12 Weeks - Who Let the Fear and Sadness In?

Sorry I've been so quiet. I have felt very wary of this pregnancy for the last few weeks. I've been spotting and not feeling quite right. A couple of you have emailed to check on me - I appreciate that!  I guess you could say I've been holding my breath until today...

We went to our 12 wk maternal fetal US today - they were supposed to do the genetic anomalies ultrasound and blood draw. However, the baby is measuring too small to do the testing. It is measuring 11 wk 1 day - about a week smaller than it should be.

 

We were told that a couple of the things they saw on the US were markers for Downs - an umbilical cord cyst and an enlarged bladder. There is the large possibility that this baby has Downs. If it does have Downs it also has a large chance of complications from the enlarged bladder (low amniotic fluid, deformities, and mid-to-late-term death).

I am set to do a CVS on Friday - the results, assuming the test goes well and they can get a sample, would be back in about a week.

Here's how it all breaks down:
- The baby being small is a bad sign by itself, but isn't insurmountable, and could resolve over time if it was an anomaly.
- The bladder issue by itself is bad, but could resolve spontaneously or with surgery in-utero.
- The chord issue by itself is bad, but could resolve spontaneously or could stick around and cause no harm until delivery. From what I read today, delivery would have to be a C-section if there was a cyst by that point, since the cord is compromised and could burst during delivery.

- Put all 3 of these issues together and you are most likely looking at a child with some underlying issues that have caused things to go awry.

Needless to say, this has been a bad day. I have told a couple of family members and my best friend, but haven't made a public spectacle of myself - unless you count crying hard while driving. :(  I hope I'll be able to just lie low at work and keep my sadness to myself until I know what's what. Then again - it will be a LONG time before this is all resolved, unless the baby dies naturally, which as it sounded today isn't that unlikely.

*sigh*  I feel really empty, but then I clearly see that imagine of my baby hanging in there, trying to survive, and I feel sad - I just want him or her to be born happy and healthy, but I can't imagine I'll be getting that wish granted. *sigh*