Life in the Moment

hmmm.... where to start.

Yesterday, I would have told you all about how great my visit with the counselor went. I found someone that isn't interested in simply medicating me - since she agreed my issues were directly the result of a medication change.

I had found out well before my appointment, thanks to some super-sleuthing from my hubby, that the increase in my thyroid meds were possibly causing my distress and sudden mood change. So I self-medicated, by dropping back to my previous dose, and suddenly the world was a brighter and MUCH nicer place. ...Who knew Thyroid meds could make you super-depressed and anxious? Weird, huh?

Anyway, the Dr/Counselor I went to see recommended I go to an Endocrinologist to get my thyroid levels professionally adjusted, and to make sure someone was closely monitoring me AND my mood as the drugs are altered.

I have an appt with the Endo doc on Monday. Yay me!

Today, I would tell you that I'm still quite unhappy at times, and not all of it is med or baby-related. I have some gripes with hubby. I'm not sure how I'll deal with them either. I'm not sure how we'll recover from the place we've gotten to - both of us are pretty tired of it.

This isn't where I wanted to be right now. I have 8 to 9 weeks to go in this pregnancy - I want to be sailing into the finish, not riding stormy seas and wondering if I'll capsize and drown. I am really exhausted mentally - too much stress and struggle. I want some time off to myself.

I considered calling my folks and seeing if I (just me, no kiddo) could come work from their house for a week (I'm allowed to work-from-home sometimes). Then I realized I'm not allowed to drive that far at this point - it's 5 hrs 1 way, and I'm not supposed to do more than 2 or so at a stretch at this point. Grrr. I COULD do it, but it'd take me extra hours, and it seems like a long way to go to get some downtime. AND there's no gaurantee it'd be down time since my Mom and Dad would be all up in my business wanting to get to the bottom of me running away from home.

Sigh.

I don't really want to actually run away from home. I just want some relief. I don't think I'll be getting it for some time though.

Then there's the question of my parents' plans to come help me when baby gets here. Last week we discussed it and my Mom said something about being home for Thanksgiving. I'm confused by this, since I'm likely not going to get out of the hospital until that very day. Current thinking is we'd do a c-section on the 22nd of Nov - that puts me out of the hosp on the 25th, most likely.

Anyway, I'm just going to have to work through it the best I can. Maybe she was thinking that I'm right that this baby will make an appearance early. Little Miss seems to be getting impatient. I've been having Braxton Hicks pretty often when standing. Not terribly painful, just uncomfortably tight. I know that isn't a true indicator, but everything seems to be faster/earlier this time - and I'm huge! I look like I could pop any day now.

So... not sure what else to add to it all. I'm just hanging out and hanging on. Not sure what the world is gonna throw at me next. Hopefully it will be something good. All in all though, I know that things are maneagable, just not exactly how I'd like them. So, I'll just have to deal until I can work it all out.