Life and Death, Thoughts of the Day

Today I attended a visitation for a friend, a co-worker, and a great lady. She was my manager at my current job and had been out for a month or more on medical leave.

She had a comparitively rare form of cancer and we thought she was doing well with her treatments. She passed away suddenly on the 11th.

It was quite a shock to all of us at the office. She was someone that everyone respected deeply and wanted to do their best for. She was someone that made you want to always put forth your best game.

The whole office seemed to turn out for her visitation - with her friends and family in attendence it was a big crowd. I brought along my friend DD, as DD had done some interior design work for her - they had really hit it off, so she wanted to give her condolences too.

The visitation made me think of the strangeness of life and death. People were there, walking around, mingling, talking about how much they loved and cared for the deceased. I was too. But, here I am, carrying life. My friend is carrying life too (allthough her's is much more obvious). Between the 2 of us we are carrying 3 new souls through this celebration and ceremonial closing of another's life.

It struck me as a very surreal moment in my life.

I had the hardest time watching the little picture show that was put together about her life. I cried seeing pictures of her as a child with her brothers. I realized that one day, my baby boy's pictures wherein I have so carefully recorded his laughter and milestones will most likely grace a picture show much like this. A picture show where everyone is happy, all the clothes look odd, everyone is healthy and enjoying life. I had to turn away.

How odd it is, to imagine a future... Now that I have my son the variables are too great. Will his pictures include siblings? When will they stop including my parents? My husband? Me?

Yes, I so dearly hope that there is a time, way far away in his life (50 - 60 years or more from now), where he will lay me to rest. I do not want it to be the other way around. The idea alone scares me and causes sleepless nights.

Watching that one little show gave me a glimpse into my baby's mortality, and I guess my own a little. I don't think it is a bad thing - it just made me realize that I should be careful to make good memories, fun pictures, lots of smiling days to capture.

*sigh*