Friday, August 31, 2007

One Way Or The Other...

One way or the other today will come to a close like every other day. The question is, will it be a good day, a scary day, or a really terribly bad day that will haunt me the rest of my life?

I guess really everyday has the potential to be one of those things, but today there's a higher chance that things will turn to the worst very quickly. I will be having my Triple Scan (some call it a level2 scan) this afternoon. For those that don't know it is where they do a really strong US to look for very bad things wrong with the bump.

I keep trying to tell myself that the outcome does not depend one bit how I feel about today's procedure. What they will see on the scan is if everything developed right, and that part is done, so what is will be. So, I'm staying calm. Mostly.

Bo can't come with me today and he his a bit sad over it. His father had to have surgery this week, so he is in Washington D.C. to be with him. The surgery went very well, much better than the Dr. was expecting we think. He has sworn me to calling him as soon as the procedure is over to fill him in.

So instead my parents have come in from Nashville to attend the visit with me. Mom is one of my best friends, so I'm looking forward to her getting to see her (hopefully healthy) grandbaby. I don't think Dad will come into the exam room so he may only see the pics. As this should be a dildo cam US I think it would ewwww us both out. Don't want my Dad to have a mental picture of me like that... EEEwwww!

The appointment is mid-afternoon, so I'll busy myself with either going to work or working from home until then. I'm trying to decide still... Maybe if I just sit her a little longer my choice will me made for me! :)

More to come this afternoon...

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Scary Yet Important Fun...

The local BABY STORE got hubby and I today...

I got a great email about a sale at the locally-owned Baby's Room store earlier this week. They were having a sale AND giving away a well-regarded $70 stroller to boot.

I had been in the store once before a few weeks ago, and so I knew I wanted a crib from there. Really, nothing else has compared to their cribs - in style or price. If you live in Atlanta give me a shout and I'll send you their information.

We spent about an hour in the store looking at options for convertible cribs, strollers, gliders, and crib bedding. I got 3 of the 4 today - Oh my! I put crib on order (8 to 10 wk delivery) and put an upholstered glider (with ottoman) on order too! I asked before ordering what happens if the proverbial shoe drops before the crib/chair arrive? Mr. Wonderful Store Owner said they will cancel the order and refund my deposit!!!! WOOOO HOOO! Sign me up folks!

So, yes, I am crazy... I am totally crazy... But I am a happy sort-of crazy! :)

OK, so here are my nursery choices so far:

Baby bedding:
We are going with Pottery Barn Kids - Dragonflies in purple and green. The pic below is in pink/green, but it was the best I could do. :)

Bonavita - model Petyon in white:

Best Chair - model Quinn (#1577) in Seal.

Imagine it is in this nice doe-colored microfiber... Mmmmm....

AND the free stroller!!!
Cosco Combi - it got great reviews, so I was happy to get it for free.

Hubby and I are hoping to use the car seat/stroller frame combo until the child is old enough to use this stroller... I really don't want one of the Big Kahuna strollers - I hate to think of inflicting another huge stroller on the shopping public. I have been run over or blocked from my shopping needs tooooooo many times to count by an ill-placed Cadillac Stroller. Geeesh!

BTW - No offense to those of you that like them - I figure "to each their own" is a good rule. Also, I have cursed those things long enough and often enough that I probably would get laughed out of town if I did break down and get one. :)

OK, so that's all the damage I've done so far... I know it is a lot really for as early on as we are, but I like getting the important stuff out of the way early. At this point I'll be OK if we don't buy another stick of furniture. The only other thing we HAVE to have is a car seat (haven't started thinking about it).

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Baby Frame of Mind

I think I'm feeling kinda in the middle, but I'm with a few bloggy friends on that for sure... It is really weird... Several of us are no longer completely IF because we are PG (not complaining at all) and not yet mothers. We are somewhere in limbo, and we are trying to find a happy and comfortable ground between being rapturously happy and scared-to-death cautious.

I needed some inspiration about baby... So, I'll tell you what I did to get in the "baby frame of mind" I bought the book "Baby Bargains". I love it, and it got me thinking about the practical side of baby gear. Which, with my engineering brain, is right up my ally! :) Also, I went to Home Depot and bought a book on baby rooms - greeeeeat ideas on nursuries. I'm feeling inspired. I have hope. Life is a little better right now. The other shoe doesn't seem so close either...

