Wishing for Good Food...

As you read this, please remember I wouldn't give up my current state for the world. So all that follows is just whinging and describing my current situation for posterity. It is not meant to imply true unhappiness or a desire for anything to change my PG status anytime soon (no sooner than 8 months please!).

I am experiencing something very different for me... A personal kind of torture, made just for me I think.

See, I am a Foodie. I love food. I'm a large woman because of this love, but it is quite a powerful love. I love the taste of good food about as much as I like good sex. I think the two things cause similar reactions in my brain - except for the orgasm part. I don't think I've ever actually had an orgasm from food - but I've probably come close over real French desserts. MMMMmmmm!

OK, so lately, my personal torture has been that nothing tastes good. Even foods I want, that sound good for a moment, do not satisfy me once I've gotten that food. I can't eat my craving because the actual food is distasteful to me. For a Foodie this is torture. It's like all food is an illusion - an illusion that the food will be wonderful and good. I can see this food, but the moment I get it into my grasp it turns sour and off-color.

However, I have had some interesting levels of weight loss lately. I've watched 10 lbs melt away like butter on a hot day. I've got way more than 10 lbs to loose though, so it should be OK. I am eating - and I am NOT dieting - don't worry about that. Every two hours I have to eat something or else I feel sick to my stomach.

I've talked to my Dr. about it and he assures me I'm getting enough to eat. I'm also eating more healthy, which is probably adding to the weight loss.

I'm eating fruit for most of my mini-meals... Yep, fruit. It is about all I can stand besides bread at the moment. Oh, that and Indian food. For some reason I can eat Indian without too much danger of feeling nauseous. YAY! I love Indian. MMMMMMmmmmm... Of course, it is too heavy and full of calories for me to eat it for every meal. That and I can't cook it myself, so it's a bit too expensive. :)

Just doing all this thinking about food is making me not feel so well. I'm not getting full blown morning sickness - knock on wood *knock* *knock* - thank goodness. However, I still feel pretty queasy in general throughout the day - mostly feels like I've eaten too much or I've not eaten at all. It really doesn't seem to matter whether I've actually eaten or not.

Other than that, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm still a bit tired and want to nap a lot, but not so that I can't function.

Bo has scanned Monday's US pic - I should be able to post it soon. :) You all will get to meet GB (gummy bear) formally then! I can't wait. LOL I'm betting you guys won't be able to make out too much... The pic isn't nearly as clear as the monitor was.

Well, I'm off to bed. Hope everyone is having a good one! Take care!

8 Wks 0 Days - Baby's First Graduation!!!!

The RE appointment went very well. We were able to see what looked very much like a Gummy Bear! I hope to post the pics very soon...

We could see the head and arm and leg buds very clearly, and we could see ear bumps on each side of the head. They measured baby's heart at 162 BPM - Sooooo wonderful to hear.

Baby is measuring 8 Wks 3 Days, which is pretty amazing to me. I just can't believe so much has happened since 1 wk ago, when it just looked like a little blob.

I know bad stuff can still happen. I know that until this little one is in my arms that it is all up in the air. But, today I feel so good. I feel like we are really on our way. I want to cry out of pure happiness.

Today is a very good day.


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Update:
Bo sent me the sweetest flowers today! The card says "Congratulations, Darling!!!!". I said, "People are going to ask what the special occasion is and he said, "You are welcome to tell them, if you want." My sweetie KNOWS I am bursting at the seams to tell. He is so wonderful to me, don't you think??? :) Big Smile kind of day!

Blech...

I've had a rough day today... I feel alternately sick to my stomach (nausea), pain in my stomach like I ate too much, sleepiness, and pain in my stomach like I need to eat. UGH! I can't seem to get the food intake equation right today.

On top of that, the sight of other people's food makes my stomach turn. Interestingly I can look at my own food and I'm fine! Weird.

On top of all that I have a sore throat and pain just under my right ear - the lymph node there is swollen and painful to the touch. I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow to get it looked at.

And on top of that - just for fun - I've been spotting today! TMI Alert... It is brown, and my RE said that is OK for it to be brown. Let's just hope it stays that way. Pleeeeeeease let it be nothing.

I just want to go home and lay down. I really, really, really need a nap. Come on 5:30 PM!!!

