It's Official - I Don't Know Everything....

OK, it is official - I officially don't know everything....


We have a heartbeat!!! Baby is measuring 6 wks 6 days (we are 7 wks today) and has a good strong heartbeat. We were able to hear it!! :)

We go in next week for our 8 wk US and if everything is still good we graduate to the OB's office. We can stop the PIO then too!!!!

The PIO was reduced to 1/2 the dose and I am to stop taking the baby asprin. I keep going on the Hep.arin of course, but that is to be expected.

We called Bo's Dad this morning from the car - he was VERY happy to hear that his first grandchild is on the way. We cautioned him that it was still a bit early, just to be safe, but told him we heard the heartbeat, so it's all looking good at the moment.

We couldn't get Bo's brothers on the phone... They and their wives all have cell phones but they never seem to be on! So, we left messages to call.

These calls would include the BIL that got my comment on his blog last night. Once we have shared the good news with him I will turn my profile back on. Since I deleted the comment he's the only one that can follow the link to my blog.

I talked with Bo last night, he wasn't upset. He said that he figures it is OK for his brother and SIL to read our story once we have shared our news with them.

A couple of people commented here that it wouldn't be a big deal for people to know we did IVF. Well, yes and no. Bo's family is Catholic, and while that doesn't mean we know for sure how everyone will feel, we already know for SURE how some of the family feels about IVF. Some of the extended family would consider us non-family. They would think we had committed a horrible sin. They would not accept it. BIL is not one of those people, neither is his wife, but there are plenty of extended family that would put us on their shit list. So, we aren't sharing HOW we got pregnant, just that we did it using fertility treatments. KISS.

Anyhow, we are so excited, and I cannot focus on work at the moment. The day is probably pretty wasted for me. :) I have at least one report to write...

Thank you everyone for your votes of confidence.... You guys are the best!

7 Week Scan Tomorrow... Scared Shitless - updated

Well, the 7 week US is tomorrow.

I am really freaked about it, mostly because I have not really felt pregnant at all since about Friday. I have been spotting and having some mild cramps over the weekend. The spotting isn't heavy or constant, but scary nonetheless. We were out of town at a family wedding, so I didn't try to get a weekend scan from my RE's office. I realized that if it was over a scan wouldn't do anything to stop the process.

I feel very empty... My boobs still hurt like crazy, but I'm aware that can be from the PIO shots. All the other symptoms seem to be gone. No more super-smell. No more queasiness. No more food aversions. No more scatterbrain. Nothing but sadness remains. I'm sad because I feel very empty without my companion symptoms. If the boob pain went away I wouldn't have 1 clue that I was supposed to be pregnant. It is very sad to imagine that the scan tomorrow will confirm my fears. I haven't given up all hope, I really haven't, but I am not looking forward to tomorrow like I was. I am just going to hope for the best yet be as prepared as I can be for the worst.

I don't know what else to say... I'm just going through the motions until I see the US. I am not worrying at all until then, I am just sad. I will be totally overjoyed if it is all good. I promise I will be. If I didn't feel so darned empty I think things would be different for tomorrow - I would be giddy as a school girl.

I'll let you guys know as soon as I know something. Our scan is 1st thing in the morning.

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Update:

I did something SOOOOO boneheaded!!! I commented on my brother-in-law's blog with my IF BLOG USER ACCOUNT! OMG. So, I've had to shut off my profile so that he can't follow to my blog. Of course, he could now look me up on google, but DAMN that was stupid. The whole family, plus my hubby's best friends could have followed that link. Fuck! OK, maybe I am still doing scatterbrained things!!! Grrrrrrrrr.

I deleted the post, but I can't get rid of the link to my profile that it leaves for him. Damn it. Damn it. I think I am going to call him tomorrow and ask him NOT to follow that trail. He is a nice and upstanding guy, so he will most likely follow my wishes. I sure hope so anyway. Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!!

Now I gotta go tell hubby - he is gonna be SO TOTALLY pissed about this. FUCK.

Post 100 - Paranoia Is Home... Updated

It is officially my 100th post ladies! Sorry in advance, it is such an insane topic...

Paranoia, is it ever going to go away??? Tonight I was taking a nap and woke up to find my cat Humphries sitting (not laying) on my uterus. Really, I mean I freaked. Here is 10 to 12 lbs of cat sitting on my prized baby's home.

