GD Diet - Need Help!

OK, I finally have something I want to blog about... It may be the topic I'm on for a WHILE too. Gestational Diabetes! Fun, Fun!

I am totally OK with being careful with what I eat. I am OK with the amount of food I can have - I am certainly not going to starve. I am NOT OK with coming up with foods to eat that meet the guidelines. It is like all of the creativity with food has fallen right out of my head, and I can't imagine how to satisfy the program's requirements.

I am calling on ALL those with experience with Gestational Diabetes to help me here... I really, really need you guys to help me plan so I can stay on track!

Specifically I need help with SNACKS!!!!! I have to have 3 snacks a day... Yeah, I know, you pitty me. However, each snack has to have a specific number of carbs vs. protein. Yeah, I can get the carb part, no prob, but I'm not getting enough protein and I can't imagine combos that would do the trick. Here's an example:

For my snack that is after Lunch, I need 2 carb exchanges (30 g carbs) and 1 or more protein exchanges. So far, I've come up with the following:
1/2 PB&J - heavy on the peanut butter
2 graham crackers with peanut butter and cream cheese
grilled cheese sandwich
1/2 tuna salad sandwich (only 1/2 because I make it with pickles)

Please, please, anyone that has snack ideas - help out a poor GD woman! LOL

Some personal limitations make this harder - I don't eat cheese raw - so no string cheese or "apple and piece of cheese" snacks will work. I like peanut butter and nuts OK, but I would prefer they not be involved in every single snack, as it will get real old by the end of 12 weeks. So, you get double points for ideas that don't use PB or nuts as the protein. :)

Other than that, I am fine with most protein choices, eggs, chicken, tuna, beef, etc in most of their available forms. One note, for those that haven't done a GD diet before - milk and yogurt count as carbs not as protein, but cheeses count as protein (except for cream cheese).

BTW - everytime I abbreviate Gestational Diabetes I get a bit of a giggle... I'm tempted to make some very bad puns in the future if I can't lick this diet issue.

Still here! Still pregnant!

Hey guys! I'm still here, and as of a couple of moments ago the baby is still kicking away. :)

Just thought I would check in and say hey to everyone...

I never did do the 2nd post about Thanksgiving, sorry about that. Maybe I'll get to it, who knows. I've just been really not into blogging over the last couple of weeks.

Well, that is I haven't really been in the best of blogging moods unless you want to hear me whine... Let's see... the job issue (being laid off), not getting a job I interviewed for with my company, being a bit stir crazy staying at home, being diagnosed as having Gestational Diabetes, and missing all my work friends. Isn't it amazing how much you grow to enjoy being with the people you work with? You kind-of take them for granted, like family, almost. Of course, also like family, you don't love ALL of the people you work with. LOL

Oh, did you like how I threw that GD diagnosis in there, like you wouldn't notice? Yeah, that part really sucked. I found out I didn't get the job I really, really wanted AND that I had GD on the same day. Those two things set off a "life sucks" kind of attitude for me for a few days. I'm better now, but damn did that day suck.

In the Positive Moves column I have done OK... I've finished hand making my Christmas gifts (not telling what, just in case my family is reading along). I've finished all my shopping, too. The wrapping is mostly, almost totally, done. The house is as decorated as it is getting. The two holiday parties I was to attend are over (yes, I went to both, had a fabulous time, and damn I was cute too!) As far as Christmas goes, things are going OK.

Most of all I've been pretty bumbed at missing out on all the work-related things I took for granted, like guaranteed income. I mean it when I say I now CONSIDER whether I NEED a sandwich while running errands or if I can make it until I get home. I am really counting every dime at this point. I'm making hubby take stock too, which hasn't been too easy for him. He's not used to being reminded that $5.00 items add up... We typically spend what we want and never give each other any money grief. Man, it's going to get tough around here when the severance runs out - every dime in the meantime is getting pinched.

I've been reading everyone's blogs lately... I don't find much to comment about, but I'm certainly there. I just don't feel so much like chiming in these days...

I did have some crazy baby-making moments to report over the past couple of weeks - fun, fun, fun...

1) I dreamed a very realistic dream that I was breastfeeding my baby. The baby was about 3 months old, and it was a girl. We don't know the sex of our actual baby... The sensation of breastfeeding was exceedingly real feeling. I could feel the tugging and nuzzling of the baby. I could feel the milk moving through my breasts. It was terribly real to me, even though I've never breastfed before. When I woke up I was SURE that I had a 3 month old baby girl in the house - so imagine my surprise when I noticed the baby kicking wildly in my tummy. So freaky...

2) Baby couldn't sleep, so I couldn't sleep. The other night, for 4 to 5 hours the baby kicked non-stop. That has never happened before, mind you, so it was quite disturbing and was causing quite a bit of discomfort. This, coupled with the fact that I was having MAJOR gas pains, made for a totally sleepless evening. I think I finally rolled into bed about 5:30 or 6 AM. Not my idea of fun... Of course, the baby seemed to wear itself out, so I didn't really feel much movement for most of the next day - just enough to know it was still alive.

I'm nearing 28 weeks and starting to realize that the home stretch is approaching very quickly! It is kinda scary how quickly, really. I mean, where did the time go? I was so sure December would never get here, and now it is 1/2 done! Oh my!

So, not too much news to share, but in the world of IF and pregnancy that is probably a real blessing. :)

Hope all is going well for everyone out there in blogland.

Thanksgiving Memories... Part 1 of 2

We had a wonderful time this Thanksgiving! Told in 2 parts...

Bo took some extra time off work (I'm laid off, remember) and we did a full circut of my family's homes for the holiday. We even managed to include some of his family on the outbound portion of our journey. It was truely wonderful to see everyone!

With my tummy popping out all over the place I found out what it is like to really be the center of attention in a LARGE family. It was sweet, scary, fun, and frustrating all at once. :) More than one time I entered a room of happily cozy people, only to have a matron of the group shuffle the troops to make a seat for me. I DIDN'T WANT TO SIT DOWN!!! How embarrassing... LOL ... and yet how sweet that they care so much for our wellbeing. Family, gotta love them! :)

We started off the jaunt at my parents' home in TN, just outside Nashville. My brother was in from Boise, ID and I was so very glad to see him. It has been way, way too long. I miss him terribly... Everyone oooh'd and aaaah'd over my belly, except for brother, because he's a Grinch, and yet I could tell he was secretly very, very proud of me. :)

On Thursday, we went to our family farm on the other side of Nashville. Our farm is still in use, for raising cattle, and my cousin is raising her family there along with chickens, dogs, cats, and sometimes bunnies. We always enjoy the ruckus the "city kids" cause by messing with the animals - what a hoot. I found out I do a mean rooster impression... Don't ask.

As usual, we ran the gauntlet of hugs and well wishes as we entered. Only this year I got "tummy rubs" too! Everyone was so terribly excited about the baby. :) When we entered the kitchen/dining area you could have bowled me over with a feather. There were baby presents stacked to the ceiling folks! Literally! They had piled them all on a sideboard, and one of them was grazing the ceiling tile! Oh My!

After an AMAZING dinner, which I must say was the best in recent memory, we all trundled off to the back porch for desserts. Oh how wonderful - party pink salad, my favorite!!!!! Oh, and home made pumpkin cheesecake!

Folks, a back porch on a farm house is NOTHING more than pure genius. This room is quite large (maybe 20x20), and serves as a catch all for the implements of keeping a farm house running. It is sort-of a glorified mudroom. However, it has one distinct advantage - it has a concrete floor and screened windows, so stays very cold. Perfect for housing desserts and hosting leftovers between the day's meals (we eat early, and then graze again at about 7 PM). Built in large-scale refrigeration... you gotta love it!

After the meal had settled, but before sleep had set in, my mother" distracted me while the "shower" was setup. We received so many nice things - a video monitor, blankets, bibs, gowns, onesies, a high chair, and the list goes on! It was so wonderful to have such an outpouring of love for our little one. It was also Bo's first baby shower ever - he seemed lost at first, but I kept handing him things to open. He really seemed to enjoy it - mostly though I think he was grateful there were no party games! LOL

On our way back from the farm we swung by Bo's brother's home, where they were hosting dinner for 11 - 8 of the guests being children. Sue's sister has 8 kids, all under 12. We didn't stay long, as our hosts were exhausted from the day's trials, and we were coming back on our way home for a night, so we made it short.

To be continued...

OK - I've got to do this MIME... Rotten Correspondent did this as her Fun Monday post, so I'm going to tag along. Feel free to join in and post your own story!!!

"I want you to take a trip down memory lane, and keep right on going, right back to your childhood. And I want to hear "THAT STORY". You remember the one? Yes, you do! The one your parents, siblings, extended family or friends, would never let you forget, live down or get over!"

Here's my contribution...