One good thing though - I've officially added pregnancy tickers!!! :)

It's Official - I Don't Know Everything....

OK, it is official - I officially don't know everything....


We have a heartbeat!!! Baby is measuring 6 wks 6 days (we are 7 wks today) and has a good strong heartbeat. We were able to hear it!! :)

We go in next week for our 8 wk US and if everything is still good we graduate to the OB's office. We can stop the PIO then too!!!!

The PIO was reduced to 1/2 the dose and I am to stop taking the baby asprin. I keep going on the Hep.arin of course, but that is to be expected.

We called Bo's Dad this morning from the car - he was VERY happy to hear that his first grandchild is on the way. We cautioned him that it was still a bit early, just to be safe, but told him we heard the heartbeat, so it's all looking good at the moment.

We couldn't get Bo's brothers on the phone... They and their wives all have cell phones but they never seem to be on! So, we left messages to call.

These calls would include the BIL that got my comment on his blog last night. Once we have shared the good news with him I will turn my profile back on. Since I deleted the comment he's the only one that can follow the link to my blog.

I talked with Bo last night, he wasn't upset. He said that he figures it is OK for his brother and SIL to read our story once we have shared our news with them.

A couple of people commented here that it wouldn't be a big deal for people to know we did IVF. Well, yes and no. Bo's family is Catholic, and while that doesn't mean we know for sure how everyone will feel, we already know for SURE how some of the family feels about IVF. Some of the extended family would consider us non-family. They would think we had committed a horrible sin. They would not accept it. BIL is not one of those people, neither is his wife, but there are plenty of extended family that would put us on their shit list. So, we aren't sharing HOW we got pregnant, just that we did it using fertility treatments. KISS.

Anyhow, we are so excited, and I cannot focus on work at the moment. The day is probably pretty wasted for me. :) I have at least one report to write...

Thank you everyone for your votes of confidence.... You guys are the best!

7 Week Scan Tomorrow... Scared Shitless - updated

Well, the 7 week US is tomorrow.

I am really freaked about it, mostly because I have not really felt pregnant at all since about Friday. I have been spotting and having some mild cramps over the weekend. The spotting isn't heavy or constant, but scary nonetheless. We were out of town at a family wedding, so I didn't try to get a weekend scan from my RE's office. I realized that if it was over a scan wouldn't do anything to stop the process.

I feel very empty... My boobs still hurt like crazy, but I'm aware that can be from the PIO shots. All the other symptoms seem to be gone. No more super-smell. No more queasiness. No more food aversions. No more scatterbrain. Nothing but sadness remains. I'm sad because I feel very empty without my companion symptoms. If the boob pain went away I wouldn't have 1 clue that I was supposed to be pregnant. It is very sad to imagine that the scan tomorrow will confirm my fears. I haven't given up all hope, I really haven't, but I am not looking forward to tomorrow like I was. I am just going to hope for the best yet be as prepared as I can be for the worst.

I don't know what else to say... I'm just going through the motions until I see the US. I am not worrying at all until then, I am just sad. I will be totally overjoyed if it is all good. I promise I will be. If I didn't feel so darned empty I think things would be different for tomorrow - I would be giddy as a school girl.

I'll let you guys know as soon as I know something. Our scan is 1st thing in the morning.

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Update:

I did something SOOOOO boneheaded!!! I commented on my brother-in-law's blog with my IF BLOG USER ACCOUNT! OMG. So, I've had to shut off my profile so that he can't follow to my blog. Of course, he could now look me up on google, but DAMN that was stupid. The whole family, plus my hubby's best friends could have followed that link. Fuck! OK, maybe I am still doing scatterbrained things!!! Grrrrrrrrr.

I deleted the post, but I can't get rid of the link to my profile that it leaves for him. Damn it. Damn it. I think I am going to call him tomorrow and ask him NOT to follow that trail. He is a nice and upstanding guy, so he will most likely follow my wishes. I sure hope so anyway. Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!!

Now I gotta go tell hubby - he is gonna be SO TOTALLY pissed about this. FUCK.

Post 100 - Paranoia Is Home... Updated

It is officially my 100th post ladies! Sorry in advance, it is such an insane topic...