Oh, and people at the office have started sort-of mentioning/noticing that my bump is growing. They kind-of look at my belly and smile really big. It is pretty cute. I'm enjoying it, even though I didn't think I would. :) Some of my close friends have actually said things like, "Look at you! You have a bump!!!" They are so excited for me, and I love feeling loved. I'll have to say that this part is very nice so far.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Scary and Yet Fun...

I realized today that in 1 week I hit that very scary milestone of 12 weeks. I am very happy about it, and very scared at the same time.

While talking with my friend DD today I told her it's like when you find out the fire alarm is real - this is not a drill.

I've wondered for so long when the other shoe was going to drop... I realize it still can, for sure, but it is supposedly much less likely after 12 weeks. So, I find myself in another 2 WW. This one is easier to keep myself busy through though, as I've started reading up on baby gear and such. I just hope all my perfect baby-gear dreams don't come crashing around my ears.

We have a Triple Screen test (Downs, Tris.omy 18, Tris.omy 21) test 4 days after hitting the magic 12 wk mark. I'm sort-of scared too that the results of the test is where the other shoe is hiding.

So, today's thoughts were very scary and yet very fun... Such is the 2WW.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Catch Cat as Catch Can...

Stacie over at Here Storkey Storkey asked if people had any "talking to animals" stories. Here's mine...

My grandmother had a farm and had LOTS of "barn cats". They were terribly skittish and wouldn't come near humans. One time when I was visiting she asked me to take the scraps out to the cats. I wanted soooo badly to pet them. I think it is because they seemed so wild and free and beautiful.

I took the pan out and set it on the stairs - nowhere near the cats. I went over to the hill that separated the barnyard from the farmhouse yard/lawn, I just sat there and watched the cats. I kept a friendly posture, made eye contact in short flirt-like moves. I didn't move or force my attention on them as I knew they wouldn't like being stared at.

I sat there for quite a while, and every few minutes one of the cats would wander just a few feet closer. They kept an eye on me, watching for signs of hostility or threat.

Soon the cats were within mere feet of me. They were so interested in what I was and why I was sitting there. I could feel their sense of unease, but I tried to project friendliness and calmness. I was sure they could tell that I was different and ment them no harm.

Eventually one of the smaller cats came close enough for a smell of my hand. Then it skittered away again. After what seemed like forever another cat, seeing that the first one had not been harmed, decided he wanted a smell too. He however decided not to run and instead sat down about a foot from me - just out of reach.

Eventually about 7 or 8 cats were circling me within a few feet. Sniffing. Searching. They seemed to me to be wondering if I was a large cat looking for a home. The air seemed to have changed. Everyone seemed to feel less scared, more sure that I was OK.

At last, one of the momma cats strode near and nuzzled me. I was so elated. I felt a calm and a peacefulness like never before. I was accepted, if only for a moment. One nuzzle lead to another and eventually every cat, save one, had had a stroke or two from my hand. I sooo yearned for that one little kitty to accept me, but I could tell it probably never would. It was more of a loaner.

Just as success was acheived my uncle came onto the porch. He yelled back into the house for my grandmother to come quick. Everyone thought something was wrong and dashed to the porch. I'll never forget My grandmother's exact words, yelled across the yard, "You can't pet those cats! Why, they won't let you!" and my mother's reply makes me almost as proud tonight as they did almost 25 years ago, "Well, maybe you can't, but obviously Dawn can. She has always had a special way with animals."

I don't know if I ever thought my mother saw anything truly special or different in me before that day. I felt so surprised and very proud. I wanted the world to know that I had petted the unpettable cats. I am the cat whisperer.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Feeling Better Is Good...

Thanks guys for all your support! It means a lot to me, really.

I have totally apologized to Bo, and we are working out the kinks I left in his hide. Poor thing... I'm hoping we'll be able to hold it all together.

It is so tough being so tired and so moody - I am really not used to this kind of stress.

BTW - the travel that we fought over is car travel. My family is in Nashville, and it is about 4 1/2 to 5 hrs from here. Really, unless I am not feeling/doing well the trip should be no big deal.

