OK, so I wrote a whole alternate post to this one... It included ranting and raving, but I'm not going to actually publish it. I realized after I wrote it that writing out my thoughts was all I needed to clear my head.
So, instead of that really depressing and frustrated post I'm going to do a mime, which I borrowed from RC, who borrowed this from Janet, who graciously told her to go for it.
60 Things You Possibly Don't Know About Me(and why would you even want to??)
1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
The base to a baby carseat. My best friend's overcoat.
2. When was the last time you threw up?
It's been years. Probably the last time I got really, really drunk, which doesn't happen often.
3. What's your favorite curse word?
Um. Rhymes with truck.
4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?
Hasn't happened yet - been a pretty rotten day.
5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Listening to my baby's heartbeat, via the NST machine. OK, so not a terrible day all things considered.
6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Writing the post that won't be posted.
7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now?
Probably sleeping. I got up really early for my OB apt.
8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Yes, I was "guest of honor" of the strippers performing! I was 17 - and my Birthday! Mmmm, beefcake for birthday!
9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
It's OK, Humphries. I was consoling my cat.
10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Mmmm - Mint Choc chip.
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
12. What are you wearing right now?
Maternity top, elastic wasted dress pants. Glamerous.
13. What was the last thing you ate?
Dove dark chocolate - 2 pieces
14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Yeah, some consignment clothes for baby.
15. When was the last time you ran?
When someone was chasing me...
16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
18. Who is the last person you emailed?
Amy, about lunch.
19. Ever go camping?
Yeah, this time last year was my most recent trip. Before IVF.
20. Do you have a tan?
24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
25. What did your last IM say?
What were your Beta numbers? My best friend just finished IVF and is teetering on the brink of a pregnancy. The numbers aren't going up as fast as they should. I'm trying not to get too involved though, just being there for her through the waiting game. I so want her to be pregnant; I want our children to be playmates. Also, trying not to scare her with my current situation with delivery. LOL
26. Are you someone's best friend?
God, I hope so. I sure think I am...
27. What are you doing tomorrow?
Who knows... Don't have any plans.
28. Where is your mom right now?
Touring the new library building in her city. Her organization has greatly helped fund it! So proud...
29. Look to your left, what do you see?
The world's sweetest kitty cat, Humphries.
30. What color is your watch?
Silver with gold edging.
31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
The Sydney opera house.
32. Would you consider plastic surgery?
Not today. Next week is looking promising though!
33. What is your birthstone?
Diamonds are a girl's best friend!
34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
35.How many kids do you want?
I used to say 2, but I'm starting to reconsider!
36. Do you have a dog?
37. Last person you talked to on the phone?
38. Have you met anyone famous?
Yes. I used to live in Nashville - Jerry Rivers (my uncle, he played fiddle for Hank Sr),
Clint Black (he actually recognizes me LOL), Garth Brooks, Reba (lived near her, saw her a lot), the list goes on and on...
39. Any plans today?
Going to lunch w/ Amy. Reading. Blogging. Sleeping.
40. How many states have you lived in?
41. Ever go to college?
Twice. One bachelors in Computer Science and Business, then my Masters in Information Technology Management.
42. Where are you right now?
Sitting on my couch, with Humphries.
43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
44. Last song listened to?
Big Sandy and His Fly-Rite Boys - "Jumpin' from 6 to 6". Check it out - it is a fun song!
45. What was your best subject in college?
Economics, Statistics and Calculus. Didn't really like any of them, I'm just good at them for some weird reason. My grades were over 100 in each. The teacher HAD to curve to keep too many from failing. People hated me for breaking the curve. Meh.
46. Are you allergic to anything?
Gadolinium - a hypoallergenic MRI contrast dye. I've had it 2 times, almost coded the 2nd time, I heard them call for the "crash cart" before I passed out. LOL
Oh, and Snuggle fabric softner.
47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Two pairs - my red Clarks and my black Liz Claiborne's. If it's not those I'm barefoot. :)
48. Are you jealous of anyone?
I wish I could say no, but that would be a lie. I envy skinny people.
49. Who is your favorite Actor/Actress:
Don't have a favorite actor. Love Julia Roberts - it's the attitude.
50. Is anyone jealous of you?
Not as far as I know.
