Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Connecting with friends...

One of my closest girlfriends and I have both been on the TTC trail for a long time now. We have laughed and cried together many times over the whole experience. Also, we share a common bond of having both had miscarriages...

Yesterday, we dicussed a previous post regarding how we would like people to react (or treat us) after we experience a miscarriage.

DD is someone I am totally attached to, have been for years. We have both been trying to have children during most of our friendship, and so we are easy about the subject. We trade secrets, share losses, provide shoulders and encourage each other to keep trying. I try to convince her to go see an RE. It works well.

Over Christmas I threw a party for neighborhood women's club - it's the big annual event! I called DD to help me with getting my house in shape. She's an interior designer, so I called in a BIG favor by asking her to come give me a very frank consult. Some would say I wanted to test our friendship. :)

She came in, we made a list of needs and headed for Garden Ridge! We cruised through the aisles - the paintings and christmas trimmings went flying! We had the best time... I love times like these - two IF women having an IF-thought-free day!

I have a bad habit - I'll admit it - I talk on the phone while I drive.

My drive to and from work is about 35 minutes to go 13 miles, so I'm not moving very fast... It proves to be the BEST time for me to catch up with friends and family, who are also in traffic.

I call DD on a regular basis to catch up on things and find out what her weekend plans are.

The other day I remembered a dream I had, and with no preamble I said, "Did you have something you wanted to tell me??". There was silence, "Hello?. DD said, "No, why do you ask?", and wanted to tell her. Wanted her to know that I had dreamed of her PG anouncement. I was affraid though that she would be saddened by it, instead of cautiously hopeful.

I decided she was, after all a best friend and would understand my weirdness, so I explained the situation. She started laughing and cancelled any doubts that my dream was reality.

This was one of THOSE dreams though - where you wake up feeling like you should call the person - it left me with a very strong feeling, and it persisted throughout the day.

During our Christmas party shopping spree, she told me she had been pregnant, by just a few days when I called. She lost it just a few days after our conversation.

My world stopped spinning. I was in shock, saddened to the bone. Hugs were exchanged, heartfelt condolences given. I hope I said the right thing - DD would have to tell you...

I am so sad that she lost her baby. And yet I was closer to my friend than ever. I am so glad we have a strong connection - whether you believe in such things or not. Mostly, I am glad that she felt she could tell me and know that I would be there for her.


The Town Criers said...

I just got chills from this story. I'm so glad I found your blog because you came into my imaginary bar.

I don't know why more people aren't open in their day-to-day life about IF and loss except that it's sort of like talking about divorce when someone is getting married. People sort of know it's out there, but no one thinks it will happen to them. Until it happens to them. I think we do each other a huge disservice when we're not open to talking about IF because it catches so many people off-guard. They feel alone. They don't know what to do with themselves.

Here is your pina colada, my dear. Wishing you a lot of luck in this 2ww (for what it's worth--and most of the time, these things are just assvice, but I did have two Follistim cycles that produced one follicle each time and then one that produced 6! I just needed a higher amount? Who knows. It feels a little hit or miss each time).

Oh--and feel free to link to that post about sharing the new SQ style. I wish everyone would tell me that way--it would make it so much easier for me to jump immediately into the happy/supportive place.

Baby Blues said...

I also have a good friend TTC. Her company and the conversations we have over coffee is priceless. Being a friend to those who need us, is the least we could do to make this TTC journey bearable. I'm glad you've got each other.