Skyrockets in Flight...

I haven't mentioned it - been quite busy - but Jim is going to have to have tubes in his ears to stop the reoccurent ear infections. We are scheduling the surgery for this Friday. It appears he's had some hearing loss, but they are hoping that most of the loss is due to the liquid in his ear vs. true long-term loss.

 

I just talked to the surgery center - they didn't give me a time yet, but they went over the costs.
 
ENT Surgery center  $1950
ENT Dr.   $424.00
Anesthesia  $???  don't know what the $ will be yet
 
It will officially cost more to have his ear tubes put in than it did for his c-section delivery!!!!!!  OMG. When I mentioned this the lady at the sugery center said, in a very sing-songy voice, "But you don't get billed for it! You only pay 10%!"
 
Idiot.
 
A Healthcare cost sykrocket was launched in her honor.

Nightingale

It came to me,
her Nightingale song,

naught but a whiper on the wind

stirring the curtians of my darkend room.

I saw her in the deepening shadow,
a tempting mirage.
When I looked in earnest
she would fade as if a dream.

As nights passed slowly
louder her lullaby song grew stronger,
more sure.
Entering my dreams -

singing me love songs

soft and warm,
small in my hand.

Tentaively I reached out,
beckoning her to me,
feeling only the flutter of wings
as she flew.

Add a Pink AND a Blue Bow!

My best friend's twins arrived decided to arrive early this morning! She had a boy and a girl!

DD hadn't been having any issues, so this was not expected. As I have it from Daddy B they came out screaming and crying, which the Dr said is a great sign @ 31 1/2 wks.

The babies are off to the NICU - so we'll know soon how they are doing re: stats.

If you have a few seconds to offer up some prayers of support - or good vibes, please do.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Things to Remember...

Jim has been a hoot lately... 

 

He has started forming more and more real sentences - most of them are constructed on the fly.  Well, almost. I hear him many times, before he speaks loudly, he tries out his sentences and ideas in a whisper. It is sooo cute. I NEVER interrupt him or make out like I can hear him - I'm just too excited to get to HEAR what his little mind is putting together.

 

On the way home from school most days he scarfs down a pkg of saltine crackers - yes, in the car. Then, like this hasn't happened to him 50 times, he starts whining and asking for a drink!!  Like today, different from all the other days, Mommy is going to have a drink on hand for him. I laugh when he starts, usually, but the other day I'd enough... I told him he'd have to stop whining - his drink aka "ba ba" was at home - he'd not get it until then.

 

Jim looked pensive, screwed up his face, and softly said "hoooome", "home", "ba ba", "ba ba home?". Then, all of the sudden his face lit up and he says, very matter of factly "I me ba ba home!", with a big grin splitting his face from ear to ear. It was a special moment, to be sure, and he knew it!

 

Mwah!  My boy, you are a genius!  *knowing nod*

 

Shoes... Jim has a fetish for shoes. No shoes are safe, whether he is in his own shoes or no. Just take your shoes off for a moment and he will whip his shoes off and put yours on. Now, see, he KNOWS they are your shoes... He will even taunt you with them occassionally. He'll hold them up, tell you they are shoes, and then just when you think you are goign to grab them, he whips them back onto his feet. He is a MASTER at high heals and cowboy boots, lest you be fooled into thinking difficult shoes are safe.

 

Some other cute happenings and phrases:

 

Tonight he picked up my glass of water, said "Me drink?", I nodded. He's been trying to drink from non-sippy cups, so water is a good place to start. :)  He tipped up the HUGE ice-cold liquid to drink and then screamed! He'd managed to dump most of it on himself. He was coughing and choking from inahling a bit, when he says hoarsely, "I may mess!" followed by a shocked, "... Wet!", to which I nodded again, a little more emphatically. Oh, and he was wearing my shoes, my red Clarks, when he did it - I think I'll avoid wearing red tomorrow.

 

Jim and hubby were in our Master Bathroom one morning. Jim was whining and crying so that I could barely make it out... "Whaaaaaa Meee Mine! Toooowel! Toweeel! Miiiiine!". To which I heard the firm reply, "Jim, I said No! You can't have your towel. Mommy is asleep, so hush." Just then I see the door opening, and my small sobbing boy says, suddenly very clearly and loudly, "Mommy, WAKE UP!".  I thought seriously about dying laughing, but I didn't want to encourage him.

 

Huffing seems to come naturally - how odd!  Jim has had a rough year in terms of chest colds. He has, on many occassions, had to comply with Dr's orders to take breathing treatments. We have a tiny little portable air compressor that we use. The air is forced through a tube and into a little chamber that contains his breathing meds. The chamber is formed so that it turns the meds into vapor, which is fed into a small mask he has to wear.

 

The treatments take about 15 mins to complete, but our little champion will usually sit for them, resisting only slightly. We figure it is because he knows the treatment will make him feel better. His favorite mask is one that appears to be chicken-ish. There is a chicken-type face on it, but it has a horn like a rihnocerous. So, I affectionately call it the "Chickenocerous", and I laugh every time at my wittiness.

 

Today Jim wasn't breathing so hot. We gave him a treatment, but it didn't seem to be working as well as usual. So, Daddy took him in to see Dr. Wonderful. Hubby and I are so used to our boy's wonderfulness, that it was a little surprising when he wowed the nurses. All he did was hold his own breathing treatment mask. Apparently, this isn't typical 20-mo old behavior when breathing treatments are applied. :)

 

His pulse-Oxygen level was below 90% this morninig, which isn't good, but don't you worry, he is breathing better tonight. We've been given some meds to help him breathe easier, and recover faster, in addition to the nebulizer.

 

 

 

 

 

-- Protect the time and space to carry out your dreams -----

Opps! Occupational Hazard...

One of the best things about having your blog email stored in your phone is that you can very easily post to your blog.

One of the occupational hazards is that you can also accidently send yourself a reminder note and have it posted on the web for all to see!

Ooops.

Add Another Blue Bow...

My new nephew is here, safe and sound!  I'm so happy - I started crying when Nana called me to tell me the news. His name is Ian Henry and my family's surname - the name is sure to make some people quite happy in our family, including me.

 

So special, so wonderful. I'm quite speachless.

 

Not only am I happy, but to tell you the truth I am so relieved I am crying. After our loss I was so terribly scared that something would take this wonder from my brother's life. I was terrified for him - terrified that he would never know the beauty of holding his child. but I never told him so. I find little use in scaring people when there is no form of intervention available to them. As we all know, babies do or don't arrive in good health, and much of the time there is little reason to be found for the outcome.

 

I am so pleased. I will thank God tonight for the blessings of the day.

 

Too bad you aren't all here with me - I'd order up some wine and fine chocolates for the house. Hurrah!

 

Miscarriage Truths

Tonight I did some Retail Therapy, which isn't really like me. However, I bought a beautiful asian-themed shirt, some clothes for Jim, and some potential Christmas gifts. Oh, and I bought 20 mini-size pumpkins for our neighborhood's Halloween bash on Friday - I am in charge of helping the kids decorate them. If it doesn't rain it should be a nice time.

I am steadily getting better... I've had a few minor setbacks, but overall I've been making progress.

I keep thinking there are warnings that should have been issued to me when it was found that I had lost the baby. Knowing that these things were coming might have saved me some sanity.

So, here is my list for any of you that are unfortunate enough to have to travel this road. And, any that have already travelled it - feel free to add to my list!!!

1. Your husband/SO may need to see the doctor's report, or ultrasound, to feel sure that the baby has died - he needs closure just like you. Be sure you as your Dr. to try to accomidate him.
2. Once the initial shock has worn off you will find that grief comes in waves. Much like the ocean tides, they can be 2 inches to 20 feet.
3. Grief waves will hit you when you least expect it. Especially when it is inconvient to be seen crying.
4. It is VERY LIKELY that you will occasionally forget that you are no longer pregnant. Remembering may bring you crashing down. This is normal. The frequency and severity of these episodes will decrease over time.
5. Your husband/SO may not want to talk about it. Or he may want to drown you in his thoughts. It was his baby too - try to be supportive. If you can't be there for him, try and be up front about it, maybe ask to wait until another time to talk (not too far in the future).
6. The shifting of your uterus back to its former size/position feels VERY MUCH like a baby moving and kicking. This sensation may cause you to forget momentarily, which will cost you some added hearache.
7. People will say the wrong thing... You should plan for this and try to have a "get out of jail free" line to offer them. That is, unless you want to claw that person's eyes out - then you can feel free to let them have it.
8. You will want to scream, cry, and tear your hair for want of your baby back - this is normal. This might last for a few days or weeks - that is normal too.
9. Your parents are coming to grips with loosing their Grandchild. Don't forget this...
10. You will realize eventually that you will never get back the time you spent trying to have this child. For those with infertility, you will cry when you count the # of months that equals.
11. "What's next?", is a question you will repeatedly ask yourself. For your body and RE that answer is at least 3 months away. You may find that a rough sketch of your plans will help you put these questions to rest for a short time.
12. IF you don't want to open cards from your family/friends you don't have to. Really.
13. Get out of the house as soon as you can after your miscarriage - home needs to be a sanctuary, but not a cave to hide in.
14. Knowing the reason your baby died can lighten your burden, but it won't stop the "What if's".
15. Wearing your pre-pregnancy jeans will happen faster than you think - discovering this will not be a pleasant and happy moment.

Maybe this list can help someone who is greiving. At a minimun, it has helped me get the close-following demons out of my head for now. Well, at least for the moment.

It's All So Different Now...

Why is it that EVERYTHING is different once you loose your baby mid-pregnancy? I think people assume it is just the sadness of the loss that consumes you. Instead, I am coming to find that every waking moment has the potential to bring a rush of sadness and pain.  Until now, I didn't realize how many little things I did in a day to ensure my comfort and the safety of my little one.