I was 21 when I was "outed" at a family gathering for still being afraid of the dark. I was a married woman, living away from my parents' home, and yet STILL I couldn't handle the dark?!?!

That was funny enough form my wonderful family crew, until they found out that I ALSO couldn't sleep if my foot, hand, or other part of my body was hanging over the side of the bed. It is true - I would wake up if I crossed the threshold of the mattress.

At learning this news, my brothers busted out laughing - you know the kind of laughing where you are SURE there is more too their laughter than mere making fun? My mother was giving them "the stare", so I was getting suspicious...

Turns out that when I was about 4, my mother put me to bed, kissed me goodnight, turned off the lights and closed the door. Only to have to come streaking back in the room to my screaming fits about 30 minutes later. I was inconsolable - completely freaked out and would NOT calm down.

It seems my wonderful, loving brothers had hid out under my bed, and once they were sure I was asleep they grabbed me from under the bed - pulling my hands, clothes, hair and covers, whatever they could reach.

I of course thought the monster under the bed had gotten me, and I freaked the fuck out.

Folks, I have never been so mad at two hysterically laughing people in all my life. I ran after them, kicking and scratching, calling them every name in the book. Dumbasses had caused me YEARS of nightmares, terror and pain for no reason!!! My mom was right there, egging me on too. She said, "I always told you that messing with her was going to come back to haunt you. Don't look at me for help!". :) Love you, Mom!

Better yet - that night, for the first time in 15+ years, I slept with the lights off and my foot dangling off the bed. Learning the reason for my fear magically cured me. I have NO problems with the dark. Weird huh?

Share your story... Come on, it's fun!

It Rained and It Poured...

Last night we got some very much needed rain. It was getting really terrible around Atlanta - the trees are changing colors, but the undergrowth and bushes were starving for water. Everything has been so terribly wilted. I was very happy to be sitting in the new glider, in what will be the baby's bedroom. I could hear the soft sound of rain coming down outside. It was very peaceful indeed.

Today however, it poured... In a metephorical sense that is...

I lost my job today - laid off - 6 months pregnant and laid off.

I was sitting in the HR rep's office, listening to the details of how my employment would be impacted, severence, employment assistance, etc. All I could think was, "What about my baby? What is going to happen to my ability to provide for my baby?", over in my head.

There is so much we are going to need over the next few months... How will we pay for it all? Diapers, baby gear, car seat, etc it is all so expensive. I'm really worried about it... I don't think you HAVE to have all this stuff, but I know that the expenses of caring for baby can be enormous.

The reality is that we will make it work. We will find a way if it is possible. I realize the truth of it, even while I am depressed at the idea of needing to look for a job right now.

On the bright side, I am technically employed for another month, while I try to find another job within the company. They give us this time to try and get into another position (it is a very large company), and if after that month you can't find something you get your severence.

This being the case, I am trying with all my heart to focus on finding another place within the company. I find there have been moments today where I am upbeat and looking to the future and other where I just want to lay down and cry. So far the "proactive" me has won out. I figure my best shot is to be in the game - getting my resume out there. It is the only chance I stand of winning.

Hope all is well with you all out there in the blog-o-verse.

Grey Hair Moments...

This morning the baby had me very scared indeed. By 9 AM, I had not felt the baby kick for about 24 hours. I was worried, to say the least. I was just sure something was horribly wrong, as the kicks have been getting stronger and more frequent for over a week now. Added to this I had the worst discomfort yesterday - a soreness and painfulness in my lower abdomen. Also, I was sick to my stomach for a good part of the day. NOT at all like me, I assure you...

So, at about 9:30 AM I called the OB's office and reported my fears. They set me up with an appointment at 11:15. I hung up the phone and went back to driving and listening to an audiobook on the way to work. I was stressed, very stressed and melancholy about the prospects of any good news coming from my appointment. I wanted to just go home and crawl back into bed.

While stopped at a traffic light, I felt what appeared to be a kick, but I couldn't be sure, because I had just pressed the accelerator too. I waited anxiously at the next light, turning off the book (like less noise would be helpful), and another kick came even harder. I was so happy I had tears come to my eyes. I have never been so happy to be kicked in all my life!!!!

I waited a few more kicks, and decided the baby had just been having a game with Mommy. I called the nurses back and canceled my appointment. The nurse and I had a good laugh at the baby's hide-and-seek game, and I felt much relieved. The baby has continued to kick the rest of the day.

I of course now have more grey hair than when I started 24 hours ago.

In other news - two good blog-o-verse friends of mine are now new mommies - go over and say your hellos to Maya at Gemini Girl and Stacie at Here Storkey. They are both facing premie twin pregnancy challenges right now. I'm sure they could use the company.

Life Lessons... A.K.A More Than You Really Wanted To Know

A post over at Serenity Now! got my writing juices flowing. She talked about how infertility is something that is hard to explain - the affects on your life, your personality - the struggles and the growth you go through personally from the fight.

It made me think... I have been through a few rough patches in my life... Infertility treatments would just be one of the more apparent ones. It seems that each of these experiences has made me grow wiser, more grown-up.

Most people who know me now have NO IDEA that I was married previously at the very old age of 20. I never speak of it really... It isn't like I avoid talking of it - it just never comes up...

However, from my viewpoint there is a HUGE flashing sign on my life that says "Married an Alcoholic, Con Artist and Thief - Lived to Tell!". Really, it is true... I was sure my life was over at 23, and no one was ever going to love me again.

No, I'm not going to tell all the gory details here - the short version is... Through his constant refrain I came to think I had actually caused my relationship to be horrible. Somehow I deserved the treatment -everything he did to me mentally (not physical abuse, mind you). See, physical abuse would have been obvious to me - duh, that's abuse, RUN!

Folks, it took me 2 years of hell to come to terms with the reality of my situation.

Even my family didn't realize how bad my relationship was. They thought he was funny, bright and fun to be around. He was good to me, and blended pretty well with my family. When the truth of my life came out there were some very shocked people, I'll tell you. Everyone felt pretty bad that they had not seen the signs. Of course, I thought the problem was me, so I never really talked about it. :/

That is, until I reconnected with an old high school friend that told me plainly that I was a shell of my former self. This friend saw that my smile, confidence, and laughter were gone. The path was clear to my friend - RUN!!!!

You see, I didn't realize people could be truly and utterly horrible to their core. I mean yeah, there's all those bad people on the news, but they don't live around me - they couldn't live IN MY HOME!!! You learn from this kind of life experience that those people on the news are just the ones who's stories are exceptional. There are many, many tales of horrible goings on that are never told.

I just wanted to say that even something so horrible as that relationship helped to make me who I am today. I do not regret going through hell, the trip taught me:
- A lot about how bad life can really be - a bad day at work is really just so not a big deal.
- To be good to myself - no one else is going to do that for me.
- You can have faith without organized religion
- To recognize a snake with legs
- To trust my inner voice - when it says "RUN!" I had better already be moving (no not because of fear from the ex - but I can "feel" bad people now).
- To be thankful for what I have - especially my sweet hubby, Bo.

What, you ask, does this have to do with IF?

Infertility has been a different sort of learning and growing, but carries its own lessons and reinforces others:
- A bad day at work is really just so not a big deal.
- To be thankful for what I have - especially my sweet hubby, Bo.
- To be a steward of myself and my health - no one else is going to do that for me.
- You can have faith without organized religion
- That health care professionals DO NOT know everything - quite often they are guessing. Medicine is 45% science and 55% art.

With both of these experiences it is not likely that someone will understand what it is like. They can show you empathy and sympathy, but they will never understand unless they really walk those same miles. Even those that have been nearby during your trials do not really get it.

After a while, you stop trying to explain. You only graze the surface when someone asks questions. Unless you find they are going through a similar hell. Then you will go to great lengths to point out the path - then you try to become a guiding light.

Thank you to all the guiding lights I have found here in the infertility blogging community.

Sweet and Scary....

Lots of very sweet and very scary changes have happened this week in our household!

We had a GREAT Perinatologist vist on the 26th - see the photos at the end of the post - the pictures are so clear that it is amazing.... The Peri was extremely happy with how the baby looked. Once again he measured him/her at a week ahead in growth. Can you say "Excstatic Parents"? I knew you could!

The OB's office gave me the Pre-Registration package for the hospital on Friday. OMG! That is the most scary piece of paper I have ever recieved! You would think I would have come to grips with the fact that we are going to have a baby, but it shocked me that we are that close. People are wanting to start getting ready, pre-registering, oh my.

The baby has started kicking me several times a day... It is so comforting to know that everything seems to be OK in its little world.

We painted the baby's room, it is gorgeous!!!!!! I love the color - even hubby is impressed with the results (he painted it). I'll try to remember to post some photos so you can see...

