signs of hostility or threat.

Soon the cats were within mere feet of me. They were so interested in what I was and why I was sitting there. I could feel their sense of unease, but I tried to project friendliness and calmness. I was sure they could tell that I was different and ment them no harm.

Eventually one of the smaller cats came close enough for a smell of my hand. Then it skittered away again. After what seemed like forever another cat, seeing that the first one had not been harmed, decided he wanted a smell too. He however decided not to run and instead sat down about a foot from me - just out of reach.

Eventually about 7 or 8 cats were circling me within a few feet. Sniffing. Searching. They seemed to me to be wondering if I was a large cat looking for a home. The air seemed to have changed. Everyone seemed to feel less scared, more sure that I was OK.

At last, one of the momma cats strode near and nuzzled me. I was so elated. I felt a calm and a peacefulness like never before. I was accepted, if only for a moment. One nuzzle lead to another and eventually every cat, save one, had had a stroke or two from my hand. I sooo yearned for that one little kitty to accept me, but I could tell it probably never would. It was more of a loaner.

Just as success was acheived my uncle came onto the porch. He yelled back into the house for my grandmother to come quick. Everyone thought something was wrong and dashed to the porch. I'll never forget My grandmother's exact words, yelled across the yard, "You can't pet those cats! Why, they won't let you!" and my mother's reply makes me almost as proud tonight as they did almost 25 years ago, "Well, maybe you can't, but obviously Dawn can. She has always had a special way with animals."

I don't know if I ever thought my mother saw anything truly special or different in me before that day. I felt so surprised and very proud. I wanted the world to know that I had petted the unpettable cats. I am the cat whisperer.

Rated PG - Yeah Right!

Ann's over at A Brief History of You got a fun link... It rates your blog based on its content.

I did my blog...

OMG - Mine came up "PG"??? Me? PG?? Yeah, I like the irony too. :)

The funniest thing is that the tagline reads "Some material might not be suitable for children". Well DUH! Not being suitable for children is the WHOLE REASON for this damned blog!!! :O

The reasons for this rating; pain (3x) ass (2x) pissed (1x)

I love the fact that it totally missed the numerous fuck, damn, and shit sprinkled throughout. LOL Gotta love it!

If you want to rate your site, just click on my PG rating above and enter your web address.

What D@wn Needs...

Apparently this little game is going around blogland...you go to google and type in your first name and "needs" and see what google thinks you need. Here's what D@wn needs, according to google (I've modified the name so I don't show up on other's searches).

• D@wn needs a headcount before Thursday of this week so sign up quick! - Not sure what for - but you'd better sign up!!!


• D@wn needs a Tripod - - Um. Not that I know of.


• D@wn needs to get over herself. I'm willing to bet her hits and readers would go down significantly if she stopped posting half-naked pics -- Interesting, I was just about to post my very first 1/2 naked pic of my belly. Maybe I SHOULD! My #'s would go up!


• D@wn needs to be on TV land -- Oh, yeah! I'd like that.


• D@wn needs to do is figure out a basic strategy that can lead into four different moveset uses, which she can easily ready. -- A basic strategy is always good, yesterday is a good example. :)


• D@wn needs a MIRACLE -- For Sure! Anyone got an extra one handy??


• D@wn needs some man on man action! -- OK, no, I draw the line at this one...


• D@wn needs a plan to help her live beyond her injuries. -- Oh man, what injuries?


• D@wn needs to develop more speed endurance. -- LOL, hell yeah, snails can beat me at this point.


• D@wn needs to show us more of the extraordinary young woman she showed us glimpses of & less of the needy attention-seeker that occasionally peeked out. -- Oh, that hurts. That really, really hurts you guys. I mean.. *sniff, sniff* I don't vie for attention. *Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!*


• D@wn needs to get out of the house. -- Yeah, probably true. :)


• D@wn needs You! -- For Sure! You guys are the greatest! I felt sooo good when I came in and saw all the love from yesterday's adventures. Thanks, Guys!
  

Picture Page 1

Since you asked!!! Here are some pictures of my sweet baby kitty boys Humphries and Cocoa.

I had laid my robe on the bed and Humprhies, ever the snuggler decided to climb right in!

Humprhies learned very early that saying "Ma Ma" would get my attention. It really freaks people out when they hear it! He is soooo smart, and he calls me when there is something wrong - a plant turned over, his brother getting sick, or when they've totally been into something and caused a mess. He even looks guilty! He is my sweet boy, and I love him lots!

Cocoa soon got jealous of his brother's photo shoot and scooted Humphries right out.. I have several "action shots" of him rolling around trying to take over Humphries' spot! LOL



He's such a love bug... I love him so totally. He sleeps right beside me every night. He lays his little head on my arm and falls alseep purring.



I think I'm going to like doing Picture Pages, I have been smiling since I started finding the needed pictures! :)

"Picture Pages. Picture Pages, Picture Pages, time to get your Picture Pages, time to get your crayon and your pencil... You can play with Picture Pages, fill your days with Picture Pages, 'Til Bill Cosby does another Picture Page with you!"

Now I have to take a picture of my purse... I'll warn you, it is totally utilitarian, but remember, you asked!!! LOL

I Am Tagged To Write!

I have been multi-tagged for this excercise! Thanks to everyone that took the time to write about themselves. I feel like I know you just a little better...

So here goes: I AM...

