PIO Shot Administration Tips... Updated based on experience...

Disclaimer - the tips below are gathered from across the internet. They DO NOT come from a Dr. or nurse, nor are they meant to be considered medical advice. These are the tips I plan to use for PIO shots in my near future because I am a big chicken and NEEED this kind of info to soothe my soul. Use these tips at your own risk...

Shot Ordering Tips:

• Ordering PIO meds: Request the progesterone in SESAME oil, which was slightly thinner than the peanut oil, and causes fewer skin problems, as many people have mild allergies to peanut oil. You can also get it in canola and olive oil.
• PIO usually comes with BIG needles to inject with. Get the smaller needles from the pharmacist, just ask!!! Get a 22 or 25, 1 1/2 inch, and if you are really skinny (low fat %) use a shorter needle like 1"!

Shot Preparation Tips:

• About 5-10 minutes before the shot, hold the PIO bottle between your legs, under your arm, in your bra, or run it under warm tap water (not hot, it can burn your skin internally!!). This will help to warm up the PIO, & thin it up just a little. This makes it easier to draw it up into the syringe, & easier to inject.
• Use an 18 or 22 gauge needle to draw up the PIO, and 25 gauge needle to inject. (remember, the smaller the number on a needle, the larger it is; the bigger the number, the smaller the needle). You just switch the needles out before giving the injection. The Dr’s office will tell you it won’t work, but it absolutely does! The 25 gauge needle is MUCH easier to insert and the pain is greatly reduced. Why add more pain to this process?

Shot Administration Tips:

• Have hubby, SO, RE nurse or best friend administer the shot. Do know that you CAN self-administer the shots! Some even say this is easier than having it done! See the section below for method...
• So you make sure you or a partner hits the right spot each night, circle the injection areas on both sides with permanent marker. When it wears off I redo it. That way it is easy to know you are in the right area. Remember to alternate injection sides to let each side rest a night.
• Massage the area after the PIO is given, as this will help to disperse the PIO into your body & will help to alleviate some of the lumps that will occur!
• Using a heating pad (not too hot, because of embies) on the injection site after injection will also help to disperse the meds plus ease some of the discomfort! Can use a hot washcloth too!
• As for icing the area first....... REs have said not to ice the area first, because it makes it harder for the PIO to spread out evenly, plus, it thickens it up quicker too!
• In the butt only, thank you - no thigh (Just ask Jenny at A Little Pregnant).
• The use of the alcohol swab on your skin every night causes the skin to dry out and toughen sometimes making it slightly harder for the needle to penetrate easily. Apply moisturizer to the injection areas each day.
• EMLA cream will numb the area. If the area becomes sore I will apply it 1.5 hours before the shot and cover with a band aid. However, you may find the shots aren't so bad without it.
• Here's an old trick Amy learned about from her grandmother and aunts. Take an old sock (like a soccer sock). Fill it with rice and nuke it in the microwave. Here's a link for how to do it: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Rice-Sock

Self-Administration Tips:

• When the shot is ready lay on the bed on your back with your head propped up high on at least 2 pillows.
• Take one leg and cross it over the other with knee bent and push hip up.
• Clean the injection area with an alcohol swab and let the alcohol dry.
• Push the needle in with one hand, pull back with that same hand to make sure you are not hitting a blood vessel, and then inject the PIO nice and slow. It helps to breathe in, and then let your breath out as you push the needle in.
• Withdraw the needle, clean the area with alcohol swab and put a bandaid on the injection site. However, don't leave the bandaids on all day - they can irritate the skin.
• Gently rub the injection site immediately with firm pressure.

IVF Protocol and Bedtime Rituals...

Lu.pron day 4 - all is well IF I can remember to take my shots!!! I forgot my meds today. It is an AM medication and I didn't remember to take it until 8 PM!! Grrrrrrrr Well, I'll just have to take it and back tomorrow morning up a bit to accommodate/offset the error. Grrrrrrr

I am NOT a good medicine taker. I think I "forget" too often, it is almost an avoidance tactic really. I don't think I mean to avoid meds, I just do.