The crib was delivered on Thursday along with the new glider and ottomon.

I put the crib together - it looks AMAZING!!! I can't believe how sturdy it is! I would absolutely recommend this crib to anyone - http://www.bonavita-cribs.com/cri2003.html. We bought the Peyton crib.

I've been frustrated with the mattress search - who the hell knows which one is best for baby?!?! Ugh... The specialty store wanted $179 for their "highest quaility" mattress. I'm thinking NO Way am I paying $ 200 for a crib mattress. That's just silly to me. The average top-end mattress at Babies R Us and Target in Georgia is around $100.

So, I've been quizzing my friends about what they bought. Most said they are getting the Sealy Perfect Night... So, I went and bought one of these mattresses, which I brought home and put on.

Putting the mattress on let me put on the bumper pads - how totally cute!!! However, I do have to lengthen two of the ties - the crib's rails on the front are too large for the bumper to tie on properly. I'm good at sewing, so I'm comfortable that I can make them safe. If I find I can't then I won't use the pad.

My Mother's-side family decided on a date for our baby shower! Thanksgiving!!! That is just SOOOOOOOOO close!!! Two weeks!!!! OMG!!! I'll be 24 + weeks, I've received lots of emails and calls from family asking and talking about registries and how excited they are to be buying baby things. It is so sweet... I feel so terribly blessed. :)

So, lots of scary milestones and yet it is so sweet to be here after so much anguish and torment from IF. We feel truly blessed with each day that passes, with each kick, each morning that I wake up and realize we are one day closer to our lives being changed forever.

Here he/she is, in all his/her glory!!!

Sadness for A Friend...

Last night while we were overjoyed and excited about prepping the room for our bundle of joy my friend was experiencing a nightmare .

Early yesterday morning and again this morning she had to go through the pain of laboring, knowing that her children would most likely not survive. She was due in mid-February, so was somewhere around 24 weeks.

Her twin boys were born too early, Tristan and Kieran were just too young to survive.

I have no words to express my sadness. I am so sorry for my friend.

Bo and I are both so shocked. Just weeks ago we were celebrating the fact that our friend's children would be so close in age to ours (about a month apart). We expected they would be playmates and friends.

This loss reminds us to be thankful for every day that we are still pregnant and to remember that nothing is guaranteed. Just because we are halfway there does not mean we will make it to our goal.

I realize that my friend's loss does not mean I will loose my child, but it certainly reminds me to be cautious and also thankful.

We're Getting Stuff (Hubby's Getting Crap)...

Well, it seems to have finally started... Hubby is getting crap from people about our "condition". :) People are starting to give assvice, make suggestions, and prod him about the "Is it a boy or a girl?" question. That last one is probably the kicker! He really doesn't want to know until B-day, but he's beginning to get real crap about his feelings from others.

I explained that it is probably because people are beginning to think of baby showers and such. People don't seem to like to have to buy unisex items. They want bright pink and bold blue - definite statements of gender.

I personally want to know too, but I feel sorry for him that he's getting pushed. It sucks when you feel like the rest of the world doesn't agree with your feelings, no matter how "right" you are.

All the same, I think it would be so nice to know...

We cleaned out the baby's future room tonight!!!!!! We are going to paint sometime between now and the end of the weekend because THE FURNITURE IS IN!!! Oh my GOSH!

Some time next week or soon thereafter, assuming all goes well *knock on wood*, I hope to be putting sheets on a crib, hangings on the wall, and all that jazz. I think I might invite some friends over to play at decorating with me. :)

I'm beginning to get nervous actually.... I am beginning to feel like this is really possibly going to work out with a baby maybe coming home to live with us. Oh boy... Am I really ready for this?!?!?

Oh, my Mom has been a fount of questions lately too. Not your everyday, run-of-the-mill questions more like the ones that make your head feel as if the inside has gone all squishy and you can't BELIEVE you hadn't considered that yet. THOSE kind of questions are coming up like machine gun fire. I can't believe I've left so much off my list of things to think about...

1. Who do you want with you A) at the hospital B) in the room with you?

2. Will you christen/baptise the baby?

3. Do you want me (Mom that is) to come stay with you around baby time, and if so for how long?

These are the ones that have me stumped at the moment. We are in a holding pattern until Bo and I can make some decisions.

Some of the past zingers were things like Circumcision, Christmas travel (I was 3 months along and was just hoping to be pregnant), what do we want them to buy us for our baby gift? The last question is still on hold, but an answer is pending. I'm thinking of asking them to get us a nice table for our 1/2 bath - one that can be used as a changing table and then a shelf/table later for nick-nacks and books. I haven't found what I want yet though.

Much Accomplished...

I feel like I got soooooo much accomplished today! I don't know why, but I had all kinds of energy. :) Lovin' that!!!

After all the weeks of endless sleepiness I have enjoyed the past few weeks of ever-increasing energy.

Today I did the following (in order of appearance):

- Loved and hugged on my kitty Humphries until he couldn't stand it anymore and demanded breakfast. I'd say we spent an hour deliriously happy with smiles and purrs all around.

- Went for a bagel at my favorite place AND I made myself take my butt outside to eat. It was a GORGEOUS fall day! OK, I wasn't so happy about eating around the chick that was smoking while keeping her lunch friend company, but she was too far away for me to make a fuss. It was just irritating. Grrrrrrr!!!! *note: I used to smoke, so I know how she feels and I know that I still don't like to smell that while I'm eating. So, no need to chastise me in either direction.

- Went to a nearby mall and bought maternity jeans! 1st pair of truly maternity pants I've purchased! Bought a great shirt too! Lovin' that!

- On the way home realized I didn't have any good books to read, so I went to the Library. MAN it has been AGES since I went to the library! My card was so old it had to be replaced so I could use their new automated check-out system. Kinda nifty device really. :)
- got some books on tape for my commute to work
- got some new and not so new books to read - one I'm really quite interested in

- Went to the grocery store. I really shopped too - not one of those 3-items-and-you're-out trips. Nope, I hit every isle because frankly folks EVERYTHING in our house is out of date. I know this because that's the only reason I haven't used it yet. :) I've been a really creative cook lately - using everything I can to avoid having to lug my tired ass to the grocery store. Lovin' having energy!!!!

- Came home and drug all my purchases out of the car.

- Put up the groceries

- Made HOMEMADE muffins - 24 of these suckers. I wanted a large number to freeze so Bo and I will eat a little healthier in the mornings.

- Cut jump rings. I make jewelry from silver, and lately I've been focused on byzantine chain bracelets. You need lots and lots of little silver jump rings to make them. They are kind of slow to make, but very rewarding.

- Posted on Blogger. This has sadly not been very frequent lately, but hopefully with my renewed energy I will find more opportunities to get this done.

Whew!!! Now it's time to go see my hubby who is home after a week with his family in D.C. :) Goodnight, ladies and gents!

Belly... No Belly... Belly...

Lately my belly has been playing Hide-n-Seek. I definitely have a baby bump, but like many of you it is less noticeable in the mornings for some reason.

This morning Bo and I went for brunch, and as we were walking in I told him that in this particular outfit I looked "...fat not pregnant", to which he incredibly said, "Is that good or bad?" LOL Men will never learn...

While we were walking to be seated, I was explaining cute PG bump vs. fat when, I KID YOU NOT, this woman seated nearby STARED at my belly as I walked by!!! She didn't look up, she was grimacing and following my belly with her eyes. It felt really creepy!

Bo said he figured she was just trying to decide if I was PG or not. I told him I was a little concerned she had just cursed our baby. Ugh!

Otherwise, things are going well. Nothing so amazing to report. I do have my energy back, which is an AMAZING GIFT!!!! Thank you Energy God/Goddess! Whew!

Hope everyone of you are doing well!

Hey! How Ya Been?? Updated w/US Pics...

Sorry I've been so silent... I haven't spent much time blogging, but I've spent quite a bit reading others' blogs. So, I guess it's OK, right?

I have been on a little bit of a roller coaster with the Bump. Last week, Tuesday, we had a really bad scare. I started bleed red... At 16 wks that is often bad news. I called Bo at work and headed for the OB's office. They agreed to work me into the schedule within 30 mins. I like that kind of service!

They did a really fun pelvic exam, listened to the Bump (which was happily beating away), and then sent me to wait for an hour for an ultrasound. BTW - this was Bo's first EVER attendance at a pelvic exam. He's been there for the IUI and the egg transfer, so now he's indoctrinated into the Pap club too! Luckily I have always had the presence of mind to insist he remain FIRMLY planted at the head of the bed - no peaking. There are some things a hubby just shouldn't see.

The US tech told us that while Bump looked fine the placenta seemed to be very low, verging on covering the cervix. Oh yeah, Place.nta Pre.via baby! Can't I catch a break here?? Geesh!