51. What time is it?
52. Do any of your friends have children?
Most of my friends do not have children.
53. Do you eat healthy?
Ha ha ha ha. I try.
54. What do you usually do during the day?
I putter around the house, run errands, buy and cook food, read, blog, etc. Oh, and I do not watch TV. I NEVER turn it on. I'm weird, huh?
55. Do you hate anyone right now?
There are only 2 people I have ever truly hated - still do. You wouldn't believe how much it takes to get into my "hate" category. These people REALLY deserve it. Sorta takes them causing me the 7th level of hell, actually.
56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Yeah, I'm sure I do.
58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
35. Sweet Jesus. I guess it beats the alternative though!
59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yes. I'm a roller coaster junkie, and I live about 3o mins from one.
60. How did you get one of your scars?
A full sink of water, a very big knife, a child in a hurry - a very bad combo. I was rushing to finish washing the dishes so I could go flirt with Joey. I got his attention alright! Mom's too, unfortunately.
Aren't you sorry you asked? Oh, right...you didn't.
Friday, February 29, 2008
OK, so I wrote a whole alternate post to this one... It included ranting and raving, but I'm not going to actually publish it. I realized after I wrote it that writing out my thoughts was all I needed to clear my head.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Just realized this was in draft mode still - for 2 days!
Thanks for the vote of confidence!
You know, I have had a very easy time relaxing since making my decision. I've done lots of gentle walking, reading, and feeding the birds at the park. It's been quite nice. :) The way I work is I fret until I have a plan, I prep for carrying out my plan, then I quit fretting. Works like a charm. :)
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/27/2008 03:56:00 PM
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Well, that sound is me deciding to suck it up, folks. I've decided what the PLAN is going to be.
I wrote to my OB last night and asked very politely for an induction this week, based on the pending "big baby". He said no dice, based on Rule # 1. He will let me schedule an induction to start next Tuesday, but he is not budging from the 39 wk rule.
So, I've resolved to stop being frustrated that there are no choices I want. I say Fuck it all. I'll just freakin' do a planned C-section on Wednesday, since it is already scheduled. At least then I have an end date in place and these what-if's will stop haunting me. The only caveat is that if the baby decides to come on its own in the meantime we'll give the old vajajay a go. :)
So, part 2 of the plan... I've begun threatening the baby that if it doesn't come on its own this week/weekend I'm going to come in and get it on Wed.
The reasoning done before I settled on a decision...
Bo's opinion, which I did solicit before making my decision, is that I should try an induction, seeing as the worst possible case is that they do a C-section anyway. Wherein I reminded him that having a C-section isn't the worst - stuck baby, C-section on a crashing baby due to induction stress, forceps/assisted delivery, broken collar bones, and 48 hrs of labor are worst case. Then I apologized, because he was simply thinking either/or and didn't need me to pounce on him.
But, know that he does tend to forget about all the bad things that happen when vaginal labor goes wrong. He really sees it as extremely likely that it will go just fine, since everyone else he knows has done fine. Um, I was a very good girl... I resisted telling him that he doesn't get all the gory details, like I do... I know of every stitch, tear, labor hours, and complication of most of the women we know. I didn't ask them either, it is some kind of weird hazing ritual, I think. So, let's not buy into the Southern Belle fairy-tale bullshit wholesale - k?
I called Mom and asked her if she thought this sounded crazy - to not even attempt an induction. She said that no, she'd make the same choice, she thinks. Mostly because we already know this baby is big, regardless of giving it another week. Also, inductions are quite painful, have all those possible unhappy outcomes, tend to take a really long time, and so often lead to a C-section anyway.
Also, a bonus to having a plan is that I can rearrange my 2-story house so that all the baby care supplies are downstairs. One super-extra-hidden bonus to a C is that you aren't supposed to climb stairs - supposedly for about 2 wks. First I'd heard of this was on Sunday - you could have knocked me over with a feather. I really hadn't thought about it. I've also prepped Mom to be available to stay for at least 2 wks.
See - planning - it's a good thing!
I'm done messing around, people!
8 days and counting!
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/26/2008 08:41:00 PM
When we last checked in on our stir-crazy pregnant lady, her baby had turned back "head down". She naively thought, "Yay, that means no scheduled C-section for me!".