For all that are interested, here is the proposed schedule for my meds... I am to go in for my "suppression check" US and bloodwork on 6/6, and start stims on 6/7 if the oven appear ready. From that it is 10 to 11 days of stims (my normal timeframe for ovulation). The stims are coupled with Lupron (low dose) and Estri.odial. Once the eggs are ready, we'll do the retreival 36 hrs after the HCG shot. I think, based on our RE conversations, we will do a day 3 transfer to maximize embies that can be frozen for FET.

If any of you are interested I can lay out the protocol meds and units per med. Don't want to put you all to sleep though, if you aren't interested.

Also, I have been terrified of taking PIO shots... I have been dreading those shots more than anything else associated with IVF!! So, Dr. Google being the friend that he is gave me some much-needed advice last night, some of which came from our very own little blogger group. LOL I plan to do a blog entry on ONLY the tips and then report on them after I have tried the tips myself.

BTW - I am SOOOO glad I came across this post from Baby Proof about bedtime rituals... She thought she was being "odd" in having some seemingly unusual nighttime rituals...

Until I was 21, I couldn't sleep with the bedroom door closed, or the lights off, or uncovered, or with ANY part of my anatomy hanging off the side of the bed. I mean, if my hand flopped off while I slept I would wake up, scared to death that something was going to get me.

Why until 21? That's when my mom asked if I was NOW able to sleep with the lights off. I fessed up to my Mom and brothers that my bedtime ritual weirdness extended beyond the lights.

My mother said "Boys, look what you did!" to peals of laughter from my brothers.
Turns out, when I was about 6 my loving brothers hid under my bed until mom tucked me in, turned off the light, and shut the door. Then, they lunged up from under the bed and grabbed me. They held me down using my blankets.

I screamed bloody murder! My parents came rushing in and saved me. I am sure there was lots of drama and shouting. They probably beat my brothers stupid. Honestly, I don't remember the event AT ALL!

However, the the night I found out about my brothers' transgressions, I slept peacefully - fully uncovered, with my foot hanging off the side. LOL

Day 3 of Lupron... All's Well!

I'm on day 3 of Lu.pron!!!

Wooo Hoo, the train has left the station on this IVF journey! I can't believe it really. I have had so many things try to get in the way of us ever doing IVF that I thought I would NEVER get here.

The Lu.pron doesn't seem to be doing anything to me yet... no hot flashes or headaches, so all is good in my opinion. :)

I am starting to mark off the days on the calendar, and I'm getting pretty excited. I've managed to shed a few pounds too by watching what I'm putting into my mouth. I am trying to avoid junk foods, artificially sweetened and processed foods - it's whole foods for me! I'm not going all-out, but I'm trying to choose whole fruits and veggies, less-processed breads and meats that haven't been packed with preservatives.

Also, thanks to Baby Blues, I have done a smashing job of avoiding caffeine!! The day she posted the effects of caffeine I started cutting out sodas and chocolate (my only two source, as I don't drink tea or coffee). Frankly, I haven't missed it. I actually find that I don't get tired and sluggish as much as I used to!!

I knew that caffeine wasn't a good idea when trying to conceive, but I really hadn't much considered quitting. I was only drinking about 1 to 1 1/2 glasses of diet coke per day. Then I thought about all the artificial sweeteners that are in diet drinks and the like. That, combined with some personal experiences with food of late, lead me to think more about what I was putting into my body.

Then, I met a woman that said she had lost 53 pounds in 9 months by eating only whole foods (non-processed). She explained that her Dr. thought her diabetes might be made worse with the highly processed sweeteners. He suggested that some of the patients had done really well by modifying their diets to eat real sugar and less sweeteners, but kept their diets low in sugar.

