Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Bye Bye Baby Cocoa... I'll Miss You, Forever



My sweetheart, my love, my loverboy is gone. I took him in this morning and had him put to sleep.

He was so bad off, so tired, so skinny and it was time to say goodbye. He stopped eating without being forced about 2 weeks ago. However, he was doing OK until a couple of days ago when he stopped drinking water voluntarily. No matter how much I love him, and maybe because I love him so much, I just couldn't force him to go through the indignities of this any longer.

The loving, sweet baby had gone through too much and had lost the sparkle that made him who he was. He simply sat and stared into space, he no longer purred from my touch. He could barely get up, barely walk.

It was time and I was lucky enough to be able to hold him while he went off to sleep. He snuggled me one last time and then he was gone. I didn't stay for the euthanasia part - it is too painful to watch according to friends whose judgements I trust. I just held him, then laid him gently into the arms of the Dr. who promised he would treat him as gently as possible.

My furbaby Cocoa is gone, and my heart aches.

Humphries, Cocoa's littermate and brother seems to somewhat understand. He looked for him when I came home. He smelled him on my hands, on my face. He crawled into my lap and cuddled me for a long time. He keeps watching the door for Cocoa, but I think he already knows that his brother is not coming back. We took a nap and it felt good to have his warm body curled up next to mine.

I know I will get through this hurt. I know it will be OK. It will take a while - tomorrow will be a little better than today, again and again, until he is just a sweet memory in my heart.

19 comments:

Erin said...

Oh, I am so sorry. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been. I'm glad you have Humphries to comfort you!

My Reality said...

Oh Dawn, I am so very sorry. We lost the love of our lives in September. It is so heartbreaking when our little ones leave us. I have tears in my eyes reading this post. Cocoa is no longer sick and in pain and is watching over you from above. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I know I can't. Know that I am thinking about you. If you want to chat, you know where to find me.

Stacie said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. When you make an animal a part of your family, that is exactly what they become--your baby. I had tears in my eyes while reading your post. It brought back memories of my own baby that died a few years back.

Cocoa knew you loved her and I hope that brings you some comfort during this hard time.

Thinking of you and sending hugs...

Natalie said...

I am so sorry for your loss. :( I am sure Cocoa is happy with the life he led and that you didn't let him suffer any longer. RIP Cocoa.

Rachel said...

I'm so, so sorry. Cocoa looked like a sweetie.

Amy said...

Dawn, I'm sooo sorry. I got tears in my eyes when I read your post. I know how damn painful this must be. I'm thinking of you.

Imogen and David said...

So sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved furbaby. RIP Cocoa.

KarenO said...

I'm so terribly sorry. I know our pets have short lives, but I'm dreading the day my cat won't be there anymore. She has been so much more that just a pet. Will be thinking of you! hugs

Carlynn said...

I am so sorry. It is awful losing a pet you love especially now when you need the comfort he could have brought you.

Gil said...

Dawn, there are no words in the world to tell you of the ache I feel for you today and the tears I shed. The loss of a cherished animal who has contributed so much joy and love to your life is a very difficult thing to deal with. May it comfort you to know that Cocoa is no longer in pain and is in a better place having been relieved of his suffering. Humphries will surely need some extra loving in the coming days.

I have held a beloved pet while she was euthanized and talked to her, soothing her pains away. I will be in those shoes again eventually, as I have two cats now (littermates, like Cocoa and Humphries) who are inseparable. I don't know how I will ever be able to do it. But somehow we find the strength.

My love to you and your family as you mourn Cocoa's passing and cherish his precious life.

ellie said...

My heart is with you!

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am so sorry.

Samantha said...

I am so sorry about Cocoa. I have have lost cats in the past, so I know how difficult it is. My thoughts are with you.

CAM said...

Please know that you gave Cocoa the best life possible. We went through the same thing with our dog in October and I have never felt pain like that before. There are our children and our hearts. I am so sorry for your loss. We are all out here thinking about you.

Needles said...

I am speechless. I am so utterly speechless. I know what that feels like as we had to put our precious kitty down 2 years ago- It is horrible, paionful, lonely- just terrible. I am so sorry you had to experience this...Cocoa was part of your family and he will always be. Please try to be strong during this difficult time....Humphries needs you because he's lonely too!

Tam said...

I am so sorry sweetie, that is just so sad. Thinking about you.

Hugs xxx

Gemini Girl said...

I am so sorry for your loss :(
It's never easy to lose someone that you love, but you have so many wonderful memories together.
It will be ok and he is no longer in pain.

Furrow said...

I'm terrified of the day when we have to do this (hopefully many, many years from now). I'm so sorry for your loss.

Lara said...

I'm so sorry, I know how hard it is to lose a fur baby! They are like our children...you're so strong to have held her until she was asleep. I just don't think I could have been that strong! Chin up girlfriend, it'll be a bunch of sucky days and then one day you'll just smile when you remember her instead of cry. I hope that day comes soon!