Monday, November 24, 2008

How is it, being 8 months old?

Well, Jim seems to like being 8 months old just fine... Then again, he would probably say something more like:

At least, that is until When Mommy...

... leaves the room to run a quick errand in the kitchen.

... won't help me pull up to standing so I can knock all the books in the floor.

... won't give me a bottle 30 mins after my last one.

... insists that I sit instead of stand.

... won't hold me upright while I flail about on the couch cushions for the umpteenth time today.

... wants me to play by myself for just 5 minutes.

... wants to do much of anything besides smile and play with me.

Other than these things, I'm thinking he is having a BALL! :) Little man is somewhere around 24 lbs now! He was just shy of this mark at his last appointment a couple of weeks ago. Wow.

Jim is able to stand for long stretches of time without his legs giving out. He isn't really into taking steps of any kind, but we are working on the concept.

When he has desires that are out of his reach he sorta leans - Tower of Piza style - until he can reach it. Unfortunately without Mommy's supporting hands this method isn't likely to result in more than a bite of carpet. So, we are trying to help him learn to move one foot for bracing support during leaning. Yeah, it isn't sinking in yet, but methinks more carpet biting may help.

Little man has decided to start throwing baby tantrums. When he doesn't get what he wants he lies face down on the floor and sobs while banging his little head into the floor or back of his hands. I'm not really sure why he continues to do this as it has netted him nothing but bites of carpet. Maybe I should be more specific though, to be fair - he only throws tantrums when he is forced to spend time on his tummy/back. He really, really HATES to do tummy-time.

Frankly, I'm wondering if/when he'll figure out that he has WAY more mobility when he's doing tummy-time. Man can that boy roll! He doesn't crawl yet, but he is starting to scoot using his arms and legs. So cute.

I feel the need to perform a public service for all those new Moms out there. Pu.blic Message - If your baby can roll they CAN get into trouble, quickly. Let me illustrate with a story:

I laid Jim on his belly on the right side of the den and quickly went to the kitchen to get a paper towel to clean up kitty food that had been violently rejected by Humphries Kitty. By the time I returned to Jim, who can normally barely scoot, he had traveled the entire 20 feet of the room and had smeared kitty hork up the sleeves of both arms, on his face, and it appears into his mouth. Luckily my boy isn't the very best at getting food into his mouth on his own. Thank God for small favors. Yuck.

OK, how about some cuteness?

Cool Weather and a Cooler Blanket!!

Well, well what do know? Our freezing-ass den is still just as ass-freezing now that we have a baby! In the 4 years since we've lived here it has always been a surprise to me just how COLD that room can get. I'm usually such a fast learner. Weird.

So, I went to the local cloth store looking for fleece to make my little man a new blanket to use as a playmat. I really didn't want to go with baby colors, since he is totally not a baby anymore - he's 8 mos old people! I mean, come on!

So, I looked at the primary colors, but didn't want to be all red and blue just because he's a boy. I didn't want to be green and brown, too drab. I didn't want to be all one color either... What is a Mother who wants to raise a cool child to do?

Me? I thought WWJD... You know, what would Julie do, over at A Little Pregnant (like I actually had to tell you who I meant!)...

I hope you find that my muse has served me well.








Love you Jim!

Be cool,
but not cold!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Happy Almost Halloween Jim!!

Can I just tell you all that we are totally lucky parents so far? Our boy is smiley and happy so very much of the time. He is adorable. He loves people. He loves to be out in a crowd and make eyes at the ladies. He's great in restaurants. He can entertain himself or he can be the center of the party - either way, he's happy. Everyone loves our boy. Strangers comment on how amazing his smile is - it is infectious. He lights up our world. Sometimes, I get scared, I feel that I will jinx our good fortune by speaking of it... that the fates will come down on our heads and rob us of our joy.

However, I realized tonight that if I don't write about it then I just might loose the record of my boy's amazing effect on people. If, Heaven forbid, something terrible should happen to my boy, it would be sad to have never celebrated his beauty and charm. You see that's all there is - today. That's it. Today is done so far as it goes and tomorrow is not gauranteed. So, while I'm tempting fate by saying so - I want to shout from the treetops - My boy is a wonder, a joy, and a light and happy place in my otherwise dull world - everytime I look at him he lights up and that makes me light up too. Thank you, Jim for being so wonderful.

From the cuteness below you can't tell that my boy was sick, sick, sick on the day of this photo shoot. We have no doubt that Jim would have preferred to be home, cuddled up with one of us, instead of being put under bright lights and made to smile. However, he is darned cute, and we are so glad to have such great photos of him.

Jim is now sitting up on his own, eating level 2 and 3 foods - over the last week I've started introducing some table foods in tiny, tiny bites. Tiny as in I cut one piece of macaroni and cheese into 3rds so I could give it to him to try. It isn't really a fear of choking that I was dealing with, just a fear of ruining an outfit since he wasn't wearing a bib and I was too lazy to go get one, but he wanted to try my food sooooo badly. :)

Jim is now saying several words - Momma, Dada, Nana, MMMmmm (for hungry), and he is trying to add the word Kitty.

It is really great playing with Jim - he is so amazing. A couple of weeks ago he learned to pass a ball by rolling it back and forth with you. He's learning about gravity by dropping things from his highchair or my lap - he loves this game as it is parent-interactive. :) He's beginning to get his knees under him and rock back and forth, so all he needs to do is add some extra arm stregnth and he's going to be off his tummy! Yesterday he started standing while holding onto a chair, and while he can't pull up yet he's working on it!

I think we need to lower his crib tomorrow night... He is now able to peek over the side by pushing up on his arms - luckly he can't pull up or I think he could go over the side!

Our boy has moved on to size 4 diapers! For anyone that doesn't know, once your baby starts having blowouts and leakages from his once-perfectly-sized diapers it is time to shift up to the next size, most likely. Our daycare, who should certainly understand this phenomenon was slow on the uptake. They tried really hard to ruin about 14 outfits by refusing to use the larger size diapers we provided for 2 weeks. I finally explained that they would be getting a bill for replacing his clothing if he came home one more time in a size 3 diaper.

What we finally figured out was that they were borrowing from another kid's stash instead of using the diapers in Jim's bin. While this is cool in the "money saved by not using my diapers" way, it is also a little bit frustrating to know they could also be "borrowing" from Jim's stash to diaper others. So, even though we'd provided the right size, it wasn't making it to his bottom.Grrrrrrr...

This past weekend we were away from home when Jim needed a diaper change - badly. Turns out there were NO diapers in his bag. Uh-oh. Let me say a GREAT BIG FLASHING NEON THANK YOU! to the kind lady that gave us her last size 5 diaper (her twins were now wearing 6's). Now, you could say that we were forgetful, and we deserved the embarrasment and trouble, but you would be mistaken. My hubby is the diaper-bag nazi and replenishs the bag ANYTIME we use something AS SOON as we get home.

I'll give you 1 guess what happened to his diapers. Yep, the daycare people. Turns out they have been taking his diapers from his bag instead of getting them out of the bin marked "Jim" in the closet. Grrrrrrrr.... Guess what else. This isn't the 1st time that has happened, I just hadn't heard about it.

I'm thinking the daycare people are going to get a talking to on Monday. Go get'em hubby!

On to happier new... My cousin D and her hubby T of 25 years visited with us this weekend. They decided that they would like a trip to Nascar to celebrate 25 years. Congrats guys on being so happily married for so long - that is a rarity in today's fast-paced world.

Let's see... What else... Oh yeah!
Stacie, over at Here Storkey Storkey had some pretty darned good news from her babies' neuro visit this past week. At least, I will term it good news. Overall, both of her boys had really good results on their expected outlook neurologically. Her son Jason has received what could be considered "highest marks" and may not even qualify for future intervention because he may not need it!! Wooo Hoo!
There has been some arm nerve damage done to her son Shawn's arm, most likely from the craptastic job that was done fixing his shunt this summer, but all-in-all his current prognosis is a certified miracle - given that he had 8 brain surgeries in 8 weeks. Go Shawn!!! Keep working hard on the rehab of your arm, I know it is tough, and I know you hate it, but it will be worth it when you are able to give that neuro-nut the finger! :) Ha!
The biggest milestone of them all is their 1 year birthdays, coming up soon, and want to give big kudos to Stacie and Issac for being so amazing in the face of such adversity. I think your biggest accomplishment was to keep your family intact during such an amazingly rough year.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Perishable Food CAN Perish!!!

I usually have a food bill in the $50 - 100 range, not counting the baby (baby food is a whole different level of pain).

THIS WEEK I realized that ALL of our non-perishable food had - perished. Yep! Almost every single can of stuff I had was well past out of date.

So, we did a very sad job, and we threw out an entire laundry basket full of canned foods. Can you imagine how much $ that was? Waste. I hate waste.

So, I went to the store to replenish with ONLY those things I actually use - tomatoes, green beans, etc.

Now, I came home with a trunk full of food, but my bill was $500.00. Can you believe that?!?!?

I managed to stammer out how much I spent... My hubby managed not to choke me. I guess that means we'll survive it.

However, I made a LIST of what's in there now, and what dinners I'm going to be using those items with. No more wasted food. Period.


Saturday, September 13, 2008

Busy, oh so busy...

Work is a bit overwhelming at the moment. I am more than overworked. I am putting my foot down about it too. I will not be used like I am being used right now. So, I feel a little better because I am taking back control of my life. *sigh*

Baby Jim has been somewhat harmed by my work issues too. He really only calls his Dada when he needs something. He really doesn't look to me for everything as a normal baby will do. While I completely appreciate my hubby, and his love and care for his boy, I am not happy that work has let me put time, care, and feeding of my boy on the back burner. :(

I DO spend time with Jim. I do not let them suck up all of my time, but I get home late enough that I only have 1 1/2 hrs with my son before he hits the hay. I don't like that part, at all. Sometimes I get home late enough that I miss feeding him dinner.