Well, this week I've reached a fun new twist in the sadistic nature of my OB's rules...
My OB won't intervene in my pregnancy until I've hit 39 wks. Well, unless there is some emergency/medical reason, which at first glance seems to make sense. No?
Once the baby hits 10 lbs they will VERY STRONGLY suggest my having a C-section. For example, they will schedule it vs. waiting for me to deliver naturally.
Here's the twist now, pay close attention... I hit 39 weeks next Monday AND my Peri's measurements are saying that I'm very likely hit 10 lbs by next Monday.
Did you get that? Because of Rule # 1 there will be no Hail Mary pass at induction while the baby is small enough for them to agree to attempt to deliver vaginally. So, based on Rule # 2, I will get no opportunity to have this child without major surgery.
I think I can refuse rule # 2 and try to deliver a 10 lb baby vaginally, but that seems kinda crazy to me. Why would you choose to pass a regulation bowling ball on purpose? Wouldn't you rather try to deliver BEFORE you got that far? ESPECIALLY since you KNOW how big the baby is?
I'm looking for some good natural progression to labor this week. What are the odds on that do you think? Anyone have any good home remedies they want to share?!?!?!
Oh, you'll also need some information to improve your calculation of the odds...
In the last 2 days both my Mom and my Aunt have enlightened me that they AND my Grandmother ALL went over their due dates by 2 weeks or more EACH with every child they had. Ok - why didn't anyone tell me this a few weeks ago? Why did they let me babble on and on about how per the Peri this baby was going to be ready early? For Fucks sake people - share the info!!!!
Oh well, maybe you should just pass me the damned doughnuts. If I'm going to be forced into a C-section at least I should enjoy the damned ride.
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/26/2008 12:21:00 AM
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Well, I'm exhasted, so this is going to be short...
Earlier today I felt what appeared to be 2 "gushes" of amnio fluid, and my contractions started up in earnest. Not terribly painful, but very much like those you get during those first days of a period.
So, we called the not-so-nice OB that is on for today and went off to L&D to try our luck at Baby-birthday Roulette.
We called my folks and put them on standby for heading to Atl, told Humphries kitty we'd be back soon, and calmly made our way to the car with all of our assorted junk.
After checking in at L&D, we walked about a mile to the surgical wing of L&D (you know, I always thought they made you use a wheelchair. I really could have used one today too!). With a breech baby our OB does an automatic C-section, so no Labor room for us.
The wonderful nurse we had went through all of the normal medical history questions, while I was on a monitor, and several contractions were recorded - one good size one, the others were less impressive.
She then did an amnio dip stick test, which came back negative. Ah, are we going home then? Spin the baby-birthday wheel... Nope, these tests CAN come back false negative.
She did an ultrasound. Is there enough fluid? Yep, no sign of fluid issues. Ah, are we going home then? Spin the wheel... Nope, the OB has ordered a cervix check.
What's this on the US? The Baby is back head down!!! OMG! No way! Yep, but not engaged in the pelvis. Ah, are we going home then? Spin the wheel... Nope, still gotta do the cervix check.
Cervix check showed high and long, but seems to be starting to dialate a small, tiny, little bit. Ah, are we going home then? Spin the wheel... Nope, gotta call the OB and give her the results... It is her call.
Wait for it... Wait... Wait....
Yep, all clear, you can go home now!
Grrrrrrrrrrr... Three hours later we are released to go wait some more. Our nice nurse says, "So, we'll be seeing you again soon."
I'm exhausted, and frustrated, and still a bit contracty. I wanna have this baby today! I'm just really ready to be done with this part. Ugh!
We go see the Peri tomorrow. He said over the phone on Friday that he is thinking of moving up our C-section/induction earlier than March 5th. So, we'll see tomorrow what he thinks.
Hurry up and wait!
Hurry up and wait!
Hurry up and wait!
Hurry up and wait!
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/24/2008 06:02:00 PM
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Well, butter my butt and call me a biscut.
The baby is breech again. A frank breech, which means that the baby's feet are up around its ears. Sounds like fun, huh? You know, it also sounds about like my level of tolerance for being pregnant right now.