 

Everything in the list below has occured today and caused me to physically pause and take note of the baby's absence, my sadness, my emptiness. I find my day is moving forward, but not on normal time. It is being spent in small, jerking moments of reflection - as I realize that I do not need to think of or do these simple things anymore. 

 

THIS day-to-day task list represents the real pain that lies in wait for me - and this is only through 1 PM:

• In the morning - I don't need to carefully choose pants and shirt that still fit.
• I don't need to be sooooo careful on the house stairs.
• Not eating a healthy breakfast may or may not leave me starving by lunch. Do I still need to pack a snack for 3 PM?
• At the office - I used to take the elevator, not the marble winding staircase that is falling hazard galore.
• I usually don't eat the tuna they make at the office cafe - who knows how old it is (even though it is probably safe, and is very yummy)
• I never choose cold cuts in the cafe, unless I know I can get them microwaved first
• I don't eat too many sweets/carbs, don't want gest. dia.betes - guess that's not too likely now
• I answer the call from the Dr's office re: how I'm doing, then cancel 2 other no-longer-needed appointments *sigh*
• I hit my tummy on the desk and flinch out of habit *sigh* now it just feels like a normal tummy
• I get asked about the baby, and then kindly untell 3 or 4 people at the office**. Then I feel I need to apologize for making them sad. *sigh*
• I get very sad at the prospect of no other children, so I Google for options regarding next steps (when I would rather look for baby gear instead)
• I dry tears for the 14 millionth time since I lost our little one...

I know that things will get easier as I work these daily habits out of my life. I also realize that some things will never be the same.

 

I am trying really hard not to focus too much on why I'm having to do the things I'm having to do to make plans for the future. I do need to know what I want to do next. I need a Plan to feel secure that it will all be OK eventually. I need somewhere soft to land - somewhere with some hope.

 

**Since our loss I have threatened one or two people about statments that started off "It will be OK. You are still...". I have promised to break arms if the sentence gets finished. Let's just say It has been an effective deterent to people showing their stupidity.

 

 

Closure....

Thank you to everyone who has come by to offer condolences. It has been helpful to have our little one's existence acknowledged. The support and shared grief has been good for me, as I don't feel so alone, as I have in previous (early, before anyone knew) miscarriages.

I am at home recovering from a D&C that I had at 6:30 AM this morning. I'm still a bit knocked out from the sedation and meds, but that is to be expected, I guess. So far it hasn't been too bad as far as recoveries go.

The hardest part of the whole D&C process was the paperwork. I was required to fill out a Death Certificate. It was the hardest thing I've had to do yet. I cried the whole way through it. It did feel like closure, but I wasn't sure I was ready for that just yet, as it felt kinda forced. It made it all feel very final though, like I was publicly and formally acknowledging officially that my baby had died. In a way, it made me feel better that there was a real and tangible record of her on this earth, even though it didn't ask for a name or sex of the baby - it was enough.

It will probably be a little while, but I will eventually try to explain what the findings from our test results were. Also, I'll tell you guys what happened at the hospital the night we found out, but I'm not ready for all that just yet,

Thanks again for all your love and support.

-- Protect the time and space to carry out your dreams -----

The Waiting Is Over...

We got the CVS results today, but the answers are moot.

Our little girl has died at 14 wks and 1 day old.

Goodbye my baby girl, I am sorry we never got to know you.

Thank you everyone for your love, prayers, good vibes, hugs, and support.

We Have Some News... Still Grey

Just got our results back. They weren't good, but also may not be totally horrible. We are going to need more testing done at 16 wks to know more.

I'm trying to learn what I can right now. I need to understand more before I'll feel like I can really explain it.

 

I'll have to get back to you guys. Wish I could say more, but I'm not sure what to say just yet...

Halloween Costumes...

Still no news... On with the show...

 

I saw what I thought would be a useful link in a Parenting.com spam message... A link to 100's of homemade cosutme ideas - I've bought Jim's for this year - he's going to be a puppy, but I thought it would be fun to look at what other very creative people have been up to. 

 

Here's a link for your own viewing pleasure http://www.parenting.com/Common/article.jsp?articleID=1000076248&cid=enews102009

 

However, I was HORRIFIED at the very first entry I saw! Can you spot the issue?

 

http://www.parenting.com/activity-parties-gallery/Activities-Parties/2009-Halloween-Costume-Contest-Round-8

 

 I keep wondering how long does this kid have before he passes out due to lack of oxygen? I think the costume is GREAT, but I can't help thinking this is a parenting FAIL. There are no obvious air holes, which means they aren't big enough to get him a reasonable amount of fresh air. That, and those balls - they will be lots-o-laughs when the kid trips, falls, hits his "globe" on the ground and gets a face-full of ball-pit-balls!!!  Ha! 

 

Really, these people obviously put some real time into that costume, but I'm hoping the lack-of-air fail isn't present in actuality. Ugh.

Still No News...

Thanks so much for everyone checking in on me!!! We still have no news, but I'm getting used to it. :)

I've sort-of managed to find a middle ground where I imagine that everything is mostly OK with the world, and I hate to say it, but I've almost convinced myself that there isn't a baby until I hear otherwise.

This method seems to work until I feel the baby kick, which is pretty often now. I've been able to feel him/her since the evening of our not-so-happy-news Ultrasound. Good timing, huh?

---
What's Jim been up to? Gosh, I haven't said anything much about him for a while. I'm a bad Mommy.

Jim is growing like a weed and talking up a storm. He is now able to say almost anything he can think of, with mostly good results.

We do play frequent and fascinating games of "Did you say ____ ?" Where Mommy gets to guess what was said before her somewhat spoilt boy starts crying and becomes unintelligible. So far Mommy is doing well at mastering the game. Daddy, well... He just kinda goes ahead with whatever he thinks is being said, and if it gets too bad Mommy sorts it out.

He has received ALMOST all of his teeth, but these last 4 are proving to be quite challenging for everyone involved. He frequently stops mid-meal saying "Owie" and puts his finger in his mouth to show where it hurts. Yep, I say, that tooth does hurt I imagine, then we all resume eating. Really, how much more is there I can do? It hurts often... poor thing.

He's starting to do way more climbing - including on the kitchen chairs. This has lead to much more traumatic and fantastic-looking falls and spills. It is a thrill a minute!

However, I'm spending lots of time telling Daddy that "It's OK if he climbs up there - he's got to learn sometime." That's about when he chooses to prove Daddy right by making a spectacularly loud bump, followed closely by the super-sonic scream. We are all learning the hard way, but it has to happen sometime.

Overall things in our household are going well. We've enjoyed being out and about together quite a bit lately. We seem to be really trying to spend more family time, and it is bringing us closer together, I think. Having Mommy be tired, and a bit distracted, hasn't been that great for all of us, but we are surviving that the best we can for now.

Hope all is well in everyone's households in bloggy-land. I'm reading your blogs, but not commenting - I'm kinda in quite-mode for some reason.

No News...

We have no news. No news because this test can't come back in 7 days, it takes a minimum of 10 to 14 days. So, it can't have been back today. :(

No idea why the Dr. said it would definately, most assuredly, be back today. Ugh.

So... We wait... Again.

Monday at the earliest, Friday at the latest - but then we've had and "at the latest" answer before. Right?

The News... And We Wait.

I called the perinatologist's office after I updated my blog. They had the initial results in - hot off the fax!

 

The results were normal for the 4 tests they do - Trisomy 13, 18, 21, & the XY sex chromosomes.  All were normal, and I was very happy to hear it!

 

Downs (the trisomies listed above) are the ones that the Dr. had called out as likely to cause the issues he saw. However, he called me and said that I should be cautiously optomistic, since that is only 4 of about 44 chromosomes that they test for anomolies. He felt that we should not talk about "what's next" until after the results come back on Friday.

 

So, while the test brought some initial good news... We are still in wait-and-see mode. Tick - tock - tick - tock, I can hear the clock saying. It is going through it's motions slower than usual for some reason.

 

Let's play a little guessing game while we wait...  

 

What do you think I'm having?  A boy or a girl?  You have to give your reason for your guess - even if it is "...just a feeling".

 

Yes, I do know the answer! :)  

--
-- Protect the time and space to carry out your dreams -----

No Results Yet... Methinks Tomorrow?

*Sigh*  No results yet.  

 

Don't you just know that I'm in hurry up and wait mode?  I know it could be tomorrow... I do. But I would like some kind of info today. :(  Please?  Pretty please? 

 

BTW - for anyone that is interested - the rapid-results test is called FISH - fun name huh? It is an alternate form of testing that can turn results around in 1 day or less. However, it is not as accurate as the full testing because with it they don't distinguish between the mother's cells and the child's. So, you could get "all clear" results, only to find that the cells were your own. Ugh.  

 

Supposedly that kind of mix-up doesn't happen too often (guessing they test more than one sample), but this test can lead to false-positives for when Mom and baby DNA has been mixed together. When that happens it appears that the child has a specific type of other chromosome issue... I won't go into all the detail, but it sounds like a mess.

Hopefully we'll hear something soon...

 

--
-- Protect the time and space to carry out your dreams -----

This CVS Doesn't Have a Drive Through

I had the CVS on Friday. Sorry I didn't post about it - it's taken me a while to figure out what I think and how I feel about it.

First, let me take a moment to say thanks to all of my online friends that supported me, checked on me, and/or prayed, sent good vibes, or good wishes for me. Thank you so much. It's times like these that I realize that support is a treasured thing. I hope I can be there to support you ladies should you need it.