However, I've been getting up earlier and doing his morning bottle. My hubby really wants to own the morning bottle, and that is great, but my boy is such a happy morning baby. I've put my foot down about my right to feed him too, even when my hubby says, "but he's calling for Dada!". Yep, and he'll never call for Mama if he doesn't get any quality time with me.

We've gotten the go-ahead to put Jim on 2nd level foods! He can have MEAT! I've not bought any of the meats yet, but I did buy a boatload of 2nd level food. Target had the large tubs on sale for $ .89 each! Normally these things are $1.19 - 1.39! I stocked up. I sure hope he loves what I chose. Of course, with that kinda price I have a cheap way to find out that he doesn't like a flavor, eh?

I also bought him some "big boy" bibs too... He needed ones made for catching food vs. milk. Carrots and white terrycloth do not mix well. :( The new bibs have Dr. Seuss on them - so cute! One of them is from the Green Eggs and Ham book, and it says "I will not eat them on a train... etc" I think it is a very funny thing indeed...

Oh, and Jim is now able to sit up by himself!!!!!! Woooo Hoooo! A whole new world has opened up to him. He still falls over, mostly backwards. We just set him back up and off he goes again. Hubby said I should get him some Weebles so he learns how this is supposed to work. LOL

This weekend I'm painting the trim (lower 1/2 of the wall) in my dining room. We'll see how it goes, it is a very big job...

Hope everyone out there is having a good one. I've missed you all. I hope to get time to catch up on your stories today...

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Ah, yeah, I'm Still Here...

Sorry, haven't posted in a while - long story as to why... Work. That would sum it up the most succinctly! Oh, but everyone of you should know, without a doubt, that work HAS NOT interfered with my baby boy's time with me. I have simply worked later in the evenings.

I am living my mantra - "Protect the time and space to carry out your dreams." I will do my utmost to avoid short-changing my child.

OK, on to baby stuff, then I'm off to bed!!!!!

Jim has done 1, 2, 3, um maybe 4... oh hell, WHO KNOWS how many wonderful things since we last talked!

Two weeks ago he started consistently rolling from his belly to his tummy. YAY!
This week, he started rolling from his back to his tummy! DOUBLE YAY!
Today, he rolled way far away from me (about 2 ft), then decided to come back. Unfortunately, you could see his confusion when rolling didn't bring him closer to me. He had rolled allright, but it was in the wrong direction. Oops. He hasn't figured out how to switch gears and come back. LOL

Two weeks ago Jim said one of the most beautiful things I thought I had ever heard...


Which was followed very closely by the second most beautiful thing I have ever heard...


My hubby is so proud! At this point he VERY CLEARLY says Daa Dee. Inflection on both D's.

Then, last week, he said what was deffinately the really, truly, most wonderful thing I've ever heard.... He was sitting in his Da Dee's lap, crying, looking longingly at me, and through tears and a pouty lip he said

bmo bmo bmo bmo mo ma bma mo mo bma ma mo ma

He started out slow, but it was very, very clearly Mo ma. Wow. The little interspersed B sounds are terribly cute. :)

At this point he says Mo ma, and it is mostly when he wants my attention, or when his Da Dee is holding him and he wants me instead. When he's with me, he asks for Da Dee.

It is really great around our house. Really.


I love my boy like no other. He breathes warmth and love into my soul everytime he smiles.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Jim Is Seeing Red...

Well, pink actually...

Yep, baby boy has Pink Eye!!!! Yikes!

We are staying home tomorrow, Jim and I. I hope he's not as cranky as he was today. Jeesh.

And here I was thinking I was going to enjoy tomorrow at work. There is a big birthday party for one of the girls. I can't disclose WHAT they are going to be up to, but it was guaranteed to be fun.

Oh well.

Good times, people, good times...

Friday, July 25, 2008

Milestones at 5 Months.

What is little (big) Jim up to these days?

Sitting up assisted really well! He is getting to where he only needs some correction to keep from crashing to the floor. He knows to hold on and self correct (for the most part), but he forgets the whole gravity part if he sees something interesting...

Belly-laughs - playing "got your belly" is about the most fun thing imaginable for everyone involved. I hold Jim in my arms cradle-style and curl him up to my mouth with which I growl and love-bite his tum-tum. He rewards me for my workout with the GREATEST SOUND EVER! He squeals and laughs a full belly laugh over and over while I "get em'". Daddy, Mommy and Baby are loving this game.

Temper tantrums (flails his arms and legs in protest to anything frustrating). What could be frustrating him, you ask? Oh, a 5 second delay on getting the bottle to his mouth is plenty, let me tell you. I guess this isn't so different from when he was smaller - he just has the power to hurt now! Big boy = strong boy

He holds his own bottle for about 1/3 of every feeding. This is golden. :)

Is eating cereal about 1 time per day. We took video of his first food. The whole thing was so funny that we could barely feed him. He figured out really quickly that he could laugh just as I got the cereal in and it would spray rice bits all over Mommy. Isn't that fun?!?!?!

Since we've been doing this food thing for a little while (even though you guys haven't had the opportunity to follow along), I would now make an observation. Solid foods are kinda a pain, don't you think? He is terribly cute, but man oh man can he make a mess! Sticky mess! Flinging Mess! We need a dog, because Humphries hides everytime the flinging starts!

Standing! You heard it right - he is practicing standing! July 1st he was just sure he never wanted anything to do with bearing his own weight. This week he is standing for several seconds with very little support. He's getting stronger at an alarming rate! Personally, I think he is just trying to catch up to his cousin Corbin - 1 month older - who is standing so well that it is scary. That boy is going to be walking within a month. I'm sure of it! His Momma is about to be really busy. :)

Rolled Over!!!! He rolled onto his stomach while in his crib at daycare this week! They said he didn't even cry or anything. He just settled down and went to sleep that way instead. YAY!

First Fever - 103 degrees C. We ended up taking him to an Urgent Care for children. We made it just before they stopped taking patients for the evening - thank goodness! I'll have to tell the full story later, but let's just say it was "an experience".

Flat spot isn't going away... My baby's head is now more evenly flat across the back, but it isn't appearing to get better with repositioning. So, we are going to take him to get his head measured by a specialist. The appt isn't for a few weeks. If you want to read up on the process, you can read about it here: I'll fill you all in more a little later on the helmet thing... It's getting late, Momma's gotta go to bed!!!

Jim is 20 Weeks!

Well, well, well... We (Jim, Bo and I) have arrived at 20 weeks post-delivery. Wow. That seems so huge.

I remember 20 weeks being such a huge milestone in my pregnancy. It was the 1st week where I really, really felt like I could just be a pregnant lady. I wasn't "infertile" I was glowing. I wasn't "Fat" I was pregnant. I was beautiful to the world because I was going to have a baby. I started getting knowing smiles from strangers. I started to really believe I was going to be a mother. Mom. Me. Really.

Yeah, there were doubts in my mind. I had so many I won't recount them here. Let's just say that I'm OK with having doubts - they keep me grounded. I think I did pretty well at keeping things together (well, until that last couple of weeks...).

Oh, and speaking of huge... Jim was weighed last week... Oh my.

Weight: 19 1/2 lbs (off the chart, literally >100%)
Height: 25.5 (75%)
Head: 17.7 INCHES!!!! (95%)

To say our boy is big is sort-of an understatement. Then again, he is height-weight-head proportionate, so it is OK. If the Dr. isn't worried I'm not going to be worried. Well, not so much anyway.

I'll try to keep you guys more up-to-date, but I'm not promising anything. :P

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Jim 3 Months, Wk 4

Wow, the time seems to be flying these days! Jim is coming up with new things every day it seems.

Jim has been going to daycare for 3 weeks. He seems to be doing OK with it, and his daily reports say he's content and happy most of the time. I know, this is subject to change. :)

He's doing so many new things this month...

Visiting with Grandparents out of town - for a whole week!!! He started crying when we drove away - does that tell you anything about how it went?

Blowing bubbles - talk about needing a bib! This boy needs and all-day bib! Yikes.

Reaching started last month, but now? NOW he actually moves his whole body towards what he's interested in! Sometimes it is as simple as him leaning over to bring his mouth closer to a tasty bit. Other times he will actually scoot himself (on his back) towards an object of desire. He doesn't go very far very fast, but he's certainly motivated and somewhat mobile. Double-yikes!

Lets see... What else.... Oh Yeah!!!!

On Father's Day weekend....

HE STARTED ASKING FOR A BOTTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No joke.

When Jim is hungry now he'll say "MMmmmm... MMMMMmmmm... Ma ma mu mah.... mmmmmmmmm.... MMMmmmmmm...." until he gets what he wants. It is so amazingly wonderful for him to be clear about what's making him cranky! I love hearing the part where he sounds like he's saying Mama, but I'm greedy that way. LOL.

Oh, and better yet, when he's already eaten and he starts the "MMMmmmm" I know that he has gas or his tummy hurts. Babies often think they are hungry when their tummies hurt. Of course, feeding them simply results in spitup. Blech.

Three days ago he started laughing out loud. A real laugh. A belly laugh! It is so wonderful to hear him laugh. He is a total joy to behold!

Jim is ALMOST rolling over. Last night I was watching him on the monitor and saw him almost flip over in the bed. He hates to be on his tummy. So, I'm not sure what happens if he launches himself onto his face in the middle of the night. I'm expecting some crying.

Yesterday I was holding him in my lap after dinner, he was laying streched out. Well, he decided he wanted to sit up, so he did! He brought himself 75% of the way from laying down to sitting up before I figured out what the heck was going on. It was pretty amazing! Of course, I helped him the rest of the way and cheered him on.

He's found his feet! He only plays with his feet in his crib (guess he's got to be really bored or something). It is really cute to watch him tickle his own toes. :)

He's found his VOICE. His "baby voice" seems to be gone alltogether, which makes me sad. I wish I had captured more of his baby sounds on film. However, he uses his new "big boy voice" all the time! He sits and chews on his hands while squeaking and humming to himself. he seems to be making noise simply to be making noise. IT WAS cute, now it is getting tiresome. Luckily it seems to be a mostly nightime thing.

