Friday, June 29, 2007

Um... Well... I peaked...

I know, I KNOW, I'm supposed to resist... I KNOW!!!

You see, tomorrow we are going on vacation for a week - a whole week at the beach. So, me being the frugal person that I am, I reasoned that HPTs would be more expensive at the beach. So, I got a 2-pack... Just for the savings, not to peak.

Well, I not only bought pregnancy tests, but I was callous enough to LEAVE THEM ON THE SINK right by the toilet all night. Yeah, like I was gonna resist them with them right there.

I even took measures to semi-sabotage my "wait until the date" efforts. I realized, to my horror, that this box has plastic wrap on the outside - much like a CD. I HATE getting CDs open, and I KNEW my bladder would not hold while I fumbled with the packaging when I did need to use one. So, I unwrapped the top of the box - for safety's sake, not because I was going to use them early. No, not me....

I usually don't peak, I swear!

Birthday packages? No Peaking!
Christmas presents? No Peaking!
Surprises from Bo? No Peaking!
8dp3dt? Yeah, I caved. Bigtime...

Bo was in the shower - not 2 feet from where I was breaking the golden rule of IF. Thou Shalt Not Peak!!

I knew I could break my own heart... This has been such a rough week with Cocoa and all. BUT I have been having twinges, a few cramps and crazy all day heartburn. Also, I realized it was Friday, and I would have to work all day today with whatever happiness/sadness this test would bring, but I HAD TO KNOW!

So, knowing Bo would kill me if he saw... I waited until I heard the water running for his shower. Then I went in and quietly opened the box and unwrapped the wrapper, all the while carrying on a conversation with him and acting like NO PEAKING was going on. I am GOOD I tell you.

I peed on the stick, put the cap back on, and watched the line of urine creep across the test. All of you know this is the LONGEST 5 seconds of your life!!

My heart jumped as I thought I saw a faint line as the urine moved past the "test" part of the stick - you know, where that fateful line needs to be. I was just SURE it was there, but it disappeared. Ladies, that is when I realized then how stupid it was to take a test at 8dp3dt. Man, what a dope.

I put the test on a piece of TP on the sink to let it sit for the minimum of 3 mins before I discarded the darned thing. I didn't want to look at it though... I hate it when all that stark whiteness stares back at me - daring me to inspect it more closely.
. 30 seconds

.

. 1 minute

.

. 1:30 seconds

. 2 minutes

I washed my hands, petted Humphries and talked to BO. When he got out of the shower I went over to brush my teeth, and that's when I saw it....

THERE WAS A SECOND LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, it is a faint second line... But it was certainly there - you do not need NASA grade optics to see it.

I grabbed the test, showed it to Bo and said "We just might have the winning lottery ticket, right here!". He took the test from me and looked. He frowned and said, "Now don't get all excited, that line looks pretty faint to me. It could be something in your medications that's making it show up." My Bo, ever the optimist made several more remarks about its lack of being a real second line.

I think I actually pouted. I started doubting my HPT and HCG knowledge. I wasn't SURE it wouldn't be the HCG shot, and suddenly I couldn't remember if PIO causes false positives. Darn it!! It would be 2 hours before the clinic opened and I could ask my favorite RE nurse! Grrrr!

Well, I managed to make it to opening time and called the nurse. She said that the HCG shot should be well gone, and that if there was a line then it was coming from my body, naturally. As in - made by an implanted embryo. The bad news is, they wouldn't do my beta this early.

She said the RE wouldn't want to see beta numbers this soon, and would want me to wait until Tuesday anyway. Darn it! I was sure hoping we could use this as "beta 1" to make the beta on Tuesday be the "Is it doubling" test. Darn, darn, darn. But hey, wait a minute...

THERE WAS A SECOND LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOOOooooooooooo - while I am excited that there were two lines, I know darned well that anything could be going on in there. I know that there are a million ways in which this could all go wrong, even before Tuesday gets here.

I am seasoned enough to know that I am barely at step one of a very scary and potentially painful roller coaster ride of emotions until that beta doubles, the heart(s) beats and all of the other milestones follow successfully in a line leading up to delivery. I know foe sure that it is way to soon to be convinced that we have the winning lottery ticket.

However, I just want to be happy, just for a few minutes, and dream that maybe, just maybe, we made it this time.

The one promise I made to Bo was that I WILL NOT let myself get giddy and all worked up into a frenzy of happiness until we have beta numbers to "officially" signal a healthy pregnancy. My sweetie doesn't want to see me crushed... I easily agreed, as it would be best to maintain our sanity and provide that little bitty cushion of comfort called cautious and optimistic hope.

Bo said something sooooo sweet before he left for work... He said, "If that test is right it is the second best thing I will see in all my life." To which I replied, "What is the first?" and he said "Seeing them in our arms." It was so sweet I almost cried. I guess this is his little way of saying he's reserving his judgement, but is hopeful that this is, in fact, signaling the answer to our prayers.

11 comments:

Natalie said...

WOW!!!

I hate that moment when you're sitting there waiting and it's still white. My heart always thuds into my ribs at that point.

But you saw a LINE!! Freaking yay!!!

Stacie said...

I am praying that line keeps getting darker and darker...and that you really do have your winning ticket!

(I am with you...celebrate this miracle. I know things could happen. I know it isn't always a happy ending. I've had two unhappy endings myself. But, right now you are PREGNANT! Don't worry about what could happen. Enjoy your moment!)

Amy said...

OMG Dawn! I can't wait for you to have your beta!! I'm so excited for you!!!

Artblog said...

WOW! fantastic news so far, what dpt were you on and when are you doing the beta?

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

How exciting! I hope that line just keeps getting darker! Hugs!

Chili said...

Another double line! It's just a crazy weekend of double lines in IF world! I'm so excited for you!

Katarina Jelly Beana said...

Came over from Creme de la Creme and have to say that your happy and positive post made me smile soooooo much....thanks for sharing it with us!

Stacie said...

I am so glad you chose this as your Creme de la Creme submission! This really is such a sweet post. It made me teary all over again.

m said...

yep. ditto. Pretty sure I read this first time around - I could read it again and again and again. I think this is a scenario we all hope for someday. Great retelling Dawn and thanks for choosing this as your Creme de la Creme entry so we can all rejoice again.

Michell said...

Great post. I love the term peaking. It's such a nice way to think about it.

Kathy V said...

I came via the creme. Thanks for this post. I could feel the anticipation as you told yourself that you weren't going to do it and then slowly started to cave. I can feel the energy rise as you go through each step trying to be patient yet peeking nonetheless. I am glad you saw the second line. It was really sweet what your husband said too. That is awesome. Thanks again for this post on the creme.