Paranoia, is it ever going to go away??? Tonight I was taking a nap and woke up to find my cat Humphries sitting (not laying) on my uterus. Really, I mean I freaked. Here is 10 to 12 lbs of cat sitting on my prized baby's home.

I uncerimoniously dumped him off and into the floor, but I spent about 20 minutes lying in bed trying to figure out if I thought he could have killed my baby. He was kind-of to the right of my uterus, so maybe everything shifted out of the way and he wasn't really sitting on the baby, but man. Also, I know everything is pretty small and way deep in there (I'm fat too, so that should help), but I'm still a little bit scared.

I spent another 10 minutes considering how I could keep kitty off my stomach without locking him out of the room. I considered all kinds of contraptions that could shield my baby from harm - don't ask. I hate to lock him out, what with Cocoa being gone now. He's home all day alone, he shouldn't have to spend the night alone too - it might just kill his mind for good.

Now, I also wonder if I will partly blame my kitty if the ultrasound doesn't come back good. I mean really folks, this is not like me to worry, at all really. I mean I think about things going wrong in my life, but I don't dwell on them. Dwell seems to be my middle name right at the moment.

OK, feel free to chastise me and my parinoia... I just know you other ladies have experienced stuff like this, and would understand how crazy I am.

In other news, nothing has changed.... Everything else is still just rolling along...

Updated....

I went to the store tonight after posting and talked to my girlfriend DD while I shopped. We had a good laugh over the cat sitting issue. She said she totally understood why I was a bit freaked but not to worry. I realized that I wasn't really so worried anymore, I was just needing to talk to someone about it. Now that I'm back home and rereading my post I realize that I am likely to sound like a nutter for the next 8 months. Geesh!

Oooo The Smells...

OK the world stinks - litterally. Since Saturday I have begun to smell EVERYTHING! I am especially noticing the yucky smells. Oh man... What DIED in the breakroom microwave?? UGH!

My stomach has started doing little flips based on the smells. Sometimes it flips a happy "feed me" flip and other times not so much. Today I noticed that bluberries are delicious smelling - mmmmmm! They were covered in chocolate and I could still smell them WAY before they got to my mouth. I only ate 2, so I don't think they count on my non-caffiene diet. :)

I've realized several times today that I only have 1 week before I get to see if there is a heartbeat in there pumping away. If there is I may not be able to keep from telling the world, immediately. I am so ready for everyone to know.

Bo came by my cube today and told me he was going to call his Dad AS SOON as the test was over if it was good news. He seems to have gotten himself a bit wrapped around the axle with maintaining both excitement and caution. I sure hope he gets some positive relief Monday. He said, "I know you've been wondering if I'm thinking about it at all, but don't because I certainly am. " He looked so scared it was very cute.

Well, I'm just biding my time until US Day - this is really about as bad as the 2WW. I need some writing assignments - anyone got anything good??

I think I'm going to try and do some photos for the photo world tour too... Not sure I will get done today though...

Week 6 - Parents Told and More Stories

Well, tomorrow makes week 6. We just got home from a quick weekend trip to our family farm to bury Cocoa, see my parents, and then spend some time with Bo's brother and his wife. We made a full weekend of it!

Some of you are probably saying, "bury Cocoa?" Well... we left for a week-long vacation right after he died, so we couldn't take him to bury him. I know some of you might have just put him in the back yard, but that wasn't really going to work for my guy. You see, we have a septic system, even though we live within the metro city of Atlanta! The town planners in their wisdom gave permits for septic within subdivisions as late as 1998. Geesh!

So, our neighborhood is on the list for getting sewers put in. THAT means that unless you want to dig up your precious pet you'd better NOT put him in your backyard. I have NO say on where the lines will run for the new system. That accompanied with our plans to fully landscape our yard after the sewer is in means that there is no certainty on where to put him for good.

The vet was keeping him for us (in the freezer) until we could go up to bury him on our farm. We have a 150 acre family farm in Tennessee, and there is a small pet cemetery there. We found a spot for him and laid him to rest at last. He has had a long road getting home.

After we finished laying Cocoa to rest we went to visit my parents and some of their friends who were out camping at a lake nearby. My Dad and two of his Airforce buddies from Vietnam, along with their wives, met up at the park with their campers and stayed the weekend. We showed up to visit about Noon.