Well, as you can see, lots has happened this month. There is LOTS of cheering going on daily. He's grown so much. Go Jim! Go Jim! Rah rah rah!

He's such a sweet baby boy. I doubt you could fault me for being one happy Momma right now. :)

Sunday, June 22, 2008

A Family Vacation...

I've waited to post this until all of my little birdies returned to the nest - I figure no need to jinx myself!

We've had a VERY exciting, if nerve-wracking week, since we were each in 4 different states!!!

Mom - Seattle
Dad - San Francisco
Baby - Nashville
Humphries (kitty) - Atlanta at home

Remember I said Bo left on Sunday (Father's Day weekend) to go out of town? Well, that's where he's been for the last week. He had a Usability training conference in San Francisco.

The kicker is that work asked me, very last minute, to go to Seattle, Washington! I told them I would have to ask my parents.

I just happened to be in route to Gatlinburg, TN for our little Father's Day weekend retreat! That means I just happened to have had all the stuff to take care of baby for an extended stay! AND I just happened to be meeting up with the only people that COULD keep him for a week!! What luck!

My parents said yes to keeping Jim, and seemed kinda happy about the deal. So, I left early Monday morning for Atlanta, but without my precious boy. :(

Yes, I cried.

I came home to a sad kitty (he'd been home alone all weekend) and we loved and hugged and rubbed for hours. Humphries has been a bit short-changed since Jim arrived. He was in love with the idea that Momma was "all his" for a couple of days.

Jim went to Nashville, with my parents, on Monday. He seemed to have a fabulous time. Grandaddy took him "fishing" and Grandma took him to all of her social functions (library meetings, bridge, etc). He made lots of friends with the ladies - he's a charmer. Flirt, flirt, flirt...Flirt. He got a full-on cold mid-week, and of course this made his Mommy quite ashamed that she'd left him. Grandma said "no worries!". sniff, sniff

I left for Seattle on Wednesday morning. I had a great time meeting with our clients, eating in great seafood restaurants, and getting to know my new co-workers much better, walking around downtown. It was quite nice indeed.

My little birdies were spread out all over North America though, which has made me quite nervous. Mom and Dad on the West coast, babies on the East Coast does not make for easy sleep.

1 & 2 Home - I came home to the nest on Friday. Humphries was so terribly happy to see me!

1, 2, & 3 Home - I picked up Jim in Chattanooga on Saturday afternoon. My parents are saints and offered to bring him halfway so I wouldn't have to drive 10 hrs round-trip and stay the night in Nashville. Instead I drove 5 hrs and was home the same afternoon. Saints I tell you.

1, 2, 3, & 4 Home - Bo came in on Sunday night, late, after his boy had already gone to bed. He sure hated missing his boy's night, night hugs, but he'll get extra special hugs from him in the morning, I'm sure! :)

G'night All!

Friday, June 20, 2008

Where the Wild Things Are...

Rotten Correspondent asked "If you were signing up to spend three months in very close quarters with one or two other people, three months of hard work and lots of uncertainty, three months of totally depending on those other people (or person) to help get you all through..."

I seemed to have a lot to say on the subject, so I thought I'd post on it. I hated to kidnap her comments. :)

btw - if you've never read Rotten's blog you owe it to yourself to check it out. She always asks the greatest thought-provoking questions, and she writes some of the funniest stories about her world...

So, she was talking about a Discovery Channel show, where a bunch of groups were dropped into the Alaskan wild for 3 months. I would probably be a candidate for that show...

I would absolutely take my immediate family - my Mom, Dad and both of my brothers would be invaluable in those circumstances.

My parents both grew up on farms. My Dad is amazing at making things, like McGuyver; he knows how to grow food, and he is a very hard worker. My Mom is amazing at cooking something out of nothing, so knows how to grow food, and she is a very hard worker.

My brother W is hilarious, is the love of my life, is totally amazing at keeping the peace, and he is a very hard worker. I'd spend the 3 months in the wilderness just to get that much uninterrupted time with my brother. He's just that wonderful to be around. I miss him terribly, because I live out of state.

My other brother W is kinda a hard-headed ass, but I love him dearly. He is also mechanically amazing, like my Dad, and (you guessed it) he's a hard worker. Oh, and he's freakin' smart as all get-out. He's also easy to work with, even though he's hard-headed. Wierd, huh?

Can you sense a theme? In my family hard work is expected. You get NO respect if you are lazy. Being lazy is worse than being a total pain-in-the ass.

Also, both of my brothers hunt. Dad gave it up a while back, but I'm sure he would go out if he thought we needed him to. I'm also pretty sure could hunt too, but I wouldn't want to. I know it would hurt my feelings, but I would kill to eat. I know I would, I just really hope I never have to...

The biggest thing of all?!?! Living with my hubby has taught me that not just anyone can work well with others.

My family has ALWAYS done chores on the farm together. We still do when we get together on the farm for holidays, or to harvest vegetables and fruits for canning, etc. My hubby never had to do chores with a group, so he doesn't really understand group dynamics.

You see, he can't really just go with the flow and do what needs doing. People working together seem to unnerve him. He's cool with being around people, just not while they are working. It really sucks.

Then there is the fact that he can't do tandem chores easily. You know how when you need to move a folding table, you kinda pick up one end, someone else picks up the other, and you use head or body movements to signal your movement intent? He doesn't get that. He can't move a table without first knowing EXACTLY wher you are moving it to...who's going first...what the trajectory should be... and who is in "command" of the move. I mean, shit, it's just a freakin' table!

Anyway, he tries. He does work hard - if individually. So, you give him a task like chopping wood, he's amazing. He'll work til he drops. He'd be sad to know it, but I still wouldn't choose him for the 3 months. It boils down to needing better cooperation with my companions.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


One year ago tonight, about 15 mins from now, I was getting ready for bed - I had an early wakeup time coming! I was nervous, and quite sure that I was not going to like the outcome of the next day's events... Instead of being broken hearted once again, a year later, I am blessed with a beautiful 3 month old baby boy and a whole different life.

I am coming to understand how quickly life changes. Just when you think you know how it is going to go you find out you were completely wrong. Life is so full of twists and turns. Simply. Amazing.

I am so glad I blogged about those days leading up to retrieval. I can barely remember now how scared I was, and I had forgotten about my Retail Therapy appointment with my best friend the day before. It is amazing to me to read the stories and remember that the IV was my biggest fear about the retrieval process! So silly. I should have been worried that the procedure would work and I would have my life turned upside down in a matter of months! :) Just kidding (sort of)!

Then there is the post after my retrieval - one year ago tomorrow, June 18, 2007. My excitement is palpable as I report that we retrieved "12 eggs". And just think, my little Jim is one of those eggs. He was conceived one year ago tomorrow. Wow. I mean really. Isn't that mind blowing?

I just want to make sure all of you know that I appreciate every comment of support and acceptance I've received on this blog. Not just because you kept me sane, but also because you kept me posting. I have an irreplaceable treasure trove of memories of my struggle to bring my son to my waiting arms.

Thank you for caring enough to stick with me.

I was talking with a good friend tonight, who is very bummed that she hasn't found "Mr. Right", so she isn't on the track to have babies. I was able to relate to her our Embryoversary was tomorrow. I asked her not to count herself out just yet. A year can change so much. I pray it gave her a shimmer of hope.

I also pray that my story has helped add a shimmer of hope to those of you still waiting. I know it is hard to hold on to hope, but look what can happen in just one year.

Monday, June 16, 2008

First Father's Day Weekend

Sorry I haven't blogged in forever... I think I am finding less and less time for blogging. I think it is partly because I don't want to share family details on this blog. I find I can't tell my story straight - I have to censor and edit. This way of writing feels stunted. Not sure how I'm going to cure that issue... I might setup a private blog for the munchkin. Not sure. What do you guys think?

We have had a pretty good yet very disjointed Father's Day weekend. It all started with my hubby's crazy plan to leave town for a solid week. His planned departure was Sunday, which was during our planned Father's Day weekend in the Smokey Mountains with my family.

This would have been all well and good, but this was to be a long weekend getaway that included Monday. So, he left early in the day on Father's Day and kind-of disrupted the whole gift-giving scene.

See, my niece is autistic, and she doesn't like change. She was expecting gifts to be given out on Sunday. When she expects something you just try your darndest to keep it going on schedule. It isn't pretty when she gets unhappy.

So, we opened presents Saturday night. Sister-in-law and my niece got into a fight during the gift giving and my niece was a pain the rest of the evening. Oh well...

Bo was very, very happy to get the gift Jim "made" him... The daycare dressed Jim in a man's suit coat and a very loose tie and took his picture. Then they put the picture in a frame made of De.pot rulers. It was really very, very cute.

He also loved the gift I gave him. A week or so ago I took Jim down to Babies R Us and had his pics made in a little baseball jersey that says "Dad's team". They propped him up with a baseball, a bat and glove. He is soooooo cute. You just want to pinch his little cheeks!

I also had his pic made in a red outfit with fire trucks on it. My brother W is a fireman. I gave him and my Dad copies of this picture. My brother was so surprised to get a gift. :) I think he was really touched. I'm going to send my other brother a copy too - it is sad that he couldn't come this weekend. :( But it is just to far to travel for a weekend gig.

I have to give hubby praise where it is due - he loves his son so deeply and truly that it makes me jealous. He loves him until it hurts. I'm not jealous of his love for the baby vs. me. I'm jealous because I wish I knew for sure that I loved our son that much. I KNOW I love him, but I can't help but notice that hubby seems to love him more. I guess since it is hard to quantify love I can't be really sure, but I'd give him 1st prize.

I feel so very lucky to have a hubby like mine. I can't imagine having a hubby that felt like the kid was my responsibility, mine to raise, mine to manage. I can't really ask for more.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

2 Days of Work...

Thank you all so much for the well wishes! It meant a lot to me to get all that support on my first day at work!!