I am loving with my friends and family.
I am a fan of touch - I touch everything that looks shiny, interesting or new to me.
I am a planner! Please let me know before you mess with my plans so we can stay friends.
I am stubborn to a point. The point must be won by you, but you can change my mind.
I am supposedly a picky eater. I was taught that I can pick out the parts I don't like (peppers make me sick). What's picky about that? I didn't refuse to eat, I just "customize" to suit!
I am most likely a cat reincarnated - I love to be scratched and rubbed. Purrrrr!
I am a true and loyal friend. I will always make myself available if you need me.
I am a fast reader, I can devour a book in a matter of hours.
I am a traveller - you cannot make my soul happier than when I'm in a new land!
I am a reseacher, and I look up everything (see planner above).
I am mother to two cats - I love Humphries and Cocoa dearly. They are my fur babies.
I am a sometimes gardener, and getting better every year.
I am an outgoing and gregarious, and I make people take to me quickly. Either that or they hate me on sight!
I am a supper-shopper of bargins, but I don't really care for shopping as a frequent passtime.
I am an out and out geek (yes, I play multiplayer online games)
I am pretty much a tomboy at heart, but I have glittery girlie edges!
I am great at making introductions - just show me a stranger!
I am easy with people from different backgrounds and cultures from my own. Thanks Mom!!
I am hard to fool at a mechanic's shop.
I am no longer a flannel-wearing truck owner (it was sending the wrong message for me).
I am the proud owner of a Southern Accent when I've had to much to drink.
I am the first in my family to get a Master's Degree.
I am talkative! :P


Consider yourself tagged!!!!

Ticker Troubles...

Ladies, I was just doing some "Spring Cleaning" on my blog template. Let me tell you, tickers cute and make you feel so warm and fuzzy to look at, but they are Bad, BAD, BAD when you forget to remove them.

I just found the pregnancy ticker, still at the bottom of my blog, from my twin ectopic pregnancy back in February. I would have been 16 wks 6 days pregnant today.

After a moment of remembrance, and saddness I removed it.

I am not gonna cry, but I feel a bit deflated. Why is it that IF is always the pin cushion to my balloon?

*sigh*

On a lighter note...
I've asked and he answered! :) Thanks Reproductive Jeans for the Hubby Pop Quiz!!! Laugh with me, as we read the answers!

AF – Assisted Fertility (or Ass Fucker, what you call RE when they hurt the wife)
IVF – In-Vitro Fertilization
IUI – Intra-Uterine Insemination
IF – Infertility
PG – Progesterone
TTC – Too Too Cool (well, it USED to be cool!)
DPO – Don't Piss Off
BFP – Big F'ing Pregnancy
BFN – Big F'ing Nothing
POAS – Papal Overachiever Syndrome (um, not sure what this meant)
OPT – Online Pregnancy Test (ha ha ha)
CD – Compact Dick
BD – Big Deal

Love my hubby - he's so creative. He admited he didn't know the acronyms used in our posts, but he did know all of the ones used in our RE's lingo and literature. So, I'll give him some extra credit for lack of exposure. :)

8 Things...

Courtesy of a very appreciated tag from Mands, here are 8 arbitrary things about me:

1. I was on a pit crew when I was in high school. I can change my oil and rotate my own tires if needed. I restored a convertible when I was in college. It is very helpful to know your way around cars when you take one in for service. Once a guy tried to sell me a "power steering belt" on a truck. I told him very loudly "my truck doesn't have power steering". He said, oh, I meant the air conditioning belt, to which I replied, "it has a serpentine belt - just the one belt, and there is no air conditioner in it." Once the good 'ol boys quieted down their laughing he said there was no charge for the oil change.

2. I can't sleep when I am hot. I have to have cool air or I will stay awake until I finally pass out from exhaustion (it can take days).

3. I am very afraid of giving birth. I mean really afraid - not afraid I'll die or anything, just that the pain will be so unbearable or that something will go nightmarishly wrong. Terrified, I tell you! I wanna be asleep for delivery, like my Momma was!!! I thought you might find this interesting since I am trying so darned hard to get pregnant. I figure I will have to cross that bridge should I ever locate it. Until then, I focus on "now" to get me through.

4. I talk A LOT, but I never tell things that are really important to people outside a select group. However, in my blog, I write about almost solely things important to or troubling me. Most of my readers are complete strangers (I mean that in the best possible way). Isn't that weird?

5. My Mom is my very best friend. :) She and I love to turn up the radio, sing of key, and dance like crazy people. You know, I actually thought EVERYONE danced and sang at home with their mothers! Boy, did I lead a fun yet sheltered life! Everyone loves my Mom!!! :)

6. I was the first in my family to get my Master's degree (beat my older brother by just a few months). The prize, from my grandmother, was a trip for 3 to Paris for a week - Granny, Mom, and me!!! We had a wonderful time, saw all the sites, ate late dinners and early breakfasts. I miss my Granny very much.

7. Hubby and I were acquaintances, until we almost literally bumped into each other at a Bonnie Raitt concert that was part of a music festival with an attendance of over 250,000 people. We started our "happily ever after" with a first kiss to "Let's Give 'Em Something To Talk About". Hubby still jokes that he "picked me out of a 1/4 million"!

8. I still have a friend from Kindergarten. She is the one friend I would call if I needed help disposing of a body. Hell, I'd even call her if I needed help getting to the point of needing to dispose of a body. She's that much of a friend. She says the same about me! ;)

OK, I'm not sure who hasn't been tagged, so I'm going to name the following based on today's blog reading:
Erin @ The Vicious Cycle of Cycles
Carlynn @ Still Passing open Windows
Laura @ The (Reluctant) Baroness
Ellie @ Dinner Table Talk ... I think not
Gemini Girl
Stacie @ Heeeere Storkey, Storkey!
Cheryl @ wewannababy
Projgen @ Project Genesis