Saturday, March 3, 2007

Hanging In and Hanging Out...

Hey guys, just checking in to let you know I'm still hanging in there...

I'm also hanging out with some of my friends that have come by to help me with recuperating. Thanks Guys!!!

I'm in quite a bit of pain - bearable, but very uncomfortable when I stand, walk, or try to get up/down. Sleeping is interesting, since I have to stay on my back. I can't lay on my side because it hurts WAY too much. I don't like to sleep on my back - it's been fun!

Unexpected thing that is bothersome - I am short on clothes I can wear because of my incisions. Usually, I wear "fitted" dress pants or slacks (no elastic or string waists) and so all of my clothes are too tight while my abdomen is swollen!! I can't wear things that have a button at my belly button either! Not sure WHAT I'm going to do on Monday for something to wear. Hmmm... Any suggestions from those that have done this?

Hubby is still being a dream. He is so thoughtful and solicitous of my needs. I can't thank the heavens enough for his help. I have been relying on him for picking up things I dropped, running to the store, and helping me put on socks, undies, pants, etc. I can do the undies and pants on my own now, but couldn't until this morning.

It is truly amazing what we take for granted!

Life is going OK, I guess. I haven't been really unhappy or depressed, except when Hubby mentioned that someone asked about our "baby plans". I got really quiet, and quite sad. I think I scared Hubby because I was so quiet all night. I didn't want to talk to him, didn't want to share my thoughts. I was just lost in space.

Here's the trouble... Since this whole thing started I hadn't considered what we would now "tell people" about our future plans. We've always said, "We're trying...". Now I'm not sure if we are trying, or ever will try again. I'm pretty scared to try again at this point.

Since they took the left tube out I'm not really scared that I will have another ectopic pregnancy. I am scared now, more than ever, of being pregnant and having it go terribly wrong. I wonder, is this God's way of telling me, "Thou shalt not be fruitful and multiply!"? Or is fate, or my body, keeping me from being pregnant to ward off some horrible outcome? Who knows....

I know it is sort-of silly, but I can't seem to resolve the questions in my mind. It is too soon to tell what the outcome will be. So until the future becomes a bit more clear, I'm just taking it day-by-day and trying to maintain until the path is more obvious...

Thank you to everyone for all the words of support and comfort. I am going to do my best to follow your welcome advice - rest and recuperate. That's all the plans I have for now...

Talk to you soon...

3 comments:

Baby Blues said...

I'm glad you're recovering well! Thanks to your very supportive hubby.

I'd be scared too. I sometimes think that I'm not getting pregnant for a reason, maybe I'll have a difficult pregnancy. Just take a break from trying and come back when you're ready.

canape said...

I'm so sorry.

I'm glad you have such a supportive husband and friends around you. That is great.

And I would so stay home Monday in pj pants ;)

Leslie said...

Honestly I'd stay home. I went back to work on a Mon after having a lap on Fri and regretted it. That was much less trauma than what you've been through. I also went back to work four days after a m/c and it was really hard. Hard to just act like everything is fine. You've got a lot to think about - I wish I could flip a switch for you and turn it all off.