I've completed 2 days of work for my new company. I'm liking it. I'll say, I was very worried on day one. I was thinking "What have I done?". I think I might have misjudged the atmosphere, and was very worried, possibly needlessly. Today was much better though, and I became familiar with several of my co-workers. I like them, overall - of course I expect everyone is on their best behavior right now... :)

Jim has done well at daycare. He seems to be handling "drop off" well in the mornings, and he isn't crying when Bo picks him up. They keep talking about how "quiet and easy" he is. I can't imagine who's child they are talking about, but OK.

They have a few rules that seem odd. However, I'm sure there are good, albeit odd, reasons for them. Sometimes the oddness of the rule makes you KNOW there has to be a story somewhere. So far I'm going along with whatever.

Oh, his first day, they all called him Jack. I don't know where Jack came into play, but it started to stick. Man, wouldn't it suck to have your kid's name changed because someone misunderstood! We have a friend who's son is Jack. I'm guessing they'll get a kick out of it.

I have to ask - is anyone else worried about the prices of things? I went to the grocery and I must have bought about $80 worth, but I spent $124!!!! OMG! I don't know how we'll afford one kid. Much less, how people are going to do it that have many kids. Beans and rice, rice and beans... I guess.

Today I bought baby food for Jim!!!! He's started noticing food, but is not acting like he has to have it. So, I've got it on hand for the day when that happens. I figure it won't be too long.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Let's Get Ready To Ruuuuuumble!!!!

Well folks, I start my new job tomorrow!!! OH MY, did she say job? Yep, a job. For me.

Jim starts DAYCARE tomorrow!!! OH MY, did she say daycare? Yep, daycare. For Jim.


I have his bags all packed. You'd think he was going on African safari or something so demanding. Geesh! Do you know they don't give you a "needed supplies" list for your first day of daycare? Well, so I just made it up...

  • Bottles - pre-mixed and refrigerated.
  • Pre-made extra bottles - you need the non-refrig kind, so you can leave it there all the time, because they won't make up formula for him.
  • Diapers - no idea how many, so I chose a nice round 10 for his 1st day.
  • Change of clothes - I'm starting with 1, but will ask for suggestions on this.
  • Wipes - I don't think they provide them, but some places do.
  • Blankets - I'm starting with 1 - I think they provide these.
What am I missing? Hmmm... I'll find out tomorrow, I'm sure.

Bo and I are both going to drop him off tomorrow. No, we aren't paranoid helicopter parents - it is just that Bo hasn't been there before. So, it seemed kinda cruel to send him by himself. Also, we both need to get specifics on what to do when, etc. I hope to be in there and out in 30 mins, but who knows. I'm leaving extra time for crying and such. :)

In other news - my baby is starting to sound less and less like a baby! His voice is starting to periodically drop away from cute coooos to big-boy grunts and gafaws.

I'm so not ready for this - he's growing up already! I swear, just 8 wks ago you could not have convinced me he'd ever grow up. Now, he's not so little, he's not so blob-ish, and he's learning new big-boy tricks every day. Simply amazing.

I can't imagine how fast the time is going to fly now that I'm going to be gone from him for 10 hrs a day. I'm guessing the time will just fly, and he'll be 10 before I know what hit me. :(

OOOOOH, I visited the RE on Friday! No, not to start treatments! Whew! I took Jim to visit and to get his footprint put on their "wall of fame". They decided recently that their "office artwork" (the kind you buy reeeeally cheap) had to go. So, they got some huge canvases and started recording their little ones hands and feet for posterity. It is really sweet.

They did knock me for a loop though, when they said I could come back in as little as 2 months to try for kid #2. Wha? Really? C-section and all? Yep, them's the rules! OMG! No way!

So, Bo and I have decided to look at the calendar and see when we might want to try the one remaining embie we have in the freezer. We realize that it might not even thaw, but it is to be our last shot at being pregnant. We decided we did not want to do IVF again. We reserve the right to change our minds, of course.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

3 Months Old

It's so amazing that Jim has come so far so fast... How is it that a week just FLIES by now? Up until last week the days just dragged and now they go by in a flash!

This past week he learned to grab items he's interested in. Then he graduated to sticking them in his mouth. Frankly, I think it never occurred to him that he could taste the world... So, I started sticking stuff in his mouth and he was off to the races! This boy went from no interest in toys to gotta have it in less than 3 days!

Oh, and this morning I found him turning the upper half of his body to his left, very far to his left. It scares me that he might soon roll over. It only scares me because he still cannot lift his head. He tried to suffocate on his pillow last week, so I'm not excited about this new development.

He got his face down in the stuffing and got too tired (starved of O2) and started drifting off. Scared me silly! So, I've talked with hubby and made sure he understands - Jim is not to have any tummy time without supervision until he can hold his head up VERY well.

I think he's going through another growth spurt too. Yesterday he drank about double his normal intake. Today he is sleeping - all day so far - and it's Noon.

I need to find someone to get hand-me-downs from. My baby is almost out of his 6 mo onesies. Yikes!

Oh, and not to jinx myself, but he has started sleeping 7 1/2 to 8 hrs per night on a regular basis!!!! Woooo Hooo! Now, if I could just get myself to bed when he goes to bed we'd be golden.

Well, can't think of anything else to tell at the moment. Think I'll go see what I can get into here at the house, since baby is asleep!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Flat and Twisted

My baby has a nasty flat spot, and he keeps his head mostly in the same direction (he can turn, just doesn't want to). We are taking him for physical therapy week after next to help him turn his head more easily. In the meantime I need to do more tummy time with him...

I need ideas - really, really... My boy HATES tummy time. He isn't learning to pick up his head, and he just falls asleep after getting really frustrated with the whole idea.

I've tried toys - works for a few seconds and then... yawn zzzzzzzzzz.

I've tried singing - whaaaaaaaaaaa (might be me though)

I've tried being his little drill sargent - whaaaaaaaaaaaa

I've tried using a Boppy pillow to prop his chest up - he almost suffocated because he couldn't lift his head out of the stuffing. VERY scary for Mommy!!!

Help me! I need more tummy time ideas!!!!! Even if you think I say I've tried it, it is OK to reiterate what worked for you. The more detail the better!!! Oh, and if you have flat spot or Torti.collis stories to share please do.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

2 Month Shots Part 2 & "Jungle Jim"

For all you si-fi fans out there, here's a little chuckle

Now to our irregularly scheduled program...

Jim had his 2nd set of 2 month shots. He's done really well with them so far - no seeming reaction to be seen. Of course, we haven't made it completely through the night YET. Right now he is passed out in his crib, so I'm hoping for the best.

btw - this boy has outgrown ALL of his 3 month clothes, even the "big" ones. He is now consistently wearing 6 mo onsies!! I cannot believe how big he is. Lately I've met a couple of people out and about with babies his age and I'm seeing that my boy is a giant, but a very CUTE giant!

Oh, and my husband told me tonight that he wants to start planning for child number 2. What? Really? Yes, really.

He isn't ready to actually jump into the fire, and is aware that neither am I. He is just wanting us to figure out if we actually want another one and when we might want to get started. Do know, he has an ulterior motive - he's making plans to go to LeMans in 2010 and wants to be sure we aren't planning for baby to arrive just before go-time. LOL My hubby is not a true blue racing nut, but he is certainly excited about going. His concern for timing a 2nd baby warmed my widdle heart. Not! :) I soooo saw through the ruse. :)

OK, you want more photos of Jim? Hmmm... How about a video instead?!?!?!

Here our star is, lounging on his playmat, chewing on foam blocks, and having a grand old time.

Friday, May 16, 2008

2 Month Checkup - With Shots, Oh my.

We had our 2 month checkup today! The consensus is that I have a BIG boy...

He weighed 15 lbs (off the percentile chart), was 23 1/2 inches long (75 percentile), and has a 16 1/2 inch head (95 percentile). So, he is a well proportioned, but still.

I was just a little frustrated with the nurse practitioner who reviewed his impressive stats and started describing methods of delaying his meals. I told her that I am doing all in my power to delay and/or reduce his milk consumption. I hold him to a pretty strict 3 hr minimum time limit between feedings. He is welcome to go longer than that, but it really doesn't happen other than at night.

I explained to her that I WOULD feed him on demand, but I swear this boy would eat 5 oz every 45 mins if I would let him. Really. Really, really. I've seen him do it. I use distraction tactics like the playmat, dancing, walking, singing. If that doesn't work he gets milky water if he HAS to have something before 3 hrs.

I also hold him to 5 or 6 oz max, again I use water to supplement if he is still hungry. I know it might sound like I'm not doing right by him, but he is getting the maximum number of recommended oz of formula with what he already eats. It would be unhealthy for me to give him much more, so I have to try to curb him just a little bit.

By the end of our discussion the NP agreed that it appeared I was doing the right things for him and to keep it up. :) She actually commented that I was very lucky to have this particular problem because it is worse for those who deal with a kid that will not eat. I told her I was pretty familiar with that issue too, as my friends (some of you guys) have been down that road.

We also did his 1st shots today... They wanted to give him 6 vaccines in total (3 shots and 1 oral vaccine). I told the NP that was just too many vaccines in my opinion. I asked to spread them out, so we did the 1 combo DTaP and the oral vaccine. I take him back next Tues to get the other two shots.

The NP kept trying to tell me "it is really very safe" in order to get me to do all of the shots today. To which I told her, quite firmly, that I figure it this way - I do no harm by spreading out the vaccines, but if I combine them and it turns out it isn't actually safe I may cause irreparable harm. I would much rather do no harm and have a 2nd office visit.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Share Some Love...

If you haven't already, be sure to go over and give Topcat some love. She really, really got a crap sandwich this week. Anyone who's interested, I'm looking into how to send her some tangible support - not sure what the form will be just yet, but if you are interested in joining in please comment here or email me.

Please be sure to heep some love on Stacie as well. She and her little boy Shawn just aren't able to catch a break. He has had 5 brain surgeries in the last month, and they are in the ER tonight once again. This is just the latest in a series of unfortunate events. One person should NOT have to bear the amount of heartache and stress her family has for the past several months.