Today was very, very busy at work, but it was nice to feel like I got a lot accomplished. I haven't felt very focused or productive in quite some time.

Going to hit the hay early tonight - have an early meeting tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

The Good, The Bad and The Very Ugly...

Sorry I didn't post yesterday after our OB appointment... I was so angry, hurt, bummed and frankly kinda evil. Things are markedly better today, so here goes...

I got to the OB's office and they called us back pretty fast, but not before I figured out they had mis-scheduled our appointment!!!! Yep - they only scheduled 1/2 of it - the Nurse Only part. No talking to the OB, not for little ole' me! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I explained the error to the nurse, who of course asked if I had actually requested the 2nd part of the appointment!! YES! Of course I had! Grrrrrrrrrrrr! She offered for me to reschedule the missing part tomorrow. While that is pretty darned soon I don't have quite so much luxury with my job - I mean I DO have to be in the office sometimes! I had just been in 2 days of training and had taken off 2 hrs at the end of the day to be at this "double" appt! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I really wanted to cry... I realized that Bo and I were there for no good reason, as this was just the "talking and taking OB history" appointment. There was going to be no US, no measurements, no nothing useful.

After I got a good mad on and stormed about for a bit we got down to business. I peed in the cup like a good girl and took my seat, mostly quietly. Nurse Nice was good at keeping calm - a very good thing in this situation...

We talked over Bo and my family history, then I went for bloodwork. FUN! Surprise bloodwork is always a nice kicker. :) However Kick-ass Phlebotomist got my blood in the 1st try and had a great attitude to boot. I begged her to come help me out during labor/delivery. She said to just call her - she is a rogue and would certainly come stick me. :) Loved her!!!! LOVED HER!!!

Went back to Nurse Nice and finished up with a couple doozies for rules.... ALL of the rules are documented in my chart, in case I break them...
1. All travel from this point forward is at my own risk!
2. No travel is allowed after 28 wks! (the week right before Christmas week)
3. Shrimp is on the "only in small amounts" list (I love shrimp sooo much)
4. There will only be 1 US given, at 15 - 20 weeks.

Yeah, did number 4 get you too??? ONLY 1!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
K, my head blew off at that point, and I have no idea how I made it out of that office without yelling at someone. I mean, I've had 4 pregnancies go bad, I have Throm.bophilia, I have a disease of the nervous system I won't share the name of, Hypothyroidism and I will be 1 month from 35 when the baby is born!

As we left I was considering how long it would take me to find another OB...

Without all the details let me just say that Bo didn't do himself any favors by trying to placate me with possible reasons that the OB's office doesn't do multiple USs. He also said how bad it was that we couldn't go home for Christmas, and wondered aloud if the whole family could come here instead! I told him to stuff it none too politely AND I added that I WOULD be travelling for Christmas, even if he wasn't. Our night deteriorated sharply from there, and it was only 5 PM.

By the end of the evening I was considering where I might want to live while I finished hatching our little one. Really, it was that bad. I think I might have actually said that I was thinking about it. :(

Let's just say I was a bit unwound last night... I was a very bad wife, and I feel badly about it. I have apologized, but I know it has left a mark on Bo. I'm sorry for that, really I am.

I called Mom and unwound at her a bit too... I was a real piece of shit, let me tell you. However, with Mom I told her I knew I was being unreasonable, and selfish, and scared. I garnered no illusions that I was anything other than a crazed pregnant lady. She felt sorry for Nice Nurse, but was wise enough not to say so.

OK - trip the clock forward to today! Everything is better....

Nice Nurse called and said that the OB's review of my chart lead her to believe they might need to treat me as "high risk". She setup an appt for me to see a perinatalogist at 12 wks (Aug 31st) and then come visit her at 13 wks for the results. Also, they will be adding USs to my later weeks, to keep a check on baby. Lastly, perinatalogist will most likely want to keep monitoring me too for the clotting issues.

OH, and the kicker... I mentioned how much of a stir the "no travel" thing caused... She said, "Don't worry, 1 week won't hurt. We'll copy all your records, do a vital sign check before you leave, and give you special instructions for taking care of yourself before you go. It should be just fine for you to travel Christmas week."

Wha??? HOW did everything change that fast?!?!? It has literally made me dizzy...