Now they are telling me that even if I go into labor naturally I'll be having a C-section, unless the baby turns again. The earliest they will intervine is 39 wks; March 5th is our scheduled date. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to do anything to endanger our child, but are you really sure that 38 wks isn't just as good? I mean the baby IS 8 lbs already! Geesh!
I know that all of you are going to want to say very soothing things, and you really might not understand or agree with my level of frustration. I know you'll be thinking things like: You've got a healthy baby on the way! You can wait just a few more days! It'll be OK! You can make it!
Just Don't. OK? Resist. Because I don't want to hear it. I want this baby out - NOW wouldn't be too soon.
I started having more painful a.k.a. productive-feeling contractions last night. I really was lulled into thinking it was close now, really close. Only to find out that all that was a ruse - the baby was just turning.
- I can't sleep, unless you count 1 hour intervals as sleep.
- It hurts to walk
- The massive heartburn has started again today, baby is pushing on my tummy again
- GD means I can't eat the things I want, which as a "foodie" is true torture
- I'll keep lancing my finger 4 times per day until baby is here
- I just want a fucking donut, I cried today because I wanted a donut, it's so fucking sad
- My pelvis separates every few hours, which hurts like nothing I've ever fucking experienced
- I've been home alone almost all day every day since December 1st. Since 99% of my friends work during the day.
- I've got 6 to 8 wks more of solitary confinement to do once baby is born.
- I've finished all the cleaning, organizing the house, and bullshit tasks I can think of
- I'm so freaking bored I've started sleeping to pass the time
- I'm getting depressed
I know I'll make it. I know. Once baby is here and I've started not sleeping for a different reason I'll probably regret "rushing". So, I'll have this post to remind me how miserable I am. Right?
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/21/2008 02:32:00 PM
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Below are unedited photos of the nursery! One thing to note is that all of the purple (some look more like blue) colors in the room are actually the same color purple, but you know how pictures are - different materials show up different colors. Meh.
I painted all of the shelves and wall hangings myself. They look particularly blue in the pics, which is frustrating to me. :) I am looking forward to hanging the dragonfly canvases - there is one that is blank, but it is just waiting for the baby's name.
The dollhouse is the one I referred to before. My Daddy made it for me for my 5th Christmas. I can't tell you the amount of mileage that one dollhouse has on it. The best part? It spins!
It is sitting on a pedestal, which puts it at about seated-child height. The pedestal is setup so that the whole house spins on its axis, which makes it VERY easy to play with, even as an adult. :) It is less back-breaking than a typical floor-bound house. Not that I'd know... Not that I've had two 4 yr old girls make me get my barbies out recently. No, not me!
BTW - the consignment sale was GREAT! I really racked up! They have this sale every 6 months, so I'll extend an open invitation now to those that would like to join me for the next one! :) They had baby and kids toys, gear, clothes, and everything else you can imagine. The clothes ranged from NB to preteen for both boys and girls. It was like going to Bab.ies R Us on consignment. To weird, but wonderful.
I found a changing table I really like, and hubby agrees it goes perfectly in our downstairs bathroom - it doesn't look so much like a changing table, which is good for our decor. :) That and a couple of toys that will be great for baby. :)
I also bought lots of unisex clothes, and I splurged on some gender-specific things for both girls and boys. I got whole bags of socks/hats/booties/bibs for $ 2-3 each. My favorite buy of the day was a take-home outfit for a boy. I saw this same romper at a boutique for $80, and I lusted over it. Today I found very much the same thing, new, for $15. Woo Hoo! Score!
I wore myself out, and had to come home and take a nap, but man I felt good about spending my money well. Hubby agrees that I did very well, which of course makes me feel even better about my day.
On to the pictures!
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/19/2008 11:24:00 PM
Monday, February 18, 2008
Full Term! We actually made it to Full Term! I think our Peri was quite impressed with that fact as well. :)
Peri Apt today - everything looked very good. The baby is measuring at approx 8lbs, which means we've managed to slow down the growth a bit. Now we are averaging about 1/2 lb per week. Yay!
Our Peri is now talking more and more about 39 weeks, which is no fun for ME, but should be good for baby. It does mean that we will get closer and closer to a 10 lb baby the longer it stays in. Yikes! But at least people are no longer talking about mayhem and disaster at this point!