10 Weeks - It's Been 10 Weeks!!!

Wow, OK the time has flown. Yes, in the last month there were some days that went as slow as molasses on an iceberg, but those were, thankfully, the exception not the rule. For those of you that aren't into kid discussions, this one is ALLLLLLL about kid stuff - fair warning.

Let's see, what is little Jim doing since his 2 months list...

He's become very fond of his bouncy seat, and has been for a while. However, now I can actually leave the room for a couple of minutes without having to take him with me. With this skill I can do things like take stuff out of the oven or move loads of laundry, etc. YAY!

Started liking his swing. Well, a little swing goes a long way with him, but it is better than before. Today he spent a good 20 mins in it, watching the rain fall in the backyard.

Usually only cries when he needs something (knock on wood), unless it is after 8PM, then all bets are off .

He's started going to bed at 10:30 or so and SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!!! (knock on wood very firmly, indeed) Folks, this one is like mana from heaven. He wakes up kinda early in my opinion (6:30 AM, who knew there even was such number on the clock other than parents), but I'll take it, anyday.

hmmm... what else... That last one is so big I can't concentrate...

Recognizes his bottle - that's kinda cool, except when it isn't his bottle. Sometimes it's a frosted glass I'm using, or get this, a banana!! But hey, he is learning to chill out when he sees that he's about to get fed. That is worth a lot - way less screaming. :)

Looking at food like he wants some... Yeah, my baby is a foodie, just like his parents. We are in for a fight soon I'm betting. He's gonna want real food and I'm going to have to try to keep to the recommended 6 mo window. It's not gonna be nice.

Likes time on his playmat, but he's not so much on the tummy time - he seems to think I am torturing him. After tummy time, I can get a good 15 to 20 mins out of him on his back on the playmat. I get down there with him and we sing and play. It is so sweet. I love it.

Oh, and Stacie, you gave me a great play activity with your video of "getting Jason's belly". I have started doing this with him and he LOVES it! He doesn't laugh out loud yet, as your little guy does, but he's getting there! I get some firm giggles at this point.

He initiates the "stick your tounge out" game. I just LOVE this... He wants to play with me, and it makes my heart melt every time. I can't help but giggle.

He's totally got head control - we spend lots of time sitting up now because he doesn't want to lay back like a baby anymore. He wants to SEE THE WORLD!

One weird thing... He doesn't like seeing himself in the mirror. He actually seems to really dislike it. I don't know if it is confusing for him or just terribly boring. I'm going to keep trying it though. I can't imagine what life would be like if you hated mirrors.

Oh, and he HATES to burp, even though he feels better just afterwards. I think it is simply the delay of food consumption, but I could be wrong.

Well, for all those that made it this far, thanks for listening to me drole on like an idiot. I'm just so glad that things are starting to get interesting... Of course, it is just in time for me to find another job, but it is better than nothing. I cannot imagine going back to work sooner now - all the really good stuff just starts at 8 wks!!!

Oh, and Gemini Girl - I wish I had some photos to share!! I haven't taken any for a week or so... I'll have to get to that this weekend.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Dancing With My Baby...

Last night Jim slow danced his best girl around the room. It was so beautiful and wonderful, and he didn't want to stop, but he fell asleep nonetheless.

How can life get much better than that? Snuggling with your true love, dancing as the sun sinks low, knowing for sure that for just that moment everything is good with the world, and drifting into sleep.

Friday, May 9, 2008

GD Diet - How To Survive

A few times I have wished I had blogged more about what I ate while on the Gestational Diabetes diet. So, instead of just answering Anns directly via email, I thought I'd post my suggestions here. Who knows, maybe people will benefit from the knowledge and will not find themselves stuck at home at midnight crying over what to eat like I did...

If you remember, I looked and looked for ideas online, and didn't really find anything, so I posted a few times about it, and I got some great suggestions (thank you guys!!!) That got me through a few more days of eating and then I went to a GREAT nutritionist here in Atlanta - Rachel Brandeis, MS, RD.

Rachel is a nationally recognized registered dietician. She is extremely good at meal planning for her clients - she takes into account your own food preferences and custom creates meal ideas on the fly. She is amazing and well worth her hourly rate!!! I don't know if she does her work via phone or not, but if you are in the Southeast and need nutritional counseling I would certainly recommend her.

Below is a list of things my nutritionist recommended mixed with the things I came up with on my own. Remember, this list is suitable for my taste buds and time to cook (aka none), so it isn't an exhaustive list, but should give you a start on ideas.

Note I used the following brand-specific products:
- Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat bread for all my sandwiches
- Eggo whole wheat waffels (there are 3 flavors to choose from, all good)
- Skippy "Natural" peanut butter because it is lowest in sugar, you could get it from a whole foods store and get even less sugar
- Zesta whole wheat crackers
- CarbSmart ice cream bars
- Thomas whole wheat english muffins or mini-bagels
- Weight Watcher's Yogurt - I liked the flavor and consistency better than some of the others and it seemed to be the lowest in carbs.
- Nilla Wafers - they are the best tasting in my opinion and trust me taste counts for a LOT on this GD diet.


- whole wheat english muffin w/ cheese or peanut butter and small amt fresh or frozen fruit on side.

- whole wheat english muffin w/ canadian bacon and eggs

- Yogurt w/ chopped nuts (or could use low fat plain or vanilla yogurt)

- 2 Eggo whole wheat waffles w/ peanut butter and flaked coconut (better than it sounds)

- whole wheat english muffin w/ marinara sauce and mozzerella w/ turkey pepperoni

- Fresh fruit w/ bag of toasted almonds

- Weight Watcher's whole wheat tortilla w/ cheese and luncheon meat - microwave meat well! Side of fresh fruit

- Quaker low sugar instant oatmeal w/ serving of nuts mixed in.

- Grilled cheese sandwich (mix it up w/ the kinds of cheese you use)

- Whole wheat bread, Bacon, egg - sandwhich (use pre-cooked bacon to speed up)

Lunch / Dinner:

For dinners I would only cook 2 or 3 times per week. I would make 1 meal and

either serve leftovers next night or freeze them and serve next week.

- Homemade Chili (will be glad to share the recipe)- 1 bowl w/ Zesta whole wheat crackers

- Homemade pizza (will be glad to share the recipe, everyone loves it) - keep it to 2 small slices

- Stirfry (buy frozen pre-mixed veggies) w/ soy sauce, peanut, or thai sauce - throw in some pre-cooked chicken or beaf to add protien.

- Most casseroles are fine, just watch the portion size!!! Double or add veggies to get vegetables in for the day.

- Any pasta dish will work (spagehtti, alfredo, etc), just keep the serving size to 1 cup. Add steamed/micro'ed vegies to ALL pasta sauces - frozen broccoli is the BEST for doing this quickly.

- South Beach Diet meal kits are PERFECT for the GD diet and include jello for dessert!

Dinner Out:

Most of your ethnic foods are still OK to eat (except maybe Italian). You will need to skip appetizers and dessert though, which is hard.

- Indian - Chicken Tikka Masala (go light on the sauce) or Tandoori Chicken are great, just skip the naan and cut down to 1/4 to 1/3 cup rice. (skipping the naan is hard to do, but worth it to have great food!!!) Add a veggie side dish that isn't made using a cream sauce (aloo gobi is a goo choice).

- Chinese - Beef w/ veggies or chicken w/ veggies dishes are great, just get white rice, not fried, and cut the amt rice to 1/3 cup.

- Thai - most of their dishes are served seperate from the rice and are high in veggies. Keep the rice to 1/4 to 1/3 cup. Massman curry, garlic chicken or Lettuce wraps are great for this diet. Skip the coconut soup, or make it your meal.

- American - I LOVED going out for a steak as a treat - I'd simply choose a smaller, better cut of meat and non-starch veggies with a SMALL baked potato.

- Meal on the go - Zone Perfect bars, protien bars


- 1 serving Nilla wafers w/ peanut butter and cream cheese

- 1 serving Nilla wafers w/ Weight Watcher's yogurt

- 1 serving Nilla wafers w/ fresh fruit and peanut butter

- 1/2 whole wheat bagel w/ mozzarella, marinara, turkey pepperoni

- triscuts w/ melted cheese and luncheon meat or salsa (just put the toppings on the triscut and mirco until melted, extremely quick)

- 1 small Weight Watcher's tortilla with cheese and luncheon meat

- hummus / feta cheese / raw veggies

- 1 small Weight Watcher's tortilla, hummus, spinach, feta cheese

- Soup (make sure it has enough protein) and crackers

- Soup and grilled cheese

- 1/2 PB&J - heavy on the peanut butter and try to use sugar free jelly if you can stand it (I can't, so I went light on the jelly)

- 2 graham crackers with peanut butter and cream cheese (try the flavored cream cheese mmmmmm)

- grilled cheese sandwich on whole wheat

- 1/2 tuna salad sandwich on whole wheat or crackers (only 1/2 because I make it with sweet pickles which are high in sugar)

- egg salad sandwich on whole wheat

- Sugarfree Jello w/ Light CoolWhip - this is almost a totally free snack, you could have it almost anytime you want. Add a frozen or fresh fruit and a serving of nuts or coconut to count it as a snack.

Convenience Store snack:

- sleeve of nuts w/ fruit or 4oz 100% juice drink

- Lance peanut butter and crackers

- 1/2 serving of Dark chocolate w/ serving of nuts

Mother's Day Manifesto

This weekend marks my first Mother's Day where I will, me, myself most likely actually finally be a Mom. This of course assuming nothing horribly bad happens between now and then to change my Mom status.

I'm inspired by Julie's Mother's Manifesto to think about the kind of Mom I plan to be for Jim. Some of the things I am so totally going to steal from her list, only because they truly apply to me as well, but try not to hold it against me. :)

I will use cliches to explain my reasons for doing things. It is my right as a parent. However, I will try very hard not to say " because I said so".

If you embarrass me in public I will embarrass you right back - and I'm going to be creative about it!

Mostly I'll know when you're lying.

I will always take your side but it might not always look that way.

You will think I'm a dork but your friends will think I'm cool. Trust me on this.