I'm quite happy with the change, but of course now I wonder what all are they concerned about re: the monitoring - you know which pieces specifically? Whew, I'm tired just thinking about it.

Monday, August 13, 2007

No News Is Good News...

Well, nothing going on here to report. Just thought I'd check in. :)

We did some travelling over the weekend to see my parents, extended family and Bo's brother and SIL. We really enjoyed getting to see them all.

We started off with a "Sock Hop" to celebrate my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary. It was really nice, with a full soda shop setup and poodle skirts all around. :) It was great to see everyone looking so happy and healthy.

Funny thing for me was all the people that came up to congratulate me. I really didn't expect that, as we are still so early in the process. It seems though that my mom and my aunt are both secure in the idea that everything will work out just fine. :)

The weird part was that total strangers (people from my aunt's church that I've never met) were coming up to me offering hugs and excitement. I guess everyone loves a pregnant lady. LOL It was really nice, but kinda weird.

One good thing... There were NO horrible baby/labor/miscarriage/deformity stories told. I guess it was such a merry occasion that no one felt like it was time to drag out all their family ghost stories.

After the festivities we went to dinner at Bosco's in Nashville - mmmm Pizza!!! They make the BEST pizza - it is very grown-up and sophisticated pizza with toppings like portabella mushrooms, smoked chicken, pesto, etc. They also have a great beer selection, but I didn't partake this time. :)

On Sunday we dropped by and had brunch with the BIL and SIL. We had a great time chatting and eating some great food at Noshville, in Nashville. I highly recommend it for brunch, but get there before the church crowd or there is a LONG wait.

Well, that's all the news that is news for now...

I have my 1st OB appointment tomorrow at 3 PM. I'm terribly nervous (expecting disaster, of course) and am starting to imagine all the horrible things that could have gone wrong since the last checkup. I'm trying not to focus on it though, as that won't change the outcome, right?

I don't think they will do an US tomorrow, but they might let me listen to the heartbeat, if I look pitiful enough. :( <--- sad face might work... don't know.

Well, I'll try to update you guys tomorrow on how the visit goes... Gotta go work now!

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Couple of Important Pics...

Warining - US pic below...

It is just amazing to me that in 40 days so much can change...

From this (0dp3dt):

To this (7 wks 0 days):

And within 7 more days to this (8 wks 0 days)!

Is it just me, or is there a distinct Gummy Bear resemblance??

Monday, August 6, 2007

9 Wks - Food Update - Other Random Stuff...

Finally!!! I can eat again for the most part. The food issue has started to subside and I'm getting less nauseous every day. YAY!!!

All in all things are improving. I'm getting less tired too. Hubby was getting concerned about all the sleep I was getting over the last week. It seems to be easing up. :)

Of course, this means that the weight gain is going to begin in earnest now, I guess. It has been nice having my "skinny clothes" fit for the last little while. Oh well, ces't la vie!

I'm so happy to know that the bump is going to start within the next few weeks. I can already feel my abdomen getting tighter around my bikini line. I'm thinking that with my weight it will be a while before other people can see it, but it is certainly on the way!

We told our friends over the weekend. They were all pretty excited for us. :) It is funny though... All of my friends did things like squeal, scream or hug me, but hubby's friends all said "Congrats - aren't you telling a bit early??". A bit anti-climactic!

We know why though... One of our group of friends has had 3 late 1st trimester miscarriages, and they know we've had 3 early ones. I'm sure they don't want to see us hurt more. We told them we understood the risks, but we are just so darned happy that we felt it was important to share. :) That seemed to loosen them up a bit. I think they didn't realize we KNOW how much risk there is.

You know - I figure there is just as much chance I'll have a miscarriage if I celebrate or not. It is time to experience that much needed happiness. I don't want to be scared all the time.

That being said... The horror stories have started!!!! ALREADY!!!! Did you all know that everyone you tell about being PG is potentially the owner of a gruesome baby/delivery/very-late-miscarriage story? Oh my! I have a defense manuver already perfected - I just say, "OK, change the subject, you are scaring the pregnant lady!". That seems to get people's attention pretty quick. If not, I say "No, REALLY, I mean it!". Once they realize the issue they've stopped the story - for the most part. Blech!

OK - time for lunch! I'll be posting some US pics soon!!!