As planned, we took our "baby gifts" with us to the campground. Everyone was gathered around when we got there, so we waited until I got Mom and Dad alone for a minute.

My Dad had already set out the stone that he had carved for Cocoa. It was a bit of a shock to see it just sitting there, but it was so nice. He took the time to sandblast around the name and he added the date. He even squeezed in the "a" and I wouldn't have thought it had ever been missing if I hadn't known. It was very sweet. I thanked my Dad and gave him a hug. Seeing the stone made me want to start crying again, so I tried not to look at it too much. I'm hoping my Dad understood and didn't think I didn't want it. I plan to send him a thank you card so I can better express my appreciation.

Eventually someone mentioned lunch and everyone left to go get the fixins they had from their campers. Bo gave me a wink and I snuck over to my car to get the gifts. I called my Mom out of the camper and Dad away from setting up the tables and told them "We have a little something for you guys too." They started opening and I said, "You should need these about March." It took a second, but it finally registered and my Mom started crying and saying "Really? Really? In March?" She was so shocked and quite happy. Dad didn't really say anything, but he had a great smile on his face. We had hugs all around - very sweet.

Mom asked me, "Can we tell everyone?" and I had to do a little dance on that one. We didn't mind them telling their friends, but we aren't ready to tell the whole family yet. We want to wait a little longer on that. So, Mom finished bringing out the lunch, and then she brought out the gifts, having repacked them, and showed everyone what they got. She was crying so hard she could barely tell everyone what she was up to! We did hugs all around again and a few tears of joy.

Fate is interesting, isn't it? I didn't know it, but these same people were with my parents in March when I called to say that we were having the emergency surgery to remove the ectopic pregnancy. So, everyone had known we had had trouble getting pregnant and was especially happy for us.

After a long afternoon we left the park and had dinner with Bo's brother and his wife. We had a great time. They are great to hang out with, and it is very nice to see Bo and his brother get some time together. We didn't tell them our news - we are waiting until after next week's ultrasound. That's when we plan to tell Bo's whole family. We really can't wait it should be great fun.

Well, guess that's all on the news front. Now I just have to hold out until the next milestone. Everyday seems to be a little easier than the last. I'm feeling pretty good, pretty happy with the way things are going and barely stressing at all. Life is pretty sweet at the moment. Hope all is well with all of you!

Clotting Bloodwork & Finding an OB

I received the 2nd part of my bloodwork results today. The Heparin has brought my clotting factors back within normal range. From now on I am to get my blood tested every 2 weeks to make sure my clotting time is staying level. This is VERY good news, seeing as they weren't sure what dose I should have at first - good educated guess, huh?

Today I got another thrill... My fav RE nurse said to start looking for an OB. She said it can sometimes take a while to get that first appointment. She has done some CNP intern work with my OB/GYN's office and specifically with my GYN said they are really great to work with. So, I'm thinking that would be just fine.

My GYN is a CNP and she said she can see me for most of my appointments. I would, as in most offices, see all of the OBs and she would be my primary caregiver.

I can't believe I need to choose an OB. Nobody pinch me, I don't want to wake up.

In symptom land... Has anyone had stomach pain other than nausea? I am feeling like I ate too much, even when I haven't eaten. I feel like it is Thanksgiving and I just finished a plate full! UGGH!

I haven't had any real nausea per se, nor have smells made me be put off, but I'm sort-of expecting it to be sometime soon. My numbers are reaching the ranges that most of the other ladies here have started having M/S issues. Who knows, maybe I'll luck out and miss that joyful experience!

Beta 3 is in...

The beta number was 4776, which I was told was a good number for the 3rd beta. :)

I did use one of the calculators to determine if it had actually doubled every 48 hrs. The calc showed 2.5 days to double. I got kind-of scared, because that is slow based on what I know. I asked the nurse several times if that was OK, should I

Well, I talked to Dr. Google and "Beta hCG levels should double approximately every 2 days for the first four weeks of pregnancy. As pregnancy progresses the doubling time increases. By 6 to 7 weeks gestation beta hCG levels may take as long as 3 1/2 days to double. ", all that with citations from medical journals. I just love Dr. Google sometimes!!! :)

Part of my worry was that if there was an issue I didn't want to tell my parents this weekend. Based on Dr. Google's answers I'm going ahead with my plan.