I will hold you while you sleep for as long as you will let me.

I will not display any photo of you that showcases your full frontal nudity, no matter how gloriously proud I am of your elephantine genitalia.

Most of the time I'll be laughing with you. Oh, sure, sometimes I'll be laughing at you, but I will not make it obvious.

I will tell your Nana every silly or crazy little thing you do for as long as she is willing to sit and listen to it. She deserves to get some enjoyment from seeing me slowly tortured into grey hair.

I will mess with you. A lot. I consider it the best way to raise you to deal with the fuck-with-your-mind kind of world we live in. I will blow in your face to watch that bewildered squinty look that babies get when they feel that single surprising puff. When you cry, I will gently and rhythmically tap my hand over your mouth, so that you make that "ah-uh-ah-uh-ah-uhbahbahbahbahbah" indian chief noise, perhaps surprising you out of your wailing but at the very least entertaining myself enough to endure it.

No, we will not get rid of the cat if he bites you. Do you think it was a good idea to pull his tail? I wonder if you'll do it again.

I will surely annoy you by singing made-up words to songs. I do it on purpose. If you can't beat me — and on this, my dear, you cannot — I surely hope you'll join me.

I will get on to you about your grades, but I will explain why.

Knowing your extended family well will be mandatory. We will spend all our holidays with them. You will thank me later.

Even though I hope it is a skill you never need to survive by, I will teach you to grow your own food.

I will make sure you know how to fire, clean and store a gun properly. If you want to learn to hunt I will let you. I believe gun safety can save your life, because guns aren't a forbidden fruit.

I will send you to live on our farm during the summer when you are a pre-teen. There is no greater teacher than nature.

If you are interested in cars we will restore one together.

I will explain girls to you early on - they really shouldn't be such a mystery. :)

I will try to make sure you have the confidence to wear pink and know that it looks amazing on you.

Slow dancing is a lost art I will teach you. It will make you a chick-magnet on the dance floor.

If you want to know what beer tastes like before you are 21 I won't keep you from trying it. However, I won't abide you getting drunk out with your friends. If you drink and drive even once I will take your car and sell it. Period.

I will always want to hold you and get a snuggle.

I will try to remember not to say no unless it matters.

I will get in the floor and wrestle with you for as long as I am physically able.

I will send you outside to play.

I will restrict the amount of TV you watch. There is a reason they call it the "boob tube".

I may not accomplish all of these things, but I will do my best for you. All of the above statements are my plans to teach you about the world around you while challenging you and make you confident and strong. Never forget the most important thing of all... I love you, my son, my boy, my wonder and joy. You made me a Mom. Thank you.

Friday, May 2, 2008

A Major Milestone Acheived - Parents Relieved

Bo and I just returned from a 5 day jaunt to D.C. to see Jim's Grandpa.

For those of you "old timers" to my world I've talked about Bo's family situation before, but here's a quick refresher: Bo is the oldest of 3 boys. Jim is the first and only grandchild on Bo's side of the family, also Grandpa's namesake. Grandpa is 82 years old and not in great health. Grandma, sadly has already passed from this life.

The last month of oxygen treatments for Jim has been nerve-wracking, but in addition we've been holding our collective breath that Grandpa would live to see Jim. So, my apologies for not posting Jim's sleep study results quickly, but as SOON as we got Jim's sleep study results on Friday we piled in the car for a 2-day 10 hour car trip (that's one way folks)!

Jim had never met Grandpa before, as neither Jim nor Grandpa could travel. Yes, we had sent pictures, and boy is that Grandpa ever proud, but he so wanted to hold him. It was a sweet and joyful meeting. Both Jim and Grandpa had a good time - staring at each other, opening and playing with a sliver rattle, taking naps, and generally hanging out. Jim was an ANGEL too!!!! In 3 days of visiting he cried 1 time - and it was to get his poo diaper changed!

Just for the record, I have been declared "a good Mom", and it feels good. :) Frankly, I was afraid Grandpa's old fashioned thoughts on how Mom should behave would be an issue. I seem to have passed muster though, and I'm very glad. I wouldn't want Grandpa to worry about his little man.

Folks, this is one milestone I am terribly glad we achieved, for everyone's sake.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Sleepless Study II - results


Happy Parents.

'nuf said.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Sleepless Study, Part Two

Well, tonight is the big night - Jim is going in for his follow-up sleep study! If he is given the green light my boy will officially be WIRELESS!!! YAY!!! Also, I will be sending back all this medical equipment that has been clogging-up my house. BONUS!

So, while I know that it might not turn out like I want, I am very hopeful that all goes well tonight and my little Jim sleeps wonderfully well for the technicians.

I am looking forward to seeing my baby without all the cords and wires. I am looking forward to him sleeping without my having to wake him up by putting the cannula back in his nose for the 3rd time in one nap (he pulls the thing off and it ends up in his eyes!). I want to have more pictures without a white plastic line running across his mouth. Mostly, I just want him to be better, for him of course, but really for all of us.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


Today little Jim was sleeping it off. What you ask? Oh, he was exhausted from the PooooPaloosa we had yesterday.

He woke yesterday morning straining and straining for all he was worth. He was getting quite upset after about 10 to 15 mins of pushing, so I decided to go see if I could help in any way. I removed his diaper, which revealed a dollop of poo so thick you could spackle with it. I was instantly thankful that he isn't a toddler yet, or I'm sure he'd have tried it!

I called the nurses line and went through this exchange:

Nurse: What seems to be the problem?

Me: Jim is constipated, what do I need to do to help him?

Nurse: How long has he been like this? What do his stools look like?

Me: (not sure why it matters, but...) It started yesterday, with a stool like thick toothpaste, and today it is more like very, very thick cake icing. (I couldn't think of anything else at the time).

Nurse: Then he isn't constipated. Have you tried rectal stimulation yet?

Me: No, he can poo.

Nurse: If his stools aren't in hard pellets then he isn't constipated. You should try rectal stimulation!

Me: Why should we wait for "hard pellets"? It is already taking him 20 mins to move a poo the size of a marshmallow.

Nurse: Oh, then he is constipated. You need to give him 1/2 of a child's size glycerin suppository.

Me: Thanks. (Like I didn't know what constipation was lady - I HAVE BEEN PREGNANT recently!!! Idiot!)

SO, Mommy traipses off to the bathroom and inserts said suppository... And we wait... And we wait... PPPPPPPPPPPLLLBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTT! Happy baby!

We eat a little, spitup about 1/2, and then Squuuuuiiiiiiish! A full load again!

We eat a little and rest a little for the rest of the day, with multiple poots and poos thrown in for good measure. By the time Daddy got home the WHOLE HOUSE smelled like poo, but our little man seemed to be happy again.

However, by the end of the night his poor tummy was terribly torn up and his stomach was so distended and hard that we placed a call to the Pedi. All was well though, so no trips to the ER.

He was able to get some real sleep last night and slept almost all day today.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Happy Days Are Here Again!

So, my boy Jim seems to have learned how to be happy. The speed of his change has been like a light switch turning on! At exactly 6 wks to the day he figured out how to be happier!

He no longer cries and screams inconsolably - and when he does cry there is almost always an obvious reason! So, you CAN make him feel better. Whew!

He has learned to whine instead of cry when the situation is just frustrating. He's about 1/2 as loud and not nearly so frantic.

Gas pains make him strain, but not scream.

Going poo doesn't make him cry and scream. Well, unless like today where he really was constipated, so he had something to scream about.

Wanting a bottle still causes a cry, but he gives fair warning that he's hungry first. So, the screaming really is your own damned fault for not listening.

And last, but certainly not the least, he smiles at me several times a day!!!! He smiles from simple games sometimes. But the bestest most wonderful think is when he smiles just because he notices me. It is really, really wonderful.

Happy days are certainly here! I hope they last a good long while.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

6 Wks and All's... Well?

Our boy Jim is 6 wks old today. Can you believe it? 6 wks!

Thank you all for your suggestions and offers of "that's kinda normal" support on my last post. Sorry I didn't let you know how it was going sooner. We've been so busy just managing him that I forgot to post... I didn't forget to read YOUR blogs, but then again that is something I can do while I'm feeding the boy. :)

He is still on oxygen and a monitor, which sucks, but we are hopefully nearing the end of needing it. We sent his monitor results to the lab today (they are recorded and downloaded every few weeks), so we are waiting for news of his progress. If all goes well we have about another week and a half before he's done.

My poor baby has a cold though... MAN is it scary to have a stuffed-up newborn!!! You see, he didn't get that he just had to open his mouth, so he choked and sputtered and turned colors. THEN he started crying in a way I'd never heard - it was very clearly a FEAR cry. I didn't know what to do at first, which terrified me, and it was 3 AM, which terrified me, and my baby was choking on snot, which terrified me! Eventually he figured out how to breathe through his mouth and snuffle the snot down. It was a very tense 30 mins before he was calm enough to return to sleep - I was up another 30 trying not to cry from the fear.

For the new Moms out there...
1. Once they start to cry the snot breaks up some, and they will be FINE! So, crying = good.
2. No, he DOES NOT want the pacifier - he can't breathe through his nose IDIOT!
3. Find out what saline drops are and use them ASAP.
4. Don't use the bulb syringe before using the saline drops - you will both just end up frustrated and covered in snot.
5. The bouncy seat is now your best friend. Yes, he can sleep in it all night, and it will help the snot drain. He will breathe easier, and so will you.

OH, speaking of crying.... Jim is doing better at not screaming, we are getting a little more happy time each day. I am so very thankful.

We changed his formula to soy, and he seems to be having less gas. Also, passing his poots seem to hurt him MUCH less. He used to wake himself up crying needing to poot, but that is now the exception instead of the rule. As a result of less gas, he seems to be getting more/better sleep! So, I am getting more too. :) Happier Momma! YAY!

Oh, and speaking of happy... He gave me my first real SMILE this past week. I wasn't sure it was the "real thing", but I was hoping. He did it again yesterday, on cue, when I did a round of "Patty Cake" with him, using his little hands to make the motions. He actually GIGGLED folks!