The contractions I've been having are getting stronger and more frequent, but not more regular. I keep hoping that baby will desire to escape any minute, but for now it just appears to be irritating my uterus, not really trying to make an appearance.
For the last 2 or 3 nights I've gotten no sleep. I'm getting 2 to 2 1/2 hrs at a stretch and then being woken up by either hip pain or a contraction. Blech. So, I've been adding mid-day naps to my routine. I guess that means I'm at least a little lucky to not be working at the moment, huh? :)
According to all the Docs these no-pattern not-actually-ready contractions can last for days or weeks. I've seen enough on all of your own blogs to know that they can actually go on for MONTHS. Which of course is kinda cruel, since it is like your body is saying "Hurry up and wait!", but don't plan anything 'cause we could blow any minute!
Tomorrow, if all stays the same on the baby-front, I'm going with my good friends S&S to to a giant baby-stuff consignment sale . This is supposed to be the mother of all baby-related sales! I'm really looking forward to it! :) I hope to be able to pick up one or two things for baby that are nice-to-haves, but I'm not planning on overdoing it. We really seem to have most of what we need, so everything else is simply gravy.
If any of you ladies are in or near Atlanta, and you haven't heard of this sale, you just HAVE to go - really, they have everything from newborn - toddler clothing to cribs - toddler beds and everything in between. I've heard that the "gear" room looks like a "sea of excersaucers". I've copied the sale information for you below.
The Spring Kidsignments Sale!
This event is only held twice a year at the Gwinnett County Fairgrounds so don't miss this event. The event dates and times are:
Tues. Feb. 19 9am -7pm (no infants, children, strollers, carriers until after 2pm)
Wed. Feb. 20 9am -7pm
Thurs. Feb. 21 9am -7pmFri.
Feb. 22 9am -6pm (Friday-Items are 25% off unless tag has a 'NR')
Sat. Feb. 23 9am -6pm (Saturday-Items are 1/2 price unless tag has a 'NR')
Remember, you need to bring a good size container (or two) when you come to shop (a wagon or large bin on wheels would be the idea)! There are so many wonderful items that you will want to buy that you will need something big to carry them in. Remember that the checkout lines can be very long on the first sale day so please make sure to bring (if you can) a friend, your list, a book (for the line), a snack and patience.
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/18/2008 10:29:00 PM
ME Gregory asked for instructions on making the Dragonfly Mobile - so here goes! I’ve drawn a crude diagram of my mobile to help you see more clearly how the pieces go together.
- Wire Cutters
- Needle-nose pliers
- Good sharp scissors (scrapbooking scissors are great for this)
- Fishing line - clear nylon looks best
- Needle with eye big enough to thread with fishing line.
- Cutouts of your favorite animal/insect. These need to be about the size of your palm, but various sizes make it interesting and fun. Just don't get too small. My dragonflies were Wallies (wallpaper cutouts), which I got from Target online, or you can buy many other shapes here: http://www.wallies.com/list/cutouts/kids_stuff/page-1
- 1 Pkg straight florist wire (not the kind on the roll). You can get this from the florist shop of your nearest Michaels or Hobby Lobby. Each piece of wire is around 12" to 15" long - comes in green and silver.
- Very lightweight cardboard. I re-used the thin printed cardboard inserts that come in bed sheet and baby blankets packages.
- Double-stick tape tabs, like you use for scrapbooking
1. Cover the back of the animal cutouts liberally with double-stick tape tabs.
2. Stick the cutouts to the cardboard
3. Carefully cut around each animal shape. Then layout your shapes by weight - heavy to light - this will help with balancing.
Mobile Construction Instructions:
I did a lot of this by feel, so you'll have to experiment with lengths, sizes and weights... Your goal is to have each wire weighted on each end with an animal/shape, or more wire, so that it balances when held at the center loop.
Using your wire cutters, cut one florist wire to about 12". Then, using your needle-nose pliers, make a loop in the center of the wire and at each end (fig. A).
Cut another piece of wire to about 6”, make a loop on one end and a hook on the other – looks like a question mark. This will be your hanging hook. Use fishing line to connect these two pieces at the center loop so that your mobile will turn freely (shorter fishing line looks best – 2-3” max).