Anyway, all these things combined left me thinking - hey, let's give it a go. What have I got to loose, really? Couldn't come up with anything, so I went for it. :)

I'll let you all know how long it lasts... LOL

Picture Page 1

Since you asked!!! Here are some pictures of my sweet baby kitty boys Humphries and Cocoa.

I had laid my robe on the bed and Humprhies, ever the snuggler decided to climb right in!

Humprhies learned very early that saying "Ma Ma" would get my attention. It really freaks people out when they hear it! He is soooo smart, and he calls me when there is something wrong - a plant turned over, his brother getting sick, or when they've totally been into something and caused a mess. He even looks guilty! He is my sweet boy, and I love him lots!

Cocoa soon got jealous of his brother's photo shoot and scooted Humphries right out.. I have several "action shots" of him rolling around trying to take over Humphries' spot! LOL



He's such a love bug... I love him so totally. He sleeps right beside me every night. He lays his little head on my arm and falls alseep purring.



I think I'm going to like doing Picture Pages, I have been smiling since I started finding the needed pictures! :)

"Picture Pages. Picture Pages, Picture Pages, time to get your Picture Pages, time to get your crayon and your pencil... You can play with Picture Pages, fill your days with Picture Pages, 'Til Bill Cosby does another Picture Page with you!"

Now I have to take a picture of my purse... I'll warn you, it is totally utilitarian, but remember, you asked!!! LOL

Thank You Reproductive Jeans!!!

I just found Bloglines - thanks to Reproductive Jeans' post on, I think, Bumble's blog... Can't be sure since I've read ALL my favorite blogs tonight PLUS all the comments. :O

ANYWAY - I just signed up for Bloglines and I am so totally in love with it!!!! Imagine - one place to look for updates from all your IF Friends! Wooo Hoo!!! Seems simple if you know it exists, almost a "DUH!" kind of simple, but there we are!

Thanks Reproductive Jeans!!!!! :)

Oh, and if you haven't seen it, Reproductive Jeans also had a cool idea - a Picture Page kind of blogginess. So here goes... I totally stole the description from her...

So since we are all connected in the IF journey, whether we have come out on the other side, or are just beginning--for those who are interested, let's share a few visuals of who we are. It will go a little something like this:

• Since many of us are finding refuge in blog land and wish not to share our personal information (picture of our faces/spouses/partners/pets etc) this picture pa.ge does not have to be that personal. But it can be if you wish. You can designate which you prefer when you take on this little project.
• What I am asking to build my Pic Page, is that you comment on this entry and ask me to take a picture of something in my life that you might like to see: examples being my closet, my favorite pair of shoes, my laundry room, inside my fridge, the view from my front door. Then I will have a nice post of pictures from what each person has asked to see.

Make sense? They are silly little things, but the little things are what count right? Feel free to post this in your blog (see, she gave me permission to steal!!!)! This is a 'tag' game-- if you want to do it, just simply ask your readers to help you create a Pic Page!

So here goes ladies - what would you like to see/know about me?

I Am Tagged To Write!

I have been multi-tagged for this excercise! Thanks to everyone that took the time to write about themselves. I feel like I know you just a little better...

So here goes: I AM...

I am loving with my friends and family.
I am a fan of touch - I touch everything that looks shiny, interesting or new to me.
I am a planner! Please let me know before you mess with my plans so we can stay friends.
I am stubborn to a point. The point must be won by you, but you can change my mind.
I am supposedly a picky eater. I was taught that I can pick out the parts I don't like (peppers make me sick). What's picky about that? I didn't refuse to eat, I just "customize" to suit!
I am most likely a cat reincarnated - I love to be scratched and rubbed. Purrrrr!
I am a true and loyal friend. I will always make myself available if you need me.
I am a fast reader, I can devour a book in a matter of hours.
I am a traveller - you cannot make my soul happier than when I'm in a new land!
I am a reseacher, and I look up everything (see planner above).
I am mother to two cats - I love Humphries and Cocoa dearly. They are my fur babies.
I am a sometimes gardener, and getting better every year.
I am an outgoing and gregarious, and I make people take to me quickly. Either that or they hate me on sight!
I am a supper-shopper of bargins, but I don't really care for shopping as a frequent passtime.
I am an out and out geek (yes, I play multiplayer online games)
I am pretty much a tomboy at heart, but I have glittery girlie edges!
I am great at making introductions - just show me a stranger!
I am easy with people from different backgrounds and cultures from my own. Thanks Mom!!
I am hard to fool at a mechanic's shop.
I am no longer a flannel-wearing truck owner (it was sending the wrong message for me).
I am the proud owner of a Southern Accent when I've had to much to drink.
I am the first in my family to get a Master's Degree.
I am talkative! :P


