My sweetheart, my love, my loverboy is gone. I took him in this morning and had him put to sleep.
He was so bad off, so tired, so skinny and it was time to say goodbye. He stopped eating without being forced about 2 weeks ago. However, he was doing OK until a couple of days ago when he stopped drinking water voluntarily. No matter how much I love him, and maybe because I love him so much, I just couldn't force him to go through the indignities of this any longer.
The loving, sweet baby had gone through too much and had lost the sparkle that made him who he was. He simply sat and stared into space, he no longer purred from my touch. He could barely get up, barely walk.
It was time and I was lucky enough to be able to hold him while he went off to sleep. He snuggled me one last time and then he was gone. I didn't stay for the euthanasia part - it is too painful to watch according to friends whose judgements I trust. I just held him, then laid him gently into the arms of the Dr. who promised he would treat him as gently as possible.
My furbaby Cocoa is gone, and my heart aches.
Humphries, Cocoa's littermate and brother seems to somewhat understand. He looked for him when I came home. He smelled him on my hands, on my face. He crawled into my lap and cuddled me for a long time. He keeps watching the door for Cocoa, but I think he already knows that his brother is not coming back. We took a nap and it felt good to have his warm body curled up next to mine.
I know I will get through this hurt. I know it will be OK. It will take a while - tomorrow will be a little better than today, again and again, until he is just a sweet memory in my heart.