Now cut 2 pieces of wire to about 8" to 10" and make loops at the center and ends of these pieces (fig. B). Use fishing line to hang each Fig. B wire from the Fig. A wire. Don’t make the line too long, as it won’t look good. If you leave a long-ish tail on your lines you can lengthen the hanging lines at the end during the finishing/balancing process.
String a long piece of fishing wire through your needle.
Insert the needle into the backside of your animal/shape, near the middle. Putting the hole closer to the top keeps your animal's head up. :) Bring the needle back through the shape to the backside. Keep the holes close together, like you would when sewing a button. Tie off one end of the fishing line at your shape's backside.
Pass the needle through the loop on one end of your 8-10" wire and tie it off. Leave a long tail so that you can adjust the height later.
To hang a 2nd shape from the first (as in Fig. D), simply hang the 2nd shape from the loop on the front-side/bottom of the 1st shape. It will look like one long string that way.
Remember, the key to this is balance. So, to balance out a 2-shape string that has 2 heavy shapes on it (like figure D) you can make a smaller 5-7” wire hanger, and hang 2 lighter shapes from it. When they are hung from a Figure B wire they will balance. J
A more complex-looking mobile has hangers like figure C, where one side of the hanger is shorter than the other. To balance it requires that you put a lighter shape/smaller shape on one side and a heavier one on the other. They will balance, and it will look really neat!
Another option is to hang some of the smaller shapes from the middle-loop on one of your hangers (Fig. E).
Once you have tied all of your pieces and hangers together in a shape that seems pleasing you will want to hang the mobile from a doorway to make any needed adjustments. I found that hanging the mobile from a coat hanger gave me a good height for working.
You will then work on lengthening and shortening your fishing wires so that they are spaced to allow the mobile to turn freely. You may need to add shapes to add weight. On mine I added bits of colored curling ribbon to add very small amounts of weight and some color; as well I added bits of curled wire here and there when more weight or interest was needed.
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/18/2008 11:40:00 AM
Friday, February 15, 2008
OK, several of you have asked for pictures... Gemini Girl REALLY wants to know what the deal is with no pictures of me, ever. Well, I'll tell you what the deal is - I don't have any. No shit, really don't have any. Oh, and I HATE posting multiple pictures on Blogger - I CANNOT get it to just freaking post my pictures like I want them. OMG!!!!!
- I've had pictures taken at our showers, but no one has sent me any of them.
- I've had belly pictures made at a studio, but we just got them back and haven't scanned them in yet (I gave them to hubby to do last night).
Dragonflies mobile I made for baby's room:
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/15/2008 07:09:00 PM
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/15/2008 06:11:00 PM
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Serenity, over at Serenity Now! talked in her post about a fear that she and I seem to share. I didn't think this was a common fear, but just maybe it is... A fear of washing the baby's things before it gets here. Specifically, clothing.
See, I've been having the same fear since Thanksgiving, when we had our first (very early) baby showers. Since then I haven't been able to bring myself to wash anything... Especially clothes... A couple of weeks ago I managed to force 2 recieving blankets, 2 crib sheets and 1 "Ultimate Crib Sheet" past my fears. Pure logic took over in that debate - I needed these things as soon as baby was home, and I wouldn't feel like changing bedsheets. That's it though, and our baby is due in 3 wks or less.
It is a weird feeling though, because I can't figure out why I am behaving like this. There seems to be some deep-seated need to protect my child, maybe I'm trying to avoid cursing baby by taking it for granted that baby will survive. I guess when I think about it, it seems like our infertility struggles have left me feeling that everytime I get comfortable with some progress towards having a baby the worst happens. I guess you'd call it "gun shy" at this point.
I confessed this clothes washing issue/fear to my Mom, her friend, and my cousin this past weekend before the baby shower. My intention had been to have them descend upon the baby's room like a pack of crazed Moms, take the clothing and necessary things hostage, and force-wash them while I looked on in terror.
Instead, my Mom said something very comforting and really quite amazing... She said, I'll be here to do the washing for you, so if it doesn't feel OK to do it now I'll just do it later. There is no reason for you to force yourself to do something that feels uncomfortable or that makes you think you are "jinxing the baby's well being".