Also, I'd like to say a big thanks to my Mommy - aka Nana - I was so thrilled you agreed to come to help us last minute. When your grandbaby Jim got sick on Thursday with a 104.6 fever, and I called you, it was a blessing to hear your lack of reserve in offering to help. Friday was already expected to be so hard - I didn't know how we were going to handle it with Jim so sick and me unable to help out after my procedure. 48 hrs of not being able to lift him wasn't going to be easy without the illness... With your help we made it through and it was a nice weekend overall. Love you Mommy!

On to the CVS Recap...

The procedure took lots longer than I thought it would. They took a long time to decide how to best access the baby. It appears that this one is sitting high, so they chose the abdominal route.

I was really, really, really hoping they'd choose the drive-through option... I've had catheters in my Vjayjay before - I was prepared for that. I really was terrified at the idea of the needle in the belly. Turns out I knew what I was thinking.

Does anyone want to know what being stabbed feels like?!?!? I can tell you...

Yes, they did numb the skin, but that isn't what hurt. It was when they, without warning, poked a needle through my non-numb uterus. OMG! I swear, they could numb that shit... they really could, right? Ouch, fucking, ouch.

I had on headphones and was rocking out to an old-school song, so I might have just not heard the warning that I was about to be stabbed. I'm willing to give the Dr. credit on that one.

However, once we were in the car, my husband replayed for me the volume with which I "said" the now-famous line, "FUCK! THAT HURT!". <--- note the use of all caps, suggesting I did not so much say it, as yell it, so that everyone in that Dr.'s office should have heard me clearly and come running to my aid.

So that everyone understands, the procedure was bad, but I know that even knowing what I know now I would feel that the test was the right way to go. BUT I would go into it differently - I might ask for what kinds of meds they could give me to help me relax or take the edge off. I don't think women's medicine has caught up with women's needs for painless proceedures.

According to my Dr's office there is the possibilty that we will get preliminary results back on Monday/Tuesday. These results would be from a rapid test that is around 90 - 95% accurate. It can tell us if there was any markers for Trisomy 21, 18, or 13, and the sex of the baby.

The final results will come in by Friday, most likely. Those will be the most accurate results. I'm not sure how the results compare, or if the full testing checks for more things. I'm going to try not to stress between now and then... We'll see how well I do at that.

12 Weeks - Who Let the Fear and Sadness In?

Sorry I've been so quiet. I have felt very wary of this pregnancy for the last few weeks. I've been spotting and not feeling quite right. A couple of you have emailed to check on me - I appreciate that!  I guess you could say I've been holding my breath until today...

We went to our 12 wk maternal fetal US today - they were supposed to do the genetic anomalies ultrasound and blood draw. However, the baby is measuring too small to do the testing. It is measuring 11 wk 1 day - about a week smaller than it should be.

 

We were told that a couple of the things they saw on the US were markers for Downs - an umbilical cord cyst and an enlarged bladder. There is the large possibility that this baby has Downs. If it does have Downs it also has a large chance of complications from the enlarged bladder (low amniotic fluid, deformities, and mid-to-late-term death).

I am set to do a CVS on Friday - the results, assuming the test goes well and they can get a sample, would be back in about a week.

Here's how it all breaks down:
- The baby being small is a bad sign by itself, but isn't insurmountable, and could resolve over time if it was an anomaly.
- The bladder issue by itself is bad, but could resolve spontaneously or with surgery in-utero.
- The chord issue by itself is bad, but could resolve spontaneously or could stick around and cause no harm until delivery. From what I read today, delivery would have to be a C-section if there was a cyst by that point, since the cord is compromised and could burst during delivery.

- Put all 3 of these issues together and you are most likely looking at a child with some underlying issues that have caused things to go awry.

Needless to say, this has been a bad day. I have told a couple of family members and my best friend, but haven't made a public spectacle of myself - unless you count crying hard while driving. :(  I hope I'll be able to just lie low at work and keep my sadness to myself until I know what's what. Then again - it will be a LONG time before this is all resolved, unless the baby dies naturally, which as it sounded today isn't that unlikely.

*sigh*  I feel really empty, but then I clearly see that imagine of my baby hanging in there, trying to survive, and I feel sad - I just want him or her to be born happy and healthy, but I can't imagine I'll be getting that wish granted. *sigh* 

US at 7.25 Wks - To Be Precise...

Our RE ultrasound tech, whom I love, but I find somewhat interesting was very, very precise when she gave us the answer to "what day are you on?" today. I found it quite funny, and giggled a bit, but couldn't bring myself to poke fun - I was nervous about the wanding that was about to foretell my future.

I won't bury the lead - everything was fine! Baby was measuring exactly 7.25 days! YAY! We were just barely able to hear a heartbeat. We didn't measure it, but I was fine and dandy with that.

I am to repeat my scan in 1 1/2 wks and then I'll be officially released to an OB. However, due to my # of wks presently, I'm to find an OB before I come back. How odd, and yet comforting - no lag between "Captains" of this PG trip we have embarked on.

I have had a pretty OK day on the symptoms front. I craved sweets like a mo-foe though, so I convinced a sweeter than pie work-friend to play hookey for a tiny amount of time today and we ran to Costco to get ICE CREAM! See, that is a real friend, right there... I DID get a brand that will be kind to me in the weight and sugar department, but damn was I happy to eat that yummy bar!!!

Jim had to come home from school today - he had a fever. He looked like crap when I came to get him - at home his temp was 102.o. We laid around, played with puzzles, watched some Sesame Street online. See. THAT is the BEST use of the internet yet - SStreet on demand - 24/7 and you can PICK the freakin' show you want to see! You don't have to suffer through the Pinball that only goes to 4, when you know damn well you only want to see 12!!! Damn, I'm hooked, and I so totally remember some of these shows when they were NEW. Wow.

Jim dozed off early, while happily watching Elmo in Mommy's lap. So we dosed him with Tyl.enol and put him to bed.

Hubby is home from a long day at work and is complaining of a "nose issue", which most likely means we both have colds, given that I'm feeling the very same thing. On top of that, I have nausea that is waaaaaay more than PG nausea for me. I'm hoping I didn't catch hubby's stomach bug. Ugh.

Going to bed - catch you guys later!

All Seems Well

The RE's US tech did not see any obvious issues. They have ordered some bloodwork to check my hormones in case my meds need adjustments.

The best part of the US was that there is a heartbeat already!

I guess I'll have to get myself a ticker, huh?

Wow. Just wow.

Now we are just hoping this cramping stops.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

A Wanding We Will Go...

The RE's office set me up with an appt for 1 PM ET today. They want to see if there is some reason for all the aggression.

I feel seasick from all the ute motion.

I'll let you know what there is to know when I know something. ;)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Uterine Aggression

I am being pummeled from the inside. Ugh.

The RE nurse said my uterine irritability would go away if I were to drink more water. I should have clarified "more", because damn it I'm drinking more but I'm still getting beat up!

Just before heading home from work I visited the ladies room. I wasn't feeling too good - and I saw a light brushing of pink on the TP. After that is when the agression started. My ute tightened up - not like a cramp though - more like Braxton Hics felt. Very odd thing to feel...

Know this though, I didn't panic, still haven't, even with all the agressive uterine antics.

I've told hubby the basics, and that I'm not cooking tonight (thank you Hamburger Helper). I came in and I set it up for him and went to relax.

20 mins later I'm eating dinner in hubbys fav recliner. ;)

I'm guessing I'll call the RE tomorrow to see if we need some intervention.

Why is it that infertility problems and worries never seem to end?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

An Interesting Question of Odds

And now, the REST of the story...

 

Portia asked an interesting question - I guess I didn't deliberate it online, so you guys don't know how agonizing the weeks and months were leading up to our transfer.

 

Bo and I had been talking since March about a sibling for Jim - that's when our little man turned 1 and we thought he was the most amazing boy to ever walk clumsily across the earth. We thought that maybe we should give him someone to torture/play with besides us.

 

There were some major dilemmas though, so I'll detail them here for posterity...

 

1) Fresh vs. Frozen: We had a consult with our RE and were counseled that our best shot at another child would be with a fresh cycle. Hubby and I went over and over the agonizing pros and cons... We were 2 days before starting our cycle before I felt like I'd landed on a choice - that's about 4 months of agonizing, folks!

 

Frozen - We had one lonely little embryo in the freezer. Chance of surviving thaw = 50/50. If that worked, chance of implantation and PG = ~ 40%. Overall Odds = ~ 20%, given our other obstacles. I would be lying if I didn't say I thought this was the longest shot possible, and I didn't want to do it.

 

Fresh -  So, fresh was best, but that would possibly lead to more embryos in the freezer. If we got lucky on the 1st shot we might not want to try for a 3rd or 4th, leaving the unused ones stranded on ice. Bo is deeply against this solution for the long term, and now that we KNOW our boy we both have a hard time imagining giving him to someone else. Don'tsend me hate mail - we didn't ever come to a final conclusion on this option - we just appeared to waffle and discuss forever over this topic. Ugh - it was particularly hard to dicuss.

 

2) Cost - Frozen was waaaaaay less expensive - by about 1/4. We had a little $ left for a fresh cycle, but not enough to even out the costs.

3) My Cycles - after Jim was born I had what appeared to be a "natural" pregnancy and miscarriage - I bled for 3 months almost non-stop. Since then my cycles haven't been completely regular.

4) IF Cycling - I don't guess I realized it at the time, but I was so traumatized by the process of undergoing IVF. I will tell my bloggy friends the utter truth... I did not want to do it again. Ever. My body and mind had been through enough, so I had a very hard time imagining trying again.