They told me to go on "pelvic rest" and to be sure my Paranatologist, who I was seeing on Friday) took at good look at the situation.

Well, the Paranatologist's office saw us on Friday, as planned, and did all the Bump measurements. Bump is measuring 1 wk ahead - which is consistent with all my past US too! Weird, huh, since I know exactly what day we "conceived"! :)

Anyway, we were offered the answer to the big Boy/Girl question, but declined. Well, hubby declined, but I'm beginning to really, really want to know, seeing as I'm beginning to pick out nursery stuff and all the baby paraphernalia. We had a bit of an argument about it in the parking lot, but it's all good.

Back to the US... The Paranatologist said, "Well, I don't know what they were talking about, the placenta is WAAAAAY up here (gesturing wide circles with the pointer in the upper left) and the cervix is WAAAY down here (gesturing in the entire opposite side of the screen).

I swear, it made me want to stop seeing my OBs practice, right then. Mostly because these people have been little to no actual help to this point. I've been 3 times, and I have yet to get any actual USEFUL information or guidance. Grrrrrr....

Oh well, I'm very glad that there isn't a Pre.via issue... Whew!

Since then I've had more bleeding, but just a little bit. They told me that unless it "soaks a pad" that it might just be "normal" for me. I might have a sensitive cervix. :O

My Bump is really starting to show now... I also wore my first maternity top the other day! It felt weird, and people stared, but that's OK - it's kinda nice. :)

This pic is from the Para's Office...

Awards, Info and Interviews...

I got an award today from Stacie, one of those bloggers I consider a friend. She's been there for me, helping stay sane, since that very first peestick. What more can you ask?

I am officially a:

I have a few to nominate for their own awards:

Henry Street - Rachel is one of those people that you are glad to know. She tells her story frankly with quite a bit of the benind the scenes info that makes her choices, struggles and trails come to life for the reader. I've enjoyed getting to know her.

The Hardest Quest - Gil is one of those ladies that is there for you, always. She has had a rough time of it with IF, and is looking over what her next steps might be. I hope she finds the Golden Ticket to complete her journey. Through the early part of my IVF I looked forward to posting partly to see Gil's ever-present response. She always knew how to make me feel better. Thanks, Gil!

Reproductive Jeans - JJ has probably already gotten this award 10 times, but hey, who's counting? She's there for you. Really, she is there for everyone. Everytime I look at someone's comments it seems like JJ has already been there, saying just the right thing. Her blog is funny, thoughtful and full of her happiest and saddest moments. She is a Rockin' Blogger if there ever was one.

OH! You just HAVE to go see what Rachel over at Henry Street has made!! She's got the cutest little hats she knits, and she is thinking of selling them. Let her know if you think she should setup a site selling them... I personally am in love with these little hats. I gotta have one. :)

Go over and see Mel at Stirrup Queens if you are interested in participating in her research for her book - she's conducting email interviews. Here's info on how to get involved, I've copied the instructions, per Mel:

"Speaking of the book, I am finally at the chapter on treatments since I'm writing all chapters out-of-order. Which means another round of online interviews. If you are currently undergoing treatments OR you have undergone treatments in the past--anything from IUI without injectibles to IVF with ICSI--and wouldn't mind chatting about your experience with me (and, in turn, anonymously with anyone who reads the book), please email me at thetowncriers@gmail.com and I will send you the question sheet "

Wow! What was that??

I felt it, I felt the Bump last night!!! Whoo hoo!

I was lying in bed and felt a sensation in my lower abdomen that was like feeling fingers moving through a taught cloth. That, or like I was really, really hungry (without the hunger pains) and my stomach was rolling over. However, it was WAY to low to be my stomach.

I have had this feeling very lightly off and on for about a week, and wondered if that might be it, but had usually decided it was just gass. This time it was so pronounced and strong that I am SURE it was the baby.

I told Bo and his face just lit up. He is so excited, even though he can't feel it yet.

It is starting to be real. I am starting to really show too. Wow!

I'm Coding A Little Nerd, Right Now...

My hubby, Bo, pointed out to me last night that we are creating our own little nerd. I couldn't help but imagine how buggy my developers' code has been at work in recent months. I'm sure hoping I don't make any bugs while coding our little nerd!

So, thanks to The Rotten Correspondent I have taken the new and improved Nerd Test 2.0!

Here are my results:


That's right folks, I am an UBER COOL NERD GOD(ess)!!! I called hubby with the news. He was so proud! :)

I scored in the top 2% for math/science and the bottom 9% for dorkiness! How much cooler can you be I ask you?!?!

I am so proud.

Some Interesting Events/Thoughts...

I thought I'd capture some interesting stuff that happened recently...

1) After the great US results on Friday the 31st we were all sort-of giddy about the Bump. We were recapping the US with Bo, and I told them all, "Friday was the first time I have felt carefree and happy during this whole preganancy. It felt very good." To which my mother scoffed. I couldn't believe it, and neither could Bo. You could have knocked us both over with the wind from the same feather at 50 paces!

We tried to explain that the 3 early miscarriages left us with that "other shoe will drop soon" kind of feeling. She said something to the effect of "Things are fine now, why worry? Nothing is going to happen to this baby. You should relax. Stress isn't good for the baby!"

After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I tried a couple of times to explain how infertility changes your outlook. She was having NONE. of. it! I was angry with her for 3 days over this incident - I never told her though, as she is not going to understand and there was no reason to upset an otherwise really great visit. That, and she DID by the Bump the BESTEST most Softest EVER baby blanket. It even matches the nursery colors! Awwwww!

2) My Daddy DID come into the US room with us! I was SHOCKED when the US tech told him he was welcome to come back WITHOUT asking me for my thoughts on the matter! All I could imagine was the dildocam and my Dad there for it. OMG!

Of course, I felt way better when she saw my shocked face, leaned over and said very quietly, "It's external." Whew! She and I giggled the whole way to the US room! LOL She obviously knew what had me so nervous! LOL

3) My pants needed replacing recently... I am now wearing "granny pants" to work. That's because I can't button some of my pants without real discomfort. However, some previously parts of the pants are now loose from all the weight loss (25 lbs and counting).

I've talked with all my Dr.s about the weight loss. They've all asked if I was eating plenty - which I am, and Bo agrees with that assessment. They've then all said it isn't an issue given my current weight (I'm quite overweight). They expect the weight to start adding up soon and aren't going to worry if I don't start gaining weight for some months yet. OK. Works for me!

I figure I'll end up with a net zero gain at worst, but could be a few pounds lighter at the end at best. I'm not trying to loose weight mind you, it is just falling off - we think from the more careful food choices and less sweets. Always a good thing when trying to avoid gestational diabeties!

4) I'm not really looking the look of my tummy right now. It is looking more fat than Bump at the moment. I sure hope it ends up rounding out, and not just adding pooch like some larger ladies. :( Who knows what will happen...

5) I got "PG outed" at a baby shower at work!

I mean, some people already knew, but MAN!

So, I'm standing in front of the 50 or so people that have turned out for the happy couple's baby shower, when the Lady of the Hour announces, "It seems I've started a trend. Dawn is next in line! Dawn, when are you due again?". I turned to the crowd, and saw that I had quickly become the center of attention. I quietly said "early March" and then listened to all the murmers and gasps at the news. Oooops! Sounds like the news missed a few people on the first go-round! :) Unfortunately, one person actually said, "Dawn's pregnant!?!?" She sounded rather incredulous at the news. When I find out who she is I'll be sure to kick her.

6) I'm feeling less nauseous and more happy with being pregnant in general. Sometimes I still forget, which is weird. Then the nausea comes back and I'm like, Oh Yeah!

7) Gas, gas, who knew the body could produce so much gas?!?!? Ugh! My hubby has nothing on me!

8) I'm tired, it is late (or early) and I need to go to bed but I have heartburn again. Ugh!

Goodnight! Hope you enjoyed my brain dump!!!

The Results Are In!

We got the results from the Triple Screen for Downs, Tri.somy 18 and Tri.somy 13.

Risk of Down Syndrome:

Baseline Risk (before test) 1 in 316
Current Risk (after test) 1 in 1,137 <--- Folks that is a whoo hoo kind of number!

Tris.omy 18 and 13:

Baseline Risk 1 in 579
Current Risk 1 in 10,000 +

The nurse said "These numbers equal that of a 20 yr old! You are doing GREAT!".

I had a great time calling Bo and giving him the good news! He was quite pleased, to say the least! These kinds of numbers mean no Amnio for me - that in itself is a great bessing!

Whoooo Hoooo!!!

Gonna go call Mom and Dad!

All Seems Well for The Moment... Updated

We saw baby pretty clearly! It really looked soooo much like an actual baby, no longer a gummy bear.

