Saturday, January 13, 2007

The race is on...

Today I had some interesting news... A friend and I are both TTC during the same week. Up to this point we had been offset by a few days or weeks, but now we are both doing the "baby dance" at the same time.

I'm going to tell you how I'm feeling very frankly... I am scared that as my testing day grows closer, I will feel like I am in a race - where if one of us "wins" and the other does not. I realize this isn't real, but it will add an extra layer of frustration to this game of infertility. Specifically, I am scared that she will come out the "winner", and I will be left to support her while her tummy grows big, and mine does not.

I know, I know, I'm being silly... I'm being selfish, and I freely admit it... I feel silly and selfish. That is why I am trying to work out my feelings here. Please don't berate me for airing my real feelings... I would hate to have to be Politically Correct even on my own blog!

Obviously, there are other possibilities - we could reverse positions... Then I would have to question the fairness of life, and watch myself when I was around her. I really care that she not be hurt. Or, we could both come out winners or both try again soon.

I realize there are a myriad of possibilities. However, I don't want to feel like I am in a competition for a baby. I want to feel like I am doing what I need to do, when I need to do it, and the only considerations I have are for me, my DH, and my as-yet-un
conceived child.

If you have comments or suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Maybe I can find a way to make it past the two-week-wait without being too anxious over the outcome.


Carey said...

Good luck on this one... it's a hard balance to maintain. We've felt the very same way with friends of ours. It's hard. In fact, it can make or break the friendship. I've found that a little bit of distance is what works best.

Nearlydawn said...

Thanks for the comment Carey - you are the 1st to ever comment on my blog! Thank you for taking the time! :)