 

In addition to all of this trauma, I still have residual physical issues from some of our cycling-induced complications. By March of this year I felt I really liked having my body back and I did not have a constant countdown of "days until X" in my head. I was also scared to do the PIO again - even though it wasn't so bad in reality. I would physically shake inside at the thought of starting over.

 

Once we finally met with the RE, in late March, I became a leaf in a river - that is essentially how I delt with planning the cycle we just finished. I floated along, and if a cycle happened, fine - if not, fine. Case in point - I missed a whole month we could have cycled simply because I didn't follow-up on my lack of a period...  I just didn't want to face the music/needles/fear. 

 

5) Another Baby - Now do know, I am very, very, very happy to be pregnant. I am looking forward to another child, really! However, when you are just past the 1st birthday of your 1st little darling and you are starting to count the months until he's potty trained... The years before he starts elementary school...  How old will I be when he'll start high school ... The milestones for when he'll do so many great things. You kinda ask yourself - do I want to restart that clock in 9 months? Really?

 

So, that's the recap of a 4 month journey to the cycle that has resulted in our current bump. I am glad we are here. I am scared of the future, and of things going wrong. I'm scared I won't be able to handle 2 kids. I am affraid, but I am hopeful for a good outcome - a happy and healthy 2nd child.

 

Relief and Nausea

Yeah, yeah, I know...  I should stop stressing.

 

I got my numbers, and a case of nausea at the same time... 

 

HCG  5219

estriodail 304

Progesterone 8.3  <--- it's increasing naturally, but not over the "normal" threshold yet. 

 

I need my progesterone # to get to somewhere around 15 - 20 before I can stop taking progesterone suppositories, I think.

 

 

For Gil - Thinking of You!

Hey, GIL!  I'm thinking of you and haven't had a chance to check to see how Petit is coming along. I hope you'll enjoy this!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urNyg1ftMIU

 

For those that don't know, Gil is not only an IF sister, but also a gamer. She has been awaiting her first child for much longer than 9 Months. Her blog is Hardest Quest, you'll find it on my side bar!  Go show her some love in the last few days of her real-life quest - she's just about to Level UP, and as some of you know, she'll be getting a lot of real world experience points as a result too!!

 

HUGS!!

3 Fun Things in 24 Hours

Jim has begun to be able to entertain himself for more than a few minutes - generally reading a book, playing with a toy, or doing a puzzle. Las night, he was sitting next to me on the couch doing a puzzle. With each piece he would mimick the animal's sound.
Mooo, quack quack, he he he he (that's a horse, they aparently laugh), and there were a few he couldn't name.

After a moment he looked up, apearing to be finished, but instead he looked quizically at me and said in a questioning voice, "meow?". I pointed to our cat. He looked, then shook his head no. Again he said in a questioning voice, "meow?". then he pointed to the puzzle.

I was stunned.... There was a very small kitty on the board were a hayloft puzzle piece should be. He was ASKING me where the kitty puzzle piece was!!!!! OMG! I was so terribly amazed and proud. I quickly found the piece, he put it into place and said proudly, "All Done!".

You can imagine I kissed and cuddled him and was so terribly happy for my boy. Wow, just wow.

Later in the evening, he wasn't being so angelic... I resorted to the countdown. You know, the one where your mother looks at you sternly and says, "1... 2...", and you'd better hope like crazy you stop what you are doing before she gets to "3". Yeah, that.

I have been using a modified version, wherein "3" ends with a Jim-sized timeout with no toys or touching whatever he was messing with. I wouldn't really call it time out, because he is allowed to interact with Mommy, and he can play with me if he chooses to be nice.

Anyway... Jim was banging the back of his head into our glass fireplace doors (not hard, it was freaking Daddy out though). So, I corrected him, then started the countdown... Do it with me...

1, with one finger held high - "Jim you'd better stop or you'll have to get down!"

2, with two fingers held high - "that's not nice Jim, Mommy said stop, I'm going to make you get down."

Jim paused in his head-banging, looked at me so happy and yelled

"THREE!!!!" in his highest, most excited voice.

I was soooo shocked and amused that I could barely contain myself. Hubby and I laughed and laughed.

Jim clapped at his cleverness. Beautiful boy!

So, what is the 3rd fun thing?? I've had mild nausea all day today, and I'm famished! I can't seem to get enough to eat, but I don't WANT to eat, because my tummy is kinda green.

I'm OK with it though - I know it is a pretty good sign that my HCG is going up. I stayed this way for about 8 wks with Jim, and while I don't look forward to it, I'll take it as a good sign.

*knock on wood*

Funny enough, work kinda sucked today, but all the rest made it quite bearable!

Hoping this graph shows up...

We have Numbers!

14dp5dt

 

489.2  HCG

6.47 Progesterone

 

We are still in the game!  RE asked that I not change any of my meds. We are set to do a 3rd beta next Monday.

 

*huge sigh of relief*

 

I think it's going to be a LONG week!

 

--
-- Protect the time and space to carry out your dreams -----

Ugh...

The suspense is killing me.   My tummy hurts, but I don't think it's baby-related, I think it is nerves.  Ugh.

 

I haven't heard from the RE's office yet - it is 12:39 PM here...  Hurry people!  Don't you know I'm dying here!!

 

*sigh*

 

--
-- Protect the time and space to carry out your dreams -----

Scared... Sleepless...

I am sitting here thinking, "Why am I so scared?". All the while I am looking at those from the July/August Cyclesistas log to see if others have gotten and been able to keep a BFP this cycle.

I go for my 2nd beta tomorrow. I can feel my veins constricting in fear. I am scared of the results, so scared.

I don't want to go to bed, because as soon as I wake up I'll need to high-tail it down to the RE's office to take the next step. Am I? Am I still? Am I really going to keep this pregnancy? Can you hear me now, baby?

You'd think, since I've been through this before, that I would be cool about tomorrow's test. I don't remember being this nervous before. I'm sure it IS because I know... Catch 22, eh?

I've seen as many stories of happiness as sadness in this month's roll. I've seen the heartache, and those that are still waiting to have their shot at the goal. I wonder where I will be tomorrow...

For what it's worth... I've had a few symptoms here and there, but I don't think they are as strong as they were. I know, doesn't mean a lot. It is just comforting to think there's still a chance, maybe someone's still there... I'll let you all know when I know!

Life and Death, Thoughts of the Day

Today I attended a visitation for a friend, a co-worker, and a great lady. She was my manager at my current job and had been out for a month or more on medical leave.

She had a comparitively rare form of cancer and we thought she was doing well with her treatments. She passed away suddenly on the 11th.

It was quite a shock to all of us at the office. She was someone that everyone respected deeply and wanted to do their best for. She was someone that made you want to always put forth your best game.

The whole office seemed to turn out for her visitation - with her friends and family in attendence it was a big crowd. I brought along my friend DD, as DD had done some interior design work for her - they had really hit it off, so she wanted to give her condolences too.

The visitation made me think of the strangeness of life and death. People were there, walking around, mingling, talking about how much they loved and cared for the deceased. I was too. But, here I am, carrying life. My friend is carrying life too (allthough her's is much more obvious). Between the 2 of us we are carrying 3 new souls through this celebration and ceremonial closing of another's life.

It struck me as a very surreal moment in my life.

I had the hardest time watching the little picture show that was put together about her life. I cried seeing pictures of her as a child with her brothers. I realized that one day, my baby boy's pictures wherein I have so carefully recorded his laughter and milestones will most likely grace a picture show much like this. A picture show where everyone is happy, all the clothes look odd, everyone is healthy and enjoying life. I had to turn away.

How odd it is, to imagine a future... Now that I have my son the variables are too great. Will his pictures include siblings? When will they stop including my parents? My husband? Me?

Yes, I so dearly hope that there is a time, way far away in his life (50 - 60 years or more from now), where he will lay me to rest. I do not want it to be the other way around. The idea alone scares me and causes sleepless nights.

Watching that one little show gave me a glimpse into my baby's mortality, and I guess my own a little. I don't think it is a bad thing - it just made me realize that I should be careful to make good memories, fun pictures, lots of smiling days to capture.

*sigh*

Survey Says!

We are on our way...

165.7 - Beta
6.76 - Progesterone
312 - Estrogene

Yikes and Wow!



---- Protect the time and space to carry out your dreams -----

Beta Reminder - FET #1

In case you have forgotten, my beta is tomorrow! *deep breath*

I'm scared about the results. I don't think I was this scared last time.

I think my emotions are all messed up because this time I KNOW what a good beta means AND what a bad beta means. Both options are terrifying.

Don't doubt that I want my beta to be good, and I want it to stay good, and I want to bring home baby! I'm just fearful of all the what-if's between now and then. It is a long, long hard road.

I have been down the "beta looks good ...but isn't" path. That scares me just about as much, as it takes months to get over it and get back to feeling like yourself again. Miscarriages seem to chip away a little part of you every time...

Then there is the negative beta. Ugh. We all know about that one. :(

I can tell you this - I've had slightly sore boobs (mostly shooting pains), crampy pains, twinges of round ligament pain, incredible hunger, and exhastion. Hower, none of these have been with any fervor or lasted very long once they started. So, I'm not going to hold my breath that they are signs to hang my hat on.

So, we'll see. I'll let you all know as I can.

Rain, Leaves, and Little Boys ...Things that Fall

Jim has taken to the idea that he is a big boy - bigger by a couple of inches than he is. I know this in 2 ways:

1) He can't quite comfortably reach a normal stair rail, yet he keeps trying out taking the stairs like a big boy. Twice this month he has fallen down the stairs, while I watched in horror. Can you say slow-mo-fall? I can not only say it, I have nightmares about it. The 2nd time he was left with a swollen and scraped nose, because he tried to catch himself while falling. No, no Jim, roll with it baby!