I tear up just thinking about it - my Mom hasn't always supported and understood the IF fears and pains, but she said it is OK for me to still be terrified that this won't work. She finally gets it, and that means alot.
I can't believe it... I'm crying simply because my Mom acknowledged that it is OK for me to be scared. This woman is so strong that it is never OK to be scared. Maybe she's been a little scared too?
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/13/2008 06:44:00 PM
Sunday, February 10, 2008
We had an amazing weekend!
Mom (Nana), JA, and cousin P came down for the weekend! We had a WONDERFUL weekend being silly and having a good visit. We talked over all kinds of baby feelings, baby advice, baby movements and such silliness. I felt like I was sooooo close to joining their "Mommy Club". They were asking so much about the pregnancy that I felt included in a whole new world - a secret world reserved for "those in the know".
We all went to dinner on Friday night at a very yummy Thai place and had a wonderful time - cousin P's friend Randy came with his girlfriend Sandra. Sandra speaks almost no English, so Randy translated for us. Then Bo "tried out" his Spanish, and did very well conversing with her. She seemed to appreciate talking with him directly. Then cousin P, Randy and Sandra, and JA went out dancing at a place called Johnny's Hideaway. They seem to have had a great time dancing the night away. I was really glad to see them get out as cousin P is recently divorced and hasn't been out on the town in a REALLY long while. She looked all pink-cheeked and happy when she came home. SO great!
On Saturday, my best girlfriends Miss S, Cc, and DD held a co-ed shower for us and the baby here at our house. They made it so wonderful and beautiful, we were just bowled over! Flowers and streamers and baby-themed things were everywhere! There was so much pink and blue that it looked like a nursery exploded in our downstairs! About 16-18 of our friends joined us, and we ate and talked and laughed all afternoon. The presents were piled so high, and people were so generous! We feel so blessed to have such good friends and such an amazing support network.
The funny thing is, I am always amazed when people give me presents. I never think of myself as a person that others are terribly supportive of. I have lots of friends, several very close ones, but I never really feel like I'm part of the "in crowd". Then a party of this kind happens (our Wedding for example) and I am bowled over by how many people seem to love and care for me. Everyone is genuinely happy for us and cannot wait until our little dream is safely in our arms. It amazes me anew...I guess in a way, I've created my own "crowd to be in".
In a way it is sad that at 34 I'm still insecure and feel those high school pressures to fit in. Then again, I am quite confident and sure that I'm "good enough" and deserve the good things in life, so I guess I'm satisfied that I've grown up a bit overall. I wonder, do those childhood insecurities ever really go away? I'm beginning to think they lessen, but never really go away...
I sacred Bo earlier this week, I told him I was going to get him during the shower, because he was going to have to announce what each present and its use. He is constantly befuddled by what all these "baby thingys" are. I ALMOST forgot about my promise, so mid-opening I asked Dad what one of the more unusual presents was. He looked at it for a moment, read the package, and said, "It's a Boppy!", which he thought would get him off the hook. Nah! "What do you use it for?" He beamed and said, "You bop the baby with it!", which drew loads of laughs from the guests. We really had a great time opening all the cute and cuddly and very practical things. It was such fun!
Later that night we made homemade pizza and just relaxed after a long day of baby showering. :) We sat around listening to music and swapping stories about babies with Miss S, her hubby R, their daughter Miss Em, and our visiting crew. We had a great time talking it up and watching Miss Em (who is 4 going on 16) do her "dance routine". She was so terribly cute, but some of the moves left her Dad ready to lock her up until she's 30. I think his discomfort was the funniest part of the evening! Bo was laughing at R until he was reminded that he MIGHT have a little girl of his own on the way. LOL - Priceless! It was a very nice time, indeed.
Well, turn out the lights before you leave... I'm going to bed... I seem to have developed a nasty cold. I'm coughing and hoarse and it's harder than ever to breathe - should be this way for at least a few days. Blech.
Don't forget to vote on the sidebar for the sex of the baby and when you think it'll be here!!!
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/10/2008 12:27:00 PM
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Rather than steal Rotten Correspondent's comment section, I thought I'd share my new-found favorite FAST recipe with you all! In her Thursday Three post, she asked what our favorite pasta dishes are, and I've created one recently that is, to me, wonderful and worth sharing!