The office offered to move up my US to Friday the 20th, but Bo and I are headed out of town that morning for a wedding. So, I'm still sticking with Monday the 23rd. Come on Monday!!!

Just have to breathe 'til Monday the 23rd.... Just have to breathe 'til Monday the 23rd....

My Sweet, Sweet Daddy

Yeah, I'm still a Daddy's Girl...

Turns out my Daddy had a wonderful suprise in store for me for the weekend too. Mom called and sort-of spoiled it, but she felt she really needed to.

My Dad has carved a little headstone for my baby kitty Cocoa's grave. It is so sweet it brings tears to my eyes.

He was going to give it to me this weekend. So, he called my Mom (she was out shopping) and told her about it. She asked him how he spelled Cocoa's name... He said "Coco", isn't that right?

Ooops! Mom thought for sure it wasn't, so she called to check. Of course, I didn't know why she was asking, so I told her it was "Cocoa, he's named after Cocoa Puffs cereal".

When I found out what the questions were all about I told her it was OK to leave it like that - that Cocoa would understand, and I thought it was wonderful that he had thought to do it for me.

She said she would leave it up to my Dad. I know him well enough to know he will try to do it over... He's a true perfectionist. It will bug him more than it would ever bug me.

I Love my Daddy and he obviously loves me too.

Beta # 3 Tomorrow...

Well ladies, I'm feeling a bit less stressed after that US this week. I was sooo worried that I couldn't quit stressing, but now I feel pretty secure that everything is probably OK. I realize bad things can happen, for sure, but for right now it is a tiny bit easier to relax.

Tomorrow is Beta # 3, which should tell me if everything is still clicking along as planned. The next hurdle after that will be the 7 wk US on Monday the 23rd.

We are seeing my parents this weekend and, if the 3rd beta is ok, I'm thinking of telling them about our news. I haven't decided for sure, for sure, for sure, but I'm getting into the idea. So, I probably will.

I think I might just take the chance... You see, I've never shared our good news when we had it to share. I've always waited to tell them and each time things have gone wrong and I've called my Mom upset that it didn't work. Don't you think they deserve to get some good news this time, while it is good news? Rather than just finding out when things have gone wrong and being part of mopping up the pieces? Feel free to disagree - I need help making my decision...

BTW - I LOVED Gemini's idea of using the bib to convey the news. So, I'm thinking of buying either bibs or some booties (maybe one of each) and giving them to my parents to open. I am tearing up just thinking about it. I so want them to be happy, but of course it will take this whole thing working out for them to truly be happy.

I wish we were going up the weekend after the US instead... That would make me feel more confident in my news. *sigh*

So hit me with your best assvice... I really need it right now.

Also, thanks everyone for making me feel OK about not reading blogs for a bit. It helped me get through a few scary days. I started back reading last night and was totally OK. I realized that my own anxieties and fears were what was keeping me locked out of the blogverse... Thank you for helping me be OK with what I was feeling and coming back on my own time. :)

Lastly, you guys should see my tummy NOW! It totally doesn't look all cute and "welcome home" anymore. It looks more like the scene of a crime! Bo has seen it and says I look like I've been beaten up... The Hep.arin shots have left me with bruises from one end of my abdomen to the other - they have turned a putrid shade of greeny-yellow. NICE! Two shots a day - fun, fun, fun. I'm running out of non-bruised places to shoot. I'll take a pic if I get the nerve...

I talked to my fav RE Nurse about the bruising... She said they might switch me to a different med once I've hit 12 wks. Starts with an "L" but I can't remember it right now. She said it is once-a-day and should give me some relief from the bruising. I can't even imagine making it to 12 wks, so I got a little thrill from her idea. She said it like it would really happen - it is the little things we hold on to, isn't it. :)

Much Pain and an Early 5-wk US

Last night at about 2 AM I woke to sharp pains from my left side. The pain happened when I tried to roll from sleeping on my left side to my right. I woke yelling in pain, rolled back to my left side and the pain quit. Then I tried again, thinking maybe it was hip pain... It was just as bad but was more clear that it was coming from my the area of my uterus.