Consider yourself tagged!!!!

Ticker Troubles...

Ladies, I was just doing some "Spring Cleaning" on my blog template. Let me tell you, tickers cute and make you feel so warm and fuzzy to look at, but they are Bad, BAD, BAD when you forget to remove them.

I just found the pregnancy ticker, still at the bottom of my blog, from my twin ectopic pregnancy back in February. I would have been 16 wks 6 days pregnant today.

After a moment of remembrance, and saddness I removed it.

I am not gonna cry, but I feel a bit deflated. Why is it that IF is always the pin cushion to my balloon?

*sigh*

On a lighter note...
I've asked and he answered! :) Thanks Reproductive Jeans for the Hubby Pop Quiz!!! Laugh with me, as we read the answers!

AF – Assisted Fertility (or Ass Fucker, what you call RE when they hurt the wife)
IVF – In-Vitro Fertilization
IUI – Intra-Uterine Insemination
IF – Infertility
PG – Progesterone
TTC – Too Too Cool (well, it USED to be cool!)
DPO – Don't Piss Off
BFP – Big F'ing Pregnancy
BFN – Big F'ing Nothing
POAS – Papal Overachiever Syndrome (um, not sure what this meant)
OPT – Online Pregnancy Test (ha ha ha)
CD – Compact Dick
BD – Big Deal

Love my hubby - he's so creative. He admited he didn't know the acronyms used in our posts, but he did know all of the ones used in our RE's lingo and literature. So, I'll give him some extra credit for lack of exposure. :)

8 Things...

Courtesy of a very appreciated tag from Mands, here are 8 arbitrary things about me:

1. I was on a pit crew when I was in high school. I can change my oil and rotate my own tires if needed. I restored a convertible when I was in college. It is very helpful to know your way around cars when you take one in for service. Once a guy tried to sell me a "power steering belt" on a truck. I told him very loudly "my truck doesn't have power steering". He said, oh, I meant the air conditioning belt, to which I replied, "it has a serpentine belt - just the one belt, and there is no air conditioner in it." Once the good 'ol boys quieted down their laughing he said there was no charge for the oil change.

2. I can't sleep when I am hot. I have to have cool air or I will stay awake until I finally pass out from exhaustion (it can take days).

3. I am very afraid of giving birth. I mean really afraid - not afraid I'll die or anything, just that the pain will be so unbearable or that something will go nightmarishly wrong. Terrified, I tell you! I wanna be asleep for delivery, like my Momma was!!! I thought you might find this interesting since I am trying so darned hard to get pregnant. I figure I will have to cross that bridge should I ever locate it. Until then, I focus on "now" to get me through.

4. I talk A LOT, but I never tell things that are really important to people outside a select group. However, in my blog, I write about almost solely things important to or troubling me. Most of my readers are complete strangers (I mean that in the best possible way). Isn't that weird?

5. My Mom is my very best friend. :) She and I love to turn up the radio, sing of key, and dance like crazy people. You know, I actually thought EVERYONE danced and sang at home with their mothers! Boy, did I lead a fun yet sheltered life! Everyone loves my Mom!!! :)

6. I was the first in my family to get my Master's degree (beat my older brother by just a few months). The prize, from my grandmother, was a trip for 3 to Paris for a week - Granny, Mom, and me!!! We had a wonderful time, saw all the sites, ate late dinners and early breakfasts. I miss my Granny very much.

