On the road again...

DH and I have been trying to have children for a little of 2 1/2 years. We have been working with an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) for about 15 months. We have done 3 cycles of Clomid, had 4 cysts that prevented us from going through cycles, and two "clinical pregnancies". So far, we have proven we can make an embryo. So we keep trying...

I am starting to fade a bit on therapy - I'm really tired of getting poked and prodded. I'm starting to consider what my stopping point may be. I hadn't considered it before, because I thought we would be done by now and on our way to a bouncing baby girl/boy.

You know - it sounds so pessimistic - to sum up almost 3 years in a couple of paragraphs about being unsuccessful at becoming pregnant...

Well, I'm CD 11 - yep, got started with this cycle on New Year's Day! Yay me!

I hope it is a good sign to start off the new year with CD 1 being 1/1/07. I can tell just by looking at a calendar EXACTLY which day of my cycle I am on. Some of you might say - "That is pretty cool!" or others, "Why wouldn't you know?". Well, I'm not too hooked on knowing daily where I am in my cycle. It has actually added a bit of anxiety - because usually I drift a bit between the more invasive parts of the procedures. When DH asks "So, where are we?" I usually have to count it out on my fingers to know where I am. That's not to say I don't care, I just don't need to know EXACTLY where I am... I have appointments setup, and I know what I'm supposed to be doing on the next day, so I'm OK.

You see, I'm a PMP - Project Manager. I professionally keep up with "Where are we, really...". So, I figure, I CAN know if I want... Actually, I can really, really know and track it, on a project schedule, to the minute, with assignments and time-tracking to boot. However, I figure if I manage this "project" like I do my work, I will NOT end up pregnant, because no doctor or DH is going to put up with me. I will end up a lonely woman with a ghant chart of how it was all supposed to go so smoothly. Also I figure they don't really work for me, they work with me, or at least I should let them believe that. :)

This conclusion was born-out yesterday when I confronted my RE about whether he was being aggressive enough with treatment. Lucky for me, I thought to have him do the IUI procedure BEFORE I confronted him. You really don't want a pissed-off RE down there poking at you with the drinking straw.

Unlike his normal, I can take anything, self he was a bit snippy, and was non-too-pleased that I dared question his authority. I very firmly asserted that I would ask questions, I would weigh the risks, and I would make decisions. If I thought he was missing something, or not taking me seriously I would, always, ask questions. He concurred that it was the right thing to do, and we moved on to the subject of clowns... Yep, clowns...

I am betting you have all heard about bringing in the clowns http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/5099188.stm. Do you think it is a bad sign that myself, DH, and the nurse that was present had all heard about this, but the RE hadn't? Well, since he had not heard about this study, you can imagine his surprise when, after my IUI procedure, I belted out "Where are my CLOWNS?". He must really think I am nuts...

Oh, and what is with the need to say "you'll feel a little pinch?" What do they mean "...a little pinch"? Has anyone EVER said that to you and then what you felt was really a little pinch? Usually this statement is preceded or followed by a gut-wrenching pain, after which you wonder what this person's pain-tolerance levels must be.

I discussed this with my RE today, just before he opened the speculum (the crank, as I like to call it). I said told him he knew that wasn't accurate - he should say "This is gonna hurt like a bitch!". He laughed heartily and said most of his patients really prefer that he lies to them. LOL

Guess I had a lot that needed saying today... There's more, but my bed is calling to me...

Goodnight!