I was very scared that my worst nightmare had come true and I had another ectopic. I started gearing up to cry, and realized it would be silly to scare myself for the rest of the night. The pain went away as fast as it came on. So, I petted Humphries for a few minutes and fell back to sleep.


I called my RE this morning - they said to come in about 9:45. I dropped by my work office for a few minutes, answered a few emails, and then left for the RE's office. While I waited several ladies came out of the procedure rooms carrying light blue bags. It appears these are Congratulations bags. Several of the ladies were told "I can't believe you are graduating to the OB's office!" and "We'll miss you!", so I guess these were parting goody bags. :) One lady said to me, "Don't worry, you'll get yours!", with a big grin on her face. One can only hope...

Finally I had my turn... They did an ultrasound on my (I'm 5 wks today). They saw a very small gestational sac, right smack in the middle of my uterus. It appears, unless there are identical twins in there, that we are having a singleton. That's just fine by me.

They then scanned my ovaries and the previous location of my left fallopian tube. There didn't appear to be anything unusual in those areas.

I talked with the RE afterwards and he thinks the pain could be from scar tissue or an adhesion (where something mis-attached after ectopic surgery). The pain could be pulling or tearing from either of those things. He said if the pain continues or gets worse to call and they would have another look. Right now he isn't worried, based on the scan.

So, for right now, it looks like baby is right where it should be and there is nothing obviously scary going on.

They scheduled me for my follow-up ultrasound for Monday, July 23rd first thing in the morning. That is about a week later than I thought it would be, but that's OK. By that time the heart should be in full swing, and we should get some good pictures of how baby is doing.

Boob Pain, Birthdays, Fears and Friends Who Understand - good times!

Tonight we had dinner with our best friends, it was Big B's birthday, DD's hubby. We had a wonderful time at the local Fondue place - 3 course dinner, mmmmmmm! I was soooo hungry, which I haven't been as much lately.

We kept the topic mostly about the beach and such until the conversation turned to RE's, pregnancy and fears.

DD has just had her first IUI and is to get her results this week on Wednesday. We are all hoping they will get some good news so she and I can go through this PG thing together. Our hubbies have started joking that they will move into DD's house together and move DD to my house until the 9 month ride is over. :)

The conversation was light and silly until we started talking of fears... I am still very afraid something is going to go wrong. We went over the things that we have gone through and how it makes you very cautious, and how we feel cheated. Other people in my situation would be jumping for joy and telling everyone they know, but I have to be scared and cautious to keep my heart whole.

It was so nice to be with people who truly understand why we are still not considering ourselves truly and fully pregnant. We aren't planning anything yet, and it seems all 4 of us are holding our collective breath. DD and I have planned a shopping trip after I get that 1st major US milestone under my belt.

I had already told DD the following, so we didn't discuss this at dinner, but a couple of things over the last 2 days have left me quite scared indeed. I have been having pain on my left side, right where my ectopic pregnancy hurt last time. I am terrified that this pregnancy is attached to the stub from my ectopic. Last night I felt a lump under the skin in the location of the pain. I am terrified I tell you...

I called my REs office today and left a message, but got no callback. I am going to drop by in the morning, I think, to tell them what is going on and see if they want to do a quick US peak and maybe another beta.

The other scary thing is reading blogs... There are so many things that go wrong with people's pregnancies, including mine. Reading your stories is actually scaring me at the moment. I have caught up with many of your blogs, but I seem to be unable to leave any comments. I feel disconnected, sad for everyone that is not pregnant this cycle, hurt for those who's recent pregnancies have ended, and t-e-r-i-f-i-e-d that I will read a similar story to mine and it will end badly.

I want to be there for every one of you, I really do. I am just not sure how to get past my roadblock. Maybe it will get easier as I pass some key milestones, but I can't be sure. It is like I am in limbo at the moment. I just want to go to sleep and wake up when there are real answers - I want to see what the end result is - I want to just know that it will be OK.

Sad, I know... I am trying to just make it one day at a time. I have 4 more days until my next beta (assuming they don't do one tomorrow). Just 8 more days until the first ultrasound. Just breathe...

Home Sweet Home!