7. Hubby and I were acquaintances, until we almost literally bumped into each other at a Bonnie Raitt concert that was part of a music festival with an attendance of over 250,000 people. We started our "happily ever after" with a first kiss to "Let's Give 'Em Something To Talk About". Hubby still jokes that he "picked me out of a 1/4 million"!

8. I still have a friend from Kindergarten. She is the one friend I would call if I needed help disposing of a body. Hell, I'd even call her if I needed help getting to the point of needing to dispose of a body. She's that much of a friend. She says the same about me! ;)

OK, I'm not sure who hasn't been tagged, so I'm going to name the following based on today's blog reading:
Erin @ The Vicious Cycle of Cycles
Carlynn @ Still Passing open Windows
Laura @ The (Reluctant) Baroness
Ellie @ Dinner Table Talk ... I think not
Gemini Girl
Stacie @ Heeeere Storkey, Storkey!
Cheryl @ wewannababy
Projgen @ Project Genesis

A Funny Thing Happened...

When I went in for my cyst check/saliene HSG the RE came in and prepared to insert the catheder. He said "This shouldn't hurt too much, if at all".

Note: This is the same guy that I sparred with on Friday regarding my information sources.

So, I told him to "Hop up here and change places with me. I'll do this procedure on you, and f it doesn't hurt, I'll be glad to give it a go!". He stopped in his tracks, literaly. He thought about it a bit, then laughing said that was the first time someone has ever suggested that he try this procedure first! LOL

I suggested that saying it wasn't going to hurt was similar to the "truths" regarding the existrnce of certain mythical creatures like unicorns and Santa Claus.

He suddenly retracted his dismissive stance on the procedure and said "I will try to keep this from hurting, as much as possible".

We had a good laugh, even though it did hurt like a biatch! :)

Cyst Check on Isle 9!

Went in for my cyst check / saline HSG and everything is looking pretty OK.

Oh man... The procedure they did this morning hurt quite a bit... They put a catheter with a saline solution into my uterus and then stuck the wand back in to get some Polaroids! Say Oooouch!!!

They said everything looked good. Whew! The cyst is down from 3 cm to 1.6 cm! They said I should be able to start an IVF cycle with no problems!

The Lup.ron has been ordered, my IVF has been approved by my insurance and we are on track to start this Thursday with the first of a million daily shots.

HEY! I need to get back on CYCLESISTA!!! Whoo Hoo!!! I'm officially back in the game folks!!

IVF Consult with RE!!!

Well, Ladies it looks like we have started tickling the dragons tail in earnest now. :)

Hubby and I went in yesterday for our first IVF consultation, where we got our protocol schedule and went over the medications regime. I must say, I am a little scared!!!

At one point in the schedule I will be taking 3 shots per day plus antibiotics and Estr.adiol and an ultrasound! It looks like a laundry list when you write out the to-do's per day! Man, I had noooo idea what you ladies were going through!!

Then, of course, there are the PIO shots that start on transfer day - whoopie! I can't wait, based on what all of you have been telling me it will be a joy and a half. :)

I'm scared, I'm nervous, and I'm ready to get the show on the road. How is it possible to have all 3 feelings at one time?? Not sure, but it makes for a fun time! :P

The RE and Hubby and I talked about what made us move on to IVF. I told my RE in no uncertain terms that I AM TIRED of doing all this IF stuff. If I knew that this will not work I would adopt a child, and be a loving mother. That every month we waste on IF is one more month I don't get to spend with my children. RE seemed to understand this idea...

Hubby told him that he had moved into the IVF camp when he realized the threat of another ectopic was so high, and that he might be needlessly upping the % risk and endangering my life to have a child. RE seemed to understand this idea too...