Now, I have heard him giggle before, and I have seen him smile before, but having him do that, for me, on purpose, was just wonderful. I wanted him to do it again and again. I pulled out ALL my baby-giggling stops - I was ready to PLAY. No dice. He wasn't ready to play, but I'm waiting... watching... looking for playtime to begin in earnest.

Here's a happy photo his Daddy took last weekend - enjoy!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Our Favorite Household Question...

Our favorite household question these days is... Is this Normal?!?!?!

Our little one is changing so quickly. He is no longer a little baby - he is one very big baby. Oh, but is he still an angry baby? Oh my. Yes!

Actually, hubby and I both agree that if we could just see some basic happiness from him, just a little more often, we would certainly find this all very much more "worth it".

You see, we love our son, but he doesn't seem to love us so much yet. So, he is cranky, angry, grumpy, or screaming most of the day (when he is not asleep). I don't mean to be harsh - he is just cranky a lot. We keep asking ourselves and each other if all this crankiness is normal. Oh, and all the EATING! Damn, this boy LOVES to eat.

Essentially, our routine is this:
He wakes up from sleeping/napping and cries to be fed - NOW! DAMN YOU! NOW!!!! He cries like he is dying - sometimes he turns purple from crying so hard. You cannot make a bottle fast enough to avoid these cries - I've tried.

He is up to 4 oz every bottle - every 3 hrs or so. We checked with the Dr. WonderfulPed and she is OK with this level of feeding. Seems like a lot though.

About every 3rd bottle he decides he didn't get enough food, so he goes "snork, snork, snork", flails his arms and head, then tries to eat his hands, shirt, bib, my shirt, arm, or hand.

If I feel he really has had the limit already I will try to placate him a bit. Sometimes I can fool him out of it, but he is getting smarter about the pacifier and diversion tactics... Whaaaaaaaaaa! Feed me more NOW DAMN YOU! WHHHHHHAAAAAA! With arched back and everything...

He finishes eating and cries because he is wet, or has poo'd - Whaaaaa, change me! This cry isn't horrible, just whiny.

THEN - we might have 30 mins to 2 hrs of bouncy chair time where he is moderately calm - or asleep. 2 hrs is about his happy-time limit for the day.

Once he wakes up or gets bored we start the whole process over again.

Folks, I am seriously starting to dislike hearing my child cry. I love him, and I want to make him happy, but DAMN IT I NEED some happy time from him in return.

OK - so some moves I'm making to change things...

1. I'm getting out the more advanced toys and playmats, etc. I'm thinking he may be just a bit bored.

2. I'm trying to stay positive and upbeat in my tone of voice and body language - I want to show him what happy looks like, and reinforce that happy is good. He has started smiling and cooing this week, so this may be working somewhat.

3. I've setup our baby sling/carrier so I can take him with me during more of my household work. If he enjoys this it will be a win/win. I want to try to keep from him being a "hold me" baby, but right now I'd settle for a happy baby.

4. Working with hubby to have him mimmick these same behaviors and actions. He is WONDERFUL with Jim, and sings/plays with him lots. So this isn't really an issue - just needing a few tweaks so we are more consistent.

Anyone have any other ideas? We're trying to make this work, we really are. We need more happy.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Jim, Jim, JIM!!!! It's Bedtime Already!!!!

Yesterday... Well, last night... No, maybe you'd call it this morning... Whatever!?! It was really hard, particularly when it came to bedtime. Jim wakes up about 5 or 6 AM to be fed and have the oil changed, then he usually goes right back to sleep.

Well, Bo had the misfortune of having some bottle-making issues, which gave little Jim time to get fully awake and screaming. Let's just say that dark room, sleepy Daddy, screaming kid, and "cutsie" ounce measurements* on our new "decorative" Play.tex bottles do not a good combo make. So, even though Jim did get fed and changed, he decided to stay up and scream for another hour and a half to express his extreme displeasure at having to wait. Oy vey. Poor Daddy.

About 7 AM, a very frustrated and sleepy Daddy came into my room and asked if I could take over. He just couldn't do it anymore. Of course, I agreed, even though I was really scared this was going to be a BAD morning.

For once, I felt like I had the "Mommy gene" when I picked up my son, snuggled him into the big comfy glider, and he drifted off to sleep. Oh, and it pissed Daddy right off, but that's OK. He's rescued our boy from a day with me and snuggled him into a coma WAY more than I have. :)

Oh, and Daddy, he slept until Noon - for the first time in years!

*For the record, at 7AM, more awake and in better light, I COULD NOT MAKE OUT THE OUNCES markers either!!!! I'm planning on making a call to our friend Play.tex this week. They need to have pitty on us poor tired parents.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Jim Sleep Study...

I thought you all might like to see my boy during his sleep study last Friday...

I think in the 1st picture he kinda looks like he's thinking, "Hey, Sweetheart, wanna make some sparks?" And no, that is NOT my belly in the picture - that's the sleep tech.

This picture though, it really breaks my heart. He so looks like an accident victim. Seeing him like this made me want to cry, even though I knew the bandages were just to keep him from undoing his electrodes. Mama Bear wanted very much to save her little boy from this torture...

My boy now on oxygen at home - just .25 liters per hour (a low flow). We have him setup with a cannula up his nose, an oxygen enrichment machine, and backup tanks (in case of power failure).

He is also on an apnea monitor when he's sleeping. These darned things blare false alarms constantly! Last night I think I counted 10 false alarms - could have been 15. I've been told this is about right, as these machines are very sensitive, and they are known to go off at the slightest disturbance.

Um, so a newborn moving is considered "a disturbance" to a machine especially built to monitor infants? Wow, talk about touchy machines! Oh, or maybe a BAD DESIGN BY THE MANUFACTURER!!!!!

I've been told that putting up with the false alarms is what we must do to keep our child safe. So, I'll not be getting much unbroken sleep between now and the end of the month. I'm hoping I survive it...

Oh, before I forget... Orodemniades asked about what exactly little Jim is doing when he breathes...

He is breathing very shallow and quite fast when he is asleep. It sort-of looks like he is almost hyperventilating. Also, he fills his lungs from the diaphragm first, not his chest first like the rest of us do. This leads to a short shallow breath, which means he doesn't really take in enough oxygen during each breath. This leads to his oxygen stats dropping too low.

So, the real trouble is his respiration drive is too immature, and he breathes fast and shallow. The effect is that his oxygen gets too low. The cure is supplemental oxygen and time.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Jim Is In Hospital - He's OK Though....

My baby boy is in the hospital tonight. His dad is staying with him so I can get some rest.

I took Jim for a sleep study at the children's hospital Friday night (last night). We wanted to check out an odd breathing pattern he was exhibiting, and to check him for sleep apnea (runs in both of our families).

They determined he does have a relatively serious breathing issue. He cannot seem to maintain a high enough blood/oxygen level while he sleeps. For your RN types, he is dropping into the mid/low 80's during deep sleep. For you non-RN types - that isn't good.

So, during the sleep study he had to be put on oxygen - 25%.

They told me to take him home after the study, and that my pediatrician would call me with further instructions, if any. The tech wasn't sure if they would order further testing, etc.

Just for the sake of being obvious - Jim is 3 wks old... He sleeps all the time! So, I figured waiting around until someone got the report was not in his best interest. I, being the proactive and protective type, called the Dr ASAP after their office opened.

My pediatrician DID NOT get a call from the sleep lab. No one was aware there was any issue with his oxygen levels.

Dr. WonderfulPed said they should not have discharged him. She called the children's hospital and got more info, then called me back and said to be back at the hosp in an hour, they were admitting him. Dr. WonderfulPed then answered all my questions and put me at some ease about what might be the issue. We were to go in for testing and observation, then we'd see where we were.

We took him back to the hospital. Admitted him. We met with the hospital's lead pediatrician. The first thing she asked is if I liked my Dr. WonderfulPed. I told her I did, and that she was very "on top of things.", the hosp Ped agreed. I figure you've found the right Ped Dr. when the hospital's Pediatrician compliments her and is impressed with her after one case.

So, she ordered a chest X-ray. It came back normal. She then had him monitored while sleeping, and reviewed the sleep study with the hospital's Pulminologist. They concluded that Jim has an immature nervous system, and so he breathes too shallow to sustain his oxygen levels (this was the"weird breathing" we were noticing). Score one for observant parents, eh?

They've put him on oxygen, and are monitoring him. Assuming this fixes the issue they will prescribe 1 month at home on oxygen during sleep.

He's staying in the hospital tonight, with Dad, and is expected to be released tomorrow assuming all goes well.

The good news, they expect he will grow out of this within the month. BONUS - he doesn't have apnea. He may develop it later in life, but he's OK for now.

For all the horribly scary and life-threatening things that could have caused this issue we are thankful that the solution so far seems to be simple. Also, after seeing all the horribly sick children in the hospital - all around us, we are thankful that the solution so far seems to be simple.

We are counting ourselves lucky so far, but not taking that luck for granted.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

22 Days or 3 Weeks 1 day - Sleepless Study

Ah, my sweet boy. Asleep. Isn't he just precious?!?! Gotta love'em.

However, Mommy isn't sleeping nearly so sweetly... I really need sleep... Tonight is hubby's night to take Jim. I hope I get a really good night's rest, but I realize that something could occur to make it less than restful. So, I'm going into it with the idea that just sleeping in my own bed will be a bonus. :)

Folks, getting time to take pictures, much less post pictures is HARD! Who knew one little, bitty baby could wreak such havoc on my life? Oh yeah, everyone that has had kids... So, in my world, that is everyone but hubby and I until a few short weeks ago.

I NOW understand why getting a shower is a HUGE challenge, and brushing your teeth maybe done with baby in hand. LOL

Today, for example, I begged one of the ladies that cleans our house (every 2 wks, for my sanity) to give Jim part of his bottle so that I could go to the bathroom without him screaming.