Just wanted to check in and say "Hey"! We're back from the beach!

Everything is going along as expected. I'll be catching up on blogs this evening...

This morning I had a few minutes of panic because I felt odd - well, the problem was I didn't feel as PG as I've been feeling the last few days. Suddenly I realized something could be wrong, so I started pressing my boobs and searching for the constant heartburn feelings. No heartburn was present, but the boob pain was consistent, so I relaxed a bit. I remember with my pregnancies that didn't go well the boob pain was the 1st thing to go, almost instantly. Weird how that works, huh?

We had our very first "baby" conversation on our long ride home (5 hrs). Bo brought it up... I was surprised at first, because he hasn't really had anything to say about thing related to when baby is here. It seemed like he wasn't thinking about it at all.

We talked about the nursery, and which room it would be. He was thinking we would use his current office since it has a built-in changing table in the closet. He would then move his office into our smallest guest room. However, his office is really so small that you would want to move the child out of that room once they were over 2, and if we had 2 babies there is no way it would be big enough. Really, it is the very smallest room in the house (maybe 9 x 8). Our closet is bigger.

I told him I wanted our baby to have the best bedroom, which is currently a very pretty guest room. He can still move his office into the 2nd bedroom as he wanted. We do not have guests enough to need to save the prettiest room for them. Also, we would still have 2 other rooms that can serve as nice guest rooms - the smallest bedroom and our library. Frankly, the library makes the nicest guest room of all, and it is on the main floor.

I think I won the discussion. :) I didn't even have to tell him I already bought cute curtains for that room. :) Yay me!

Right now Bo is unpacking the car and told me to get some kitty time - a.k.a doesn't want me lifting stuff. :) Humphries is doing just fine and seems a bit skinnier, which is good.

Beta 2 - 14dp3dt

The results of our second beta came in this afternoon while we were watching a live presentation on Gullah/Geechee life and language at Boone Hall Plantation, just outside of Charleston, SC. I had to get up and excuse myself from the crowd - rude, I know, but I SOOOO wanted those beta results. I apologized to the speaker after the show for interrupting her great presentation. She kindly said she hadn't noticed.

I wondered over under a 300 year old Live Oak on the allee leading up to the mansion... The wind was blowing cool marsh breezes over the plantation. The cell reception was bad, and I barely heard my nurse say that my beta numbers more than doubled! I asked her again what the number was, because I wasn't sure I heard right... We needed to get to 640, and we got to 708!!! Whooo hooo!!! :)

She also said that my proges.terone numbers were really good (43) from Tuesday's test and to keep on my same dose. No problem! :)

I asked what she thought about the possibility of more than one baby. She said she didn't think so, but that you couldn't really tell from the numbers. Not what I've heard from you guys and your REs, but I'm thinking she doesn't want to get my hopes too high. I'm still a little bit hopeful, especially with the reports from Gemini and Stacie. However, I am going to try not to get too wrapped up in the idea until I've seen the US. It is definitely niggling at my brain though. :)

I have an appointment for next Thursday morning to run beta number 3. If all is still going well we will have our first ultrasound early the next week (wk of the 16th). At that point I should be 6 wks along give or take a day.

I asked how doing IVF affects the "due date" and was told that it does take some days out of the normal cycle, so while I tomorrow I'll be at 5 calendar weeks I am officially considered to be at 4 1/2 weeks on the IVF-adjusted calendar.

I just looked up the due date - first time ever... It would be Monday, March 10th. This makes me 4 wks 3 days pregnant. :)

I sooooo want a pregnancy ticker, but I think I'll wait until the ultrasound. I want to know there is a heartbeat, and then I think I will let my hair down, sigh a big sigh, and will do all the things newly-pregnant non-IF women take for granted - like enjoy this special time and GLOW.

I told my best friend DD that I would want to go shopping for my first-ever baby purchase as soon as that US shows us a heartbeat. I have never let myself buy something for baby - something just for baby.

Yeah, I bought some curtains recently for the hopefully eventually nursery, but they were on sale and are grown-up enough to be practical right now. I plan to put them up when I get home... However, I haven't let myself even so much as dream the look of the actual nursery.