By the way, during the visit I told my RE that some of my questions came from my blogging friends' experiences... He sat back and said that I needed to get my information "straight from the horses mouth rather than from fanatics..." and then expressed concerns that I was becoming a fanatic myself. I got angry, I'm sure he saw it on my face and heard it in my voice...

I made it very clear to him that getting the information I need to feel secure in my decisions is my method. I explained that some of my information comes from medical journals, white papers, and even his own company's published reports and statistics. Also, that I get information from women that are going through what I am and that IS getting it "straight from the horses mouth", as these women's experiences are real world.

We sat calmly for a moment after this... I would say it went rather well. :)

He seems to understand that I WILL know what is going on, I WILL ask questions, I WILL decide what does and does not work for me. He doesn't like it, but I guess I'm not paying for him to be my best friend, just my best General in this fight against IF.

Onward and upward we go!

Comment Replies

Ah... So there may be something wrong with my account. Artblog says there is always an email with the comments, but that isn't true for me. On the comment emails I get there is no way to reply - the email address literally says noreply-comment@blogger.com. So when I reply to it I get a bounce-back.

Do any other Blogger people have this noreply problem? Do you get something else from your comment emails?

Thanks for the answers so far!!!

Jewelry Requests...

I had several requests to see my pendant and other jewelry... I wasn't ignoring you guys, really, really! I just don't have any pictures of my work! I need to get that done. Once I have my pictures done I'll post them here for you all to see.

I have a question - more of a poll really...

When you get comments, and they ask questions, how do you go about responding to the question? Do you:
A - Usually know the email address of the requester, so you email them?
B - Reply to the comment and have an email go back to the commenter (I always get bounce backs, so not sure this works)?
C - Post the answer in your own comments section?
D - Write a new post that addresses the answers?

I'm at a loss for how best to reply!!!! Need Help!

Fertility Reminders Are Everywhere!!!

Baby Blues blogged news to me, Shrek now has kids (in the Movie Shrek III). It is interesting to see the responses to her post, because [some] people are being tounge-in-cheek frustrated that Shrek seems to have followed what might be called the "natural path" of meet someone, fall in love, get married, kids (in that order). Others are intrigued that the above path is considered natural, like any other path would be unnatural.

I love applying the real world to our fairy tales - the results of which are always an interesting study of people. I'll tell you what comes to my mind first when I think about Shrek - Mrs. Shrek, Princess Fiona IS NOT SKINNY!!!!

Most of you have not seen me before, so it isn't evident that I am very far from being skinny (but oh how I try).

I love it that some company out there realized that Fiona didn't have to be pencil-thin, white, and princess "beautiful" to be loved (although she started that way). They also gave her a REAL attitude - which I think is completely kick-butt. This chick is more like me - strong, independent, overweight, beautiful and very lovable. I love Fiona - you go girl!!!

About Fiona and Shrek's children (triplets) I am very happy to see the larger character is able to have a family. I think a lot of people assume that if you are fat you cannot have kids. Well, maybe it is less likely for various reasons, but it certainly isn't impossible!!!

I happen to have a motto about other people's fertility successes, "As long as they are still making babies I have a chance to get one!". It keeps me sane, and gives me something non-snarky to say when someone is worried about how I will feel about others' successes.

I can't wait to see the movie!!! GOOooooo FIONA!!!!

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IVF Update:

Made an appointment with the RE for Friday to go over our IVF protocol. Also scheduled a cyst check for Monday, if it is good then we are moving forward!!! :)

note: I edited the post a bit... It originally seemed that I was making statements about other people's comments. That wasn't the intent - just noticing that the story provoked interesting comments. :)

Mom's Strawberry Pie...

Do any of you ever do this??? You CRAVE something your Mom makes, and you just cannot get it anywhere but her kitchen?? I do, and it is a 5 hour drive to get what I am craving. Lately, it has been my mom's strawberry pie!