I uncerimoniously dumped him off and into the floor, but I spent about 20 minutes lying in bed trying to figure out if I thought he could have killed my baby. He was kind-of to the right of my uterus, so maybe everything shifted out of the way and he wasn't really sitting on the baby, but man. Also, I know everything is pretty small and way deep in there (I'm fat too, so that should help), but I'm still a little bit scared.

I spent another 10 minutes considering how I could keep kitty off my stomach without locking him out of the room. I considered all kinds of contraptions that could shield my baby from harm - don't ask. I hate to lock him out, what with Cocoa being gone now. He's home all day alone, he shouldn't have to spend the night alone too - it might just kill his mind for good.

Now, I also wonder if I will partly blame my kitty if the ultrasound doesn't come back good. I mean really folks, this is not like me to worry, at all really. I mean I think about things going wrong in my life, but I don't dwell on them. Dwell seems to be my middle name right at the moment.

OK, feel free to chastise me and my parinoia... I just know you other ladies have experienced stuff like this, and would understand how crazy I am.

In other news, nothing has changed.... Everything else is still just rolling along...

Updated....

I went to the store tonight after posting and talked to my girlfriend DD while I shopped. We had a good laugh over the cat sitting issue. She said she totally understood why I was a bit freaked but not to worry. I realized that I wasn't really so worried anymore, I was just needing to talk to someone about it. Now that I'm back home and rereading my post I realize that I am likely to sound like a nutter for the next 8 months. Geesh!

Oooo The Smells...

OK the world stinks - litterally. Since Saturday I have begun to smell EVERYTHING! I am especially noticing the yucky smells. Oh man... What DIED in the breakroom microwave?? UGH!

My stomach has started doing little flips based on the smells. Sometimes it flips a happy "feed me" flip and other times not so much. Today I noticed that bluberries are delicious smelling - mmmmmm! They were covered in chocolate and I could still smell them WAY before they got to my mouth. I only ate 2, so I don't think they count on my non-caffiene diet. :)

I've realized several times today that I only have 1 week before I get to see if there is a heartbeat in there pumping away. If there is I may not be able to keep from telling the world, immediately. I am so ready for everyone to know.

Bo came by my cube today and told me he was going to call his Dad AS SOON as the test was over if it was good news. He seems to have gotten himself a bit wrapped around the axle with maintaining both excitement and caution. I sure hope he gets some positive relief Monday. He said, "I know you've been wondering if I'm thinking about it at all, but don't because I certainly am. " He looked so scared it was very cute.

Well, I'm just biding my time until US Day - this is really about as bad as the 2WW. I need some writing assignments - anyone got anything good??

I think I'm going to try and do some photos for the photo world tour too... Not sure I will get done today though...

Week 6 - Parents Told and More Stories

Well, tomorrow makes week 6. We just got home from a quick weekend trip to our family farm to bury Cocoa, see my parents, and then spend some time with Bo's brother and his wife. We made a full weekend of it!

Some of you are probably saying, "bury Cocoa?" Well... we left for a week-long vacation right after he died, so we couldn't take him to bury him. I know some of you might have just put him in the back yard, but that wasn't really going to work for my guy. You see, we have a septic system, even though we live within the metro city of Atlanta! The town planners in their wisdom gave permits for septic within subdivisions as late as 1998. Geesh!

So, our neighborhood is on the list for getting sewers put in. THAT means that unless you want to dig up your precious pet you'd better NOT put him in your backyard. I have NO say on where the lines will run for the new system. That accompanied with our plans to fully landscape our yard after the sewer is in means that there is no certainty on where to put him for good.

The vet was keeping him for us (in the freezer) until we could go up to bury him on our farm. We have a 150 acre family farm in Tennessee, and there is a small pet cemetery there. We found a spot for him and laid him to rest at last. He has had a long road getting home.

After we finished laying Cocoa to rest we went to visit my parents and some of their friends who were out camping at a lake nearby. My Dad and two of his Airforce buddies from Vietnam, along with their wives, met up at the park with their campers and stayed the weekend. We showed up to visit about Noon.

As planned, we took our "baby gifts" with us to the campground. Everyone was gathered around when we got there, so we waited until I got Mom and Dad alone for a minute.