We were able to clearly make out fingers on both hands, and that there seem to be two full legs. :) We couldn't see the feet because of the position, but everything looked good, according to the Dr.

The technician tried and tried to get the baby to move to get the needed measurements - bouncing it around just like dribbling a basketball! I couldn't belive what I was seeing and feeling! Here I was being so terribly careful, protecting my baby from bounces and such, and here she was bouncing it like it was made of rubber!

I made some noises about whether that was OK, and she said, "At least I don't do it as hard as the doctors do!". Little comfort that. I told her I thought I might hurt someone if they did it harder. I explained about the protective nature I have developed lately. :) She laughed, but lightened up a bit.

They were eventually able to get a look at the nuchal fold, and it measured right on track. They weren't able to get the nose length, as the baby was in the wrong position. They tried quite The blood work will not be back for about a week, so until then we'll just wait.

I have some great pictures (will post once I've scanned it), and supposedly a video (haven't tried to watch it yet). Bo isn't home yet, and I want to be sure if the VHS player eats it that he at least gets a chance to see it once. He's already said he wants to try to digitize it, so maybe I'll get to post it here.

Thank you guys for all the well wishes!

One Way Or The Other...

One way or the other today will come to a close like every other day. The question is, will it be a good day, a scary day, or a really terribly bad day that will haunt me the rest of my life?

I guess really everyday has the potential to be one of those things, but today there's a higher chance that things will turn to the worst very quickly. I will be having my Triple Scan (some call it a level2 scan) this afternoon. For those that don't know it is where they do a really strong US to look for very bad things wrong with the bump.

I keep trying to tell myself that the outcome does not depend one bit how I feel about today's procedure. What they will see on the scan is if everything developed right, and that part is done, so what is will be. So, I'm staying calm. Mostly.

Bo can't come with me today and he his a bit sad over it. His father had to have surgery this week, so he is in Washington D.C. to be with him. The surgery went very well, much better than the Dr. was expecting we think. He has sworn me to calling him as soon as the procedure is over to fill him in.

So instead my parents have come in from Nashville to attend the visit with me. Mom is one of my best friends, so I'm looking forward to her getting to see her (hopefully healthy) grandbaby. I don't think Dad will come into the exam room so he may only see the pics. As this should be a dildo cam US I think it would ewwww us both out. Don't want my Dad to have a mental picture of me like that... EEEwwww!

The appointment is mid-afternoon, so I'll busy myself with either going to work or working from home until then. I'm trying to decide still... Maybe if I just sit her a little longer my choice will me made for me! :)

More to come this afternoon...

Scary Yet Important Fun...

The local BABY STORE got hubby and I today...

I got a great email about a sale at the locally-owned Baby's Room store earlier this week. They were having a sale AND giving away a well-regarded $70 stroller to boot.

I had been in the store once before a few weeks ago, and so I knew I wanted a crib from there. Really, nothing else has compared to their cribs - in style or price. If you live in Atlanta give me a shout and I'll send you their information.

We spent about an hour in the store looking at options for convertible cribs, strollers, gliders, and crib bedding. I got 3 of the 4 today - Oh my! I put crib on order (8 to 10 wk delivery) and put an upholstered glider (with ottoman) on order too! I asked before ordering what happens if the proverbial shoe drops before the crib/chair arrive? Mr. Wonderful Store Owner said they will cancel the order and refund my deposit!!!! WOOOO HOOO! Sign me up folks!

So, yes, I am crazy... I am totally crazy... But I am a happy sort-of crazy! :)

OK, so here are my nursery choices so far:

Baby bedding:
We are going with Pottery Barn Kids - Dragonflies in purple and green. The pic below is in pink/green, but it was the best I could do. :)















Crib:
Bonavita - model Petyon in white:
http://www.bonavita-cribs.com/cri2003.html











Glider/chair:
Best Chair - model Quinn (#1577) in Seal.















Imagine it is in this nice doe-colored microfiber... Mmmmm....

http://www.bestchairs.com/bcpublic/productLine.do?product=JU&style=&forward=Storytime


AND the free stroller!!!
Cosco Combi - it got great reviews, so I was happy to get it for free.





















http://www.babyuniverse.com/pro/baby/97324/CosmoSTStroller-2007Cherry.html

Hubby and I are hoping to use the car seat/stroller frame combo until the child is old enough to use this stroller... I really don't want one of the Big Kahuna strollers - I hate to think of inflicting another huge stroller on the shopping public. I have been run over or blocked from my shopping needs tooooooo many times to count by an ill-placed Cadillac Stroller. Geeesh!

BTW - No offense to those of you that like them - I figure "to each their own" is a good rule. Also, I have cursed those things long enough and often enough that I probably would get laughed out of town if I did break down and get one. :)

OK, so that's all the damage I've done so far... I know it is a lot really for as early on as we are, but I like getting the important stuff out of the way early. At this point I'll be OK if we don't buy another stick of furniture. The only other thing we HAVE to have is a car seat (haven't started thinking about it).

Baby Frame of Mind

I think I'm feeling kinda in the middle, but I'm with a few bloggy friends on that for sure... It is really weird... Several of us are no longer completely IF because we are PG (not complaining at all) and not yet mothers. We are somewhere in limbo, and we are trying to find a happy and comfortable ground between being rapturously happy and scared-to-death cautious.

I needed some inspiration about baby... So, I'll tell you what I did to get in the "baby frame of mind" I bought the book "Baby Bargains". I love it, and it got me thinking about the practical side of baby gear. Which, with my engineering brain, is right up my ally! :) Also, I went to Home Depot and bought a book on baby rooms - greeeeeat ideas on nursuries. I'm feeling inspired. I have hope. Life is a little better right now. The other shoe doesn't seem so close either...

Oh, and people at the office have started sort-of mentioning/noticing that my bump is growing. They kind-of look at my belly and smile really big. It is pretty cute. I'm enjoying it, even though I didn't think I would. :) Some of my close friends have actually said things like, "Look at you! You have a bump!!!" They are so excited for me, and I love feeling loved. I'll have to say that this part is very nice so far.

Scary and Yet Fun...

I realized today that in 1 week I hit that very scary milestone of 12 weeks. I am very happy about it, and very scared at the same time.

While talking with my friend DD today I told her it's like when you find out the fire alarm is real - this is not a drill.

I've wondered for so long when the other shoe was going to drop... I realize it still can, for sure, but it is supposedly much less likely after 12 weeks. So, I find myself in another 2 WW. This one is easier to keep myself busy through though, as I've started reading up on baby gear and such. I just hope all my perfect baby-gear dreams don't come crashing around my ears.

We have a Triple Screen test (Downs, Tris.omy 18, Tris.omy 21) test 4 days after hitting the magic 12 wk mark. I'm sort-of scared too that the results of the test is where the other shoe is hiding.

So, today's thoughts were very scary and yet very fun... Such is the 2WW.

Catch Cat as Catch Can...

Stacie over at Here Storkey Storkey asked if people had any "talking to animals" stories. Here's mine...

My grandmother had a farm and had LOTS of "barn cats". They were terribly skittish and wouldn't come near humans. One time when I was visiting she asked me to take the scraps out to the cats. I wanted soooo badly to pet them. I think it is because they seemed so wild and free and beautiful.

I took the pan out and set it on the stairs - nowhere near the cats. I went over to the hill that separated the barnyard from the farmhouse yard/lawn, I just sat there and watched the cats. I kept a friendly posture, made eye contact in short flirt-like moves. I didn't move or force my attention on them as I knew they wouldn't like being stared at.

I sat there for quite a while, and every few minutes one of the cats would wander just a few feet closer. They kept an eye on me, watching for signs of hostility or threat.

Soon the cats were within mere feet of me. They were so interested in what I was and why I was sitting there. I could feel their sense of unease, but I tried to project friendliness and calmness. I was sure they could tell that I was different and ment them no harm.

Eventually one of the smaller cats came close enough for a smell of my hand. Then it skittered away again. After what seemed like forever another cat, seeing that the first one had not been harmed, decided he wanted a smell too. He however decided not to run and instead sat down about a foot from me - just out of reach.

Eventually about 7 or 8 cats were circling me within a few feet. Sniffing. Searching. They seemed to me to be wondering if I was a large cat looking for a home. The air seemed to have changed. Everyone seemed to feel less scared, more sure that I was OK.

At last, one of the momma cats strode near and nuzzled me. I was so elated. I felt a calm and a peacefulness like never before. I was accepted, if only for a moment. One nuzzle lead to another and eventually every cat, save one, had had a stroke or two from my hand. I sooo yearned for that one little kitty to accept me, but I could tell it probably never would. It was more of a loaner.