I know, I sound like a wimp, but his NEEEEEEED for a bottle coincided EXACTLY with my NEEEEEEED to pee! I haven't figured out how to go pee and hold a kid yet - at least as I prefer it, on the toilet - I'm sure I'll get there.

I CAN lay my son down, I really do not carry him all day. I just happen to have had no sleep last night, felt like hell, he woke up screaming, and I had to have help. Otherwise, Jim was destined to find out how our bathroom's tile flooring felt - up close and personal like.

I know, you are thinking - lay him in the middle of the bed! Dummy! Yeah, I have a cat Humphries that's not pro-Jim. No deal. I haven't seen Humphries be aggressive, he really, really avoids Jim. However, that 5 mins in the bathroom could cost me a lifetime of pain if things went wrong.

Jim couldn't use the bouncer we had for him, it is too upright... Due to my need to park him, I had a friend recommend a bouncer that is sized right for our boy. So, I now have a place I can park his bottom for a few mins (it was downstairs during my need). The bouncy has already paid for itself - bigtime -- $44.00 for 30 mins of non-screaming baby. Goodtimes!!

Ooops - his royalness is awake - let the screaming commence!

BTW - I refer to him as screaming mostly because that is what he's been doing lately. We think we've narrowed the problem to his formula. We switched to a "sensitive" version, and hope that once it has had time to work through his system we will be back to happy baby.

Right now we have screaming time about every 2 1/2 hrs, with some wakeful time and more screaming between naps/bottles/changes. The screaming seems to be deminishing with the formula change - thank you God.

Oh, and I so totally am keeping my mouth shut about all of this with my few childless friends - I don't want to scare them away from joining me on this, our baby adventure. I mean really, little Jim NEEDS some playmates!!!

OK - so I washed Jim's hair... I laughed and laughed over the change in my baby's appearance. I love him, really I do, but this was too funny... See what you think?

With one wash he went from "Young Replublican Hair" to "Young Punk Hair". Ah! I should have read the darned label - Dry clean ONLY! Doh!

Monday, March 24, 2008

19 Days Old

Well, baby Jim is 19 days old today! We've gotten into some semblance of a routine, not by the clock per se, but Bo and I are starting to understand little Jim's signals. We are finding that as our comprehension expands the crying diminishes. :)

Nana really likes to hear from us each day, which makes me very happy. She doesn't call, because she never knows when a nap will be in progress, so I try to call her. I think we are both missing the closeness we shared while she was here. I wish we lived closer. Today Nana is doing an Easter Lunch for my brother and his family. I sure wish I could join them.

Right now, Jim is starting to squirm because he's realized I laid him down for a nap. They learn fast that they prefer to be held, huh? He tends to go on to sleep as long as he knows you are there (i.e. you give him his pacifier for the 3rd time), but he will wake up if there is no response from you. He's a smart one - knows how to test for your presence already.

Bo is amazing with Jim. He is simply head over heals in love with him and really wants to do anything he can to make little Jim's world better. He sings to him, feeds, burps, changes and rocks him with no prompting from me. He even takes him when he doesn't have to, just because he wants more time with his boy. It is really, really great. I can't ask for more.

At almost 3 wks, Jim is awake for a few hrs of fussy time before bedtime (anytime btwn 8 and 1 am). Then he seems to be OK with sleeping in 4 to 5 hr blocks for the rest of the night and on into morning. So far we have to leave a small light on in his room or he won't sleep. It is still pretty dark, and the light has a pink colored glow, but I'm afraid that we've started him on not liking the dark. I've tried turning the light off, but he seems to get really upset if he wakes and there's no light. Not sure what I'm going to do to change that... May just have to force the issue, or move to a smaller/dimmer light source.

I just got a call from Bo, he's pretty loopy... He did baby duty last night, and Jim stayed up until about 2 AM. He may be rethinking whether he can do nights while working. We'll see how it goes this week, then we may need to make some adjustments. Hee hee.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Updates To My Blog

I'm making some updates to my blog now that little Jim is here... For a while at least, I expect my blog to be all about new-mommyhood no infertility.

I hope all of you that read my blog will hang with me for the ride. I'll of course understand if you don't, but I'll miss you!

Fair warning: All future posts are likely to contain photos of my son. This being the case, I don't plan to put "baby picture below" warnings on all my posts. I've been grateful in the past to people that did use these warnings, but I'm not likely to remember to do so with my sleep-deprived brain.

I need to choose a new blog name, since "Nearlypregnant" is no longer really accurate. If you have any suggestions feel free to leave a comment!

Poll Outcomes:

What is the sex of the baby? Male, of course! The majority ruled!
20 votes collected:
male 13 votes - 65%
female 7 votes - 35%

When do you predict baby will arrive? Those that guessed the beginning of 39 wks were right on! Of course, I was hoping for earlier, but hey, it all worked out right!

35 wks - end of week 0 (0%)
36 wks - beginning of week 1 (5%)
36 wks - end of week 1 (5%)
37 wks - beginning of week 1 (5%)
37 wks - end of week 3 (17%)
38 wks - beginning of week 4 (23%)
38 wks - end of week 2 (11%)
39 wks - beginning of week 2 (11%)
39 wks - end of week 0 (0%)
40 wks - 'cause I'm evil like that 3 (17%)

Day 12 with Jim and Living Through the "Baby Blues"

Well, we're all still here and still alive! ...much to my amazement.

Momma, Bo, and Jim are hanging out with Nana. She is leaving on Wednesday morning - we expect much crying and sadness. Of course, we aren't sure which of the 4 will be crying the most, but you should probably bet on it being me.

I'll try to post some more recent photos soon! I have a few on the camera now, but I'm not setup to pull them down right at the minute...

I'm mostly back to normal from the C-section. I can do mostly what I want, within reasonable limits - I don't pickup heavy things, and I bend and squat at the knees for any really low items, and I take the stairs only a couple of times a day, max.

I saw the OB today - he said all looks great with my incision! YAY!! We love great wound healing - we really do. I seem to be having a pretty fast recovery overall. I've been off pain meds since about day 5, with an added bonus that the withdrawals coincided nicely with the "baby blues". That, my friends, was a mistake... Not that I was missing the pain meds, but that I didn't keep taking them until the blues had passed! Geesh!

Oh, and why, oh why didn't anyone tell me that post-partum "baby blues" would be so freakin' kick-butt terrible? I mean really, these should be called the Baby Terrors or something! Baby blues is MUCH to benign for what I experienced!

I really thought I was going to go crazy for about 4 days. Had I re-read a description of the blues again during those days I might have had an easier time - I had a textbook case it appears. However, I was so "locked up" in my head that I couldn't get online, read a book, or even watch a movie. I did help care for the baby, but otherwise I was simply frozen with fear and anxiety.

So, I'm going to tell you all what happened to me - partly to record it, partly to work through it, and in small part I hope that someone will find it helpful...

Here is the textbook description from - "The [baby] blues affect 60 to 80 per cent of women shortly after labour, and many find themselves exhausted, unable to sleep, or feeling trapped or anxious. Your appetite can change (you may eat more or less), or you can feel irritable, nervous, worried about being a mother, or afraid that being a mother will never feel better than this."

As for me... I had 4 days of horrible "What have I done?" thoughts combined with anxiety and mini panic attacks. It seemed like scary issues were piled up a mile deep at my door. I couldn't imagine how I would take care of a baby; how I would give enough of myself, my time, my life to care for this little one 24/7 for the next X number of years. Let's just say that almost none of the fears were about "today", no that wasn't the problem, it was the rest of life and time immeasurable.

I could clearly figure out how to fix a bottle, change a diaper, or rock my baby to sleep. What I couldn't imagine was how I could manage to get him to daycare (note: this is 6 wks in the future at least), fix a toddler dinner he'd eat, get him off to school, or teach him to read.

There were times I wondered if there was some way to send the little one back from where it had come. Or maybe some way that I could pawn him off on someone, anyone. No, I did NOT act on any of these thoughts, and NO I do not want ANYONE to come take my little one. I love him very dearly! I would likely tear someone in two if they tried to take hime. Even so, these thoughts quickly passed through my mind, and you can't imagine how scary it was to feel that way.

At one point I was sure I was slipping into depression, because the only thing I could do was take a nap. For me, that is a BAD sign... I have been through a real depression, and I know the warning signals. Since I DID recognize the symptoms of slipping into someplace horrible I made it a point to talk to my hubby and mom about it. They were both terribly supportive and patient, and helped me work through the fear.

One trick my mom shared with me really worked miracles... When the fears started creeping up on me I was to pick a household job that needed doing and get off my ass to do it. No thinking about it. No stewing over the job. Just get up and do it.

Amazingly, this little mind/matter trick worked. By the time I had finished folding a pile of laundry or emptying the dishwasher I wasn't in the grip of the worst of the fear. As a bonus, my house got cleaner, which lifted my mood a little more. We all know how a dirty house can pull you down by making the work look bigger than it really is.

The next step out of the darkness was talking to other moms. I confided in my mom-friends about my fears, and they opened up about their own experiences. It was amazing to me that all of the mothers I know had been through this darkness too. They recounted, very frankly, the fear and pain, the "locked in" feeling of being so scared.

Some of the strongest women I know seem to have had the "baby blues" the worst... They got to the darkest parts, and were just as alone as me. I wonder if being a normally "in control" type person makes you more likely to be confronted by the "trapped" feeling. For me, and a few of my friends, the "What have I done?" fear seems to have stemmed from a realization that our lives were now owned by this little one we had created. How we missed that this was the end-game of being Mom, I don't know... Seems kind of logical to you now, doesn't it?

You might be asking... Does she really expect that this narrative of the blues will help someone avoid it? The answer is no. But, someone might just read this and in a dark, dark moment realize that one of their friends was there too, and there is a bright side on the way.

I now seem to be a good way through the fears, but I'm not convinced they won't come back from time to time. If they do, I plan to keep talking to my family and friends, relying on help, and cleaning my house until the sun shines again.

Hope you all find your way through too... And, if you have a "new Mom" friend, feel free to recount my story to her to help her out of the darkness some.