Monday, October 5, 2009

12 Weeks - Who Let the Fear and Sadness In?

Sorry I've been so quiet. I have felt very wary of this pregnancy for the last few weeks. I've been spotting and not feeling quite right. A couple of you have emailed to check on me - I appreciate that!  I guess you could say I've been holding my breath until today...

We went to our 12 wk maternal fetal US today - they were supposed to do the genetic anomalies ultrasound and blood draw. However, the baby is measuring too small to do the testing. It is measuring 11 wk 1 day - about a week smaller than it should be.
We were told that a couple of the things they saw on the US were markers for Downs - an umbilical cord cyst and an enlarged bladder. There is the large possibility that this baby has Downs. If it does have Downs it also has a large chance of complications from the enlarged bladder (low amniotic fluid, deformities, and mid-to-late-term death).

I am set to do a CVS on Friday - the results, assuming the test goes well and they can get a sample, would be back in about a week.

Here's how it all breaks down:
- The baby being small is a bad sign by itself, but isn't insurmountable, and could resolve over time if it was an anomaly.
- The bladder issue by itself is bad, but could resolve spontaneously or with surgery in-utero.
- The chord issue by itself is bad, but could resolve spontaneously or could stick around and cause no harm until delivery. From what I read today, delivery would have to be a C-section if there was a cyst by that point, since the cord is compromised and could burst during delivery.
- Put all 3 of these issues together and you are most likely looking at a child with some underlying issues that have caused things to go awry.

Needless to say, this has been a bad day. I have told a couple of family members and my best friend, but haven't made a public spectacle of myself - unless you count crying hard while driving. :(  I hope I'll be able to just lie low at work and keep my sadness to myself until I know what's what. Then again - it will be a LONG time before this is all resolved, unless the baby dies naturally, which as it sounded today isn't that unlikely.

*sigh*  I feel really empty, but then I clearly see that imagine of my baby hanging in there, trying to survive, and I feel sad - I just want him or her to be born happy and healthy, but I can't imagine I'll be getting that wish granted. *sigh* 


Stacie said...

Oh Dawn. I am so sorry. I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a big hug.

When I was pregnant with the boys, I remember the terror I felt when it was thought that the babies had genetic issues. Baby A had what was thought to be clubbed feet and both had double choroid plexus cysts. We were told that these things combined together made our chance of Down's pretty high. We rushed to have the amnio done. The wait for the results were some of the longest days I had ever had. In our case, things turned out okay as far as genetics was concerned. I pray the same will happen for you and your little bean.

I am here if you want to talk about it. I am a pretty good listener, too.

Sending you strength and love today and always.

Hopeful Mother said...

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with the unknown here - and thinking about what might be, must be torture.

Please know that I am thinking of you and praying for you and your little one.

Sweet Georgia said...

I really don't know what else to say besides that I'm very sorry.

Furrow said...

I'm so very sad for you and for your struggling baby. I had assumed that your silence was just busy bliss. I'm inexpressibly sorry at how wrong I was. ((((hug))))

Heather said...

I'm so sorry.
Praying for you.

Orodemniades said...

Dawn, I am so terribly sorry to hear this news. I hope everything resolves itself by the next scan.

serenity said...

Oh no. I am so sorry to hear this. I'm with the others - will be fervently hoping that it all resolves itself by the next scan.

Love to you in th meantime.


ME Gregory said...

I'm sorry you are going through this. Here's hoping for better days and news.

MrsSpock said...

Oh crap, how scary. Waiting and not knowing is awful indeed! I'm crossing my fingers for you...