Just as success was acheived my uncle came onto the porch. He yelled back into the house for my grandmother to come quick. Everyone thought something was wrong and dashed to the porch. I'll never forget My grandmother's exact words, yelled across the yard, "You can't pet those cats! Why, they won't let you!" and my mother's reply makes me almost as proud tonight as they did almost 25 years ago, "Well, maybe you can't, but obviously Dawn can. She has always had a special way with animals."

I don't know if I ever thought my mother saw anything truly special or different in me before that day. I felt so surprised and very proud. I wanted the world to know that I had petted the unpettable cats. I am the cat whisperer.

Feeling Better Is Good...

Thanks guys for all your support! It means a lot to me, really.

I have totally apologized to Bo, and we are working out the kinks I left in his hide. Poor thing... I'm hoping we'll be able to hold it all together.

It is so tough being so tired and so moody - I am really not used to this kind of stress.

BTW - the travel that we fought over is car travel. My family is in Nashville, and it is about 4 1/2 to 5 hrs from here. Really, unless I am not feeling/doing well the trip should be no big deal.

Today was very, very busy at work, but it was nice to feel like I got a lot accomplished. I haven't felt very focused or productive in quite some time.

Going to hit the hay early tonight - have an early meeting tomorrow.

The Good, The Bad and The Very Ugly...

Sorry I didn't post yesterday after our OB appointment... I was so angry, hurt, bummed and frankly kinda evil. Things are markedly better today, so here goes...

I got to the OB's office and they called us back pretty fast, but not before I figured out they had mis-scheduled our appointment!!!! Yep - they only scheduled 1/2 of it - the Nurse Only part. No talking to the OB, not for little ole' me! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I explained the error to the nurse, who of course asked if I had actually requested the 2nd part of the appointment!! YES! Of course I had! Grrrrrrrrrrrr! She offered for me to reschedule the missing part tomorrow. While that is pretty darned soon I don't have quite so much luxury with my job - I mean I DO have to be in the office sometimes! I had just been in 2 days of training and had taken off 2 hrs at the end of the day to be at this "double" appt! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I really wanted to cry... I realized that Bo and I were there for no good reason, as this was just the "talking and taking OB history" appointment. There was going to be no US, no measurements, no nothing useful.

After I got a good mad on and stormed about for a bit we got down to business. I peed in the cup like a good girl and took my seat, mostly quietly. Nurse Nice was good at keeping calm - a very good thing in this situation...

We talked over Bo and my family history, then I went for bloodwork. FUN! Surprise bloodwork is always a nice kicker. :) However Kick-ass Phlebotomist got my blood in the 1st try and had a great attitude to boot. I begged her to come help me out during labor/delivery. She said to just call her - she is a rogue and would certainly come stick me. :) Loved her!!!! LOVED HER!!!

Went back to Nurse Nice and finished up with a couple doozies for rules.... ALL of the rules are documented in my chart, in case I break them...
1. All travel from this point forward is at my own risk!
2. No travel is allowed after 28 wks! (the week right before Christmas week)
3. Shrimp is on the "only in small amounts" list (I love shrimp sooo much)
4. There will only be 1 US given, at 15 - 20 weeks.

Yeah, did number 4 get you too??? ONLY 1!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
K, my head blew off at that point, and I have no idea how I made it out of that office without yelling at someone. I mean, I've had 4 pregnancies go bad, I have Throm.bophilia, I have a disease of the nervous system I won't share the name of, Hypothyroidism and I will be 1 month from 35 when the baby is born!

As we left I was considering how long it would take me to find another OB...

Without all the details let me just say that Bo didn't do himself any favors by trying to placate me with possible reasons that the OB's office doesn't do multiple USs. He also said how bad it was that we couldn't go home for Christmas, and wondered aloud if the whole family could come here instead! I told him to stuff it none too politely AND I added that I WOULD be travelling for Christmas, even if he wasn't. Our night deteriorated sharply from there, and it was only 5 PM.

By the end of the evening I was considering where I might want to live while I finished hatching our little one. Really, it was that bad. I think I might have actually said that I was thinking about it. :(

Let's just say I was a bit unwound last night... I was a very bad wife, and I feel badly about it. I have apologized, but I know it has left a mark on Bo. I'm sorry for that, really I am.

I called Mom and unwound at her a bit too... I was a real piece of shit, let me tell you. However, with Mom I told her I knew I was being unreasonable, and selfish, and scared. I garnered no illusions that I was anything other than a crazed pregnant lady. She felt sorry for Nice Nurse, but was wise enough not to say so.

OK - trip the clock forward to today! Everything is better....

Nice Nurse called and said that the OB's review of my chart lead her to believe they might need to treat me as "high risk". She setup an appt for me to see a perinatalogist at 12 wks (Aug 31st) and then come visit her at 13 wks for the results. Also, they will be adding USs to my later weeks, to keep a check on baby. Lastly, perinatalogist will most likely want to keep monitoring me too for the clotting issues.

OH, and the kicker... I mentioned how much of a stir the "no travel" thing caused... She said, "Don't worry, 1 week won't hurt. We'll copy all your records, do a vital sign check before you leave, and give you special instructions for taking care of yourself before you go. It should be just fine for you to travel Christmas week."

Wha??? HOW did everything change that fast?!?!? It has literally made me dizzy...

I'm quite happy with the change, but of course now I wonder what all are they concerned about re: the monitoring - you know which pieces specifically? Whew, I'm tired just thinking about it.

No News Is Good News...

Well, nothing going on here to report. Just thought I'd check in. :)

We did some travelling over the weekend to see my parents, extended family and Bo's brother and SIL. We really enjoyed getting to see them all.

We started off with a "Sock Hop" to celebrate my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary. It was really nice, with a full soda shop setup and poodle skirts all around. :) It was great to see everyone looking so happy and healthy.

Funny thing for me was all the people that came up to congratulate me. I really didn't expect that, as we are still so early in the process. It seems though that my mom and my aunt are both secure in the idea that everything will work out just fine. :)

The weird part was that total strangers (people from my aunt's church that I've never met) were coming up to me offering hugs and excitement. I guess everyone loves a pregnant lady. LOL It was really nice, but kinda weird.

One good thing... There were NO horrible baby/labor/miscarriage/deformity stories told. I guess it was such a merry occasion that no one felt like it was time to drag out all their family ghost stories.

After the festivities we went to dinner at Bosco's in Nashville - mmmm Pizza!!! They make the BEST pizza - it is very grown-up and sophisticated pizza with toppings like portabella mushrooms, smoked chicken, pesto, etc. They also have a great beer selection, but I didn't partake this time. :)

On Sunday we dropped by and had brunch with the BIL and SIL. We had a great time chatting and eating some great food at Noshville, in Nashville. I highly recommend it for brunch, but get there before the church crowd or there is a LONG wait.

Well, that's all the news that is news for now...

I have my 1st OB appointment tomorrow at 3 PM. I'm terribly nervous (expecting disaster, of course) and am starting to imagine all the horrible things that could have gone wrong since the last checkup. I'm trying not to focus on it though, as that won't change the outcome, right?

I don't think they will do an US tomorrow, but they might let me listen to the heartbeat, if I look pitiful enough. :( <--- sad face might work... don't know.

Well, I'll try to update you guys tomorrow on how the visit goes... Gotta go work now!

Couple of Important Pics...

Warining - US pic below...

It is just amazing to me that in 40 days so much can change...
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From this (0dp3dt):





















To this (7 wks 0 days):




















And within 7 more days to this (8 wks 0 days)!





















Is it just me, or is there a distinct Gummy Bear resemblance??

9 Wks - Food Update - Other Random Stuff...

Finally!!! I can eat again for the most part. The food issue has started to subside and I'm getting less nauseous every day. YAY!!!

All in all things are improving. I'm getting less tired too. Hubby was getting concerned about all the sleep I was getting over the last week. It seems to be easing up. :)

Of course, this means that the weight gain is going to begin in earnest now, I guess. It has been nice having my "skinny clothes" fit for the last little while. Oh well, ces't la vie!

I'm so happy to know that the bump is going to start within the next few weeks. I can already feel my abdomen getting tighter around my bikini line. I'm thinking that with my weight it will be a while before other people can see it, but it is certainly on the way!

We told our friends over the weekend. They were all pretty excited for us. :) It is funny though... All of my friends did things like squeal, scream or hug me, but hubby's friends all said "Congrats - aren't you telling a bit early??". A bit anti-climactic!

We know why though... One of our group of friends has had 3 late 1st trimester miscarriages, and they know we've had 3 early ones. I'm sure they don't want to see us hurt more. We told them we understood the risks, but we are just so darned happy that we felt it was important to share. :) That seemed to loosen them up a bit. I think they didn't realize we KNOW how much risk there is.

You know - I figure there is just as much chance I'll have a miscarriage if I celebrate or not. It is time to experience that much needed happiness. I don't want to be scared all the time.

