Feeling The Love!

Hey guys, I feel so blessed... I'm feeling the love from so many people already. I can't quit tearing up everytime I think about it.

Love You Guys!!!

Kristy, thanks for asking, I forgot to tell you what DPO I'm on!

DPO = 22

We are still cautiously optimistic, but verging on really excited! I'm trying not to hold my breath until tomorrow, but it is so hard! Waiting is sooo frustrating and yet so exciting! I think Susan explained the feelings so clearly in her post princess smartypants: Joy and Fear.

And The Number Is.....

I got my beta HCG back - it is 4358!!!!!

WHOA!!!! It is supposed to be something like 1800, but it is more than double! Whoo Hoo!

OK, OH BOY, OK.....

*breathing heavily w/ head down, hands on knees*


So, we go back to the RE's office on Wednesday for a follow-up HCG. If all goes well, the number will continue to double, and we will be moved to OB status!!

I can't believe it...

Hubby and I are happy, but trying to reserve our excitement until we know more. He agreed that I could post the news for all of you to see, so be sure to thank the hubby! :)

For my real-world friends DD and S&S thanks for the reserved-yet-excited support!!! I know you have been pulling for me - we just may get our wish!

Whew, OK - gonna go drink some water, and take a vitamin! :)


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If you know me - in the real-world - this news is NOT to be shared at this point. We are still cautiously optomistic. So, if you know, you are one of those chosen special few. :)

You want the Good news, or the Bad news first?

I have been living it up, see I've Had Some FUN ... I have been a good baaaad girl. :)

Have you ever taken an HPT sort-of out of spite? Well, I did Friday night, and my body got me good!!!!

Yep, got the BFP!!!

That's right - I bawled my eyes out when 2 very sharp lines popped up immediately!!!!!!

I took the test because I was mad at hubby (for no reason), cranky as all get-out, and my boobs felt like they were gonna explode if I so much as touched them. So - I took an HPT sort-of out of spite - to prove to my body that it should STOP IT ALREADY!

So, how did I break the happy news?

Instead of being happy, I fumbled my way down the stairs and through the hall, unable to see through the tears. I cried all over a very confused hubby. I think Blubbering Idiot would best describe my method of telling him. He couldn't understand why I wasn't ecstatic! He was, to tell you the truth, quite scared by my reaction.

He became more scared when I poured out all the awful things I had been up to over the past week. Let me tell you, he looked shocked! He knows how restrained I have been since we started this IF journey...

Once I had calmed down, we had a nice long talk about all the things I had been doing... He was sooo sweet! He helped me think through how many vitamins I had skipped, then he helped me search through the pantry to figure out if I had accidentally eaten enough Folic Acid. We looked up the grams of caffeine you can have, and both just we wrote off the alcohol as spilt milk (pun intended).

And, I explained that having my period means it probably wouldn't survive, so we will have to possibly "do something" to avoid ectopic complications. And I just don't WANT to do this all again... Some of you know all too well that being a little pregnant can be much worse than not being pregnant at all. :(

I called my RE's office on Saturday morning - they do procedures on weekends, but don't do betas. I got nowhere with them, so I had to wait until today. I'm now waiting for the HCG results...

I am looking for my results to be in the 1000 range if all is OK.

Let this story be a lesson to all of you out there in Blogland... Don't Let this Happen To You!!

Get a Beta ANYWAY!!!

I've Had Me Some FUN!!!!

Well ladies, for the last few days I have done nothing but what I wanted to... I have been the anti-pregnant lady!!

Here's a small list of the things I have done:
- I skipped prenatal vitamins
- Ate dark chocolate like it was going out of style
- Drank 4 wine coolers (Parrot Bay)
- Stayed up late
- Ate pizza twice
- Ate real Mac and Cheese (a weakness of mine)
- Changed the cat box and cleaned the floor under it (Eewwwww!)

I've been living it up - with the exception of the cat box of course! :)

What's The Plan??

Well, Hubby and I have come up with a plan... We are going to take a few months off of the roller coaster and try to get into better shape physically.

Right now, we are both considerably overweight and I have borderline high blood sugar. In addition, I have a Thyroid issue that I take meds for daily. So, we need to focus on ourselves a bit more, and make sure that being unhealthy isn't what is causing our issues.

We do not want to quit altogether, we just need a break. Also, we are going to look into adoption if after we shape up the ART methods don't work.

SO, WE HAVE A PLAN and I feel better about life.

Thank you everyone for all of your support over the last few days. It means a lot to me! :)

Dawn

Anyone Got A Fork Handy???

Anyone got a fork handy??? I think I'm almost done....

- - - - - WARNING - - - - - PITTY PARTY BELOW - - - - -

I got the bad news tonight that Aunt Flow is here for a visit, she showed up today with her bags in hand. No warning, just showed up on my doorstep 3 days early.

I just want to crawl into bed and cry for a few days. I sure wish I could take the time for it. However, we have plans this weekend for every day but Sunday. I really don't feel up to being social... I know it will be good for me...

I just don't understand what is wrong... Why? Why can't we can't we have children?? What in world is the reasoning behind it? I just want to SCREEEEEEAM!!!!!!!

I don't think I have the gumption to do this... I think it is too much to ask that I get my heart broken every 28 days.

The reality is that I just feel beat down, overworked, stressed out, fat and getting fatter, under appreciated and I don't feel good about being me. I just wanna go home to Mom and have her make it all better, but I know I can't do that either.

I sure hope someone else finds that baby-dust fairy this month... Once you are done celebrating your joy, kick her in the ass for me, huh? Tell her I'm sick and tired of patiently waiting my turn only to have my heart broken into itty bitty bits.

Can one of you get me an extra-large box of Kleenex while you are out?? I've been going through too many lately to mess with these little square boxes.

My Mom always tells me, "Life isn't fair". Why the hell didn't she tell me the truth of it, "Life sucks".

Fucking Period - Fucking Crying - Fucking Shots - Fucking Heartbreak - Fucking Hate This!!!

Another 2WW Update...

I realized I didn't answer an important question in my last post - WHEN DO I TEST???

Sorry about that... I test this Sunday. I must say, for once I'm not looking forward to it. This cycle is scary because I am nearing the end of my TTC rope, and not sure what happens if I let go of it.

Right now, it looks like hubby and I will go for 2 more rounds of Follistim, at the most. After that we may have another discussion about IVF or we may start looking for a child to adopt. Not sure right now, but we know we are not going to do IF treatments indefinitely.

So, I'm not looking forward to this weekend. I'm not optimistic about it. I think it is just going to be more sadness, maybe more like a letdown.

Sorry for all the Eeyore pessimism, but that's how I feel at the moment.

Dawn