I went to visit my parents this weekend for Mother's Day, and I got to hang out with them - just me, no hubby or siblings in site for 90% of the weekend.

Sadly, the whole weekend I kept thinking someone was going to try to "recognize my IF efforts" this past year with a "not-a-mom-yet" present. Some may feel this would be a good idea, but for me it would have been very sad and quite embarrassing. No judgements here, just my own feelings on the subject. I am not one that likes to be "called out" for stuff, it makes me uncomfortable.

My family seems to have read me right - they didn't do anything to acknowledge our IF troubles or loss. They just let it pass quietly. I like it that way.

On a lighter note... I participated in the Garden Tour my mother was presiding over. She is the president of a library board in her city, and they had a garden tour on Saturday. It was a LOT of fun, and I met some really great friends of my mother. I like knowing that she has good friends surrounding her. I have always hated being so far away!! (We are in separate states, 5 hrs apart).

One of the ladies I met on the tour - we'll call her "J" - was ultra-nice and we struck up a friendship. She is the owner of one of the gardens on the tour.

She saw the pendant I was wearing and was very intrigued about its creation. I used to draw trees as a child, and sometimes I still doodle one when I'm bored. Well, when I needed an object to decorate my current pendant silversmith project I chose to use one of my trees. The effect is quite beautiful, if I do say so myself.

J paints, she is a master artist, but has trouble creating realistic-looking trees. So, we struck up a conversation, which lead to a short studio-tour in her multi-million-dollar lake mansion! I was wowed! This woman is an amazing artist, and her home showcases it beautifully.

We talked over tree forms, habits, and growth patterns. She got a primer in my method of tree creation and I got to enjoy a master's art up close, in her home. It seemed we both enjoyed the chat, which became a whole-house tour. I am in awe, still!

Well, after the garden tour, my mother and I returned home and I made from-scratch Mom's Strawberry Pie!!!! I put the words in capital letters because they aren't just run-of-the mill pies. These are made with real crust, real strawberries, real sugar, real jello (mixed with secret ingredients) and real whipped topping!!!! They are Mom's Strawberry Pie!!!! These are the stuff that dreams are made of!!!!

All-in-all it was a very rewarding (pie) and fun-filled weekend.

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Update from previous post...

- I am taking the BCPs

- Hubby is closer to deciding that we should do IVF. He says he pretty much just wants to have a conversation with me and Dr. about the specifics - # of eggs retrieved, embryos created, transferred, and especially frozen.

- I have my authorization from the insurance company.

- We are set to do a day-19 cyst check. If that comes back good we will have the big conversation, and probably start! On my!

PCOS Strikes AGAIN!!!!

Well, Aunt Flo did not do me any favors by coming to visit, because she brought her dog Cyst with her. He peed on my carpet and ate my best shoes!!!!

Per the ultrasound, PCOS has made this month a no-go with a 3 cm cyst. I think I'm numb at this point... I keep feeling the need to cry about it, but I can't work up the energy to cry.

I have a full work day ahead of me today, including a huge senior management meeting, and I just want to go home instead. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!

Oh, well, c'est la vie, eh?

So, the RE's office gave me 3 wks of birth control pills, and told me we COULD still do an IVF cycle if we wanted to start that this month. I would take the BCPs for 3 weeks and come in for a cyst check about day 18, then assuming the cyst was gone, I would start on Lu.pron on day 21.

They said the cyst should resolve quickly with the BCPs so there should be no issue with starting IVF.

Problem: Hubby doesn't really want to do IVF unless we really, really, really have to. He is certainly not prepared to start doing IVF this month. So, we are going to have a really uncomfortable conversation today.

I'm torn... Do I just wait for next cycle and stick to the IUI plan? Or, do I push to move to IVF because I REALLY need to get off the child-making ride ASAP?

I don't know... I really don't know... I will keep you all posted as the saga unfolds...

