Sunday, August 16, 2009

Scared... Sleepless...

I am sitting here thinking, "Why am I so scared?". All the while I am looking at those from the July/August Cyclesistas log to see if others have gotten and been able to keep a BFP this cycle.

I go for my 2nd beta tomorrow. I can feel my veins constricting in fear. I am scared of the results, so scared.

I don't want to go to bed, because as soon as I wake up I'll need to high-tail it down to the RE's office to take the next step. Am I? Am I still? Am I really going to keep this pregnancy? Can you hear me now, baby?

You'd think, since I've been through this before, that I would be cool about tomorrow's test. I don't remember being this nervous before. I'm sure it IS because I know... Catch 22, eh?

I've seen as many stories of happiness as sadness in this month's roll. I've seen the heartache, and those that are still waiting to have their shot at the goal. I wonder where I will be tomorrow...

For what it's worth... I've had a few symptoms here and there, but I don't think they are as strong as they were. I know, doesn't mean a lot. It is just comforting to think there's still a chance, maybe someone's still there... I'll let you all know when I know!


Billy said...

Good luck on your Beta!
I'm sure that no matter how many times one goes through this, every time is nerve racking..
And thanks for stopping by at my blog :-).

Blondie said...

It's so true -- I get more and more nervous as the appointments roll by because I do know so much! I used to walk in hopeful, and now I walk in feeling nauseous and near tears.

What exactly do the beta numbers mean? I've never gotten that far (yet). I've been blogging about my experiences so far. It is kind of therapeutic, isn't it?