Also, once we have a heartbeat I want to tell our families (Mom doesn't know yet) and I'm thinking up creative ways to break the news... I'm looking for ideas ladies - how did you break the news to your families??? ESPECIALLY if your parents live out of town (mine are 5 hrs away). Nooooo idea is too silly, trust me !!!

On to the medical side of things... My BOOBS HURT!!!! They have started hurting not only when I accidentally bump one, but also when I'm just sitting there, not even considering them. OUCH!


OH, and the need to eat... I'm not ravenous between meals or even antsy when meal time comes around, but MAN let me miss a meal by a few minutes and my tummy lets me know in the most uncomfortable fashion imaginable. This afternoon we were about 1 1/2 hrs late eating and I thought for SURE I was gonna be sick from the signals in my stomach - I was so nauseous. It is a wee too early to be getting morning sickness, but I think my body just realized how hungry it was and got confused - since being nauseous hasn't been known to make me hungry before. LOL


PIOs are going good... Bo and I have gotten into a rhythm about it. I setup the shot and he goes through with the sticking me part. He has stopped apologizing for causing pain though - that is a relief to me. :) I know he hates sticking me, but we have to do it and we are committed to it.

The He.parin has left the most unusual tracks across my tummy... I have what looks like a Connect-the-Dots puzzle from one side to the other! Man, it is scary looking. I'm glad to be doing these shots though - they may just be the key to the whole thing.

Lastly, we are still having a good time at the beach. Family, food, fun - good times I tell you. Last night we had one of the cousins announce her pregnancy. I longed to announce ours too, but knew it was too soon. Way too soon. We haven't even told our immediate families yet (the group is mostly made up of Bo's Aunt's kids and their kids).

Also, I learned something so important from all of you out there - it is NOT nice to steal someone's thunder. No matter how much you want to say ME TOO it is going to leave hurt and pain in the heart of the person you "added on" to. Before IF, and hearing your stories, I wouldn't have thought of it - it never occurred to me because it hadn't happened to me. Thank you so much for your insights it made it easier to bear not being able to share our news. :)

I've rambled on long enough I guess... Let me say I've cherished getting all the notes of love and support from you guys. I'm so glad I am able to share this with you guys. Thank you for being there for me.

Beta Results - 12dp3dt

Thank you soooo much everyone for all the kind wishes!!! I have been able to check my email a little bit while on vacation, and I've enjoyed the happy messages from my IF friends. So, without further stalling....

The 1st Beta results are in!!!

270!!!

Yep, I'm definitely pregnant! :) It is a good healthy number! :)

Bo and I are very excited with the news, and both had a good joyful crying stint this afternoon.
Bo captured my tears of joy on film, until I told him to quit shooting so I could have a good cry.

We are so pleased to have made it this far, but it doesn't feel real yet. I have been holding back my "what ifs" for so long that I haven't let myself feel this is real.

As is customary for BFP bloggers - here's my symptoms list so far:
- daily heartburn
- sore boobs
- mild cramping
- starting to get some weird/vivid sexual dreams (could just be the forced abstinence since 4 days before retrieval!)

We are to go back for Beta # 2 on Thursday, as you know they want to check that the numbers will double appropriately. Assuming everything is still good we will have our next appt on next Thursday for follow-up beta and Throm.boph.ilia blood work. They are going to try and tell me how long they think I will need to be on the Heparin shots.

Personally, I'm fine taking the shots daily for the whole time, as long as it means my baby(ies) will make it to the other side of this long journey healthy and whole.

On the baby vs. babies thing... As you may know, they put back 2 embies, so we are looking forward to knowing if there is one or two babies in there. :) Personally, I'm hoping for two, but I will be perfectly happy with one. My only real goal is for this to work out well.

I heard from my friends that are looking in on my kitty Humphries for me - they say he is doing well and doesn't seem to be in distress. He seems to have fallen in love with one of my throws. I'm OK with that - I know it is just a surrogate for Mommy-love. :)

Hey S&S, I'm working on a playmate for your boy big B!! :) I would have called today with the news, but we are having cell phone limitations at the beach. Hope you read this soon!!! :)

Well guys, I'm going to go back to doing the beachy thing... Hope everyone out there is having a wonderful time this Fourth of July week. I'll be catching up on your blogs when I get back.