That being said... The horror stories have started!!!! ALREADY!!!! Did you all know that everyone you tell about being PG is potentially the owner of a gruesome baby/delivery/very-late-miscarriage story? Oh my! I have a defense manuver already perfected - I just say, "OK, change the subject, you are scaring the pregnant lady!". That seems to get people's attention pretty quick. If not, I say "No, REALLY, I mean it!". Once they realize the issue they've stopped the story - for the most part. Blech!

OK - time for lunch! I'll be posting some US pics soon!!!

Wishing for Good Food...

As you read this, please remember I wouldn't give up my current state for the world. So all that follows is just whinging and describing my current situation for posterity. It is not meant to imply true unhappiness or a desire for anything to change my PG status anytime soon (no sooner than 8 months please!).

I am experiencing something very different for me... A personal kind of torture, made just for me I think.

See, I am a Foodie. I love food. I'm a large woman because of this love, but it is quite a powerful love. I love the taste of good food about as much as I like good sex. I think the two things cause similar reactions in my brain - except for the orgasm part. I don't think I've ever actually had an orgasm from food - but I've probably come close over real French desserts. MMMMmmmm!

OK, so lately, my personal torture has been that nothing tastes good. Even foods I want, that sound good for a moment, do not satisfy me once I've gotten that food. I can't eat my craving because the actual food is distasteful to me. For a Foodie this is torture. It's like all food is an illusion - an illusion that the food will be wonderful and good. I can see this food, but the moment I get it into my grasp it turns sour and off-color.

However, I have had some interesting levels of weight loss lately. I've watched 10 lbs melt away like butter on a hot day. I've got way more than 10 lbs to loose though, so it should be OK. I am eating - and I am NOT dieting - don't worry about that. Every two hours I have to eat something or else I feel sick to my stomach.

I've talked to my Dr. about it and he assures me I'm getting enough to eat. I'm also eating more healthy, which is probably adding to the weight loss.

I'm eating fruit for most of my mini-meals... Yep, fruit. It is about all I can stand besides bread at the moment. Oh, that and Indian food. For some reason I can eat Indian without too much danger of feeling nauseous. YAY! I love Indian. MMMMMMmmmmm... Of course, it is too heavy and full of calories for me to eat it for every meal. That and I can't cook it myself, so it's a bit too expensive. :)

Just doing all this thinking about food is making me not feel so well. I'm not getting full blown morning sickness - knock on wood *knock* *knock* - thank goodness. However, I still feel pretty queasy in general throughout the day - mostly feels like I've eaten too much or I've not eaten at all. It really doesn't seem to matter whether I've actually eaten or not.

Other than that, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm still a bit tired and want to nap a lot, but not so that I can't function.

Bo has scanned Monday's US pic - I should be able to post it soon. :) You all will get to meet GB (gummy bear) formally then! I can't wait. LOL I'm betting you guys won't be able to make out too much... The pic isn't nearly as clear as the monitor was.

Well, I'm off to bed. Hope everyone is having a good one! Take care!

8 Wks 0 Days - Baby's First Graduation!!!!

The RE appointment went very well. We were able to see what looked very much like a Gummy Bear! I hope to post the pics very soon...

We could see the head and arm and leg buds very clearly, and we could see ear bumps on each side of the head. They measured baby's heart at 162 BPM - Sooooo wonderful to hear.

Baby is measuring 8 Wks 3 Days, which is pretty amazing to me. I just can't believe so much has happened since 1 wk ago, when it just looked like a little blob.

I know bad stuff can still happen. I know that until this little one is in my arms that it is all up in the air. But, today I feel so good. I feel like we are really on our way. I want to cry out of pure happiness.

Today is a very good day.


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Update:
Bo sent me the sweetest flowers today! The card says "Congratulations, Darling!!!!". I said, "People are going to ask what the special occasion is and he said, "You are welcome to tell them, if you want." My sweetie KNOWS I am bursting at the seams to tell. He is so wonderful to me, don't you think??? :) Big Smile kind of day!

Blech...

I've had a rough day today... I feel alternately sick to my stomach (nausea), pain in my stomach like I ate too much, sleepiness, and pain in my stomach like I need to eat. UGH! I can't seem to get the food intake equation right today.

On top of that, the sight of other people's food makes my stomach turn. Interestingly I can look at my own food and I'm fine! Weird.

On top of all that I have a sore throat and pain just under my right ear - the lymph node there is swollen and painful to the touch. I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow to get it looked at.

And on top of that - just for fun - I've been spotting today! TMI Alert... It is brown, and my RE said that is OK for it to be brown. Let's just hope it stays that way. Pleeeeeeease let it be nothing.

I just want to go home and lay down. I really, really, really need a nap. Come on 5:30 PM!!!

One good thing though - I've officially added pregnancy tickers!!! :)

It's Official - I Don't Know Everything....

OK, it is official - I officially don't know everything....


We have a heartbeat!!! Baby is measuring 6 wks 6 days (we are 7 wks today) and has a good strong heartbeat. We were able to hear it!! :)

We go in next week for our 8 wk US and if everything is still good we graduate to the OB's office. We can stop the PIO then too!!!!

The PIO was reduced to 1/2 the dose and I am to stop taking the baby asprin. I keep going on the Hep.arin of course, but that is to be expected.

We called Bo's Dad this morning from the car - he was VERY happy to hear that his first grandchild is on the way. We cautioned him that it was still a bit early, just to be safe, but told him we heard the heartbeat, so it's all looking good at the moment.

We couldn't get Bo's brothers on the phone... They and their wives all have cell phones but they never seem to be on! So, we left messages to call.

These calls would include the BIL that got my comment on his blog last night. Once we have shared the good news with him I will turn my profile back on. Since I deleted the comment he's the only one that can follow the link to my blog.

I talked with Bo last night, he wasn't upset. He said that he figures it is OK for his brother and SIL to read our story once we have shared our news with them.

A couple of people commented here that it wouldn't be a big deal for people to know we did IVF. Well, yes and no. Bo's family is Catholic, and while that doesn't mean we know for sure how everyone will feel, we already know for SURE how some of the family feels about IVF. Some of the extended family would consider us non-family. They would think we had committed a horrible sin. They would not accept it. BIL is not one of those people, neither is his wife, but there are plenty of extended family that would put us on their shit list. So, we aren't sharing HOW we got pregnant, just that we did it using fertility treatments. KISS.

Anyhow, we are so excited, and I cannot focus on work at the moment. The day is probably pretty wasted for me. :) I have at least one report to write...

Thank you everyone for your votes of confidence.... You guys are the best!

7 Week Scan Tomorrow... Scared Shitless - updated

Well, the 7 week US is tomorrow.

I am really freaked about it, mostly because I have not really felt pregnant at all since about Friday. I have been spotting and having some mild cramps over the weekend. The spotting isn't heavy or constant, but scary nonetheless. We were out of town at a family wedding, so I didn't try to get a weekend scan from my RE's office. I realized that if it was over a scan wouldn't do anything to stop the process.

I feel very empty... My boobs still hurt like crazy, but I'm aware that can be from the PIO shots. All the other symptoms seem to be gone. No more super-smell. No more queasiness. No more food aversions. No more scatterbrain. Nothing but sadness remains. I'm sad because I feel very empty without my companion symptoms. If the boob pain went away I wouldn't have 1 clue that I was supposed to be pregnant. It is very sad to imagine that the scan tomorrow will confirm my fears. I haven't given up all hope, I really haven't, but I am not looking forward to tomorrow like I was. I am just going to hope for the best yet be as prepared as I can be for the worst.

I don't know what else to say... I'm just going through the motions until I see the US. I am not worrying at all until then, I am just sad. I will be totally overjoyed if it is all good. I promise I will be. If I didn't feel so darned empty I think things would be different for tomorrow - I would be giddy as a school girl.

I'll let you guys know as soon as I know something. Our scan is 1st thing in the morning.

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Update:

I did something SOOOOO boneheaded!!! I commented on my brother-in-law's blog with my IF BLOG USER ACCOUNT! OMG. So, I've had to shut off my profile so that he can't follow to my blog. Of course, he could now look me up on google, but DAMN that was stupid. The whole family, plus my hubby's best friends could have followed that link. Fuck! OK, maybe I am still doing scatterbrained things!!! Grrrrrrrrr.

I deleted the post, but I can't get rid of the link to my profile that it leaves for him. Damn it. Damn it. I think I am going to call him tomorrow and ask him NOT to follow that trail. He is a nice and upstanding guy, so he will most likely follow my wishes. I sure hope so anyway. Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!!

Now I gotta go tell hubby - he is gonna be SO TOTALLY pissed about this. FUCK.

Post 100 - Paranoia Is Home... Updated

It is officially my 100th post ladies! Sorry in advance, it is such an insane topic...