2) He has started head-butting kids that are bigger than him. Especially when they won't share. I would find this somewhat funny, because damn, it works to get that toy! But, I have been the "big kid" that wouldn't share before - that shit HURTS! OW! He'll do it more than once too, if you are dumb enough not to give him what he wants or move quickly out of forehead range. For the initiated, this can lead to pushing the forehead out of reach, thereby landing baby Jim on his butt, hard. Ow!

So, we are dealing with both issues as best we can. We have started teaching Jim to touch lightly the offending person while saying,"No no insert person's name here!". It results in the cutest little "petting" action, where he lightly strokes your arm/hand/foot and gently chides you - unless you don't immediately comply, which results in a fast and furious head butt or a slap (his alternate form of disciplining bad parents). *sigh*

His teachers have been teaching him "not nice" as a method to communicate his frustration. It sounds like an odd combination of "No, no" and "Night, night", so we were glad to have it explained for us in today's report from daycare. We had been having some confusion over why he wanted to go to bed before 8 o'clock. :)

On the stairs training - he won't do the tummy-thing, I've tried. People keep telling me that is the method he should use, but this boy ain't having it. So, I have been teaching him to bump, bump, on his rump to navigate our huge flight of steep stairs. For 3 days now, since his fall at our friend's house, he has successfully bumped his way downstairs whith the help of Mommy. I figure we'll encourage this for quite a while before we allow him to solo... My goal is that he survive it, should he solo without permission.

Boy, oh, boy, my boy.

PPD vs. PPP

Akeeyu, over at Her Very Own, posted a very important story - please go over and read it.

For all of you who know and love a woman that is wanting to get pregnant and bring home baby - please go over and read it.

Her message isn't about IF, it is about her postpartum struggle and her walk through the 9th level of Hell. She has bared her soul so that women will know about PPP - Post Partum Psychosis and provided links that will help you know the difference between PPP and PPD (Post Partum Depression).

So, why am I all hot on the topic? It is because, while I didn't get as far down the rabbit hole as Akeeyu, I did experience a very bad case of post partum depression. Really, until today, I didn't know how bad it was...

"Why today?", you ask all full of wonder and awe that 1 1/2 years later I'm just figuring it out.

Because, darling, I was reminding hubby of the hard time I had right after Jim was born as a lead-in to telling him how brave and amazing I thought it was that Akeeyu told her story, and he bleated out, "Oh, no, did she hurt her children?".

If you know much about PPP, you would know that this clued me in that he knew a main differentiating symptom of PPP vs. PPD, which is thinking of hurting oneself or the baby. I quickly explained that no, all was well, and that she had asked for help and received it. He was visibly relieved.

Then he said he had been worried about me, and my reaction post-baby. That's why he had understood PPP without much explanation. He did research on what was affecting me!!! Thanks for telling me to seek help, hubby - NOT! Granted, we did discuss it, and I declined help, but MAN push me next time! Or make the Dr's appt for me! :)

As you can imagine, this lead to a long and important discussion about what we would do differently if we manage to bring home another baby.

We also discussed the GAPING hole in post-partum care for the mother. See, baby gets seen by their pediatrician within 2 days of being released from the hospital.

Mommy? When is your checkup? Who's watching to see if you are OK? Ummm...

Bueller? Bueller?

Yep, that's right Mommy - the OB is on call for you, and tou can reach out for help anytime, but your next scheduled appointment isn't for 6 WEEKS!!!

What?

You read it right, 6 WEEKS!

Doesn't that just seem a bit long to you? Yeah, me too...

Hubby and I discussed making stop-gap plans to set up a MANDATORY check-up at 2 to 3 wks post partum with my General Practioner. We will give him pre-baby-arrival instructions to question me about PPD and PPP symptoms, and he is to take evasive action with anti-depressants (or whatever is necessary) and send over a Nanny*.

See Akeeyu, you have already helped someone plan to ask for help ...before they even need it. :)

Thanks again! Really, from the bottom of my and my hubby's hearts.


* Yes, Akeeyu, I think it is a darned good idea! I might just plan to have one on call...

On Our Way?

I've been keeping a little something from the bloggy universe... We are "trying again", not as in at-some-point-we-will-start, but as in we went in for our transfer this morning! Yeah, I know, I'm bad because I didn't share. :(

I've told a couple of people recently that we were trying again, and I think I might have blogged about it in my last post, but I haven't felt like making a big production of it.

You see, until this morning, I figured it would all fizzle out. I kept taking my shots, like a good girl, but I didn't expect to get through today with baby-on-board as I had only 1 embryo in the freezer, and there was only a 50/50 chance that it would thaw and survive. However, the embryologist said it was expanding and looking good, which is a HUGE hurdle for an embryo.

We do our beta next Thursday... Not that I really expect anything. Last time we put back 2 and only 1 took, and those were Grade A. This one was a B when it went in, and they didn't grade it when they replaced it today. I'm not sure if that means anything or not, but it doesn't make me feel like dancing.

I've spent the day on the couch - writing emails and napping. I've picked up my son only 1 time, which I was told was allowed as long as I don't "repeatedly lift" anything over 10 lbs.

Jim did not appreciate that I wouldn't pick him up, but he seemed pleased when he was able to climb onto my lap and show me how his Fisher Price farm worked. Hubby has been great... He was there for me this morning, stayed home from work to keep tabs on me, and has graciously done all the heavy lifting, changing, and toting of our prince. We'll just have to refer to the next 10 days as "Daddy bonding time". :)

For now, I guess I'll be doing the slightly-shorter-than-two-weeks wait!

P.S. - I had some sort of negative reaction to the PIO shots this time. Nothing too severe, but I was worried that I might be headed for an allergic reaction. So, my RE gave me VJJay suppositories instead of PIO! Wooo Hooo! I like them, they aren't messy, and they are easy to use. I give it a thumbs up!

Note: this also means I have some extra PIO if anyone is maybe needing to kinda save some money. Not that I would do anything illegal like give it to anyone, but I'm just sayin'...

Over The River and Through The Woods...

So, I took my new little red RAV4 to Grandma's - just Jim and I went. We had a grand old time!

I'm so proud of my new car - I saved up 1/2 of the cost, so I owe just under $11,000 on a BRAND NEW car, I bought a mini-SUV, and I got an average of 29 MPG on the trip with the AC on!!!! Wow, huh?

I'm proud of my boy too! He made it the whole way to/from my parents house (5 hr trip) without any major meltdowns or demands that I let him out of his seat! Wow, really, wow.

Grandma and Granpa both got such a kick out of seeing him, and he just lit up when he recognized them. He soooo loves my Daddy. I just melt everytime I see them together. I so wish they could be together more often. I would move home if I thought hubby and I had any hope of finding good jobs.

We had a great time on Saturday night - my brother, his wife and daughter, and my brother-in-law and Sister-in-law. We all played and ate and had a great time swapping stories and comparing Jim's quirks to different people in the family. The whole evening was great.

This morning we wore Jim out playing, then Grandma gave him a bath while my Dad and I picked up toys and packed my things in the car. We gave Jim a bite to eat and a ba-ba then plopped him in his carseat. He slept for 2 1/2 hours. Yay! Once he did wake up, we played and talked back and forth with stuffed animals and silly faces.

Hope everyone out there in bloggy-land has as great a weekend as I did!!

Life's Been A Beeeeach!!

For the last week we were with Jim at the BEEEEEEEACH for a family vacation! Woo Hoo!

So, why do I keep spelling Beach funny? That's because my little boy has learned the word, but he doesn't say it normal and short like the rest of us. I'm just thankful he got that vowel sound JUUUUUST right. :)

He seemed to like the sand on his toes, legs, hair, arms, feet, and just about everywhere the sun doesn't shine, but folks, he DOES NOT like sand and/or saltwater in his eyes. Especially when it is a shock - like when a huge wave comes out of nowhere and bowls him and his Mommy over for a fun-filled face-plant in the sand. Nope, not one bit.

Then again, Mommy didn't like it either. My Mommy-esque compromise for sitting in the mini-waves at all was that he let me keep one arm on his ankle. If I hadn't had my hand there I'm not sure what would have happened. As it was we both fell over and he was shifted about on the sand quite a bit. Yikes, huh?

All in all we had a good time. Jim learned to destroy sandcastles, while Daddy learned the fine art of fussing at a 1 yr old. Bo genuinely hoped to instill some artistic protection of his work, while Jim was trying his hand at being an art critic. Good Times!

Before we left for the trip I had sort-of put my foot down that next year I wanted to go somewhere else for our major vacation (should we be so lucky as to have one). I find that I'm re-thinking it, as it was such a good time. Watching Jim play with his little cousins (there were 4 under 2 at the house) was LOTS of fun. I so enjoyed seeing him romp and play. Being a working Mom I almost never get to see him interact with other kids - it was a beautiful thing.

Jim has some new words this week:

Wait
Rain - he learned this as a result of a really rough storm we had on Sun night :)
Beeeeeeach
Play

and he's perfecting the words:
Shoe
Down
Bye
Thank You
Please
Peas
More

It is so strange to hear his speach clear up and become more adult-ish. Wow. Just, Wow. He's so not a little baby anymore.

Hospital Packing List Updated... Now with 20/20 hindsight!

Forever ago (seems like) I made a packing list for going to the hospital to have Jim. http://nearlydawn.blogspot.com/2008/01/bring-your-granny-panties.html

Now that I've been-there-done-that-paid-the-hospital I have created an updated list for my friend Gil - she's set to deliver in a few short weeks! Go give her some luv.

