Sunday, July 22, 2007

7 Week Scan Tomorrow... Scared Shitless - updated

Well, the 7 week US is tomorrow.

I am really freaked about it, mostly because I have not really felt pregnant at all since about Friday. I have been spotting and having some mild cramps over the weekend. The spotting isn't heavy or constant, but scary nonetheless. We were out of town at a family wedding, so I didn't try to get a weekend scan from my RE's office. I realized that if it was over a scan wouldn't do anything to stop the process.

I feel very empty... My boobs still hurt like crazy, but I'm aware that can be from the PIO shots. All the other symptoms seem to be gone. No more super-smell. No more queasiness. No more food aversions. No more scatterbrain. Nothing but sadness remains. I'm sad because I feel very empty without my companion symptoms. If the boob pain went away I wouldn't have 1 clue that I was supposed to be pregnant. It is very sad to imagine that the scan tomorrow will confirm my fears. I haven't given up all hope, I really haven't, but I am not looking forward to tomorrow like I was. I am just going to hope for the best yet be as prepared as I can be for the worst.

I don't know what else to say... I'm just going through the motions until I see the US. I am not worrying at all until then, I am just sad. I will be totally overjoyed if it is all good. I promise I will be. If I didn't feel so darned empty I think things would be different for tomorrow - I would be giddy as a school girl.

I'll let you guys know as soon as I know something. Our scan is 1st thing in the morning.

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Update:

I did something SOOOOO boneheaded!!! I commented on my brother-in-law's blog with my IF BLOG USER ACCOUNT! OMG. So, I've had to shut off my profile so that he can't follow to my blog. Of course, he could now look me up on google, but DAMN that was stupid. The whole family, plus my hubby's best friends could have followed that link. Fuck! OK, maybe I am still doing scatterbrained things!!! Grrrrrrrrr.

I deleted the post, but I can't get rid of the link to my profile that it leaves for him. Damn it. Damn it. I think I am going to call him tomorrow and ask him NOT to follow that trail. He is a nice and upstanding guy, so he will most likely follow my wishes. I sure hope so anyway. Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!!

Now I gotta go tell hubby - he is gonna be SO TOTALLY pissed about this. FUCK.

7 comments:

Chili said...

I did that a few days ago on a distant friend's blog. I deleted the comment, and then wrote him a quick e-mail begging him not to tell anyone that it was me. He was cool with that (and very understanding about the nature of my blog and why I don't want anyone reading it), thank goodness!

Hope you've managed to avoid getting outed!

Imogen and David said...

Oh shit, hopefully it's the pregnant brain and the scan brings you the happy news you deserve xo

Tam said...

Good luck with your scan today, thinking of you and praying that everything is okay.

Oh shit, that's not good, hope you weren't in too much trouble with hubby :)

Kate said...

Good luck with your scan - I hope it's good news.

ultimatejourney said...

Good luck with the scan! I really hope everything is going great.

Can you delete the comment from the blog? That might help keep you anonymous. How frustrating, though.

Gemini Girl said...

I think it's bigger in your mind than what you think. So call him and tell hiom not to follow the link- maybe he wont. But on some note, you cant hide forever. I mean, so what if the whole world knows that you had ivf and are pg? You may not be ready to divulge information to the world, but I think everything happens for a reason. I dont go around announcing that I had IVF but most of my family knows about it and Im fine with that because who knows who I may be helping with my story?

And dont worry about your lack of symptoms- they come and go at first, your body is going a little crazy with the pg hormones. I bled as well at 7 weeks.. and I too freaked out... but it turned out fine! Just relax and I am sure it will all be ok!

Sticky Bun said...

Sh*t! I hope you dodged the "outing" bullet with that one!