Paranoia, is it ever going to go away??? Tonight I was taking a nap and woke up to find my cat Humphries sitting (not laying) on my uterus. Really, I mean I freaked. Here is 10 to 12 lbs of cat sitting on my prized baby's home.

I uncerimoniously dumped him off and into the floor, but I spent about 20 minutes lying in bed trying to figure out if I thought he could have killed my baby. He was kind-of to the right of my uterus, so maybe everything shifted out of the way and he wasn't really sitting on the baby, but man. Also, I know everything is pretty small and way deep in there (I'm fat too, so that should help), but I'm still a little bit scared.

I spent another 10 minutes considering how I could keep kitty off my stomach without locking him out of the room. I considered all kinds of contraptions that could shield my baby from harm - don't ask. I hate to lock him out, what with Cocoa being gone now. He's home all day alone, he shouldn't have to spend the night alone too - it might just kill his mind for good.

Now, I also wonder if I will partly blame my kitty if the ultrasound doesn't come back good. I mean really folks, this is not like me to worry, at all really. I mean I think about things going wrong in my life, but I don't dwell on them. Dwell seems to be my middle name right at the moment.

OK, feel free to chastise me and my parinoia... I just know you other ladies have experienced stuff like this, and would understand how crazy I am.

In other news, nothing has changed.... Everything else is still just rolling along...

Updated....

I went to the store tonight after posting and talked to my girlfriend DD while I shopped. We had a good laugh over the cat sitting issue. She said she totally understood why I was a bit freaked but not to worry. I realized that I wasn't really so worried anymore, I was just needing to talk to someone about it. Now that I'm back home and rereading my post I realize that I am likely to sound like a nutter for the next 8 months. Geesh!

Oooo The Smells...

OK the world stinks - litterally. Since Saturday I have begun to smell EVERYTHING! I am especially noticing the yucky smells. Oh man... What DIED in the breakroom microwave?? UGH!

My stomach has started doing little flips based on the smells. Sometimes it flips a happy "feed me" flip and other times not so much. Today I noticed that bluberries are delicious smelling - mmmmmm! They were covered in chocolate and I could still smell them WAY before they got to my mouth. I only ate 2, so I don't think they count on my non-caffiene diet. :)

I've realized several times today that I only have 1 week before I get to see if there is a heartbeat in there pumping away. If there is I may not be able to keep from telling the world, immediately. I am so ready for everyone to know.

Bo came by my cube today and told me he was going to call his Dad AS SOON as the test was over if it was good news. He seems to have gotten himself a bit wrapped around the axle with maintaining both excitement and caution. I sure hope he gets some positive relief Monday. He said, "I know you've been wondering if I'm thinking about it at all, but don't because I certainly am. " He looked so scared it was very cute.

Well, I'm just biding my time until US Day - this is really about as bad as the 2WW. I need some writing assignments - anyone got anything good??

I think I'm going to try and do some photos for the photo world tour too... Not sure I will get done today though...

Week 6 - Parents Told and More Stories

Well, tomorrow makes week 6. We just got home from a quick weekend trip to our family farm to bury Cocoa, see my parents, and then spend some time with Bo's brother and his wife. We made a full weekend of it!

Some of you are probably saying, "bury Cocoa?" Well... we left for a week-long vacation right after he died, so we couldn't take him to bury him. I know some of you might have just put him in the back yard, but that wasn't really going to work for my guy. You see, we have a septic system, even though we live within the metro city of Atlanta! The town planners in their wisdom gave permits for septic within subdivisions as late as 1998. Geesh!

So, our neighborhood is on the list for getting sewers put in. THAT means that unless you want to dig up your precious pet you'd better NOT put him in your backyard. I have NO say on where the lines will run for the new system. That accompanied with our plans to fully landscape our yard after the sewer is in means that there is no certainty on where to put him for good.

The vet was keeping him for us (in the freezer) until we could go up to bury him on our farm. We have a 150 acre family farm in Tennessee, and there is a small pet cemetery there. We found a spot for him and laid him to rest at last. He has had a long road getting home.

After we finished laying Cocoa to rest we went to visit my parents and some of their friends who were out camping at a lake nearby. My Dad and two of his Airforce buddies from Vietnam, along with their wives, met up at the park with their campers and stayed the weekend. We showed up to visit about Noon.

As planned, we took our "baby gifts" with us to the campground. Everyone was gathered around when we got there, so we waited until I got Mom and Dad alone for a minute.

My Dad had already set out the stone that he had carved for Cocoa. It was a bit of a shock to see it just sitting there, but it was so nice. He took the time to sandblast around the name and he added the date. He even squeezed in the "a" and I wouldn't have thought it had ever been missing if I hadn't known. It was very sweet. I thanked my Dad and gave him a hug. Seeing the stone made me want to start crying again, so I tried not to look at it too much. I'm hoping my Dad understood and didn't think I didn't want it. I plan to send him a thank you card so I can better express my appreciation.

Eventually someone mentioned lunch and everyone left to go get the fixins they had from their campers. Bo gave me a wink and I snuck over to my car to get the gifts. I called my Mom out of the camper and Dad away from setting up the tables and told them "We have a little something for you guys too." They started opening and I said, "You should need these about March." It took a second, but it finally registered and my Mom started crying and saying "Really? Really? In March?" She was so shocked and quite happy. Dad didn't really say anything, but he had a great smile on his face. We had hugs all around - very sweet.

Mom asked me, "Can we tell everyone?" and I had to do a little dance on that one. We didn't mind them telling their friends, but we aren't ready to tell the whole family yet. We want to wait a little longer on that. So, Mom finished bringing out the lunch, and then she brought out the gifts, having repacked them, and showed everyone what they got. She was crying so hard she could barely tell everyone what she was up to! We did hugs all around again and a few tears of joy.

Fate is interesting, isn't it? I didn't know it, but these same people were with my parents in March when I called to say that we were having the emergency surgery to remove the ectopic pregnancy. So, everyone had known we had had trouble getting pregnant and was especially happy for us.

After a long afternoon we left the park and had dinner with Bo's brother and his wife. We had a great time. They are great to hang out with, and it is very nice to see Bo and his brother get some time together. We didn't tell them our news - we are waiting until after next week's ultrasound. That's when we plan to tell Bo's whole family. We really can't wait it should be great fun.

Well, guess that's all on the news front. Now I just have to hold out until the next milestone. Everyday seems to be a little easier than the last. I'm feeling pretty good, pretty happy with the way things are going and barely stressing at all. Life is pretty sweet at the moment. Hope all is well with all of you!

Clotting Bloodwork & Finding an OB

I received the 2nd part of my bloodwork results today. The Heparin has brought my clotting factors back within normal range. From now on I am to get my blood tested every 2 weeks to make sure my clotting time is staying level. This is VERY good news, seeing as they weren't sure what dose I should have at first - good educated guess, huh?

Today I got another thrill... My fav RE nurse said to start looking for an OB. She said it can sometimes take a while to get that first appointment. She has done some CNP intern work with my OB/GYN's office and specifically with my GYN said they are really great to work with. So, I'm thinking that would be just fine.

My GYN is a CNP and she said she can see me for most of my appointments. I would, as in most offices, see all of the OBs and she would be my primary caregiver.

I can't believe I need to choose an OB. Nobody pinch me, I don't want to wake up.

In symptom land... Has anyone had stomach pain other than nausea? I am feeling like I ate too much, even when I haven't eaten. I feel like it is Thanksgiving and I just finished a plate full! UGGH!

I haven't had any real nausea per se, nor have smells made me be put off, but I'm sort-of expecting it to be sometime soon. My numbers are reaching the ranges that most of the other ladies here have started having M/S issues. Who knows, maybe I'll luck out and miss that joyful experience!

Beta 3 is in...

The beta number was 4776, which I was told was a good number for the 3rd beta. :)

I did use one of the calculators to determine if it had actually doubled every 48 hrs. The calc showed 2.5 days to double. I got kind-of scared, because that is slow based on what I know. I asked the nurse several times if that was OK, should I

Well, I talked to Dr. Google and "Beta hCG levels should double approximately every 2 days for the first four weeks of pregnancy. As pregnancy progresses the doubling time increases. By 6 to 7 weeks gestation beta hCG levels may take as long as 3 1/2 days to double. ", all that with citations from medical journals. I just love Dr. Google sometimes!!! :)

Part of my worry was that if there was an issue I didn't want to tell my parents this weekend. Based on Dr. Google's answers I'm going ahead with my plan.

The office offered to move up my US to Friday the 20th, but Bo and I are headed out of town that morning for a wedding. So, I'm still sticking with Monday the 23rd. Come on Monday!!!

Just have to breathe 'til Monday the 23rd.... Just have to breathe 'til Monday the 23rd....