The NEW List, with commentary:
You will want to pack two bags for the hospital or birth center: a small overnight bag for the items you'll both need during labor and a larger bag for everything else that you'll need to be comfy for a day or 2. In our hospital it was required… They wouldn’t allow us to bring more than a VERY SMALL bag into the OR prep room. Even if we’d had an L&D room we couldn’t have checked in with much more. You might check your hospital’s regulations.

**To make sure you don't forget items that you may use daily and won't have packed until the day you leave for the hospital, attach a reminder to the bag that lists the item(s) to add.

**Be sure your bag includes telephone numbers for: OB Doctor, back-up rides and support people, and arrangements for pet care.

Mom List:

• Flip Flops for when they let you walk/shower - great idea
• loose comfortable sweats to come home in - great idea
• toiletries – toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant
• your favorite snacks and beverages & sports drinks - great idea
• A hair tie / Hair clips
• Something to read

Baby List:

• A going-home outfit
• Infant car seat
• Baby book for recording baby's first footprint/handprint
• Clothes for hospital baby photo

Dad List:

• The list of folks to call when labor starts, during labor (friends and family), after baby has arrived (extended family and friends, Insurance, FMLA/work-related contacts)
• Chargers for Cell phone / Camera
• Change for the vending machines and/or soft drinks
• PJs for the hubby, change of clothes
• favorite snacks and beverages - great idea
• music you guys both like – this is good whichever kind of delivery you have
• toiletries, such as a toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant
• something to read during the early stages
• Your own pillow (use a patterned or colorful pillowcase)
• Laptop was useless in our hospital – no wireless – check in advance
• It's always nice to pack a few extra ziplocs to hold wet items and dirties.
• Sports bottle to keep water handy for yourself

Everything else from our list was just fluff... :)

Oh, while we were in the waiting room before my c-section I talked to a Mom that was checking in to have her 4th child. I noted a total lack of bags, while we appeared to be going on a vacation. She laughed and said, I did that for my first baby too. Now, I just bring my purse - most things I really need are in there anyway. Everything else, the hospital will provide (or hubby can go get) if you ask nicely. So, there you go...

I figure planning to have a baby is kind of like planning for a wedding. You think "I will just DIE if I don't have that whosiwhatsit I want...", but when the big day comes you don't really notice the object you so coveted, instead something you never could have imagined becomes the one thing you desprately crave.

Two last tips:

The mesh panties - they are the ONLY way to go... I've seen people talk about how horrible they are, and they suggest you bring your own reg from home. Well, we can just agree to disagree then. There is NO WAY I want even my worst underwear to have that amount of blood and yuck in them. You would have to throw away every pair you put on. Feel free to pack your own, if you want though. :)

The Birth Plan – this was such a joke… do one for you, if you want, but the nurses will just laugh at you if they find out you have one. EVERY birth is different, and while planning the higlights might be good (like do I want drugs/no drugs) - the real details kind-of work themselves out of necessity. Plan to be surprised... Especially when it comes to how willing you are to get naked in front of strangers. :)

First Hand Tips On Flying Solo with A Baby/Toddler...

So guys, this is a GUEST HOST post from my hubby. He flew solo with Jim from Atlanta to D.C. for a weeklong trip. He did a lot of research and planning before he left, but still learned some hard-won knowledge by doing. Feel free to send any questions/comments to him through the comment section and he'll try and answer them.

Note, this list of tips is kind of long, so there is a "key notes" section at the very bottom if you just want to skip to the bulleted list...

Easing Your Travels:
To buy a seat or not buy a seat - that is the 1st question... I chose to buy a seat so my tips are based on my experience... I read up online and many, many people give great reasons it is well worth it to buy a seat for baby. It gets them off your lap, let's the seat do the restraining, gives them a comfortable and familiar place to sleep, keeps them safe during turbulence, and you have your seat with you when you arrive (doesn't get lost or mangled in baggage claim).

Travelling with baby is like going to a strip club in one way: you're going to need a lot of $1 bills. Useful for tipping when you need help, for renting an extra luggage cart, skipping lines and buying water from a machine, etc.

Buy your trip-long staples at your destination. There's not much reason to carry 40 diapers and a full block of wipes across the country. Locate the Babies-R-Us, Target, Wal-Mart, grocery or whatever before you go. Bring directions on paper, and (if you have a smart phone/PDA) electronically.

If you're renting a car, might look to see if the rental company is on airport property - makes it a little easier. If not (mine wasn't), you'll likely ride the shuttle and have on-the-bus/off-the-bus wrangling to do. You brought the $1s for the cart and the tipping, right?

Before bringing baby-gear like pack-n-play, bouncer, stroller, high chair - realize that on most airlines you have to pay to check each bag (or every bag over 1). Each piece of baby gear counts as a bag! In most cases, it is about the same $ to buy new or consignment when you arrive. Check with your family/friends too, they may have gear you can borrow.

There are baby-gear rental companies in larger cities!! Check with Google PhD and type in "rent baby gear (the city)", you won't believe the number of hits you'll get. In many cities they will meet you at the airport with the goods, in other's they will deliver it to the place you are staying. You COULD set it up for the day before you arrive, if you are staying with family/friends. No need to waste your precious vacay time with delivery/setup.

If you're making multiple visits to this locale, you want to consider buying an umbrella stroller and a crib you can leave behind (unless you're visiting us, in which case you can use ours). I picked up the $20 "Especially for Kids" stroller from Babies R Us in DC and thought it was tremendously well-engineered for the price. (this one: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3420851 ) No place to put the diaper bag (wrapped the strap around the handles once the kid was in to counterweight), but otherwise, an excellent spare stroller for the price. Raved about it all weekend.

Before you go, locate a kid's urgent care near your destination, and the nearest kid-friendly ER (they really do have special tools and techniques for dealing with kids - you want a kid facility). Good to have these ready and hope you don't need 'em. Might check with your pediatrician for advice on this.

Packing for The Plane:
Pack in carry-on extra clothes for you and for baby in case you have an on-plane or in-airport wet/poop/sick-event. And carry-on a small/thin towel. As Douglas Adams said: "Everyone should know where their towel is".

Don't pack much more food, wipes or diapers than needed for the flight and a short delay. A kid can usually get by for 3 hrs with 1 extra diaper/bottle. Don't overload yourself...

Pack some plane snacks for yourself, and realize you might not have time for a bite yourself, migh get stuck at the airport overnight or on the plane on the ground for hours. Plan for enough diapers and wipes. The airline/airport should be able to provide an extra beverage for the kid, but kid snacks, grown-up snacks can help get you through.

Bring empty quart- and gallon-size ziploc bags in carry on. Useful for parking wet trash, containing ripped-open bags of Goldfish, keeping loose snacks off the floor, all kinds of stuff.
Brought a nite-light, didn't use it. Brought the baby monitor, came in handy.

Bring empty bottles/sippy cups! Rememer, a bored baby can drink bottled water (provided by your steward) and entertain themselves for 15 mins. :)

Packing for Baby:
If you think baby might play in the water, bring some swimmer diapers and a suit, and one for baby's chaperone. (voice of experience - I didn't, found a new spray park at my boyhood playground)

Baby has the same luggage rules as Mommy or Daddy if baby has a paid seat. Baby's car seat is a carry-on item, that makes the diaper bag the "personal item". Those rules are on United - check with your carrier.

At the end of your trip, if you have extra stuff to send back (we did - big toy from Grandpa), you can pay to check it as additional baggage often more cheaply than you can ship it, and it will (is supposed to) arrive with you. United was charging for each checked bag when we went (no bag allowance at all).

Car seat:
If the kid's as mobile as Jim and you can afford it, get him a seat on the plane and fly baby in the seat. Would've been very rough with Jim on my lap and a neighbor (VERY rough). Our Britax Marathon fits in a standard airline seat (even with the BabyGo wheels attached - great!). They were worried about turbulence on one of our flights, and that struck me as a great reason not to be trying to hold the kid in my lap.

Your seat must have an "approved for use on aircraft" sticker before you can use it on the plane. The Marathon is, most other major brands are, but check it out first. It's also a good idea to have a copy of Advisory Circular 120-87A from the FAA which defines what you can take on the plane, car-seat wise. Good to have the facts handy if you get in a beef with plane staff.

Helpful FAA Info:
http://www.faa.gov/passengers/media/childsafety.pdf
http://www.carseat.org/Legal/FAA-AC120-87A.pdf

If you're taking a seat (and it's not a baby-bucket carrier), get the GoGoKidz BabyGo wheels - it's a perfect match for the Britax Marathon, and fits a number of other seats as well. About $79 at BRU and it made it so I didn't have to drag the seat around (heavy, lotta walking) and the kid, AND a stroller. The BabyGo handle stretches way out (I'm 6+ ft tall, no stooping!), and I was able to slide a laptop case onto the handle, and "net" the diaperbag to the handle as well. The wheels make the car seat an airport stroller and they work fantastic.

"net" for the diaper/carry-on bags: visit a motorcycle shop and get a helmet-size bungee net. Cargo nets you get for a pickup truck are too big to be helpful. A helmet-size net is very handy, can strap down an extra bag to your luggage or the kid's seat/stroller to free a hand or shoulder.

Putting the seat in the plane: if you're attaching rear-facing, the guy/girl in front of you won't be able to recline. If you're putting it in front-facing, make sure you're in a row that can recline (rows ahead of exits don't). This got me big-time on one leg of the journey! Check SeatGuru.com for info on your seat.

Each car seat is different, but for the Marathon, make sure you ask the gate attendant to have the stewardesses get you a belt extension - makes forward-facing installation of a convertable type seat much easier. You want to attach the extension to one end of the belt, recline the plane seat, thread the belt through, tighten, then bring the plane seatback up.