My Dad had already set out the stone that he had carved for Cocoa. It was a bit of a shock to see it just sitting there, but it was so nice. He took the time to sandblast around the name and he added the date. He even squeezed in the "a" and I wouldn't have thought it had ever been missing if I hadn't known. It was very sweet. I thanked my Dad and gave him a hug. Seeing the stone made me want to start crying again, so I tried not to look at it too much. I'm hoping my Dad understood and didn't think I didn't want it. I plan to send him a thank you card so I can better express my appreciation.

Eventually someone mentioned lunch and everyone left to go get the fixins they had from their campers. Bo gave me a wink and I snuck over to my car to get the gifts. I called my Mom out of the camper and Dad away from setting up the tables and told them "We have a little something for you guys too." They started opening and I said, "You should need these about March." It took a second, but it finally registered and my Mom started crying and saying "Really? Really? In March?" She was so shocked and quite happy. Dad didn't really say anything, but he had a great smile on his face. We had hugs all around - very sweet.

Mom asked me, "Can we tell everyone?" and I had to do a little dance on that one. We didn't mind them telling their friends, but we aren't ready to tell the whole family yet. We want to wait a little longer on that. So, Mom finished bringing out the lunch, and then she brought out the gifts, having repacked them, and showed everyone what they got. She was crying so hard she could barely tell everyone what she was up to! We did hugs all around again and a few tears of joy.

Fate is interesting, isn't it? I didn't know it, but these same people were with my parents in March when I called to say that we were having the emergency surgery to remove the ectopic pregnancy. So, everyone had known we had had trouble getting pregnant and was especially happy for us.

After a long afternoon we left the park and had dinner with Bo's brother and his wife. We had a great time. They are great to hang out with, and it is very nice to see Bo and his brother get some time together. We didn't tell them our news - we are waiting until after next week's ultrasound. That's when we plan to tell Bo's whole family. We really can't wait it should be great fun.

Well, guess that's all on the news front. Now I just have to hold out until the next milestone. Everyday seems to be a little easier than the last. I'm feeling pretty good, pretty happy with the way things are going and barely stressing at all. Life is pretty sweet at the moment. Hope all is well with all of you!

Clotting Bloodwork & Finding an OB

I received the 2nd part of my bloodwork results today. The Heparin has brought my clotting factors back within normal range. From now on I am to get my blood tested every 2 weeks to make sure my clotting time is staying level. This is VERY good news, seeing as they weren't sure what dose I should have at first - good educated guess, huh?

Today I got another thrill... My fav RE nurse said to start looking for an OB. She said it can sometimes take a while to get that first appointment. She has done some CNP intern work with my OB/GYN's office and specifically with my GYN said they are really great to work with. So, I'm thinking that would be just fine.

My GYN is a CNP and she said she can see me for most of my appointments. I would, as in most offices, see all of the OBs and she would be my primary caregiver.

I can't believe I need to choose an OB. Nobody pinch me, I don't want to wake up.

In symptom land... Has anyone had stomach pain other than nausea? I am feeling like I ate too much, even when I haven't eaten. I feel like it is Thanksgiving and I just finished a plate full! UGGH!

I haven't had any real nausea per se, nor have smells made me be put off, but I'm sort-of expecting it to be sometime soon. My numbers are reaching the ranges that most of the other ladies here have started having M/S issues. Who knows, maybe I'll luck out and miss that joyful experience!

Beta 3 is in...

The beta number was 4776, which I was told was a good number for the 3rd beta. :)

I did use one of the calculators to determine if it had actually doubled every 48 hrs. The calc showed 2.5 days to double. I got kind-of scared, because that is slow based on what I know. I asked the nurse several times if that was OK, should I

Well, I talked to Dr. Google and "Beta hCG levels should double approximately every 2 days for the first four weeks of pregnancy. As pregnancy progresses the doubling time increases. By 6 to 7 weeks gestation beta hCG levels may take as long as 3 1/2 days to double. ", all that with citations from medical journals. I just love Dr. Google sometimes!!! :)

Part of my worry was that if there was an issue I didn't want to tell my parents this weekend. Based on Dr. Google's answers I'm going ahead with my plan.

The office offered to move up my US to Friday the 20th, but Bo and I are headed out of town that morning for a wedding. So, I'm still sticking with Monday the 23rd. Come on Monday!!!

Just have to breathe 'til Monday the 23rd.... Just have to breathe 'til Monday the 23rd....