Friday, November 5, 2010

Home and the Heebie Geebies

Hey guys! I'm back!! Note: at the bottom of this post I've asked for some info from you guys to help me with the Heebie Geebies.

I'm sorry I didn't post more while in the hospital... I was having a hard time making everything come together. Thanks VERY much to Stacie for doing some interim updates for us!

Miss M. came home with me on Tuesday! She was released at 5 lbs 4 oz.

I stayed a total of 4 days after the c-section to give us more time to get to know her. She stayed in room with us for 2 days, but both nights I sent her to the nursury becuase I wasn't comfortable that she wouldn't be monitored by someone for several hours. I was certainly affraid of her having a downturn and us not hearing her distress.

We've been home now for a few days. She is sleeping really well - about 3 hrs at a time after her feedings. She has at least 1 wakeful period each night, for a couple of hours, but mostly she is still doing the preemie sleepies. I expect she'll wake up in a week or so.

About me... There's phyisical pain and emotional pain...

Physical... My c-section pain just wasn't that bad this time! I had about 2 days where I really needed nar.cotic meds, but then I switched to Motrin/Tylenol for 2 days, and then was done. My back hurts if I stand/walk too long, but overall I'm not taking anything other than Advil and that's only if the pain gets out of control.

I've been doing some pumping of breastmilk, but I've pretty much decided I don't want to be a milk cow. She won't latch yet (probably because there isn't enough milk) and I keep avoiding pumping, even when I know I should. I just don't think I have it in me to do this part. I also don't want to get full of milk just in time to stop BF when I go back to work. I have no interest in lugging a machine to and fro. I just don't see it happening.

Mental... I've got a full-on case of anxiety. Pretty much any time I think of the baby or my son I get anxious and have stomach cramps, a hard time breathing, and generally am too petrified to move. This isn't good when you have 2 kids and need to learn to juggle caring for both. Sigh.

My Mom and Hubby are helping me with it - I'm talking with them and explaining how it feels inside. They have both been very good to talk it through with me and keep me moving. I find for me that is the key - once I get moving on a task I stop being freaked out.

Anyone else out there have this kind of anxiety thing? How long did it last? What did you do to combat it? I'm looking for clues about how to get my life back on track and start handling this thing better.


Bella said...

I'm glad you are all home and doing well (at least physically). The post-partum crash of hormones is not pretty. Any little thing gets magnified and so much more unbearable. It is good that you have family support, just keep an eye on it. If you don't feel much better in a couple of weeks talk to your doctor.

BigP's Heather said...

I didn't have that particular brand of heebie geebies. I just cried A LOT. I hope the hormones pass (I drank a ton of water to try and help flush my system - no idea if that is a valid suggestion or just made my brain feel better like I was DOING something? Probably crazy now that I re-read that.)

HereWeGoAJen said...

One of my best friends had anxiety after her baby was born. There is such a thing as post partum anxiety and it is just as real as post partum depression. So trust yourself, if it feels like hormones that will fade on their own, then fine, but if it feels like something bigger, then get professional help for it. It would be like the difference between baby blues and actual post partum depression.

And this is probably obvious, but don't blame yourself for it. It is a chemical, hormonal thing and not something that you caused or should feel guilty about. And email me if you want more details about what my friend went through.

Portia P said...

Thanks for your congrats. Congrats to you too! .

I totally get how you feel and am in a very similar place, except when I think of being on my own with both children, I mostly cry. I can't see how i'll manage at all.

Both of them have been sick this week and we've been in and out of our doctor and A&E. I feel trapped in a tunnel of no sleep and never ending stress.

I haven't blogged about it because i've no time and i feel it would not be the place to moan about having two children when many are still waiting for one. My blog is still purely an IF one but if it were a Mummy blog, I might vent there - if I could find a few minutes!

I need to sleep now as my boy's napping and my hubby has the baby but i'll try to check in when I can and see how you're doing.


MrsSpock said...

I echo Jen's comment about postpartum anxiety. Having gone through IVF, a high risk pregnancy, and an early birth with some NICU time, you may be more likely to be hit a little harder. If it feels like it is not easing, or interfering with your ability to parent, I would mention it to the doctor.

Delenn said...

I had huge amounts of postpartnum anxiety. It was the start of PPD, which I kinda knew might happen because I had had PPD with my son. When I had these anxieties, I just knew that I needed to get help. I made sure I was never alone, and I got therapy and antidepressant. Extremely helpful.

Lin said...

Just found your blog...congrats on Miss M!

I had some pretty significant post-partum anxiety due to the hormones and some scary vision problems I was having after LMH was born. My husband battles chronic depression and anxiety all the time, so he saw the signs and got me into the doctor for meds right away. I got on Lexapro and went to see a therapist a few times. It really helped and the anxiety seemd to subside after a few weeks.

(((HUGS))) It's tough to be dealing with that on top of everything else!