Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Everybody Dance Now!

We had a follow-up 9 1/2-wk US with the RE today.
A dancing gummy bear has never looked so sweet, I'll assure you. Baby B is measuring right on track, and is dancing up a storm - waiving it's little arms and leggies.
I have to say, I'm very excited, and starting to look forward to November. I know, it's early, and things can certainly still go wrong, but I'm going to try to enjoy this damn it. For as long as I'm allowed. Maybe I'll even act blissfully ignorant that anything CAN go wrong. That would be a novel approch, huh? :)
I was sad to see that Baby A wasn't actully there and thriving... as expected though, it is shrinking. You know, even when you know the truth, you still want them to be wrong. Then again, I'm still OK that there's only one baby. It's an odd mix of emotions.
I've setup my Perinatologist's vist for May 10th - 12 wks3d.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

And Then There Was One...

We can all stop guessing now, which will hopefully mean less nightmares for me...
The US showed that baby A had no heartbeat. It had put up the good fight, and had grown by about a week, but it didn't make it.  Baby B is measuring on track and had a nice, strong, audible heartbeat.
I am supposed to come into the RE's office again next week to see that Baby B stays on track and isn't compromised by the loss of Baby A. Hopefully it will simply be quietly absorbed and won't cause any issues. In rare circumstances this kind of loss will cause cramping or bleeding, but other times there are no symptoms at all.
I guess I'm a little sad, but I'm also thankful. I know from all of your experinces that there is so much that can go wrong with a twin pregnancy. It was hard enough to have 1, much less raise one, without increasing the risks. I think I'll consider myself overall lucky, even though I think deep down I'll miss not having our "almost" family of 5. See... That's the world of what-if and it will always niggle at me just a little.
Our baby girl that we lost last October was due yesterday. I shed a few tears, and mourned her loss just a little. The outlook for the current baby(ies) was still unknown, and was causing me stress frankly, but the thought of a bright future helped greatly to carry me along though the tears.
On the flip side, being pregnant has also been very hard on my emotions this time... I tell you, I can cry at the breaking of a shoelace. Really folks, I'm not a not a crier, so this is very odd indeed. :)

Friday, April 16, 2010

Waiting and thinking

I've been thinking a lot about the babies. I've also been doing all I can to give the little one it's best chance. I'm taking all my meds and being sure to keep myself lower stress.

Who knows if it will make a difference, but it's the best I can think of.

I'm still convinced I'll be OK if there is only one on the next US. I'll be sad, of course, but our goal is as always happy and healthy.

The next US is Wednesday. I'm trying to keep it off my mind until then. It's hard not to think what-if though.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Boo Life Lessons

Yesterday I was driving through one of "those intersections" - you know the ones where you KNOW there will be at least 1 fool who will try to hit you (or make you hit them).

In this particular intersection people us a "go straight" lane to force their way into line on an on-ramp instead of getting into the on-ramp lane. I have grown tired of the stpidity, and was determined to be prepared for the fool yesterday.

So I stayed close to the car in front of me (but not too close). As I entered the on-ramp I didn't see a fool, but I KNEW there was one!

Sure enough, a grey Volvo race up beside me and tried to force their way into my lane, even though there was NO ROOM.

I rufused to make room and I laid on the horn. At 1st I think I scared the driver in front of me, but the held steady and kept the gap closed. That volvo rode 80% of the ramp in the emergency lane, until she finally gave up and dropped behind me.

I felt vindicated, until I heard a loud reprimand from the back seat, "NOT NICE MOMMY!".

Since then I've question was I doing right, or was I just being not nice? I KNOW the other person was in the wrong, but should I have relented? I'm not sure - when I thought about how to explain it, I couldn't. ;)

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Monday, April 12, 2010

Good Days and Bad Days Should Be Different Days

Bad Day Example:
Hubby's father died this morning - it was expected, but still sad. He's been pretty bad off for a few weeks now, it was unexpected that TODAY would be the day. Luckily Hubby had taken me up on my offer for him to stay longer - he cancelled his flight and was able to be there for his Dad's last few moments.

Good Day Example:
The US this morning showed a heartbeat! We have 1 baby measuring right on time with an audible heartbeat! YAY.

Undecided Day Example:
The US this morning showed a 2nd heartbeat. The 2nd baby is measuring quite a bit behind, possibly as much as a week. The Undecided part is how this will turn out, as well as how I'm dealing with it. I was all a bit strange and stressful. I want both to have the second one survive and also for this to be a singleton. How do I resolve that... Really. I'm sure nature will resolve it either way.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Cousins Make Good Friends

I'm sitting here on my couch, trying to get some work in before my son, brother, and niece wake up. My neice (14) slept in my son's (2) room last night, and they are slowly waking to each other's company.  
Neither my neice or my son seem to realize that I'm awake, so I'm being treated to little snatches of whispered conversation over the video monitor. They are talking, playing with toys, and in general having a good time. I'd hate to spoil their fun by letting them know I'm awake and there's no need to be secretive. :)
I sure hope we'll get to do something fun today - I'm thinking the zoo, or one of our many great playground/parks.
We have a great playground system here - before I had kids I had NO idea... Now I'm starting to learn about them and take in their amenities. Who knew I'd be one to say "Let's go to to the park!" on a long and lazy Saturday afternoon. I love their play structures - they are big and strong enough for adults to play too. Wheeeeeeee!
The "new bump" seems to be hanging in there. Nothing new to report there, just that no news seems to be good news for now. I have my 1st US on Monday. I'm kinda calm about it, but a little anxious about it too. I feel like everything is OK, whereas I didn't last time pretty much from the start.
My 1st OB appointment is set for 4/21. I cried at the irony of it, both the joy and greif. My lost baby was due on 4/20. I'm so sad she is gone, but happy to be pregnant again, so the pain is greatly lessened.
I haven't been keeping up lately with everyone - lately I've been in bed just mins after putting my little on to sleep. I seem to be starting to get my energy back though, so maybe I'll be able to catch up soon. Hope everyone is doing well.

-- Protect the time and space to carry out your dreams -----