It takes time to install that seat, and it won't roll down most airplane aisles (has to be carried empty above the seats). A stew should be able to help with this. All this means you're now in the "people who need a little extra time with boarding" group. Get to the airport and to the gate plenty early and set this up with the gate attendant (as well as getting the belt extension set up) so you have time to do this.

On the trip up, Jim sweat/wet/pooped (a little) through his clothes and into the seat and we rode around in DC with a blanket in place in the seat for him to sit on. Doing this over, I'd put a receiving blanket in the seat, with a plastic bag under it, to make a waterproof disposable layer for the trip. Good, cheap and easy-to-install insurance.

Getting Through Security - leave plenty of time:
Most convertible-stype car seats (including our Marathon) won't fit through the X-ray machine, and require a hand-search. I thought it was that the wheels were attached, but no, it just won't go. Count on extra time for hand-search.

You may already do this when you fly, but if you've got a backpack or some other carry-bag, set up before you get in line, have all your metal, coin, electronics, stuff you'd normally throw in the plastic tub tucked into your carry bag BEFORE you get in the security line. Have your ziploc bag of liquids/gells, ID and boarding pass out as long as you need 'em. You'll have extra time wrangling the hand-search for the seat, and you'll have to carry the kid through the metal detector, so you want to be doing as little disassembly of yourself as possible.

Note, they'll want kid's shoes off too, not just your own.

If you're carrying formula, there are some special relaxed restrictions about it, but it makes sense to get to the airport early and check it out before you get to the security checkpoint. You may have to declare it if it's in a diaper bag.

Kid's meds and saline, toothpaste, etc. are all "liquids or gels" and you may forget (as I did) to pull them out and bag 'em and present 'em. "Graduates" carry-meals are in cardboard boxes, which made me forget that they're effectively tubs of "liquid or gel". This caused a delay on one leg as they took extra time taking the diaper bag apart and re-x-raying it several times before they told me what they were looking for.

Once You're through security - remember:

1. Get milk* (or water to make formula) in a reclosable container on the concourse.
2. Get with the gate agent early about extra time to board.
3. Ask the gate agent to have the steward get you a belt extender if your car-seat needs it.

*Burger King and Starbucks each provided milk on my trip. BK had theirs in a container with a screw-on lid, Starbucks provided a cup, which took up my free hand as I boarded the plane - tippy and messy. Being plenty early at the airport allows you to pick and choose. Remember the airport services close pretty early if you're on a night flight.

Boarding:
If you're on a long-haul flight, you probably don't have to deal with this, but: to get on my CRJ-700 plane I had to walk down steps to the tarmac from the gate, then up steps to the plane with Jim. I hadn't thought about this possibility and came to the top of the steps with my carry-on set up on the car-seat wheels and Jim strapped into the seat. Would've done this differently. Had to look around before someone would help both times. Eats into your "extra time to board". (which for United in DC turned out to be about 10 seconds extra time - gate agent was a jerk).

The car-seat won't roll down the aisle of the plane, so one of you (or a steward(ess)) must carry it over the seats. If someone offers to be kind at the steps to the plane and offers to "help you" with the car seat, make sure the helper doesn't try to gate check it while your back is turned (happened to me at Dulles this trip). People don't automatically realize you're trying to bring the seat into the passenger compartment.

You spend a lot of time getting in, seated, installed, settled. This means you probably want your own luggage to be quickly stowable. I took a laptop and a day-pack, as well as Jim's diaper bag. Lesson learned: I could put stuff under the seat in front of Jim in the car seat, but couldn't easily access it in flight. Oops...

Jim was a mess during boarding, scared at the trip down to the tarmac, up to the plane, the noise, the strangeness, but settled down once we got him in his seat and once I sat next to him. The stew on the flight to DC was a lifesaver - helpful and kind.

Flying:
You need to have a bottle ready for takeoff and for landing. Letting the kid suck the bottle helps equalize the pressure. Wasn't a big deal for Jim (but we did use the bottle). None of the ears/screaming nightmares you hear about. If your child has been sick recently, good idea to see the doc (or at least call) to make sure the tubes are clear enough to fly without ear damage (Jim had a regularly scheduled checkup a couple days before the flight). I pushed the bottle as the plane left the ground, but could've waited a few minutes. Someone said "let your ears be your guide". I agree with this, but also suggest you watch for signs of discomfort that you don't feel. Noted ear-pressure right after takeoff to get-out-of-town altitude, not much change for a while, then a good bit of change as we topped out to cruise altitude.

Saw a suggestion online for "ear filters" that slow the pressure change. Doc thought Jim didn't need 'em at his age and in his shape (15 mo and healthy, no recent colds).

To do the takeoff bottle, you'll need to get milk or make formula or get water or something on the concourse after you've passed security.

When they do beverage service on the plane, ask the stew if (s)he can return with a little bit of water (or milk, if you're lucky) in time to make a bottle for descent. If not, get extra water during beverage service. Helps to have a clean bottle/sippy handy to hold this. Same drill with bottle on descent: you'll start to go down as soon as you hear them dial the engines back bigtime, but you won't need the bottle for a few minutes.

We flew up at 6AM and back at 9PM, so I got away with only one new toy for the trip up. Jim didn't sleep 'till the end of the first flight. I'd brought 3 new toys (a car, a little cushy ball, a blow-up beach ball) and 2 books, but we only hauled out the cushy ball. I looked at my watch to allocate our time (90 minutes in the air, distracted with takeoff and bottle for the first third, playing with the cushy ball for the next third and a little more, playing with my iPod, asleep and then occupied with the bottle for descent.

I brought a laptop with some kid-videos and a DVD, but didn't get it out. Had my hands full and no space. If you're on a long-haul and have a screen in the seatback ahead of you, and you can get a kid's video, this is probably quite helpful.

Jim wanted to kick and push off on the seat back of the person in front of us. I spent a lot of time asking/helping him not to do so.

Arriving:
You know those people who use porters in airports? You just became one. You still have some of those $1 bills, right? You didn't use them ALL yet did you?!?! Heh... Trust me, these guys are worth it - by this time you and baby will be wired, tired, cranky, or all three - you'll be so happy to see their shiny porter-caps bouncing through the crowd that you'll feel like you've just spotted a long-lost friend.

Key Notes:

• Bring lots of $1 bills for tipping
• Your kid's car seat counts as a carry-on item and may count as a checked bag if they don't have a seat - it isn't necessarily a "luggage freebie".
• There are baby-gear rental companies in larger cities!!
  Before bringing baby-gear like pack-n-play, bouncer, stroller, high chair - realize that on most airlines you have to pay to check each bag (or every bag over 1). Each piece of baby gear counts as a bag!
• Make a friend of your steward(ess). (S)he is going to be enormously helpful on the plane, from getting the seat down the aisle, to getting you settled, to providing a distraction if you need it, to making sure you've got milk/water for landing.
• Pack in carry-on extra clothes for you and for baby in case you have an on-plane or in-airport wet/poop/sick-event.
• Get the wheels for your car seat - $ well-spent.
• have a bottle ready for takeoff and for landing
• When they do beverage service on the plane, ask the stew if (s)he can return with a little bit of water (or milk, if you're lucky) in time to make a bottle for descent. If not, get extra water during beverage service.
• The car-seat won't roll down the aisle of the plane, so one of you (or a steward(ess)) must carry it over the seats.
• For the car seat - consider bringing a blanket, and a plastic bag to put under it, to make a waterproof disposable layer for the trip

That's more than a little info, but I hope this helps. Questions? Ask away...

Shocked and Saddened...

I have had few things in life shock me like getting the IM at work that Michael Jackson was dead.

I don't know about you, but I expected some kind of punchline. Really.

I immediately went to my online news outlet of choice and was in much pain to realize there was no punchline coming, just the punch. I sat there, shocked for a few minutes. I couldn't wrap my head around it...

When I did come around, I couldn't help but imagine this was much like my Mom must have felt hearing that Elvis had died. Maybe it is how we all feel when someone that has excited our youth is suddenly dead...

I've spent the better part of this evening taking a walk down memory lane, with the help of You*Tube. I was saddened most by the songs that were the hottest in my middle school years.

I can still see the gym/theater/auditorium where we used to have recess on bad-weather days. They woud move out all the chairs and we would play games and jump rope. In my last year they started letting us have "free time" during recess, which really meant the teachers took a break from us. :)

WE, however, launched into full Michael Jackson tribute zone. There was Beat It on the boombox, red jackets on the guys, and one lone glove on every cool kid. There were impromptu moonwalking contests on the stage, breakdancing on the gym floor, and lypsyncing to a hairbrush in every corner of the room. Those who pulled out all the stops won the day - whether they be boy or girl.

I think that was the beauty of his style... We ALL wanted to be him - it didn't matter if you looked or sounded like him. He was the idol of the age.

For me he will always be in a red, heavily-zippered jacket and tight black pants with white socks and black shoes. Heh. Not too many people could pull of that look, but he did it so well. Beat it, Michael, it doesn't matter who's wrong or right...

A lot of people have spent a lot of time ridiculing him for his questionable choices in life... I think it's time we let him RIP.

MJ... thank you for some good times and the gift of your music.

...Is This Thing On? ... Testing! ... Testing!

Well, that was a long bathroom break, huh?

I bet you all thought I was gone! I wasn't sure myself, but here I am...

Really, I have just been living and let-living. I've been reading all the same blogs, and finding new ones, but I just haven't felt like blogging. Sure, I think of things to say now and then. From time to time I've even saved a draft post. I've just not "felt it" lately. Then there is the whole privacy thing I've been mulling over. You see, I want to share juicy Jim pics, but I also want more anonimity. As it is, a crafty person could surely track us down. I just hate that...

So, I guess I'm done mulling it over, and I'm planning on trying to do more blogging, but I probably won't post too many pics. We'll see...