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Update: I gave hubby a 10 min update during the day today. He seemed open to moving forward with the IVF potentially. There was no crying involved, I am so proud of me! He wants to talk more tonight, but understands that the health risk of IUI is really high already (10-15% chance of another ectopic) and maybe this is Fate's way of directing us down the IVF path.

"Why Me?" or "Whine, Me?"

OK, I just got hard news... Two ladies in my neighborhood are due with their 2nd children this summer. The total will equal 11 to 15 children that have been born to the 50 houses in my neighborhood since I started trying. That is a 1 in 5 chance that a house you visit will contain a newborn - 3 yr old. These specific women are each on their 2nd child during the time it has taken me to fail to have 1 child.

It makes me want to cry... It makes me want to scream and throw at tantrum and refuse to try any longer... It makes me want to find a small hole in the ground and crawl into it. It makes me want to scream "WHY ME???????" or "Where is my child?????" and my favorite "Why do I deserve this???"

Then, when I really look at what has transpired in my life and that of my friends I feel silly for being so dramatic. I have had 2 relatively OK miscarriages (by this I mean no major drama, just sadness) and 1 real emergency ectopic. That is not bad for 3 years of trying.

- One of my friends, in this same time period, has had 3 2nd-trimester miscarriages, complete with the drama of DCs and/or delivering the child naturally but stillborn.

- One of my friends has a child, but is coming to terms that she will NEVER have another. High blood pressure spikes and 2 miscarriages and have just about convinced her to quit forever.

- Many of my blog-friends have never achieved pregnancy at all. They have fought and labored to never have achieved those coveted HPT lines.

- Many of my blog-friends have been through horrible repeated losses, which I will resist recapping here, as we all know the stories.

OK, so sure I can cry, whine and complain every time someone else has joyful news, but what is the benefit? What will it bring me to scream? Will it improve my chances of a healthy pregnancy? No, of course not, but it may decrease the chances by making me be bitter or maybe start avoiding treatments. In addition, it will make me sound petty and childish to those that have had so much worse to live through.

So, what do I do to move forward? I think I will try to keep my IF troubles in perspective....

My life is OK, my health is OK, my world will continue to exist if I never have a child. I am not be happy that life/fate is not following my plans, but I will most likely survive it. I may eventually actually attain my goal, who knows.

For now, I am going to TRY to focus on those things that will help me attain my goal. Go ME!

Whew, this whole experience is just exhausting....

Not gone, just lurking...

I've been reading posts lately, and trying hardto wait my turn - for Aunt Flo's visit that is...

It seems a LOT of you must be cycling right now because Aunt Flo hasn't had time to come see me in 2 MONTHS! Yep, that's right, an unintened forced-break of sorts. I took a prog.esteron substitute, and it didn't seem to get me going, but just when I think I need to go back to Dr. it looks like the drought might be over. I've been feeling the tell-tale signs that she is on her way. Maybe tomorrow, huh?

This cycle is going to be difficult... Hubby and I have been at odds lately, and we are about a month behind schedule from where we thought we would be by now. It is gonna make doing all this IF stuff hard to go through... I don't like starting a cycle when I'm cranky!

So, we think we are gonna do another IUI, at least, and then maybe another IUI, then IVF. I think. Of course, if all goes well, we won't have to do the 2nd IUI or the IVF! :) Right? Thinking positive here!

Lately, I've been thinking more and more about adoption options. I want children. At this point I realize they do not have to be my own for me to be happy.

I don't want to give up on having my own child, but I am not set on it being a requirement. I just really want someone to love, hold, cuddle, and teach. We love to teach, and love to share. We are sure we want that part of having a child/children.

One problem is that I'm having trouble getting information together about how to get started. If we adopt, we want to adopt an older child, not an infant - possibly siblings. We realize we have the resources to raise siblings, and not every adoptive parent does. We would like to be able to give them a home together.

How do you get started with adoption??? All I can find online are ads! How do I choose/rate agencies? How do I know what level of costs we are looking at incurring? Where do I start?

Any help here would be greatly appreciated!