I'm all about cheating when I cook - so my fav pasta dish right now is Crabcakes with Broccoli Fettuccini Alfredo. Then, the next night I use the leftover pasta to make Parmesan Chicken Broccoli Alfredo. Genius, no?
I buy a package of frozen Shaw's Original Crab Cakes (delicious, a bit spicy, and you wouldn't know they aren't freshly made), a box of fettuccini pasta, a bag of frozen broccoli, and a jar of Bertoli's Alfredo sauce.
I put the crabcakes in to bake for 20 - 25 mins while I thaw the broccoli in a bowl of water and start the pasta cooking. Once the pasta is done I drain it and pour in the alfredo sauce (1/3 to 1/2 jar will do for 4 servings of pasta). I add about 1/4 cup of milk to thin the sauce, and then add the broccoli (I chop mine into finer pieces as I add it). Reduce the sauce for a good 5 mins.
Interestingly enough, I find that if I start the water boiling when I put the crabcakes in everything is ready to go at about the same time. Even though the pasta is supposed to only take 10 - 12 mins to cook. Meh, I'm no chef, but I seem to be loosing some minutes somewhere... :)
You know, those seasoning mixes that you are supposed to add to oil and dip your bread into? Well, they just happen to make one hell of a chicken seasoning! I have a jar of the seasonings with 4 or 5 blends in it, and I just choose the one that suits me for that evening.
So, on night # 2, I sauté chicken tenderloin or cutlets in bread-dip seasoning typically I choose "parmesan basil". Then I pour the leftover pasta and broccoli into the skillet, add some of the leftover alfredo sauce from the jar, if I think it needs it, and a bit more milk. I bring it to serving temp and yell for hubby to come eat!
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/07/2008 03:14:00 PM
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
I've gotten into the political spirit today, I guess. Although, I'm not known as a super political creature normally. :)
On the sidebar you will find 2 polls - they both end on 2/12/08.
1) What is the baby's sex? Note: there is no choice for "other" because I'm guessing the Peri would have warned us about that already. :)
2) When will the baby arrive? This poll is in 1/2 week increments - the week starts on Monday in my case, so imagine Thursday is split in two for ease of voting. If you think the baby will be here after 40 wks then you don't know me very well, and you don't deserve to vote! LOL
I look forward to your predictions! Let the games begin!
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/05/2008 07:01:00 PM
Monday, February 4, 2008
Well, I seem to have done well at managing my GD diet. :) The baby is measuring in around 7 lbs, which is still big, but not out of the ballpark of reasonable. The amniotic fluid is now within upper-normal ranges, which is very good indeed!
The Peri liked the GD numbers, but asked me to watch my daily fasting numbers in case they start to get out of hand. It seems that gestational diabetes gets harder to control as your pregnancy progresses. So, we'll see...
The baby is back head down again!! Wooo Hooo!! Gotta love that! When we found that it had flipped back to breech last week I was so disheartened and would have voted for an immediate C-section just to be done with all the trouble. :( Yah, I know, silly idea, but one that was very appealing non-the-less, even though it WAS NOT on offer by any of my Drs.
It really is amazing how far up and down the roller coaster goes based on this news or that isn't it?
So, overall the pregnancy seems to be on track again, and we are looking at a guesstimated arrival between 37 and 38 wks. I'm guessing they won't let me go much beyond 38 1/2 wks due to the baby's weight - it should be hovering at 9 1/2 lbs by then, at least.
Thank you to everyone for your advice and insight on cord blood banking. I've checked into the free donor programs, but there are none that participate with my hospital. That is kinda sad too, since my hospital does the most births in the US - bar none. Anyway, I don't have any options for that. The only option then becomes the self-banking, which is mucho-expensive for people down to one income. It is about $2000 to get setup - not chump change. I'm thinking that unless I get a job offer within the next 2 wks I'll have to forego it.
OOOoh, just realized something... I am technically in another 2ww, aren't I? Funny how that particular devil never really goes away. :\
Also, Blogger's spellcheck isn't working so - don't sweat it if you see a typo! LOL :)
Posted by Nearlydawn at 2/04/2008 09:18:00 PM