Let's see... What's new...

I'm taking BCPs so we can start a FET this coming month. We only have one embrio in storage, so we are taking a BIG chance with doing a cycle. Our odds are really, really crappy. According to the stats we have something like a 5-10% chance of baby. Not so exciting, huh? Yeah, I'm not thrilled either. Then again, we made the deal when we started this that we would use ALL the embrios we created and we DO want at least 2 kids. So, here we go!

We were supposed to start the suppression cycle in June, but my body didn't cooperate with the whole ovulation thing. So BCPs then I start Lu*pron on the 4th of July. I laugh when I think - way to be independent, body. Can't do it by yourself, huh? Well, here's a shot for ya!! Heh, would be funny if it weren't my tummy the shot was going into! If the suppression check goes well the 2nd week in July we'll be on our way! After that we have the "thick lining" check, and if all is well we'll need a small miracle for this embrio to thaw and survive for a transfer. I know.... one thing at a time...

In lighter news...

Jim is 15 Months old now! That's a fun and exciting kind of new, becauase he's fast becoming a little boy instead of a baby. He's so cute and fun, and it is wonderful to see him growing. Then again I miss the 6 mo old baby, too... I'm so glad he's getting more interactive, but it's both sweet and sad.

Let's get you guys up to date on his stats:

- He's been walking since ummmm... seems like forever! He started just after Christmas, so it's been a while.

- He's just over 26 lbs and 31 inches at last check - people keep thinking he's two, which isn't handy as you might think. Instead they don't understand why he's not acting like a "big boy". Duh!

- He talks - A LOT! Then again so do Bo and I. Eh, what can you do?

- Oh, and before you read the vocab list below and think I'm gloating because he can talk alot - just let me say, my boy is NOT athletic in any way. What I would give some days for him to have an athletic bone in his body. The boy can't climb to save his life. Especially when that is CLIMBING DOWN! I mean the boy can be a foot off the floor and he's unsure of how to get down. He also trips over rugs - any rug - even the flatest most non-threatening rug ever made - he will fall down trying to cross its threshold, I kid you not. We love him, but we aren't signing him up for sports anytime soon...

- He now says:

• Ball
• Bite - Bite or Bitey
• Box
• Mommy, Daddy, Kitty (the main family)
• Car
• Duck - "Clack Clack"
• Peeese (please)
• Sssho (shoe)
• Ba Ba
• More
• Thank you - really, he does this on his own!
• Night Night
• Nana and PatPat - my parent's nicknames
• Ganba - sounds kinda like "grandpa"
• Mana Mana - this folks, means Banana, but cracks me up everytime as I launch into the MUPPETS! Ha!
• PuuPeeee! - he always says this like he is terribly excited at the idea... oh, and all stuffed animals are puppies btw.
• Go
• Bye Bye, Mwah! Usually these words are a set, but occasionally they get used alone. :)
• Dat - means "that"
• Da - which of means "yes" and is sometimes said as a question when he wants to do something he isn't supposed to and knows very well he should not even bother to ASK! Da?
• Tent - he LOVES the tent we got for him from Ikea... LOVES it I tell you.
• Down
• No no - usually he only says it as if he's reminding himself NOT to do something he's about to do when he KNOWS he shouldn't.

I'm sure there are more, but really, you get the point... He's talking up a STORM. It really is cool as all get-out that he can communicate so well. Of course, the down side is that he gets really frustrated when he can't get his point across. Boy, can he throw a tantrum! I'll put my 15 mo old against your 2 1/2 yr old any day - bring it on!

- He has 8 teeth now!! No wait - he has two molars breaking through too! So, I guess that's 10! Wow... that sounds like soooo many.

- He's off of bottles since March, when he turned 1 we started moving him to sippy's and found that the soft silicone ones did the trick. Once he started on those he quickly transitioned off of bottles one feeding at a time. I know, we're lucky... I've read the stories!

- He mostly feeds himself - and he eats most things. *knock on wood!! He has started to "graze" a bit. Usually this involves announcing he is "done" then coming over to Mommy and seeing what is on HER plate. If he's interested he'll beg to get up in my lap and help himself. It's cute, for now. :)

Really, that's probably enough stats and updates for tonight. I'll maybe find some way to get more posts in more often. Don't know... I hope you guys haven't all taken me off your blog rolls!

Here's a little bit of cuteness for those that made it this far! Here's what happens when you say the same word over, and over, and over and you GET what you are asking for everytime! Now let that be a lesson to you... young man. Yeah, I did have to chase balls all over Target once he busted out!

And Now... the REST of the Story

Well folks, I'm sure you heard the sad news that Paul Harvey died. I, for one, will never forget his wonderful voice - I could listen to him for hours. I really do use the "and now...the rest of the story" tag line in my speach. I think it is funny, and I typically get a big smile when I say it - partly because I very clearly hear Paul Harvey in my head.

 

So long Paul... too bad I never got to know you beyond that of an announcer and his audience. You leave the world an archive of you special sound - may you never be forgotten.

 

http://www.abcrn.com/harvey/

 

And Now... the REST of the [Bandaid] Story...

 

...I got my just rewards the first night with the new stitches. At about 3 AM the boy woke up screaming in pain because he'd been laying on his boo boo, so I snuggled him in bed with me, where he proceeded to unhappily flail about, which ended with him smacking himself in the eye really hard.

 

Yeah, he smacked THAT eye!
 
He howeled like I've never heard, so I looked quickly and thought he'd opened his wound back up. I yelled for hubby to help me stop the bleeding while I fumbled for the miniature bedside light.
 
When I got the light fully on, and convinced Jim to stop flailing like a landed fish, I found that I didn't need help afterall - it was the damned bandaid!  I, who so heartily laughed at others who were fooled by his 'bacon', had thought he was bleeding heavily.

 

Stupid bandaid.

 

Of course, I did have a good laugh at myself. Poetic justice - it stings sweetly.
 
Get your own family-fun inducing bacon bandages here:
http://www.amazon.com/Bacon-Adhesive-Bandages-Free-Inside/dp/B000SSV8AA

 

Test Entry!

Testing the use of email to ceate blog entries.

A Major Milestone or TWO

Jim, my boy, you have reached an important milestone... your first bar brawl. We're proud of you son - always go down swingin'!

Then again, if you didn't go down against a table edge, you wouldn't have had to reach your a second major milstone so soon...
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ER and this...
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Notice the beautiful work of a nurse at the children's hospital?















They gave my little man some numbing meds on the cut. That sounded like a plan until Jim rubbed his eyes... allowing him to mash the bandage holding the meds, causing the numbing meds run INTO HIS EYES. This, of course, caused him to howl and scream. I pressed the call button - told them what was happening - and NO ONE CAME! Can you say "Bad move?" Yeah, thought so. All I could imagine was him going blind - it was an awful few moments.

Very quickly I went to the nurses station, stood in the middle of the room where I very loudly and forcefully said "I need somone to help my boy NOW!" Amazing how a little bit of loud puts things into motion sometimes. Frankly, I wasn't sure it would work, but damned if I wasn't going to try!

A wonderful "not your nurse" person jumped up to and helped us out. He fixed the meds and the best part? He gave us BUBBLES!!!!!

Let me just tell any of you Moms that don't already know. Bubbles work like no other to calm a child that is frantic - ask your ER to stock bubbles and ask for them when you are there!!!! The children's hospital buys those tiny bottles, like they sell as wedding favors. Perfect amount of bubbles. :) Ahhh Bubbles...

In addition to the numbing meds, they gave Jim Lortab - to take the edge off. So, while we waited for them to stitch him up he was a bit cranky, I can't imagine why, so I kept blowing bubbles and saying, in a stoner voice, "Oh, man! Look at the Colors" and giggling. I just couldn't help myself.

Even with the numbing meds and the Lortab, I can't say Jim was a real trooper. Well that is if I don't want to lie.

He was a scared little boy. They covered him up and did a gypsy swaddle on him so that both arms were restrained - then they covered him in a sterile dressing until only his right eye was showing.

His eyes were wild, and he was screaming the whole time, but he made it. We held him down, tried to reassure him, and did our best to be brave for him. It is not something I EVER want to go through again. Then again, if he needs to have it done again, so be it. I'll be there if possible.

Afterwards there were tears and snuffels and snuggles, then a bottle of milk from Daddy put everything back to rights again.

All in all things went well. They didn't have to do any heavy sedation, and Jim didn't really mind wearing the bandaid - so he didn't try to pull it off and eat it. We all got a good night's sleep.

THEN...

The poor baby had to go to the Dr's office today to get his tetnus booster (required because of the stitches). This little man just can't catch a break, huh?

I would say though that Jim gave some fear BACK to the establishment today, because he caused a BIG stir with his awsome bandaid.

This is one of those "bacon" bandaids. I think I've seen plenty of bloggers talk about them in the past not to have to explain.

I wonder, if you had seen this, would you have gotten the joke? Or would you have freaked the fuck out like the nurses at the Dr's office?

They all thought that either he had a HUGE gash, or that we were nasty enough to leave a totally blodied bandaid on his eye until the blood turned dark. Ewww! No way! And yes, I do realize that sometimes you have to leave a bandage in place to prevent blood loss - but not THAT long!! Geesh!

The explaination is even funnier though, because when you say "It's just bacon." it really doesn't translate for people, and you immdiately get the follow-up, "You put bacon on his cut?!?!". Um, no.

This whole scene transpired again at the Daycare - teachers, parents, other kids - they all thought something terrible had happend. Go Jim! Make a name for yourself. Just make sure they don't start calling you "Bacon Head" - wouldn't look good on a resume.

Mommy Loves You, Brawler! Mwah!